Full Exposure: A Loveswept Contemporary Erotic Romance (20 page)

She pulled away, lifted a hand to his cheek. “I’m fine, Kevin. The police, the questions. It just makes me remember—”

“I know,
cher
.” He settled into the chair across from hers, then pulled her into his lap and cradled her as he would a child. “I wish it hadn’t needed to be like that.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know why it bothered me so much. I’m not usually such a …” Such a what, she asked herself. Idiot? Basket case? Psycho? “Honestly, Kevin, you’re seeing me at my worst.”

His strong artist’s fingers brushed her cheek as his lips skimmed lightly over her hair. “And here I’ve thought it was your best. You’re doing fine, Serena. Better than fine.”

“I’m never like this, Kevin. Why now?”

“Because you almost died today? Because your sister’s murderer’s on the streets? Because you can’t carry the world on your shoulders all the time?”

She stiffened against him. “I don’t want to talk about Sandra.”

“I hadn’t intended to. But why not? Why won’t you talk about your sister? You’ll never get past the pain if you don’t.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know that you’ve tortured yourself for ten years over something you had no control of. I know you’re so caught up in the past that you can’t see the present. Or the future.”

Serena went ramrod stiff against him, pulling away to stare at him with injured eyes. “How can you say that to me?”

He looked her in the eyes. “Because I care about you. A lot more, apparently, than you do about yourself.”

“That’s not true. I’ve moved on with my life! I don’t talk about Sandra to anyone—except you. I don’t wallow in self-pity. I don’t—” Her voice broke and silent tears streamed down her face.

Compassion moved through him as he continued to stroke her hair, refusing to let Serena leave him despite her struggles. “There’s nothing wrong with discussing what happened to Sandra.”

“I know that! I think about it all the time.”

“You dwell on it,” he corrected. “You blame yourself for not stopping it. You hold your feelings inside until you’re ready to shatter. I’m afraid one day you will.”

She pushed against him, eyes blazing as a sense of betrayal nearly choked her. “And I should do what? Wear my feelings on my sleeve? Throw them around for everyone to see? Hide out in the bayou instead of living my life?”

“I’m not hiding out there,” Kevin answered smoothly. “I love it. It’s home. But you, you hide wherever you go,
bebe
. With your perfect manners and your buttoned-up shirts, you hide the real Serena behind a mask. That’s not healthy.”

“We’ve known each other two weeks and you presume to tell me what’s healthy?” Her eyes turned cold and she withdrew into her protective shell. He was seriously beginning to hate that shell.

He grabbed her and pulled her back against him, ignoring her resistance. “I know you.” His fingers dug into her shoulders as he forced her to look at him. “I know you’re scared of losing control. I know you ache every day because of what happened to Sandra. I know this parole hearing has ripped you apart.”

He stroked her cheek, ran a hand down her back to anchor her body against his. “But I also know that you are so much stronger than you think you are. If you let the
emotions go, you aren’t going to shatter.” He pulled back, looked into her eyes. “You’ve got to give yourself a break,
cher
. You’re so incredibly strong. You’ve got to be strong enough to bend, before you end up destroying yourself with guilt.”

Serena stared straight ahead, desperate to block out Kevin’s words. But they made sense and they worked their way, insidiously, into her consciousness. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.” His voice was firm, implacable.

“I’m not like you, Kevin. I’m not brave, I do care what others think of me. I do care about my career and the future and what I’ll do if nobody likes my work.”

“I’m not asking you to be like me. I like you the way you are.” He tilted her chin up, made her look at him again. “And you are very brave.”

She moved to protest, but he stopped her. “I can’t believe how brave you are. I couldn’t do what you do. I couldn’t wake up every morning and function despite the pain. I couldn’t go to that parole hearing and dredge up a past I despised. I couldn’t control myself when anger threatened to rip me apart.”

He pressed a soothing kiss to her forehead. “You are so incredibly courageous, Serena. How can you not see that? How can you not take the next step and allow yourself to begin to heal? How much penance do you think you need to do? Ten years is long enough to torture yourself.”

Her voice was rusty when she spoke. “I was there. I let him in.”

“And if you hadn’t, she would have gone running after him. You know that.” She tried to look away, but he refused to let her. “You have to stop blaming yourself. You’re letting the actions of one sadistic bastard rule your life. Hasn’t he taken enough from you? It’s time to stop letting him take your self-respect.”

