Fuel To The Fire (New Adult Contemporary Romance) (10 page)

“The harder you work the luckier you become…”  Roger Penske

Carrie

The
next day...

It’s
almost noon when I finally get up the nerve to go visit Marco again. I don’t
know what kind of a reception I’m going to get, but probably a cool one. With
great trepidation I knock on his door.

“Come
in.”

I open
the door and slowly walk in. The first thing I notice is that his restraints
are off and just lying on the table next to his bed.

“Did you
take those off yourself?” I ask, pointing to them.

“And
hello to you too Sunshine,” he replies. “No, I did not take them off.”

The
other thing I notice is that he’s oddly cheery considering the news he got
yesterday. Makes me think he’s working an angle here. I’d better be on my
guard.

“Look,
I’m really sorry for yesterday. Learning that I may have a career ending
seizure disorder was a lot to handle and I handled it badly. I’m so sorry
Carrie. I’ve already got another doctor lined up for a second opinion. Well see
if the good Doctor Mayhall is all that he’s cracked up to be.”

“Well
that’s great!” I say enthusiastically.

“Yeah I
think I’ll go to my new doctor’s office. He’s more than qualified I’m sure. I
don’t have to spend all day in another hospital. He’ll see me in his office and
I’m sure he’ll get to the bottom of this and I’ll get my walking papers so to
speak and I won’t miss a single race.”

“You
know that the doctor who benched you gets a say in this right?”

“Yeah
but he doesn’t get the final say,” Marco replies. “Look, I’m not stupid. I can
tell you’re still worried about me and that’s sweet, but don’t make it
annoying. I promise, I won’t race until I get a proper release signed. You have
my word.”

I look
at him for a minute. He does seem sincere and I really believe he means this.
Not many drivers can pull a fast one on NASCAR officials and live to race
another day, and I’m sure Marco knows this. He also knows what happened to my
Danny, I know he doesn’t want to put me through something like that again. As
we sit here talking about the last race and his bonehead move another doctor
comes in. He’s quite the opposite of Dr. Mayhall who is tall, handsome, and
quite friendly. This other doctor is short, a little rough around the edges,
and speaks with a gruff, heavily accented voice. He walks over to the computer
in the room and begins to type. As he does, he introduces himself.

“I’m Dr.
Nguyen. You must be Carrie, one of Team Panata’s trauma nurses, yes?”

“I
thought my doctor was Dr. Mayhall,” Marco says, eying the new doctor
suspiciously.

“That
was your radiologist. I’m your neurologist and I’m ultimately the one who can
release you to return to racing. I understand you’ll be getting a second
opinion?”

“No
offense, but I can’t let my whole future rest on one man’s opinion. A lot rides
on this as you know.”

“Of
course, Mr. Panata, and I can’t let one race car driver put a smudge on my
otherwise sterling reputation by letting an unfit driver return to the track.
Ms. Zane, may I have a word with you in private?”

“Now
wait just a second,” Marco protests.

“Of
course, Doctor,” I reply.

I give
Marco a stern look. “You want my support in this Marco?”

“Of
course I do.”

“Good,
then you won’t mind me talking to your doctor privately.”

“Of
course not,” he replies meekly.

I turn
towards Dr. Nguyen. “After you.”

He holds
the door open and we walk out into the hall. He leads me halfway down the hall
to a small dimly lit chapel; it’s empty. He gestures for me to take a seat,
then sits down himself.

“So what
was so important that it couldn’t be said in front of Marco?” I ask.

“When a
patient of mine requests a second opinion then dictates the terms of that
opinion it raises a giant waving red flag. Haven’t you asked yourself why he
enlists the aid of a small town doctor without the resources to do an adequate
neurological exam? A doctor who doesn’t even have access to a CT scan?”

“I
really haven’t given it a second thought doctor.”

“Really?
You’re just going to try to feed me a line of bull crap and expect me to just
swallow it up?”

Marco’s
obviously not the first race car driver he has worked on, and probably more
than one of them has tried to pull the wool over his eyes too. From the sound
of it, he takes it as a personal affront.

“You’re
right doctor, and I’m sorry. Something doesn’t feel right here and that’s the
reason why I insisted that I meet with you privately.”

“You’re
a smart woman, Carrie. Just don’t use that brain of yours to help your
boyfriend there beat the system. You do know how this works right?”

“Refresh
my memory please.”

