Further Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman (20 page)

Chapter Twenty-Four

T
HE SHOCK OF
Katie’s condition had worn off and a sense of giddy excitement had taken its place by the time I arrived at the restaurant where the rehearsal dinner for Alice and Lamont was being held.

I practically skipped into the room, my purse, containing a lizard, in one hand, and a wrapped box, containing my mother’s necklace, in the other. The guests were all seated, eating their main course.

I scanned the room looking for the bride- and groom-to-be, intent on congratulating the happy couple. I didn’t see them, but I did spot Zeke, who was hurrying toward me, consternation furrowing his usually perfect brow. I smiled at him, eager to share the fantastic news about Katie.

“Don’t!” he shouted, breaking into a run.

I stopped in my tracks, trying to figure out what he didn’t want me to do. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of white, and then I felt the blow.

My head snapped back, my cheek burned, and I stumbled backward. I didn’t even realize that I’d been slapped, until Alice tried to do it again.

My best friend, her face contorted with rage, was screaming at me, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. My ears were ringing because she’d hit me. She hit me! And she was going to do it again.

I stared to raise my hands defensively, but God screamed, “Help!”

I dropped my hands to my side, allowing Alice to slap me across the face again.

Then Lamont was inserting his mountainous self between us.

She was still screaming. “I’m not going to let you ruin my wedding! I’m not! I won’t allow you to wreck my day!”

I stumbled away from the assault and would have fallen, but Zeke caught me around the waist.

“You’re not invited, Maggie,” Alice shouted.

“You don’t mean that, honey,” Lamont soothed. “She’s your best friend.”

“No! She was, but not anymore!”

Straightening, I pulled free of Zeke’s grasp. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Zeke warned on a whisper.

I didn’t listen to him. “I’m sorry, Alice.”

“You’re sorry? You missed the rehearsal, Maggie. My rehearsal.”

“Cattle. Chute,” God groused from inside the bag.

“I can explain.” I stepped toward Alice, intent on earning her forgiveness.

She lunged at me like a wild animal.

Lamont tightened his grip on his soon-to-be-wife. “Maybe this isn’t the time,” he suggested gently.

I hesitated, unsure, suddenly aware that a roomful of people were staring at me, staring at the woman who was ruining Alice’s wedding. My aunts look horrified, Alice’s friends were smirking, and Lamont’s friends and family looked befuddled.

“Get out.” Alice fixed me with a look so cold that I physically shivered. “And don’t you dare show up tomorrow.”

“Hurrah!” God cheered from the bag. “Now you don’t have to wear the ugly dress.”

“C’mon,” Zeke urged from behind me. “Give her some time to cool down.”

“But—” I protested weakly. I begged Alice with my eyes to hear me out, to understand, to forgive me.

The room fell silent, waiting to see if I’d leave with my tail between my legs. I’d never felt more lonely in my life than I did in that room full of people.

Someone cleared their throat. The sound reverberated through the room. Footsteps crossed the room toward us. My eyes didn’t leave Alice’s face to see who it was.

“I, um . . . I . . .” Templeton said softly.

I whipped my gaze over to him.

“I’d actually like to hear Maggie’s explanation,” he said loudly enough for the room to hear.

Murmuring reached my ears as I stared at him, wondering what he was up to.

“Because,” he continued, “Loretta was just telling me a little while ago how worried she was. She said it was unlike Maggie to show up late. She said Maggie had always been there for every step of her weddings, even when Maggie hadn’t approved of the unions. So, I was thinking that she probably has a really good explanation for whatever prevented her from being here.”

I could have hugged the rat. I don’t know why he made that little speech. Maybe it was because he was trying to look like a good guy, or maybe he felt we shared a kinship because of the whole attic thing, but whatever his reason, he threw me a lifeline when I was drowning.

He offered me an encouraging smile. “Tell them, Maggie.”

“The hospital called,” I started.

“Louder,” Zeke prompted from behind me.

“Are you looking that bridezilla in the eye?” Godzilla asked. “Look her in the eye and let it rip!”

I took their advice.

I looked Alice in the eye, stood up straight, and spoke loudly. “The hospital called. Katie had ripped out her IV.”

