Full Disclosure (39 page)

Paul watched Rita add another name to the list on the board and smiled. “Nice.”

“Give me another couple days and there will be twelve new names. The tapes were worth the deal, boss.”

“I'm inclined to agree with you.” They would have twenty-two out of the thirty murders solved when she was done. The fact they happened years ago didn't reduce the satisfaction by much. “Anything I can get for you?”

“I'm good, boss. I'm finding voice comparisons for Nathan to use, and he's working through the tapes one by one. It's not every day I get to solve a stack of old murders. I'm enjoying this.”

“Sam?”

“Our files have decent background information for the names Rita is listing. But until we can serve warrants and start using this information, there's not much else to do. I doubt we hear from our lady shooter again until she thinks there's been time for us to look at all twelve tapes.”

“It's going to be a few days,” Paul said. “I want to ask a favor of you both. I want to make a fast trip south to see Ann.
I'll be back Sunday evening. Can you two manage this for the weekend?”

Rita smiled. “Got it covered, boss.”

Ann had found the grandson, then stayed to help the task force. There were three dead cops now, and while she promised she was working only on the analysis and was not out in the field, he could hear the weight of it in her voice when they talked. Paul thought it would be over soon, for most law-enforcement agencies at the federal and state levels were working the case now. If it ended, and Ann was able to return home this weekend, he wanted to be there to meet her.

“Appreciate it, guys. You can reach me by cell if something serious comes up.”

T
hat's her call sign. She'll be descending through the clouds in about a minute,” Jason noted, pocketing his radio and picking up the blocks he used to secure the plane. “She made good time.”

Paul nodded his thanks for the news and straightened from where he leaned against his car. He watched the small plane land at the private airstrip outside her hometown. She set down center line of the runway and taxied toward the hangar.

Jason walked over to meet her. When she came to a stop, he put blocks under the wheels. A few minutes later she stepped out. “I've got it for you, Ann,” Jason offered.

“You sure?”

“I've got time.”

“Thanks. Logs are on the clipboard and fuel goes on my bill.” She pulled a bag and a satchel from the plane.

She hadn't seen him yet. “Ann.”

She looked up and stopped, surprise crossing her face, then pleasure. “You're a long way from home, Falcon.”

“Missed you enough it seemed like a good idea to travel, and Neva was agreeable to a guest for the weekend.” He took her bags. “How about pizza and cold soda at your place, and we'll share it with Black.”

“Okay.”

“Ride with me. We'll pick your car up tomorrow.”

“Even better.”

He put her bags in the back seat and held the passenger door for her. He could tell she had not slept well on the road. There was a hollow look around her eyes. He was glad the case was over.

He left the airport and turned onto the highway. “Where do I pick up Black?”

She stirred. “He's still at the house. Friends stopped in to get the mail and let him outside. He probably slept the entire time I was away, so expect him to want to play.”

“I'll enjoy that.”

She visibly relaxed as he turned down the road to her home.

They ate pizza on her back patio, enjoying the evening breeze and watching the sun drift low in the sky. The case had drained her and left her bone tired; he could see it in the way she only partially engaged even with Black, her thoughts lingering on what she had left behind. There was a price for being the MHI, and she had paid it in full this week.

He tossed the ball for Black again, then took both plates inside, stored the remaining pizza in the fridge, and returned with the wrapped peppermints that had come with the delivery. She unwrapped hers with a quiet thanks. “I'm glad you came.”

“Not a hardship on my part. Sam and Rita have the case covered, and I had a desire to see you.”

She half smiled. “Can't figure why, when you see me so often already.”

“Can't do this over a link,” he said as he slid his hand behind her neck and drew her toward him. He kissed her and caught the taste of pizza and peppermint. He lingered with the kiss, feeling her smile and sharing it. When he eased back he ran his thumb across her bottom lip. “I've wanted to do that for a long time.”

“Thought you had. Shared the sentiment,” she murmured. Her hands resting against his chest flexed in the fabric of his shirt, and she leaned forward to kiss him back. “It's a very nice way to return home.”

They took a walk together the next afternoon, enjoying the sunny day, following Black. Paul glanced down when Ann slid her hand into his, smiled. He interlaced their fingers. He'd been trying not to crowd her today, to give her space, and he liked the fact she'd made the decision to close it.

“Lovely is a very private name for God,” she said quietly, breaking the companionable silence. “But had we lived a lifetime together, I would never have mentioned that name to you. It bothers me that I did.”

He stopped walking, understanding instantly the significance of what she had said, and the trust she was giving him. He thought about it and then smiled as he started walking again. “What a perfect name for God.”

“Names are important to me. I spend weeks with a new story searching to find the right names for characters, to hear their voice, to find who they are. There's a point in writing a story where I finally have the right name, and the book in my mind begins to sound different. It sounds richer. It begins to read in the voice of the character, and it sounds alive.

“I was a child when I met God. God the Father was an easy concept for me to grasp, and Jesus the Son, being God who died to save my life, I often thought of as the wonderful older brother I wanted to have. When I got to God, the Holy Spirit, and realized the Bible said He lived with me, I instinctively thought of Him as being a best friend.

