FUEL (DirtSlap Series Book 1) (16 page)

She grabbed her camera and zoomed in, catching them in the act. They both looked up when they heard the click. Thrand grinned, and Ryan smirked.

“Liking the camera?” Thrand asked.

“Love it.” She snapped another one of just him.

She flopped on the couch with Lila as the guys finished setting up.

Lila slanted her bright blue eyes her way. “This has got to be the oddest bunch of guys for a country band.”

“I know. I’ve only heard them play a little, and Ethan wasn’t singing then. I’m sorry, but he doesn’t fit this scene at all. Metal maybe. But country? No way.”

Ethan looked at them and cocked a black brow. “We can hear you.”

“We know,” Cassie said.

He shook his head as he adjusted his mic stand. “Thrand, can you control your woman? She’s talking shit about me and doesn’t care if I hear.”

“Not talking shit, Ethan. Just pointing out facts.” She flashed him her sweetest smile then winked at Thrand, who merely shook his head.

“Sorry, Ethan. I can only do so much.”

Lila snickered. “So do they have a band name yet?”

“DirtSlap.”

Lila’s brows shot up. “Interesting.”

They started by playing the intro to a popular cover song, but what they did to it…and then Ethan began to sing.

Cassie was dumbfounded. The man had the type of voice that slid up your spine. His country twang mixed with an edge she’d never heard before. She knew the tune well, but it sounded completely different with the way Ryan played the guitar. Ethan’s unreal voice, and Thrand in the back adding in a lot more drums than the song originally had changed the whole feel of the song.

She glanced at Lila, and noticed she wasn’t the only one shocked. She bumped her, and Lila’s wide eyes said it all.

“Holy shit. They’re good!” Lila said.

When it was over, the girls clapped and whistled. The boys said nothing, and continued on with another song. Cassie didn’t know this one. It had to be an original because it was harder and really showcased their talents. Ethan mixed his metal voice with country lyrics and it put a whole new spin on things.

She grabbed her camera and did what she loved. She got down on her knees in front of Ethan so she could get some wild angles of him right when he let go on a long note. She did the same with all of the members. They were unique and she wanted to capture each of their personalities. She got one of Thrand, with his signature hat on backwards, while in the middle of a fast beat with his tongue sticking out at her.

When their set was over, they were all sweating and grinning like fools. Even Zak appeared happy.

*

Thrand was having
the time of his life. This band clicked. Nothing tame about it, but even as he played, he was distracted by Cassie. She danced, her hair flying, hands in the air, shaking those hips in those frayed shorts. She did what she felt without a care. Every once in a while, she looked at him and smiled.

When their set ended, she leaned her head back and laughed. Joy in its purest form. She soaked up whatever life threw at her. How she was so full of life, after the way she had been forced to live, baffled him.

Lila clapped. “That was awesome, guys. Ya’ll are going to kill it.”

Cassie scooted around the band and equipment and landed in his lap. Sweat ran down his face, but she curled her arms around his neck anyway, and moved in so her breath rushed over his ear.

“You are so fucking hot,” she murmured, then used her teeth to tug at his ear.

Blood pumped south as she her tongue danced up the side of his neck. It had him seeing stars, and he barely heard the guys around him laughing.

“Dude, get a room,” Ethan said.

He placed his lips against her neck. “Cas, you’re driving me nuts. We
are
in a room full of people.”

Her answer was to suck on his earlobe, then stare into his eyes, a pout on her lips. “I know. I just had to taste you.”

He swallowed hard, then as quick as she was in his lap, she was gone, giving the guys high fives. Even Ryan. It took Thrand a few moments to get his head clear. Her husky words,
I just had to taste you,
echoed in his head and he couldn’t wait to get her alone and taste her.

It seemed like forever before everyone started to leave. Only Lila was left, lingering like she was waiting for something, but he had no idea what that might be. He was ready to be rude, and toss her out, when Cassie went into the bathroom.

Lila’s crazy blue eyes zeroed in on him.

“I want to talk to you.” She grabbed his arm and dragged him outside. He stared down at the little woman, wondering what in the hell she could want to talk about.

“Cassie’s a good girl.”

His brows shot up, not sure what to say to that. Cassie was a lot of things, but good girl wasn’t exactly on the list.

“Don’t look at me like that. Just cause she’s a lil’ bit wild doesn’t make her bad.” She poked him in the chest as though to emphasize her point.

“I never thought she was.”

“I’m telling you this for your own good, and she would hate it if she knew I said anything, but you’re so dense sometimes.” She pressed her lips in a firm line and paused as though weighing what to say next. “She loves you. You know that, right?”

Brows furrowed, he shuffled his feet. Ryan had said that too, but Thrand hadn’t believed it. At least not then.

“Geez, you are dense.” She poked him again. “Cassie might seem tough, but you saw what happened the last time you fucked it up. You do it again and I’m gonna tear you a new one.”

“Would you people just stay out of it. I’m tired of everyone telling me not to fuck it up. You don’t know the whole story. You don’t get it—”

“I know enough. Cassie’s my friend and so are you. But don’t throw away the best thing that’s ever happened to you because you’re stupid.” She glanced in the window then back at him. “I gotta go.”

She poked at him one more time, got in her car, and drove off.

He rubbed his chest.

Cassie stepped outside. “Where did Lila go?”

“She left. After lecturing me.” He walked past her and back inside. He could hear her bare feet padding after him as she shut the door.

“Oh, hell. She was supposed to stay outta this.” She shoved a hand through her hair.