She shuddered, leaned into him. “I can’t stand knowing that he’s free while my sister’s stuck in some cold, rotting tomb. I can’t stand the idea of running into him somewhere—at a party, a wedding, the supermarket. If I don’t have control of myself, I’ll loose it completely.”

“No, you won’t. You’d never give him the satisfaction.” He leaned down, kissed her gently. “I know your sister’s death will always be a part of you. I know you’ll never let it go. But you can’t let it destroy you anymore. You have to care for yourself, take some time to heal yourself.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Then let me help.”

Her eyes flew to his, startled. “You?”

His stomach clenched, but he ignored it. “Yes, me. I’m not going anywhere, Serena. This isn’t just until you’ve got enough shots of me for the stupid book.”

“I thought …”

“You thought what?” His eyebrows rose imperiously.

“I thought you wouldn’t want …” She struggled to find an answer he wouldn’t think offensive.

“Wouldn’t want what? Wouldn’t want you? I want you so much I couldn’t sleep the three days you were gone. I want you so much my hands ache when they can’t touch you.”

She moved to interrupt, but he silenced her with a finger against her lips. She looked so shocked that doubts began to assail him. Had he read her completely wrong? Was she just killing time with him? Using him like Deb had?

But Serena wasn’t like that. He closed his eyes for a minute, saw again the joy on her face last night as she stood surrounded by various pieces of his work. He remembered the light in her eyes when she photographed him, the passion between them as they made love. No, she wasn’t using him.

Serena was as serious about him as he was about her, whether she knew it or not. Now it was just a matter of treading carefully until she reached the same conclusions he’d already drawn. He reached up, stroked a hand through her hair. “I know it’s only been a couple of weeks. I know it’s too soon to talk about the future. But you need to understand that this isn’t casual. I won’t let you walk away from me when this book is done.”

Serena stared at him for a minute, the room totally silent except for the ticking of the clock hanging on the wall near the door. Kevin was asking for a lot, for more than she’d ever been willing to give. When she was with a guy—which wasn’t that often, she admitted ruefully—she was always careful of the ground rules. Keep things hot in bed and cool everywhere else. Remember that the relationship won’t last. Keep it casual.

From the very beginning, Kevin had blown that credo out of the water. Cooking her breakfast after she’d freaked out, holding her when she’d cried, making love to her
until she screamed. None of those actions were casual.

Panic rushed through her, making her stomach clench and her head hurt. What was she supposed to do about him? He was a good man, surprisingly good. But there wasn’t room in her life for a serious relationship.

Why not? an insidious voice inside her head cried out. Why can’t you be with him? He’s right. You can’t wallow in guilt forever.

Sandra’s dead, she answered the voice.

But you’re not.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she concentrated on counting to ten as she slowly exhaled. This was getting her nowhere, getting them nowhere. Kevin’s opening started in—she glanced at the clock—fifteen minutes and she didn’t even know if he’d finished installing the sculpture. She’d been so numb when he ushered her through the lobby that she wouldn’t have seen a nuclear warhead sitting there.

“We need to go,” she told him.

“Go where?” he demanded.

She gestured toward the lobby. “Your presentation.”

“Screw my presentation. I want to finish this.”

She sighed heavily. “Kevin—”

A knock sounded on the door and she grabbed on to it like a lifeline. Serena rushed across the room and threw the door open, shocked to see her agent standing on the other side.

“Steve! What are you doing here?” She stretched to kiss his cheek, leaning into his wiry, compact body for a quick hug.

“I wouldn’t miss Kevin’s big day, luv.” His clipped British accent always made her smile. It seemed so incongruous coming from such a flamboyant man. Today he was wearing bright orange, a color that should have clashed horribly with his red hair but somehow didn’t. Of course, the orange shirt
was
tucked into a pair of khakis, making the combination downright conservative for Steve.

“Kevin, the sculpture looks magnificent!” Steve commented, reaching out to shake his hand. “After ten years, I still can’t understand how you can design something so exquisitely perfect.”

“You’re just glad I can, right?” Kevin answered, a wolfish smile on his face.

“Damn straight. You Yanks always know how to hit the nail on the head.” He glanced at his watch. “But what are you two doing cowering in here? I expected Rena and her favorite camera to be all over that incredible structure out there.”

