Gabriel (19 page)

His words were cold, uncaring, and they cut through me. I trembled and wrapped my arms around myself, listening to the pure revulsion spill from his lips with such arrogance.

He added, “You're damaged, beyond repair. Inside and out.”

“You don't mean that.” The words poured from me in disbelief.

“You may have been beautiful once, but not anymore.”

I felt for the elongated scar across my back. It was hideous, but it always had been; that hadn't changed. “I, I don't believe you. You were ready to meet your end to keep me from harm. You asked to
die on my lips
, Jonah.”

He silenced me, placing his index finger firmly over my mouth. “That was then. Things change. You changed.”

I shook my head, refusing to accept it.

Then he placed his palms over my cheeks, looping his fingers through my hair, and kissed me. His touch was gentle at first, barely even there, as he grazed my top lip. But then, as he squeezed my skin against his own, it became harder, and it felt cruel.

He parted from me, his eyes tightly closed, caught in his own darkness. Perhaps if he couldn't see me, I didn't exist to him anymore. He shook his head before he opened his eyes. I stood frozen, anticipating what he was about to say.

“You used to taste like apples, you know. Sort of sweet and sour mingled together. You were delicious. You felt impossible on my lips.”

“And now?”

I watched a large lump forming in his throat as he swallowed. “You
taste
like … you
feel
like death.”

Truths—real truths, like that—were nearly unbearable to hear. But he was right, of course.

I was marred, muddied, maimed.

His brutal words knocked the wind out of me. I let the tears spill silently from my eyes.

Before he left the room he said somberly, “Gabriel will protect you, Lailah. You should go with him. And when you go, I will forget you, the way you have me.”

 

SIXTEEN

I
WAS STILL LOST
in thought when Brooke came into her room.

“It's okay,” she said. “What happened?”

My throat was so parched that my voice cracked. “Jonah.”

She looped her arms around my back and let me cry. I wept for both Gabriel and Jonah, and oddly, for the same reason. Neither of them seemed to recognize the girl they had once cared for. Instead, they now saw a stranger before them. And I cried for myself. Just when I needed to become strong, I felt so weak.

“That's enough now,” Brooke demanded, parting from me.

“He hates me. They both hate me,” I whispered.

“I don't,” she said. “Jonah's still here because of you. That was the bravest thing—the worst thing—I have ever seen. You didn't even cry out, when he—” She stopped. “Thank you, Lailah.”

Brooke's sincerity was unexpected but welcome. I nodded, accepting her gratitude.

“I came to borrow some jeans,” I said. “What was he even doing in your room?”

Brooke made her way over to the wardrobe and began pulling out various piles of clothing.

“I snuck out. He was probably waiting for me to get back. I've been sneaking out a lot lately; it was easier when you were unconscious. As usual it was all about you where Gabriel and Ruadhan were concerned. And Jonah. Well, mentally he seems to have checked out.”

Brooke placed a pile of clothes on the bed and riffled through it. She handed me a pair of black skinny jeans and a plain, black top.

“Ruadhan said you'd need to feed when you were awake. I'm betting you're hungry, and trust me, your first attempt is going to be messy.” She paused before continuing. “Better if you blend into the night. No distinguishing features should anyone happen to see you.”

I didn't want to even consider what she was implying. I pulled the jeans over my hips and lifted the top over my head. She helped me pull it down; it was a little tight and the material made the lacerations that were not quite done healing itch and sting.

She fluffed my hair and wrinkled her nose with discontent. “I'll fix your hair for you tomorrow.”

Ignoring her, I asked, “Where've you been sneaking off to, Brooke?” I squeezed a pair of boots over my calves.

“Don't get mad, okay? But I've been hanging out with Fergal and the others.”

“What?”

Brooke shrugged her shoulders at me, an innocent expression plastered over her face. “Only have yourself to blame.… After what you did for Jonah, I wanted to repay you somehow, and so I thought, if I got to know them, you know, they might tell me where your mother is.” She smiled sheepishly.

“You really are all kinds of crazy. You're a Vampire; they could have killed you.” My voice cracked and my stomach lurched.

I didn't have the energy for this.

“They think I'm you, remember? How do you think you got back here, after Phelan launched a silver net over your ass, huh? I told them I was the girl they had been searching for, and that while you were, well, a demon of sorts, you'd helped me.” Brooke began refolding the leftover clothing.

“And they bought that, did they?”

“Not at first. But they removed the net, and then I put on a bit of a show. You know, a bit of running and jumping and all that, make them see that I was … special. That's what they were expecting, so that's what I gave them. Luckily for you, they believed me.” She tottered to the wardrobe, depositing the disused tops in a heap. “Fergal let you go if I promised to return. I wasn't planning to, but after what you did for Jonah—for me—I thought I might be able to get your answer.”

“And did you?”

“Not yet, but I will.”

Disappointment squashed the tiniest bit of hope that had been rising inside me. “No, you're not going back. It's too dangerous.”

