Frosted Midnight: A Christmas Novella (5 page)

“I see. And where does this Dr. Freedman have an office? Portland?”

“No,
she’s in Dallas and she’s the most renowned in her field.”

I put my hands in my lap and gritted my teeth, steeling myself for the fight I felt coming. “How am I supposed to get there? Drive? Fly? I can’t afford that, Austin. And then there’s Emma. Am I just supposed to drop everything and leave her? Leave my job
, my family, everything and everyone I’ve ever known? For how long? And do all that just so she can tell me that I have a fifty-fifty chance. I can’t do that, Austin. I won’t.” I turned so I faced him. “I won’t do it.”

Austin
tossed the remainder of his sandwich back on his plate and wiped his hands on a napkin. “Willow St. James, why do you think I sent you an email?”

I snorted. “The bigger question is why did you leave without saying good-bye?”

“I told you—” Austin began but I cut him off.

“Yes, I know, you said you had to get over you wife.” I squeezed my hands together. “I get that. What I don’t understand is why you couldn’t have told me what was going on
. You said you loved me. God, I loved you too. So much.” I blinked back tears as the pain of his leaving clenched my heart. “But you didn’t trust me. You didn’t call or text or email. You could’ve friended me on Facebook. Instead you totally cut me out of your life without even the slightest reason why.”

He reached out to touch my face but I back away.

“I found out I was pregnant. Then I was told I had cancer. And then I had a baby. Those are huge moments, Austin. Huge.” As hard as I fought the tears still came. God, how many times had I wanted to talk to him, tell him how I was feeling, and now that I started I couldn’t stop. “And you weren’t there for any of it.”

“I know,” he said.

“You know?” I growled, frustrated. “You don’t know.” I slid my chair out and the legs scraped against the linoleum. “How can you say you know anything about me anymore?”

He stood too and came toward me.

“No. No. No,” I bawled, backing away from him. “Were you there when I had morning sickness? When I couldn’t even keep down crackers or water? Were you there when I went in for the first ultrasound? Or when the doctor came in and told me there was a growth on my spine? Were you there when the doctor told me I should abort the baby and start chemotherapy, or when I made the decision not to?” I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to force down the screams. It didn’t help.

Austin tried to come toward me again, but I stuck out a hand.

“No. Stop. Don’t come any closer to me. Don’t fucking come any closer.”

He stopped. His eyes were wet and he wiped at them with the back of his hand. “You’re right,” he said. “I wasn’t there when you needed me.” He balled his hands into fists. “Shit, Will. I get it.”

Emma started to fuss, probably sensing the tension in the room. Austin turned and it was then that I noticed that a portion of her chair had gone over the ledge of the table. The chair began to tip. I watched in horror as it moved, taking Emma down.

“Austin,” I whispered ferociously.

He saw what was happening and caught her while she was in the air. “I’ve got her,” he said calmly. “I’ve got her.”

I fell to my knees and buried my face in my hands.

Yes, he did have her, and wasn’t that what I wanted? No matter what happened to me, she would have a parent. Austin really seemed to love Emma and she seemed to like him. If nothing else, there was that. She would have a father.

“That’s good,” I whispered.
“Thank you.”

My mom and sisters walked into the house at that moment. They came through the door in the kitchen. I heard the squeak when she pushed it opened and the edge smacked into my shin.

“What the hell?” Sara yelled.

“Willow. Willow.” My mom rolled me onto my back.

“What did you do to my sister?”
Liv asked, stepping over my mom and I.

“Nothing,” Austin replied. “Can you take the baby? I need to go to her.”

“Damn straight,” Liv said.

My heart began to beat loud. I couldn’t hear anything else. Every movement happened in slow motion. I began defining time by the beats of my heart.

Beat one, Austin’s boots came into view.

Beat two, my mom and sisters moved out of the way.

Beat three, Austin picked me up.

Beat four, I opened my eyes to Austin’s worried features.

Beat five, he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

Beat six,
he said something to me. What, I don’t know, but I couldn’t stop watching his beautiful lips.

Beat seven,
I closed my eyes.

Beat eight
, everything went dark.

When I opened my eyes it was to an extra bright light. The room was bathed in it. The walls were painted a frosted blue. Navy curtains hung at the three different windows. Austin sat on a cushioned window seat and was gazing out the large bay window.