“Marco
is partially right. He can get a second opinion and I cannot stop him from
getting behind the wheel again once he has a second or third doctor who is
willing to release him. However, my name and my observations and opinion must
be on his final documents so that any doctor who sees him after me gets to read
my report. Now they can choose to ignore it if they like. I can’t control that,
but at least I can make sure that my report gets read and considered. So if
Marco winds up with medical release documents in his hands that do not have my
report with them, then they’re bogus.”

“Understood.”

“The
system is set up like this to keep unfit drivers from getting around the system
and returning to the track when they have no business racing. I believe you’re
an honest woman, Ms. Zane, so I wanted to make sure you knew how the system
works so you can make sure Mr. Panata follows protocol. Do you have any
questions for me?”

I’m
afraid to ask, but I have to. “Doctor...how bad does it look for Marco?”

“Hard to
say...The fact that he has been racing for the better part of his life without
this ever coming up is a good thing. Honestly...I think he has a pretty good
chance of returning to the track as long as he follows protocol. That’s usually
the problem for drivers though. They don’t have the patience or enough trust in
the system to let it work for them. Instead they try to get around it, like I
suspect Marco there is thinking of doing, and problems arise. More than one
driver has tried to beat the system and gotten caught.”

“And if
you’re caught?” I’m not sure I want to hear the answer.

“Depends...Every
situation is evaluated on its own. Penalties could range from being banned for
a few races, even a whole season, or a lifetime ban. Considering the current
climate in just about all sports and the increased focus on safety, penalties
are becoming stiffer. Don’t let him do it Carrie, it’s just not worth it.”

“I won’t
Dr. Nguyen, you have my word.”

“Good.
That’s what I wanted to hear. Now why don’t you go back in and encourage him to
do the right thing. Once there’s a paper trail of improprieties you can’t go
back.” He stands up and pulls a business card out of his jacket pocket. “ If
you have any questions please call me.”

I pocket
his card, shake his hand and return back to Marco who is once more reclining on
the bed watching ESPN.

“So what
did the gruffly doc have to say that couldn’t be said in front of me?” He asks
without taking his eyes off the TV.

“He just
wanted to make sure I knew how the system works.” I reply cautiously.

“How it
works?” he asks suspiciously. “He couldn’t tell you that in front of me? What
did he really talk to you about Carrie?”

I walk
over to the bed and sit down beside him. One look at his handsome, very worried
face and my heart just melts. I have never before fallen so completely under a
man’s spell than I have with Marco. I mean I really thought I was in love with
Danny, and maybe I was, I don’t know really. But Marco, if this isn’t the real
thing, then I’m really confused. When I’m with him I try to resist the way he
makes me feel, but I can’t. I can repeatedly protest in my mind how I feel, but
my emotions just overtake me and I’m helpless before them.

Intellectually,
I know that racing is Marco’s world. The question is, can I be with a man who
will always put racing ahead of me? His every decision is weighed against auto
racing. How will that affect his points standings, how will it affect his
ability to drive? If he does this will it be bad for his career or good. I’m
sure right now he’s analyzing our relationship and weighing it against racing
and deciding if I will be good for his career or bad for it. Can I spend my
life with a man like that? Can I resist the man who thinks this way?

Even
though racing is the most important thing, when we’re together he makes me feel
like racing cars in the farthest thing from his heart and mind. I know that’s
not really the case. One more time I have to ask myself, can I spend the rest
of my life being second? My feelings, my body and soul just respond to his
signals to whatever it is that he’s putting out there. Even if I wanted to I
can’t resist Marco Adriano Panata. So when I look into his eyes and remember
the promise I made to his doctor not fifteen minutes ago I know I will do
everything in my power to put Marco back behind that wheel again; and I wonder,
have I just sold my soul to the devil or have I given it willingly to an angel?

“Racing makes heroin addiction look like a vague wish for
something salty…”  Peter Egan

Marco

Marco
Meets with Crew Chief Alanzo at the Track Hospital…

“Alanzo,
I need a favor.”

“What
can I do for you, Marco?”

“We’re
going to need a different doctor.”

“What do
you mean? I got you the perfect guy. He’ll look the other way and do whatever
we ask. He’s the perfect choice man. Why do we have to go looking for someone
else?”

“My new
neurologist is onto us. He cornered Carrie and he basically knows we’re trying
to pull one over on him. You know anyone else? What about the guy who cleared
that Franchetti guy to race a couple years ago. Doctor...shit I forgot his
name.”

“Let me
do some checking. I don’t even know if he’s still around or even licensed with
all the blowback from when Danny died. He may have lost his license...hell, he
may even be in jail for all we know.”

“Well,
find him if you can.”

“Alright.
I’ll call you back when I find out anything.”

