Future Queens of England (29 page)

Hugh sighed, “No.  I mean don't leave me alone in there.”

Tony cracked his knuckles, “Hugh,” he said sternly, “You'd better not be cracking on to me.”

“Of course I'm not,” he quickly explained with exasperation, “I just don't want to be left alone with you know who.”

Tony's eyes darted from left to right as he tried to work out who Hugh meant, “Who?”

Hugh sighed before saying “Bruce!”

“You called!” Bruce said on hearing his name.  He placed his hand on Hugh's shoulder as he squeezed in next to him.  “What are you two whispering about?” he asked.  “I hope you're not hatching some wicked plan to get me drunk and have your way with me.”  Bruce said keenly and gave Hugh's bottom a little pinch.

Hugh gasped and looked helplessly at Tony. 

“No, Bruce,” Tony said dryly, “that wasn't what we were talking about.”

“Oh,” Bruce said with disappointment, “that is a shame.”

The queue moved forward again and Hugh eased his way out of Bruce's grip.

“Right Tony, get in the middle and try to blend in,” Gareth said as they neared the bouncers.

The group shuffled themselves to protect Tony, like cowboy wagons forming a circle to protect themselves from the Red Indians.  They waited in formation as the line moved forward again. 

“We're next,” whispered Gareth.  “Act casual.”

The group in front of them moved forward into the entrance of the club and Tony and the gang took their place at the front of the queue.  The seconds began to feel like an eternity as they stood at the threshold of the club.  Tony's heart was pounding and he began to sweat.  They waited patiently, trying to appear as casual as possible as the bouncers eyed them suspiciously before beckoning them forward.  They stepped forward in unison and moved passed the bouncers into the entrance.

“Hey you!” came a shout from behind them.

They all froze instantly, none of them daring to look around. 

“Hey, I'm talking to you,” one of the bouncers shouted aggressively.

Again, they remained motionless, huddling together.

The bouncer stepped forward and pushed past Giles and Marc before tapping Tony on the shoulder.

Tony turned slowly and looked up a
t
the bouncer.  He was a good six or seven inches taller than Tony and looked like a hell's angel.

“Er, me?” Tony said nervously.

The bouncer grimaced, “Yes.  You.”  He boomed, his voice sounding like thunder.  “What's your name?”

“Tony,” he said stoically as he stared up at the behemoth.

The bouncer ran his hand over his beard and studied Tony carefully.  “Tony eh?,” the bouncer repeated.  “That's a pretty name.”

Tony's eyes widened, “Oh, why don't you just fu...”

Keenan punched Tony in the back and stopped him from finishing the sentence.  Tony winced in pain and glared at Keenan.  Keenan frowned at him and nodded trying to convey a message without words.

Suddenly Tony realised what Keenan meant, he turned back to face the bouncer again.  “Erm, why don't you just find a pen and paper and give me your number?” he said painfully through gritted teeth.

The bouncer smiled, “Of course gorgeous.  Perhaps I can take you for a ride on the back on my bike.  Would you like that?”

Tony winced as he found the strength to respond, “Yes, I would like that oh so very much,” he said slowly as if walking barefoot on glass.

The bouncer took a pen and paper from the kiosk in the entrance and scribbled down his name and number.  He then leant over and slid it gently into Tony's back pocket.  Every muscle in Tony's body screamed, but he closed his eyes and forced his consciousness to retreat to a safe place in his mind.

“Call me!” the bouncer said before turning and walking back to the queue.

Tony whimpered slightly.

“Well done Tony,” Gareth said, “now I think that we'd better get you a stiff drink.” 

Tony nodded gently, h
is
eyes as wide and white as the moon.

Hugh pushed some money across the desk of the kiosk.  “That should cover it,” he said quickly without waiting for any change.  They led Tony gently through the doors and into the club.

“Lucky bastard,” cursed Bruce as he followed them into the club.

They stood at the bar, their faces a mix of excitement, nervousness and numbness.

“I'll buy the first round,” Gareth said reaching into his pocket.  He took out his silver clip and wad of notes.

Hugh watched Gareth carefully as he rested his arm on the bar.  “Gareth, if you don't mind me asking, why do you carry that clip around with you?  Why not use a wallet?”

Gareth smiled warmly for a moment.  “There is only room for one unsightly bulge in my trousers, it's as simple as that,” he said nonchalantly and without any hint of irony as he scanned the room for potential targets.

“Oh,” Hugh muttered as he successfully resisted the urge to look down for proof.

Uwe tapped his foot impatiently, “My god, it never fails to infuriate me with how long you are prepared to wait to be served.”  He leant over the bar angrily and shouted, “Hey guy!  Come here.”

The barman nodded to Uwe that he would be the next person served.  As he was finishing with his current customer another patron walked up to the bar.  The barman took the cash from his customer and then began to serve the newcomer to the bar.

Uwe's face flushed with anger, “I do not believe what I am seeing.  That idiot knew that I was next.”

“Calm down Uwe,” Gareth said, “you'll give yourself a nervous breakdown.”  He patted him on the back and waved his wad of notes at the barman.  The barman again nodded over to acknowledge them. 

Once the barman had finished with his customer he made his way over to the group, but before he had the chance to ask them what they wanted Uwe began to speak.  “Are you the barman here?”