It was difficult not to suck in a br
eath at how handsome he was. His dark hair went past the collar of his gray pinstriped suit. The muscles on his arms and back strained against the jacket, making them more pronounced. He was turned so I could see his angled profile, the length of his lashes that curled slightly at the ends, and soft lips. My belly fluttered with wispy butterflies.

“Where am I?” I asked when he turned.

He stared a moment as though he were coming back from a long trip. “This is a bedroom in my house.”

I sat up quickly, too quickly
, and felt immediately woozy. The soft plaid comforter fell to my waist, revealing a white nightgown. My nipples were hard and poked through the thin cotton. I pulled the comforter over my chest. “How the hell?” That wasn’t where I wanted to begin. “Why?” I finally asked. “I told you no. What about Emma?” Didn’t he understand I couldn’t be away from her? I didn’t know how much time I had left. Six months. Two years. But I knew I didn’t want to miss any of my time with her.

Austin stood, came over to the bed, and sat. His hand reached out to touch my knee. Even through the cover
s my body responded to him.

“Emma is here. She’s sleeping.” He indicated a monitor on the nightstand.

“How long have I been out?”

“Almost twenty-four hours. I carried you to your room when you passed out. Your mom helped me pack a few things for you and Emma. I had a driver take us to the airport. Emma, you and I flew on my jet from a little airstrip near
Bandon to Dallas.”

While he talked my mind reeled. I didn’t remember any of it. And what about Emma? Who fed her? Changed her? Took care of her?

Austin continued, “When we arrived here, I carried you to this room.”

“And Emma?” I asked. “When’s the last time she ate? What about
changing her? What about naptime and playtime and— ”

Austin squeezed my knee. “I handled it. Emma is easy to take care of. She cries when she wants something. There are o
nly so many things she could need.” He shrugged. “I figured it out.” Then he smiled. It was a sad smile. “Her mother, on the other hand, is a bit more difficult to understand.”

I sighed and leaned back. “I’m not difficult. I told you what I wanted. Coming here wasn’t the answer.
” My hair was a curly mess and hung in my eyes. I tucked it behind my ears. “Here’s how our appointment with your doctor will go. Ready?”

Austin turned so he more fully faced me. “Please.
I’m all ears.”

“
Your doctor will run a bunch of tests. After a day or two, she’ll call me into his office. Her face will be serious. Then she’ll clear her throat and tell me… the exact same news I got from
my
doctor. That I have a fifty-fifty chance of survival.”

“You don’t know that,” Austin said, him face grim.

I wasn’t done. If he thought he could have me and my daughter delivered to his house like some kind of package, he’d better fucking think again. So, yeah, I was just getting started. “And what about this nightgown? Was this something your wife wore? Am I like the new doll—your replacement wife? Is there a whole closet full of clothes to go along with this?” I pulled at it disgustedly.

Austin stood. “What kind of man do you think I am? What kind of person?” He moved to the door. “When my wife died I had her things packed up and sent to her parents, except two items that were too personal to part with.” He shook his head and my heart sank to my toes. “I get why you might worry
, but that’s why I took off. I was worried about those same things.” He came back over to the bed and touched my face. “My feelings for you have nothing to do with her. They aren’t residual, leftovers from a past I wished I still had.” He tucked his hands in his pockets. “You’re completely unlike from her. You’re fiery, independent, and full of life. She… was different. Quiet. Reserved.” He gave me a pointed look. “Well mannered.”

I huffed. “What are you
saying?” If he thought he was making the situation better he was fucking wrong.

He tapped me on the nose and sat. “I’m saying you’re difficult, a total pain in the ass, and for some reason I adore
all of it. All of you.”

I wanted to
stay mad. He was obviously a man used to getting what he wanted, probably because he was spoiled rotten as a child, but I saw the sincerity in his eyes, the kindness in his face. What he’d done—basically kidnapping Emma and me—he didn’t do because he wanted to control but because he really, truly cared. 

I sighed. “For some reason I adore you too, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have to
go back. I can’t stay here. I have a job, a home, my mom and sisters. I have a life. And as much as I appreciate what you’re trying to do, it isn’t right.”

Austin ran his hands through his hair. “God, woman. You’re infuriating.” He grabbed me by the chin. “Do you still love me?”