Damn
that fucking Dr. Nguyen! He’s gonna fuck it all up. I am not giving up my
racing career just because some asshole sees a dark spot on an x-ray and
decides I have a seizure disorder. I haven’t had a single solitary seizure in
my entire life.

My cell
phone rings, it’s Alanzo.

“What’s
up?” I ask.

“You’re
in luck, but it’s gonna cost you. That doctor, the one who cleared Carrie’s ex,
well he still practices. His name is Doctor Hansen. He’s got an office with
another doctor, Miller I think. Anyway, they both signed off on Franchetti and
for the right price they’ll sign off on your release as well.”

“So
what’s it gonna cost me?”

“50
large.”

“What
the fuck? You’re not talking thousands are you? You can’t mean 50 thousand?”

“Sorry
Marco, but that’s exactly what I mean. That’s their price and I suggest you pay
it, otherwise you’ll never race again. I faxed them a copy of your neurologists
report along with the one from the radiologist. These guys are your only hope.
Without them you’ll never race again.”

“Shit.
You know we have to keep this on the down low. Carrie is already suspicious of
me. She thinks I’m going to pull a fast one so I can race again and if she
finds out I lose her and my career.”

“Got it.
Can you come up with the money?” Alanzo asks.

“I
assume they’ll want cash?”

“Of
course.”

“Alright,
give me a couple days. I can borrow from my retirement account. I’ll need to
liquidate the stock first then I’ll pull out the cash. I’ll give you a call
soon as I have it.”

“Alright
Marco. Get it as soon as you can. The more time that passes the more suspicious
it will look when we suddenly have your medical release just before a big
race.”

“No
problem. Now I’m going to get some rest before Carrie comes by. Talk to you
later.”

I glance
over at the clock. I have an hour. That’ll have to do. It feels like I’ve only
just closed my eyes when a familiar voice startles me.

“Marco.”

What the
hell? “Father?”

I roll over
in bed and standing there next to me is my father.

“What
are you doing son?”

“What do
you mean, what am I doing?”

“Do you
love her, Marco?”

“What
the hell? You come all the way back from the dead to ask me that? Why don’t you
tell me how to get back in the driver’s seat and win at Daytona? Thanks to you
being dead that’s what I have to do now or your legacy is gone. How about
that?”

“I don’t
care about my legacy son, I’m dead, remember?”

“Well I
do because I’m still alive and I want to keep racing. So how do I keep it all
together and win at the Daytona 500?”

“Do you
love her?”

“I don’t
know, Father. I love racing, that’s what I love.”

“Don’t
you ever wonder what happened between your mother and me?”

“I don’t
know,” I reply, getting impatient.

“Your mother
loved me dearly, with her heart and soul,” he replies. “But I loved racing with
all
my
heart and
soul, and your mother got tired of being second.”

“If she
really did,” I argue, “Then why’d she leave you for another man?”

“Because
he promised she would be first in his life and racing second,” he says.

“Hell,
that was an easy promise for him to keep. You discredited him, ruined his
reputation and fired him. She was all he had left so of course he put her
first.”

“That’s
not the real story, son.”

“What is
the real story then?” I ask, not really wanting to hear it.

“He quit
and moved back to Italy where her family owned an auto parts business and he
partnered with her father. They have been happily married for over twenty
years.”

“Why are
you telling me all this now?” I ask, completely bewildered. My father never
shares his personal life with me, so why now?

“Because
you are about to make the same mistake as me. I am trying to save you from the
life I have lived. All the trophies, the awards and accolades mean nothing if
you don’t have someone to share it with.”

“But you
have your team, Team Panata. You always told me they’re your family. You share
your victories with them.”

“You’re
wrong Marco. They’re my family, but I’m not their family. They have their own
wives and children to go home to. They share our victories at the track with
them. I would give up every single win to have your mother back. I’d do it in a
heartbeat. Whatever you’re planning on doing son, don’t do it. Do whatever you
have to do to put Carrie first. No woman worth having will settle for second
place for very long. I failed you in my life so I hope that I won’t continue to
fail you in my death.”

“I don’t
know what to say. I just can’t give up racing. There has to be another way...”

“There is
no other way. Goodbye son. I love you.”

“Father!”

“Marco?”

“What?”

“Marco
it’s me Carrie...wake up. You’re having a nightmare. You were shouting for your
father when I came in. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I
was just having this dream about my father and it was so real. He was standing
right where you are now and we were talking. I’ve never had a dream so real. So
lifelike...”

“So what
did he say to you?”

“I don’t
know,” I lie. “It’s all a blur...”

“Well if
you remember I’d love to hear what he told you.”

“Yeah,
me too...”