Fun With Rick and Jade (3 page)

“I’m sure she was simply being polite.”

“Me, too,” Bob muttered under his breath. His brother could be counted on for total honesty at Rick’s expense and he was always available for ball-busting, also at his expense.

Rick flicked the bottle cap at his brother, hitting him squarely in the temple.
I’m cute. Adorable, even. On a good day, anyhow.

“Go!” Candy said with a murderous look in her emerald eyes.

Rick took a few steps in the direction Jade had gone. Stopping to protest one last time, he couldn’t get a word out before Candy shoved him and Bob pointed the way Jade had wandered off to. He wiped his brow. Women made him nervous. Beautiful women doubled up on his discomfort level. He’d always been one of those guys who slowly eased a friend into a girlfriend over a long period of time.

The sliding back door was open, so he peeked outside.
There she is
. She rocked gently in the glider on the back patio. Her silky hair blanketed her back, swaying with the motion.

Deep breath.

Not wanting to startle her, he softly said, “It’s beautiful out here this evening. Mind if I join you?”
How lame do I sound?
Like a cheesy sixties movie. But Bob and Candy’s backyard was secluded, quiet, and blooming with flowers that scented the patio in a heady bouquet. Unless the pleasant fragrance came from her. A distinct possibility.

She sniffled. “My favorite spot.”

As he came around to sit across from her in the only available chair, Rick realized that she breastfed an infant. A squalling baby made more sense than the exotic bird theory and also confirmed that he was indeed a dumbass. Unfortunately, he was in the process of sitting, nearly missing the chair altogether. “I’m so sorry. I…I didn’t realize.”

She laughed lightly at him, peering through what looked like red-rimmed eyes, and reached out toward him. “Could you hand me my water?”

“Oh, sure.” He did, his fingers coming too close for comfort to her exposed breast. Trying not to look wasn’t working for him. The harder he ignored her plump breast, the more awkward he knew he looked. Nearly as awkward as he felt. And he was freakishly turned on by what should be a wholesome, natural act of motherhood. “Should I go?”

She shook her head. “Stay. It’s so quiet and peaceful out here.” She seemed lost in her baby’s eyes. “Sometimes too quiet.”

He took that to mean he was one rung above uncomfortable silence. He’d take it. After she sipped a drink, he offered to take her glass and set it back on the nearby table. “Boy or girl?”

Smiling with obvious pride, she replied. “Girl. Coral.”

“Coral and Jade. Nice.”
Why am I here?
“She’s gorgeous.”
Like her mother
. That would be such a lame line.
Don’t go there
.

She’d no doubt heard every line in the book. He resigned to being himself, an act of lunacy if ever there was one. He wondered what had made her cry. Postpartum depression? Her career choice? The reality of her dinner partner? She had so many reasons to be sad.

With care, she propped Coral on her shoulder and patted her back. “Could you hold her?”

No. Are you nuts? I’m not qualified
. “Sure. Happy to.”

She stood, draping a cloth over his shoulder. Her bare chest, still exposed, hovered too close to his face. Her breast was the picture of perfection, full and round and a little red from sucking. He suspected the other was equally flawless. Jade carefully laid the baby against his shoulder. He held her and patted her like he’d seen Jade do. Rick tried to glance away as she adjusted herself in the bodice of her dress. Like magic, she transformed from mother-I’d-like-to-fuck into hot-chick-I’d-like-to-fuck right before his very eyes.

Coral belched and Jade giggled.

He couldn’t help but chuckle, too. “My God. She sounds like Bob on a beer bender.”

“I know, right?” The baby fussed. Jade reached out, taking her back from him and gently swaying Coral in her arms. She leaned in and kissed her forehead. “You should hear her fart.”

He barked out a laugh. Jade joined in, liquid pooling in her eyes either from the laughter, residual tears, or a combination of the two. He wasn’t sure.

He’d misjudged her. He’d mistaken her for one of those self-absorbed hotties Candy usually surrounded herself with. The kind who stood six feet in heels, conveniently able to look over his head and ignore him.
Welcome to last New Year’s Eve party
.

When their hooting subsided, he said, “Can’t wait.”