“I wanted to get to know Him, and the only way I knew to do so was to have a conversation with Him. It was hard to say ‘Holy Spirit' and not feel like it was a formal conversation. So sometimes I'd call Him Ancient, Wise, Wonderful, Eternal. I
was trying to get to know Him by reminding myself who He was.

“I'd say, ‘You're showing off tonight,' when the sunset and clouds were an incredible display of color, or I'd say, ‘It's hot, I miss the breeze you sent yesterday,' or I'd tell Him about my day and what I was working on. I was just talking, trying to get to know this person I was living with. And like a book, the name was right, but it wasn't a conversational name. Jesus had names like Alpha, Omega, Good Shepherd. So I asked the Holy Spirit if He had another name I could use. He said, ‘Call me Lovely.'

“I thought it was kind of a girl's name and corny and stupid of me to have asked. But I think He knew. In a week or so, He couldn't shut me up. I had a name for the person I was sharing my life with. ‘Lovely, you painted a great sunset.' ‘Lovely, Black just went chasing a rabbit.' ‘Lovely, I've lost my keys.' It was still the same simple comments, but they suddenly turned into God and I having a conversation. And in a few more weeks, it was ‘Lovely, I'm lost on how to help in this situation,' and ‘Lovely, why did I say that?' I started to trust Him with the emotions behind my actions. And now it's ‘Lovely, where should this story go next?' And ‘Lovely, what am I going to do about this guy that just showed up in my life?'” She smiled.

“He listens to all that stuff. He smiles at me a lot. God said call me Lovely, and I fell more in love with Him that day. I had this huge open hole inside that so desperately wanted love, and God filled it up with himself. His name was reminding me He loved me. Every conversation just adds another certainty to that.

“Lovely is His character. And Lovely is His company. And Lovely is how He treats me. Lovely is God.”

Paul understood in a way he didn't know how to put into words. “I often call Him Dad—when God and I are talking together. That's how I think of Him and it's a natural title to offer Him.”

He tightened his hand on hers. “Did you think I wouldn't understand why you have a private name for God? Tell you God
is there with you, God is in you, living with your spirit, and He wants a relationship with you—Ann, you would rush toward that relationship with everything in you. You would throw your arms around God and say welcome, do everything possible to make Him comfortable as an honored guest.

“And since for you a name, the flow of words—the sound of a conversation, the tempo and the pace of it—matters, you looked for the right name. Just like you give your characters in the books a shortened special nickname between those in love, you did the same for Him. You gave God a special name. You went from formal with God to intimate with God. You call Him Lovely. I bet God's heart goes absolutely soft with pleasure when you call Him that. God wants to be loved, and with you God got what He most desires.”

“I hope so.” She stopped walking. “Sometimes when I'm flying, Lovely will give me a nudge to notice something or to hear something and He'll make it safer flying. Or I'll be on the job, and Lovely will point out something in the room to notice that will help me understand the person I'm talking with. Or Lovely will whisper ‘Turn around,' and I'll see someone I need to help. Or Lovely will prompt me to go to bed early, and I'll get some sleep before I get called out at four a.m. He doesn't live life for me. He lives life with me.” Black nudged her for attention, and Ann tossed another stick for him.

“God will let me put to Him what I'm feeling and thinking and doing, and He'll take the burden of it and the complications of it, and He'll hand me back something that I can do okay at. He'll sort out the knots. Sometimes He sends someone to help me. Sometimes He helps with the sequence of what to do when. Sometimes with the wisdom to figure out what's important and the courage to drop the rest. Lovely spends His life with me. And I am learning to spend mine with Him. I trust Him. And we're becoming pretty good friends. An eternity is a long time to live with someone, and it matters to me that I get this relationship right.”

Paul knew the kind of hug that was God loving him. His friendship with God was good and solid and the most important priority in his life. And he realized Ann knew God better than he had ever envisioned was possible. “I'm glad you have that intimate relationship.”

He wanted to laugh as he grasped what he was feeling. “I'm jealous of God, in a way. I'd like that for myself, Ann. That inner Ann that loves so completely and trusts so absolutely. No wonder you hesitate to share your life with someone else. You would be taking what you are giving to God and sharing it with God and someone else. You want to give it all to God.”

“It's not that exactly, Paul. I don't know how to love God well and love a guy well and do both at the same time. One gets the leftovers. That's probably the main reason why I'm still single. I haven't figured out how to do it. It's not that I don't want to get married. What is easy for other people to do seems very difficult for me. I'm too introverted and inside my head. Lovely rather gets me by default, because I'm never particularly quiet with Him. I'm sure there are times He would like me to be quiet for a while. He hears about everything.”

“I think you don't realize how much what you have with Lovely flows out to everyone around you,” Paul replied. “That's why you are such a good friend. That's why people trust you like they do. Part of what you are giving back to them is God loving them through you. Everyone around you would lose out if you didn't have such a strong relationship with God.”

“I'm still bothered at the fact I told you Lovely's name. Of everything I have that is private, that was the jewel at the center.”

He rested his arm around her shoulders and hugged her. “I know more about you because of that mistake than everything else you've told me combined. I can't be sorry it happened. But I do understand just how intimate and private that name is between you and God.”