Frosted Midnight: A Christmas Novella (2 page)

I spent the day with Emma. We went to the beach because she loved to listen to the birds and the rushing sound of the ocean waves coming onto the sand. Then we at
e lunch at a restaurant that overlooked the beach—well, I ate clam chowder and Emma napped.

When we got back to our cozy
house my mother was there, her Rover parked in front. She got out and helped me get Emma out of the car.

“Did you forget your cell phone again?”

I shrugged, unsure about whether I had it or not.

My mother clucked her tongue. “What if something happened? What if there’d been an emergency?”

I was suddenly tense. I knew it was her job as my mother to worry, but it was irritating the crap out of me. “Nothing happened. I’m fine. Emma is fine. We’re fine.”

My mom nodded, knowingly. “Yeah, you
seem
fine,” she said sarcastically.

I shrugged out of my coat and put my purse on the table.

“Emmy. Jemmy. Whemmy. Did you have fun with mommy?” my mom asked in a high voice, unbuckling Emma from her seat. I watched Emma smile. She squirmed and lifted her coat-covered hand. My mom pulled it from the thick coat-sleeve and kissed it. “I bet you did. Yes I do. Did mommy take you to the beach? Mommy loves the beach, doesn’t she?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Emma needs a bottle. Do you want me to make it and then you can feed her?”

Mom waved me away. “Go take a shower. Emma and I have things under control.”

I kissed Emma on the cheek and patted my mom’s arm. “Thanks
.”

The hea
t from the shower warmed my toes but, even after fifteen minutes, my body wouldn’t stop shivering. It wasn’t because I was cold. It was because I was excited, scared, afraid, terrified, and… hopeful. I wanted to see Austin. Every part of my body, heart, and soul ached for him, for the way he talked with a slight accent, the way he made me feel… up until he left, I’d never been happier.

And for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why he’d left, what I’
d done or hadn’t done to make him take off without saying good-bye or giving me a reason. That was the worst part, not knowing.

Finally
, after more than a year, I’d get the opportunity to see him again. To see his face. Just thinking about it, about him, made my pulse beat faster.

“Willow
.” My mom knocked on the bathroom door. I’d been in the shower a long time and I knew she worried. I’d put her through a lot, especially in the past year. “Are you okay?”

I sighed and turned off the water. “Yes, mom. Thanks. I’m fine.”

“No rush. Emma and I are going to bake some cookies.”

I smiled into the towel. “Sounds delicious. Her favorite is oatmeal
, just in case you’re wondering.”

“Uh huh, just like her mom, I guess.”

I wrapped the towel around me and wiped the steam from the mirror. “Yep.”

I heard her footsteps as she padded down the carpeted hallway back toward the kitchen.

I stared at my reflection, the brightness of my green eyes, the auburn tinge to my eyebrows and lashes. My cheekbones were high and protruded. It was a side effect of the drugs I was on—lack of appetite. A month after I had Emma I’d started on them. My doctor hoped they would slow the cancer so that I could have six months to recuperate after giving birth.

Weight loss had been the only negative
consequence I’d suffered. My reflection didn’t reveal the havoc making its way through my body. That would change when I started chemotherapy next month. My doctor had advised me of the side effects. Nausea. Fatigue. Hair loss.

What will Austin think of you
then?

The thought made my heart hurt. Why did he have to come back now? What could he possibly tell me that would make up for what he did?

I’d already resigned myself to live the remainder of my life without him. Our eight weeks together had been amazing, the best experience of my life. And my daughter—I couldn’t have asked for a better gift than Emma. Austin was my great love. I knew I’d never feel for another person the way I felt for him, and I was okay with that. No matter what happened, I’d experienced real, true love. I’d been given a child. I had a job and family who adored me.

I’d accepted life with
out him, even told myself Emma and I were better off. Then Austin had to go and fuck everything up with an email.

I closed my eyes and placed a hand on each side of the porcelain sink.

“What do you want?” I whispered.

The last night Austin and I had been together preoccupied my thoughts.

The tender way he’d undressed me. The way his eyes devoured my body. “I’m in love with your lips,” he’d said, kissing me. Then he’d pulled away and blazed a trail with his tongue down my body. “I’m in love with the curve of your hips.” He’d kissed each bone and then the slit of my most private part. He pushed open my legs so I was exposed to him.

Then he positioned himself and slid inside. “
I’m in love with you. Every inch.”

I’d shuddered
, my body filled up with him, with the love on his lips and in his eyes.

“
I’m in love with you, too,” I finally admitted. It was the one and only time I’d ever said those words to another soul.