The room filled with murmurs.

Alice looked away.

“And she’d fallen out of bed.” I shook my head. “Technically, she tried to get out of bed and she fell.”

“Oh no!” I heard Loretta exclaim.

I turned in her direction. “She’s okay. They thought she might have fractured her wrist, but she’s okay.”

I turned my attention back to Alice. Sobbing softly, she’d buried her head in her hands.

Hating that I’d made her cry, I said in a rush, “I’m sorry that I missed the rehearsal. I’m sorry that I’ve been the worst maid of honor ever. But most of all I’m sorry you don’t think I’m your friend.” Turning, I almost crashed into Zeke.

He grabbed my elbows to keep me from toppling over. “Take it easy, Maggie,” he urged on a whisper.

I gritted my teeth, trying hard not to burst into tears, while he and everyone watched.

“Maggie, wait,” Alice said.

I froze, staring into Zeke’s concerned blue gaze.

“Just leave,” God urged.

“I’m sorry,” Alice said. “I should have known . . . You saved my life last night.”

Zeke leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “Don’t hold on to a grudge that’s just going to cause you heartache.”

I stiffened. Hadn’t Patrick accused me of nursing grudges? And hadn’t Alice said that I was holding one against my father? Was I about to do it again? Poison a relationship?

“I’m in a tizzy,” I whispered so that only Zeke could hear.

“I know.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “But now’s the time to show them what the amazing Maggie Lee is made of.” He kissed my cheek, released my arms, and stepped back, leaving me alone to make my decision.

I turned slowly to face Alice. She looked as distraught as I felt.

She took a step toward me, but then faltered as I raised my arm, holding the box out to her.

“Take it.” I stepped closer to her, the box extended.

Her hands shook as she took it.

“Open it.”

She looked at me, unsure.

I nodded. “Open it.”

Fingers trembling, she ripped off the silver wrapping paper, letting it fall to the ground in a pile. She hesitated before lifting the lid. Two big, fat tears dripped on the box.

“Open your friend’s gift, honey,” Lamont urged, reaching around her to support the bottom of the box.

Slowly she did.

Her eyes grew wide when she saw the necklace. “I can’t.”

“Sure you can. It’s something old and something blue.”

“But it’s your mom’s.”

I closed the distance between us and lifted the blue pendant out of the box. “She wanted you to have it.” Lifting it over her head, I attached the clasp. “And I want my best friend to have it.”

I stepped back to admire how it looked.

She threw herself into my arms, sobbing. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Maggie.”

“I’ll forgive you this time,” I joked, blinking back tears. “But you’d better never get married again”—I winked at Lamont—“because I can’t stand this bridezilla shit.”

“Language, Margaret!” Aunt Susan called from across the room.

The whole place erupted in laughter.

Loretta hurried over to us. Slipping her arm through Templeton’s, she suggested, “Why don’t you two go freshen up?”

“Good idea,” Lamont said.

“I’ll tell them to hold off on serving dessert,” Templeton offered.

Alice turned to her soon-to-be-husband. “Your family and friends are going to think I’m crazy.”

Stroking her cheek tenderly he said, “All that’s important is for them to know that I’m crazy about you.”

He kissed her and the room started to cheer.

“The ladies’ room is down the hall and to your left,” Zeke told me. He gave me a slight shove. “Go.”

I hurried out, eager to get away from the curious eyes hanging on my every move, with Alice close on my heels.

“I really am sorry, Maggie.”

I wasn’t looking for another apology. I was trying to figure out what was going on.

When we got to the restroom, I put my purse down on the counter.

“What is that stench?” God asked as I stepped into the maroon and gold room.

I sniffed the air. “Air freshener.”

I squatted down to make sure none of the stalls with ornate wooden doors were occupied. Satisfied we were alone, I turned to face Alice. “Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

Shaking her head, she turned to look at her reflection in the mirror as though she was looking for the same answer.

“You hit me. You physically hit me. The Alice I know would never do that. Not in a million years.”

She hung her head, ashamed, leaning on the marble countertop for support.

“You carry ants outside, yet you just slapped your best friend.” I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly. “What’s going on?”