The barman looked confused, “Yes, I am.”

“Good.  I just wanted to establish this fact before we discuss your role,” Uwe asserted, the barman looked even more perplexed but did not speak.  “Here is my understanding of your role.  You have two functions, the first is for you to serve decent drinks and the second is for you to pay attention to the order in which people arrive at the bar and serve them accordingly,” Uwe explained irritably to the barman.  “This evening you have proved that you are incapable of the latter, so now we will give you the opportunity to take our order and I hope that you won't fuck this up too.” 

The barman looked suitably embarrassed and could not make eye contact with Uwe.

Uwe tapped the bar impatiently, “Well?”

The barman coughed and took his cue, “Sorry for the delay, can I take your order please?”

Uwe smiled, “Thank you and yes you may.  I will have a vodka and tonic.  Gareth?”

“I'll have the same,” he nudged Tony.  “What do you want Tony?  A beer?” 

“Huh?” Tony mumbled incoherently still trying to recover from his experience.

“He'll have an absinthe,” Uwe said to the barman whilst pointing at Tony.

The rest of the group placed their orders and the barman duly prepared the drinks under Uwe's watchful eye.  He brought the drinks over one by one and placed them in front of Uwe for inspection.  When he had completed this Uwe nodded satisfactorily.

“Well done.  That was not so hard now was it?”  Uwe patronised, “Gareth, please pay the man.”

Gareth paid the bill and placed his money clip back into his pocket before making his way with the other across to a quiet corner.

“So, what's the game plan tonight?” Giles asked keenly.

“Well I don't know about you guys, but I'm on the hunt for one eyed willy,” Bruce announced as he winked at Hugh.

Hugh quickly diverted his eyes and pretended to study the fire exit sign above the door.

“Anyway,” Keenan said trying to change the subject, “I thought that you were a hard man Tony...what happened to you back there with the bouncer?  You looked scared shitless.”

The others craned in to listen to Tony's response.

Tony gulped then tried to look as relaxed as possible.  “I'll tell you what happened,” he said angrily.  “I'm not used to brick shit houses wanting to shag me up the arse.  If he had wanted a fight I could have dealt with that no problem, but in this case the stakes were too high.”

“The stakes were too high?  What do you mean b
y
this exactly?” Uwe said wading into the discussion.

“What if he'd got a lucky punch in and knocked me out.  I mean, what do you think he'd have done to my unconscious body?” Tony asked with a real look of concern in his eyes.

Keenan snorted, “I suppose you think he would have bummed you right there in front of everyone eh?  Did he look like a rapist and an exhibitionist to you then?”

“Look, I don't know what he looked like.  I just thought that it was a possibility that's all,” Tony explained.  “Listen I just wanted to get in here to meet all these birds that you are on about, if I had kicked off I would not have got in would I?”

“I believe you Tony,” Giles said.

Tony stared at Giles to see if he was being sarcastic, but the permanently vacant expression on his face made it impossible to tell.  “Also the police would have been called and no doubt I'd have been kicked out of the school and sent to prison to complete my sentence,” Tony said adding further justification.

“Ah, so you like the school now then?” Bruce chipped in.

Tony bristled, “What is this?  The Spanish inquisition?”  He glared at them all as a warning that they'd had their fun at his expense and enough was enough.  “I didn't say I liked it,” he growled defensively, “but what is there to complain about...apart from the obvious.  I mean all I have to do is go to a few lessons, play hockey, I can go out in the evenings and then there is you know...” he trailed off, worried that he was revealing too much.

The group grinned and leant in further, it was feeding time and they could almost taste the gossip.

“What?  I don't know what you mean.  Go on Tony,” Bruce urged from across the table.

Tony realised that he had let his guard down too much, but felt compelled to go on.  “Not what, who.  I think I'd miss Louise if I was shipped off somewhere else.”

“My god!” exclaimed Uwe, “Tony actually has feelings.”

“You're a fine one to talk Uwe,” Tony shouted pointing his finger aggressively into Uwe's face.

“Hey, Tony, Uwe, we're here to have a good time.  Don't antagonise each other,” Gareth said quickly in an attempt to calm the situation.  “Why don't you ask her out if you like her so much,” Gareth calmly said to Tony.

“Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey,” Tony replied as if that was an adequate response.  He picked up his absinthe and took a sip.

“But what are you waiting for really?  What if someone else picks her up whilst you are dithering?” Hugh piped up.

Tony scoffed at this, “Like who?  I mean who would be interested in her at the school other than me.”

Bruce nodded sagely, “He's got a point there hasn't he?”

“Okay that I accept, but don't wait too long Tony.  She won't wait around forever for you to get your act together,” Hugh said with a sigh as if his mind were elsewhere.

“Alright, alright.  I don't need advice on picking up women from you Hugh,” Tony said as he downed the last of his drink.  “Right, drink up and I'll get the next round.”  The group did as they were told as Tony got up and made his way to the bar.

“If you have any trouble getting served just let me know Tony and I'll come up with you,” Uwe said genuinely as Tony walked away.

Tony looked at the crowded bar and back at Uwe, “Come on then, make yourself useful.  You can help me carry the drinks too.”  Uwe stood up and walked with Tony across to the bar.

“I'll be back in a bit,” Marc said as he got up from his chair too. 

“Where are you going?” Keenan asked.