After we made love he tucked my body against his chest and we’d fallen asleep.

When I woke, I remembered a tender kiss, but he was gone. No note. No phone number. Nothing.

“You came back. Why?” I scrunched the ends of my curly hair and applied lotion to my body. I put on some brown eyeliner and mascara, a little blush, and some light pink gloss. Then I went into my bedroom. My sisters told me I should wear a sexy dress and heels to show off my long legs, but there was no way I could walk in heels on the beach, especially not at midnight during winter. It wasn’t practical. Doing so would be stupid.

Instead
I dressed sensibly in jeans, a pair of knee-high boots, and an oversized sweater. It was always windy at the beach, so I put my hair up. I looked pretty and appeared as though I wasn’t trying too hard—which I wasn’t, of course.

When I came out of my room, my mom rolled her eyes. “I didn’t think you should wear a dress
and heels either, but really? He won’t be able to see your gorgeous figure.” My mom was sitting on the floor next to Emma, who lay on a blanket staring up at a jungle gym of colors—a gift from Heather. I knelt down beside my mom and touched Emma’s hand. She wrapped her fingers around it and held tightly, her eyes finding my face.

“Hey baby-girl. You
gonna be good while mommy’s gone?”

Emma smiled.

“Yeah, you’re such a good girl.” I moved the gym and picked her up, snuggling her into my shoulder.

After a few seconds, my mom took her. “You don’t want her to spit up on you.” Then she eyed my outfit again. “Or maybe you do.”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I wear. Austin and I are going to talk. Well, he better do some serious talking. I’m going to listen… at least until I get so pissed I start yelling.”

M
om chuckled. “If that’s how the night is going to go you’re in the perfect outfit.” She turned Emma in her arms and held her so their faces were close. “What do you think, Emmy Whemmy?”

“
Emmy Whemmy is on my side and yes, that’s probably pretty close to how the it’ll happen.” I walked into the kitchen, and opened the refrigerator. “Is chicken okay for dinner?”

“What kind of chicken
?” she asked in a baby voice.

“Sautéed with mushrooms and onions with a salad and baked potato?”

“Mmmmm, that sounds goo-ooood, don’t you think so, baby-girl?” I turned just in time to catch Emma smiling big at my mom.

“Did you need me to cut
the onion or the mushrooms?” she asked.

“No, you holding Emma
is a huge help.”

I tried to eat when dinner was ready, but my stomach was in knots and I finally gave up.

Mom tidied up the kitchen after dinner and I held Emma. My sisters came over and we had more secret eggnog, sang a few carols, and exchanged presents.

Liv
got me a red cashmere scarf. “I’m wearing it tonight. It’ll bring me luck,” I said, wrapping it around my neck. It was soft.

Heather opened the present I got her and squealed. It was a sterling silver dolphin with diamonds
encrusted on the fin. I’d saved all year to get it because of how much Heather loved dolphins.

“You’re too much. This is gorgeous.” Tears made her eyes shiny. I hugged her. We all
pitched in and got mom a cruise, and she was super excited about that.

Heather gave Sara a spa day and a promise to take care of her kids so she could go and enjoy herself.

My sisters and mom spoiled Emma with clothes, toys, and shoes. All Emma cared about was the paper, the noise it made when the wrapping paper ripped.

The evening was amazing
. My sisters went home around nine-thirty and I put Emma to bed. When I came out, my mom had the TV on and was watching Doctor Zhivago. I hated that show. It was long and the end wasn’t satisfying. Mom called it realistic. I sat down next to her. “Why do you put yourself through this? You know how it ends. She picks the wrong guy.”

Mom patted my knee. “Maybe she picked the wrong guy for you, but she ended up with the guy she needed.”

I snorted. “You’re so practical.”

“True.” She turned and faced me. “How are you feeling? Need to talk?”

“Yes, if it’s about anything other than what I’m going to be doing in two hours.”

“Fine.” Mom turned back to the TV. “Let’s see how it ends.”

I crossed my arms and snuggled next to her. We both knew how it ended. It was strange though, because as the final scenes played out I still had hope she’d choose the man I thought she should end up with.

Of course, she didn’t.

As the credits rolled, mom stood. “You’d better go.”

I felt like I might puke. My body started trembling again. Mom seemed to sense it. “Be strong. He came looking for you. Let him share his reasons, listen
, and then follow your heart.” She kissed me on the cheek. “When you get home, scoot me over. Night.” She picked up the baby monitor and walked down the hall. When she reached my bedroom, she turned back. “Merry Christmas, Willow. I love you.”