“Wait for it.” She chuckled. “Shouldn’t be long now. I can practically set my clock by her digestive system.”

“Ah, something else she has in common with Bob.”

She winked at him. “Don’t tell Candy.”

Rick flinched a little, feeling like he’d been sucker-punched. “Please tell me that’s a joke.” Why should he care if Bob had a harem of hookers in his home? For some odd reason he did care. He’d never consider dating a call girl—until now. He wanted to shake some common sense into himself. Instead, he’d relax and see where the night took them. Might be fun to flirt and flee.

“It’s a joke,” she assured him. “I wouldn’t sleep with Bob if he was the last man on the planet.”

“So we do have something in common.” Hey, it was a start. A place to build from.

Jade snorted a laugh at his inappropriate joke instead of scoffing at the idea of them having anything at all in common. To him, her snort sounded like progress.

Candy placed Jade directly across from Bob’s brother, Rick, at the dining table. She’d stayed with Candy and Bob for the past six months and they’d never had him over before. Bob rarely spoke of his brother. Candy never mentioned him. Maybe they’d always been close but Jade had cramped their style. Nothing says “downer” at a dinner party quite like a pregnant call-girl houseguest.
Ex-call girl. Ex-call girl
.

Nothing except a crying baby. Double downer. Jade’s breasts tightened at the sound of her baby wailing from the other room.

“Excuse me.” She wiped her mouth on a napkin and went to fetch Coral. Some said to let a baby cry it out. She couldn’t abide that philosophy. The kid had a knack for keeping her on a strict diet by throwing a fit whenever she sat down to eat. But not even starvation would get her back to her pre-pregnancy measurements.

Returning with her baby, she had to ask, “Will this bother anyone? I can take her in the other room. I’ll eat later.”

“No,” Rick was quick to say. He’d even sort of stood when she’d left the room and again when she returned. Bob hadn’t done likewise, but he looked smug. Smugger than usual. Jade had had some johns with manners in the past. She wasn’t ready to put Rick in the Prince Charming category or anything simply because he could stand erect.

Bob and Candy exchanged some sort of knowing glance.
What are they up to?
Jade had offered to make herself invisible for their dinner party but they’d insisted she stay.
Good God! Don’t let this be some disastrous attempt at a fix up
.

He seemed nice enough. Good-looking. Well dressed. Groomed adequately for a heterosexual male. But come on, seriously.
Look at me. Look at him
. She hardly had her pre-birth appeal. The pickings had been slim already when it came to men, what with her being a call girl and them being jerks. Prostitution was a deal breaker for some guys when it came to relationships. And really, what kind of guy wouldn’t consider prostitution a deal breaker? Not one she’d want to hook up with. Additionally, now she had belching, crying, pooping baggage. She’d resigned herself to being single for the long haul.

All things considered, Bob’s brother suddenly became better-looking. Not that he wasn’t handsome. He wasn’t even trying to look good, or maybe he was, and this was as good as he got in the appearance department. His personal style looked a little too JC Penney catalog to her. Levi’s not faded enough to be cool. A button-down shirt fastened too high to be sexy, which was better than the alternative: too many buttons undone.
Gross
.

Her attention was magically drawn to his blue eyes. And he did have an adorable dimple in his chin, the kind you’d want to dip your tongue in.
Someone needs to get laid
.

Jade attempted her new one-handed eating technique, which was sort of the equivalent of white people eating with chopsticks as far as difficulty level. She didn’t even want to imagine what it was like to watch her from across the table. This was why men paid hookers for sex. They were tired of watching their wives balance a plate in one hand and a baby in the other. Inevitably, one or both ended up wearing food as an accessory. Sometimes real life was too real to be sexy.

“Let me hold her while you eat,” Rick offered, on his feet and halfway around the table already. She gratefully handed Coral off to him.
What’s the worst that could happen?

Candy and Bob connected via a smile across the table again.

“Support her neck.” She demonstrated and he mimicked her. He could follow simple instructions. A plus, but that didn’t make him hero material. “Careful of her head,” she added, although the kid was almost three months old and so far had proven to be pretty resilient under the care of Jade, Candy, and occasionally even Bob.

“Tell Jade about your business,” Bob said.