It always looked mussed, but enticingly so, and he always had the urge to touch it.

“I wish they all would,” he muttered and popped the top on a beer.

“All?”

“Yeah. Mick, Ryan, Lila. I’m sure more will join in soon.” He took a sip as he watched her pace back and forth.

His gaze went to the cuff she never took off. She had modified it a little to fit her. It was worn and shiny in spots where she rubbed it when nervous. Like she was doing now. She was four parts wild, two parts innocent, and he could never figure out which one he was dealing with.

“I don’t know what she said, and I don’t want to know. But whatever it was, forget it. This is between you and me. We’ll either figure it out, or we won’t.”

Her walls were back up, no emotion at all. He slammed the beer down. He wanted to know if what Lila and Ryan said was true. If what he saw in her eyes was real, he could never get his footing around her. “Dammit, Cas. Don’t shut me out.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not shutting you out.”

“The hell you aren’t. You have more emotion in your little pinky than most have in their entire body. So when you say something without emotion, I know you’re shutting me out.”

Her face paled, then she turned away and shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know what you want from me. I was just stating facts.”

He grabbed her and spun her to face him. He gripped her shoulders so she couldn’t turn away from him again. “Why do you keep doing this? Keeping me out.”

“How can you demand that from me when you do the same thing?” She cocked her head and glared. “Pot and kettle much?”

Stung, he let her go and picked up his beer. “You’re right.”

“Speaking of walls, how’s the ‘working on it’ thing going?” She tapped an impatient nail on the island.

He closed his eyes. Frankly, he hadn’t thought about it. When it did pop into his head, he shoved it away. He didn’t want to think about it. She consumed his every thought and kept him spinning. It was easier to get lost in her than think about Cam. He dropped his head because he didn’t have an answer.

“You haven’t even thought about it. Great.” She backed away from him a few steps. “I can’t keep doing this.”

He swung his head up. “You’re not leaving.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit here and get all—” She shook her head, ambled to the couch, and plopped on it, giving him her back.

“Get what? Finish what you were going to say.”

Her face was in her hands, her knees curled up to her chest, when he strode over to her.

“Oh hell, what does it matter now?” She looked up at him. “To get all wrapped up in you and then you decide you can’t handle the guilt or get rid of it. And that’s a line for me. I told you that.”

Her eyes were pools of green. He couldn’t handle her tears, but he didn’t know what to do to stop them.

“Did you know, I moved out of Willie’s when I was seventeen? I lived at Ruth and Pops in the back room.”

He dropped onto the couch, one cushion separating them. He didn’t have to ask why. The marks on Cam were proof enough.

“Willie’s friends were getting a bit too friendly, and they found my hiding spot at our old fort.”

Thrand blanched. “You stayed in there? That wasn’t really a shelter.”

“No, it wasn’t. You guys did a shitty job building it ‘cause it was damn cold in there.”

He and Cam had built it when they were thirteen. Out in the woods, far enough away that Willie couldn’t find it. Thrand leaned an elbow on the back of the couch and rested his head in his hand. He couldn’t ask what ‘friendly’ meant. He didn’t want to delve into that. She’d only known him, he had to remind himself of that.

“So you lived in the back room of a shoddy diner.” Fury was building. Social services hadn’t helped her. No one in that fucking town cared enough to help her.

“It was better than where I’d been. But I never blamed you. Ever.” She raised her head to look at him and licked her lips. “I blamed Cameron.”

“What? Why?” He stared at her, trying to absorb the fact that she didn’t blame him. Never had. Yet she blamed her brother?

“Because we both know it wasn’t an accident that killed him.”

He felt the blood drain from his face. “You were never supposed to know that.”

“I wasn’t supposed to know a lot of things. It’s funny how you guys thought you could keep me so innocent of everything. It was a sweet but hopeless cause.”

He didn’t know what to say. She was a smart girl, but they’d done their best to protect her. He thought he was the only one who realized what had really happened to Cam.

“Did you know he was going to kill himself?”

He jerked, the pain twisting him up. “How could you even ask that? Don’t you think, if I’d known, I would’ve stopped him?”

She laid her cheek on her knees, watching him. “You said he made you promise to take care of me if something happened. I just wondered. Not that it matters.”

He glanced at her, as he laced his hands together. “You shouldn’t blame Cam. You should blame Willie.”

“I did. I know why Cam drove off so crazy and drunk. It looked like an accident to everyone but me. And you. But Cam left me alone.”

Her voice was so calm, but his gut churned. He leaned forward, hands on his hat and rubbed it back and forth. He’d tried. He’d known Cam was on the edge. Out of control. But he didn’t realize he would actually follow through on his occasional mention of suicide. How many nights had he lain awake wondering if there was something he could have done to change the outcome?

“I tried. I was so fucked up. I didn’t know. I tried to help you. I failed at it all. Failed my parents…” It just went on and on. “I was never good enough for them. Didn’t fit in with their little ideals of perfection. Pissed as hell I was friends with the Daltons. Fucking failure.”

He grit his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. The door he kept firmly locked burst open. It had taken him a while to shove all that shit in there and lock it down. The guilt. The pain.

It flooded him.

Smothered him.

It was a vise squeezing his chest, making it hard to breathe.

The image of Cam lying lifeless in that casket, while Cassie cried on his shoulder—Thrand took the blame for it. If he’d been in the truck with him, he wouldn’t have done it. Cam wouldn’t let him go with him that night. He’d gone alone.

Then he’d driven off that goddamn bridge.

“I should’ve been able to save him. Save you.”