That was putting a girl on the spot. “I-I told you I did. I do. I never stopped loving you, which pisses me off because you left me—twice, you son-of-a-bitch. You don’t trust me.”

“
It isn’t that I don’t trust you.” He closed his eyes a moment and opened them again. “I usually think my decisions through. I’m usually clear headed and…” He shook his head. “With you, everything is different. Please know I made stupid mistakes, and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? Love me despite my faults?”

I thought about it.
He’d left the first time without a word. The second he’d believed I was lying. His decisions were stupid, but I could understand why he did what he did. Before that, from the moment we met two summers ago, I knew he was the one. Time and a couple of bad decisions meant to protect, not hurt, couldn’t change that.

“Yes,” I finally said, meeting his gaze.

“Good.” He leaned forward and kissed me softly on the mouth. “Because I’m not through with you.” He kissed my neck behind the ear. “And I won’t ever be through with you, Willow St. James.” He pulled aside my nightgown and kissed my shoulder. “I love you. I love our daughter and I—” He paused, trailing kisses across my collarbone. “I want to spend my life with you.”

Gracious
, the things that man’s mouth could do to my body. He cupped a breast with a hand and I pressed into him, desperate to be close.

His lips covered my mouth and he
pushed it open, flicking his tongue inside. I met him and responded, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him to me. He pulled back and I opened my eyes, questioning. “What?”

“If we’re to be together I need your trust. I need your belief in me. I know there’s a lot about me you don’t know, but we belong together. Surely you feel that.” He placed a hand over my heart. “In here.”

From the beginning I’d known he was the one and only man for me. My sisters said I should fuck other men just so I’d know the difference, so I’d be experienced and understand what I liked. But I’d never been able to fathom that. I knew what I liked: Austin’s touch, his kisses, the way he felt inside. Austin’s body fit with mine like we were made for each other. I didn’t need to have sex with someone else to prove that.

I swallowed hard. “I do,” I said, touching his bottom lip with the tips of my fingers.

As soon as I said the words, he was on me, kissing me hard. I returned the kiss, grabbing his hair in fists. He shrugged out of his suit coat and began to unbutton his shirt, but I tore it open. He smirked. “That’s what I mean. Fire.”

I bit my bottom lip and pulled his shirt off him
, then moved to his pants. He slid off his shoes and, once I had his belt off and the pants undone, he stood and pulled them off.

“Get on your knees,” he commanded.

I did, allowing the comforter to fall. He kissed me as his hands found my breasts. He took his lips from mine as he lifted the nightgown over my head. I was completely naked.

Austin’s eyes ravaged my body. Heat swelled
between my thighs, making me instantly wet. He kissed one nipple and then took it between his teeth and gently sucked. Then pulled harder.

I cried
out in pleasure, my hands moving to his shoulders and along the muscles of his back. I dragged my nails along his biceps and leaned over to kiss one. His skin was taut and warm, and he smelled like man and soap and a hint of cologne.

Austin switched nipples, sucking on the other one while he slid his hands down my sides to my waist.
I let out another moan, lightly nipping at his shoulder.

He groaned and
pulled me to him and I felt his hardness against my stomach. I wrapped a hand around the long shaft through his boxer-briefs and he gasped.

One of his hands cupped my ass while the other moved to my clit and massaged it softly. My thighs quaked with desire. He helped me lay back and then he pulled off his underwear
, standing before me in all his delicious glory.

“You’re too gorgeous for your own good,” I cooed, placing
my hands above my head. His gaze was filled with heat. He climbed on the bed, opening my thighs.

“I could say the same about you, Willow.” With his thumb he massaged my clit and slid one of his fingers inside. “You’re so wet.” He pulled it out and licked his finger.

The tightness building between my thighs grew stronger. “I want you, Austin.” I sat up and wrapped a hand around his hardness, leaned down and licked the tip, then swirled my tongue around the outside.

He gasped, moving his hands to my hair
, and I took him all the way in my mouth.

“Fuck, Willow. The things you can do with that mouth.” He moved his hips in
rhythm.

I felt him tense, felt
his hold in my hair tighten, and knew he would come soon. I was ready. I loved it when he came in my mouth. But he pulled me off. I looked up. “You know I like it,” I said.