“Hormones?” she asked weakly.

“Hormones have caused you to completely and totally lose your mind?”

“I dunno. It’s just that everything’s happening so fast.”

“
You
wanted it to happen fast.”

“I know, but . . .” She trailed off.

The only sound was a faucet dripping.

“You could call it off. There’s still time.”

She bit her lower lip.

“Do you want to call it off? Is that what this is all about?”

“I love him.”

“I don’t get it.”

“He’s sweet and kind and smart and—”

“I don’t get why you’re intent on publicly humiliating me. You did it at Foxy’s and now tonight. If you’re having doubts, just come out and say so, but don’t try to blame everything on me.”

“I’m not.”

“You have. From choosing the menu, to picking out your dress, you’ve been on my case at every step. I’m sorry if I can’t give your wedding my full attention, but I do have other things going on in my life.”

“I know.”

Feeling like the conversation was going nowhere, I said, “You should get back to your guests.”

“You think I’m making a mistake,” she accused.

“Are you?”

She sagged against the wall. “I don’t know.” She started to cry again.

I opened my purse. God was lying in there like it was a hammock. He made a show of yawning before handing me a tissue. I passed it to Alice.

“You think I’m stupid,” she sniffled.

“For getting knocked up?”

“She is! She is!” God shouted.

“What’s that noise?” Alice asked, saving me from having to answer the question.

“What noise?” I crossed my fingers behind my back, hoping the lizard would keep quiet.

“She means me, you idiot!” God screamed.

“That squeaking noise. It sounds as though it’s coming from your purse.” She eyed it suspiciously.

“Oh that,” I said slowly. “I brought Katie’s pet to the hospital. I thought she might like to see him.”

“In your purse?” Alice asked.

I shrugged. “I was on the way out the door to the rehearsal when the hospital called. It was a lot easier than carrying the terrarium around.”

“So you really were going to come to the rehearsal?”

I blinked, more than a little offended. “You thought I wasn’t?”

She shrugged.

“I took on Frank for you, but you thought I wouldn’t show for the run-through of your wedding?” A terrible thought occurred to me. “Maybe you don’t want me there. Maybe that’s why you keep creating these scenes, because you don’t want me to show up. If that’s it, just say it. Trust me, I have other things to do tomorrow.”

“She does!” God piped up. “She’s got to kill a man.”

“Maybe you should let the poor thing out,” Alice suggested.

“He’s fine.”

“But maybe he’s not getting enough air,” Alice worried.

“Now that sounds more like the way my friend usually behaves,” I said.

“Maybe there’s hope for me yet?”

“Maybe.” I gave her a quick hug. “Come on, let’s get you back to your party.”

“Promise me you’ll be there tomorrow, Maggie?”

“Don’t do it!” God urged.

“Of course I’ll be there . . . no matter what you choose to do.”

She looked again at her reflection as though expecting the mirror to hold the answers she was looking for. She touched the blue pendant. “I can’t believe you remembered how much I always loved this thing. Are you sure you want me to have it?”

“It’s lapis lazuli, not a fancy diamond. Besides, my mom wanted you to have it. She used to say you were the only one who appreciated it.” The memory brought a warm feeling to my chest. It had been so long since I’d been able to recall anything good about my mother.

I blinked away tears that caught me by surprise.

“Do you miss her?”

Living with someone suffering from a mental illness is like waking up in a strange bed every day. You have no idea where you are or what the day holds. I didn’t miss the chaos that often surrounded her, but I missed the good moments. I missed my mom. I nodded, brushing away the tears.

“I miss mine too.”

We hugged.

Loretta bustled into the restroom, smiled widely when she saw we weren’t pulling one another’s hair out, and said, “You girls can’t spend the rest of the night in here. Get out there.”

Obediently Alice left. I snatched up my purse and went to follow.

Catching my arm, Loretta chided gently. “Put on some lipstick, dear. You look like Death.”

I glanced at my reflection. She wasn’t wrong. My pale face could have used a splash of color. “I didn’t bring any.”

She immediately whipped out a tube of lipstick and brandished it in front of my face. “Take it,” she challenged.