“We’re running a little behind.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re always running a little behind, Kevin. Out of choice, not necessity. But I expected better of my best girl. Serena, darling, what’s happened to you? You look quite a mess and you aren’t brandishing the whip very well over Kevin, now are you, my girl?”

“Serena was nearly killed today,” Kevin interrupted before she could say anything. “A car jumped the curb and almost hit her.”

“Serena!” Concern replaced humor in Steve’s eyes as he crossed to her. “Are you all right?” he demanded, running his hands over her arms as he checked her visually for any damage.

“I’m fine, really.” She glared at Kevin over their agent’s shoulder. All she needed was Steve in full mother-hen mode. “All the bumps and bruises I have are from Kevin tackling me.”

He shrugged. “I did save your life.”

She snorted. “You busted my favorite camera. Not to mention ruined the absolutely fabulous pictures inside of it.”

“Such is life,
bebe
. At least you still have one.”

“Children, children,” Steve interjected, a fascinated smirk on his face. “However enjoyable I find this, Kevin needs to be changed and ready to go in—” He checked his watch—“five minutes. Which means the two of you need to hustle.”

“I am ready.” Kevin shrugged as they both turned incredulous looks on him. “You know I’m not big on these things, Steve.”

“I know. But you still need to look presentable. At the moment you look a cross between happy construction worker and crazed serial killer.” His eyes narrowed as Kevin snorted. “But not to worry. I brought you a change of clothes.” He tossed Kevin his briefcase.

Kevin eyed Steve’s colorful ensemble with a sneer. “I don’t think so.”

“But I do. And I’m always right.” Steve turned to Serena, winked at her fascinated expression. “I figured you would look fabulous in a nice, hot pink—”

“No way!” Kevin’s roar was outraged.

Steve sighed hugely. “But, alas, I know you. So everything in the bag is black. Now be a good boy and put the clothes on. You have exactly three minutes and if you’re ready in time, I’ll even throw in a couple of Twinkies.” Steve reached in his pocket and pulled out three of the snack cakes.

Kevin glared at him furiously for a moment, his eyes alternating between the Twinkies and Steve’s face. Serena was sure that he’d tell Steve exactly what he could do with the clothes in the most impolite manner possible. She found out, however, how wrong she was when Kevin simply heaved a sigh of disgust and began undressing.

Steve flashed a satisfied grin at Serena, whose mouth had fallen open in shock. Kevin never let anyone tell him what to do, yet he’d barely put up a fight with Steve.

“How did you do that?” she whispered, as Steve crossed to her and began straightening her strap.

“Magic, luv. Pure magic.”

“I guess.”

“And I keep him on a very short leash.”

“I heard that!” Kevin pulled the fine, silk T-shirt over his head and tucked it into the linen trousers Steve had picked out for him. “Can we go now?” he asked in an aggrieved tone.

“As soon as you put on your new shoes we can,” Steve answered.

Kevin eyed the black loafers in disgust. “I don’t do preppy shoes.”

Steve opened a Twinkie. Took a bite. “You do today.”

Serena watched, fascinated, as Kevin snarled at their agent. Right before he put on the shoes.

Kevin pulled off his tie, sinking gratefully onto the relative comfort of the hotel room sofa as he did. He put his feet up, closed his eyes and spent a few minutes just soaking in the quiet. Silence was his favorite sound, he decided, as he studied the paint swirls on the ceiling above his head. Or at least his second favorite. His absolute favorite were the incredible noises Serena made as she came—high, breathless sounds that made him hard just thinking about them.

Serena. His heart beat faster at the thought of her. He’d only known her a couple of weeks, yet the thought of returning to his life without her held no appeal. The privacy and solitude that he craved—that inspired him—seemed empty without her. Self-indulgent. Lonely.

What the hell was he going to do when she left?

And she
was
going to leave. He had seen it in her face when they’d talked this afternoon. He could feel it in the distance that was suddenly between them. He knew that he’d scared her with his talk of permanence, but he hadn’t been able to hold it inside any longer. He didn’t know where they were going, didn’t know where they’d end up. But he knew he wanted to try to build something with Serena. For the first time since Deborah left him, he felt something for a woman. And what he felt for Serena made his feelings for Deb seem like child’s play.