“Oh, sure.” He touched the pad of his finger to Coral’s hand and she wrapped her fingers around his. “I’m in software development.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Really?” Raised eyebrows simulated genuine interest. She had a slew of facial expressions and one-word responses to feign attention. Men loved to talk about themselves. They’d pay a woman good money to pretend to give a shit. “Wow,” she said as he droned on about virus protection and gigabytes.
Point is I can eat two-handed. Keep talking
. “Interesting.” Jade nodded her head.

He bounced Coral on his lap as he bored them all with his extensive knowledge of all things computer and dork-related. Flash drives and hard drives and zzzzzz….

“Does that make sense?” he finally asked.

“Absolute sense,” Jade said with her mouth full, nearly licking at her fingers. “Fascinating stuff.”

“You weren’t even listening to me.” He dipped his finger in water and let Coral suck on his digit. “It’s all very boring to the average person.”

Not just the average person. Every person
. She glanced back and forth between Silent Bob and Candy, who also weren’t listening. If she had to guess, she’d say they were practicing transcendental meditation, teleporting themselves somewhere more interesting, like a funeral, to partake in something more exciting, like a dirt nap.

Jade sipped at her water. “It’s like a computer condom.”
See, I listen
. Listening was essential in her line of work.
Former line of work
. She’d gotten great stock tips from paying attention to what probably sounded like inane babble to the average person. Too bad the stock market had taken a dive, leaving her broke.

“I never thought of it like that.” He bobbed his head back and forth. “Can I use that?”

“Help yourself.” Wouldn’t be the first time she gave a brilliant idea away for free, although she’d often received a hefty tip. Finished with her meal, she eyeballed Bob and Candy, who were engaged in some sort of language of their very own, consisting of telepathy, as well as eye and hand signals. “Would you two like to be alone?”

“What? Why?” Candy stammered.

“Because we’re obviously the third and fourth wheels on your bicycle built for two,” Rick said.

So he’d noticed, too
.

“Rick, tell her about the guy who wants to invest in your business,” Bob said. Rick pursed his lips and shook his head. “I’ll tell her. This man from the East Coast, sort-of religious, family type took a shine to Rick’s little computer condom idea. And here’s the funny part. Should I tell the story or would you like to?”

Rick shook his head again like neither scenario appealed to him.

“Thinking he’d never actually meet the investor,” Candy continued where Bob left off, “he told him he’s married.”

Jade cringed for him, although she guessed he was cringing plenty himself. The tips of his ears were turning a lovely shade of crimson. She had a dress the same color that really flattered her complexion and figure. One day she hoped to drop another inch around her waist and slink back into it.

“He assumed I was married,” Rick objected. “I never corrected him, and then it became a big, fat lie I couldn’t get out from under.”

“Now the guy is coming to town to meet Rick and the family before he makes a final decision to invest.” Bob barked out a laugh. “Priceless.”

Jade shrugged. “Tell him the little woman is visiting her sick mother. Maybe he’ll throw in some sympathy money.”

“I’ve put him off one too many times,” he said. “Besides, I’m a terrible liar.”

“That is the God’s honest truth,” Bob mumbled.

“You’re a man, aren’t you?” she said drily. That alone qualified him for the position of deceiver. Being related to Bob, the consummate liar—lawyer—also made her doubt his claim. She got up and came around the table to take Coral off his hands. “Tell him the truth. Forgiveness and all that. Ask him what would Jesus do? Maybe he’ll understand.”

He stood to place Coral in her arms. “Not likely.”

“What if you two got married?” Candy blurted out in her take-no-prisoners way.

Jade froze. She glared at Rick.

“I think I should go.” He downed the last swallow of his second beer. “Thanks for dinner, Candy. Jade, it was a pleasure meeting you.” He grabbed her free hand and pumped it a few times. “Bob, walk me out.” There was an unspoken
so I can kill you
at the end of his sentence.

Jade could see the fury in his eyes. For a split second, she’d thought he was in on this lunacy. She sputtered for a moment. “Are you insane, Candy?” Coral burst out crying, causing Jade’s breasts to leak again. “Now see what you did!”

“What I did?” Candy pointed to herself. “I didn’t do it.” She pointed at Jade. “You did it!”