“They're all right, Lailah. Really. I think they're all on the level, and besides, don't you want—”

“Not if it means risking you,” I protested, and I meant it. I would find a way to get the information on my own. “You didn't tell Gabriel … about my mother, I mean.”

“No. I figured there was a reason you hadn't already informed him.”

I was slightly surprised that Brooke had given any thought at all to the situation, let alone about what I may or may not have wanted shared.

“Besides, as I said, it was all about you. Nobody seemed to care about anything I had to say,” she said.

That was more like it. There was no thought; she had chosen to exercise her childlike petulance, rather than her emotional intelligence.

“And BTW, I didn't know you cared about me so much,” she said sarcastically, marrying her hands at her chest.

“Well, I do. Besides, Gabriel and I are only staying here a little while longer. When we leave, you and I will say good-bye, and I'd rather you were in one piece for Jonah. I don't want to give him any more reasons to hate me.”

Just then there was a knock on the door and Ruadhan stepped through. “Are you decent, love?”

I nodded, and he gestured for me to meet him.

“Good luck! You're gonna need it, newbs,” Brooke shouted after me.

We walked down the darkened hallway and stairs; nighttime had fallen, and I was grateful that it might provide us with some cover. Terrible things went on in the dark because they went unseen. Perhaps after, I could just pretend it hadn't happened. Perhaps I could convince myself that my actions were all just part of an elaborate nightmare and that I wasn't one of the horrors hidden under this night's black cloak.

I was turning the steel handle of the front door when Gabriel appeared, taking my hand and pulling me into him.

“I'm so sorry,” he muttered, and my whole being filled with his light.

He placed his forehead to mine, breathing in and out steadily, but his heart was thudding fast. “Lailah, don't block me. Okay? I need to know you're not in trouble, and you won't be able to call to me if you build your wall.”

Gabriel wasn't coming with us.

My heart fell, as I realized quickly that Gabriel did not want to see what came next. It would never be something he could truly be comfortable with. I knew then that, if I fed on blood, I was taking yet another leap away from the person Gabriel was already struggling to recognize.

“I promise,” I said.

*   *   *

R
UADHAN AND I WALKED
away from the house, and glancing back, I wasn't surprised that the property we were now staying in was yet another ridiculously large estate, positioned at the front of its many acres of land. Ruadhan suggested we run to the village of Henley, but I didn't have it in me. It was as if Jonah had taken most of my energy when he drank from me. I was left tired and empty.

“Come on, love.” Ruadhan swung me onto his back, and we sped through the tree line. Within minutes, we were outside the back of a restaurant, hidden by the thick, bare trees of its garden.

“Thank you,” I said, hopping down to the ground. “Are we waiting for a dark soul?” I asked quietly.

“Yes, love. You need to be energized by the sun to keep your Angelic powers strong, but you also need the dark matter transferred through the blood of a dark soul to keep your Vampire abilities working properly.”

Ruadhan had confirmed what I'd already come to suspect. His answer to my next question would likely do the same. “Gabriel really isn't comfortable with this, is he?”

“No, love. But he understands that, above everything else, you need to be able to protect yourself. Now more than ever. It's for the greater good.”

There were those words again—always for the greater good. Orifiel thought as much, sacrificing mortals to keep Styclar-Plena and its inhabitants alive. Gabriel was prepared to let Jonah die to keep me safe because he thought I was worth more. And now Ruadhan was quite willing to allow me to feed, under some delusion that, in the end, the many I might free would outweigh the few people I might kill.

“Ruadhan, I can't—”

“Shhhhh!”

A drunken girl stumbled out of the back door, flinging her clutch onto a circular table. She rummaged inside it, producing a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. Her high heels bent beneath her unbalanced weight as she plonked herself down on a bench.

Ruadhan was concentrating on her movements. Finally, he looked at me and shook his head. She wasn't the one.

“How can you tell?”

Before he could answer, a young guy dressed in jeans, sweater, and a scarf slammed the back door and grabbed for the girl.

“Get up! We're leaving.” He tried to hustle her away, but she refused.

“No! You leave.”

The two entered into a heated argument. Eventually, the girl allowed the guy to drag her to the door and he pushed her through it, slapping her bottom as he did. She let out an angry yelp as she fell back inside.

Without warning, Ruadhan seized the guy, placed a hand over his mouth, and hauled him through the patio and into the gardens.

The girl swore over her shoulder, unsure of where her gentleman friend was, but I listened closely to her footsteps—she took the opportunity to leave the restaurant.

I drew my attention back to Ruadhan, who was holding the guy captive in his arms. Ruadhan was making hushing sounds, locking his eyes with his prey, and the guy stopped struggling.

“Love, are you ready?” he asked, rolling up the guy's sleeve.

I edged forward, contemplating what I knew I had to do.

“Take his wrist; it will be easier for you.”

Ruadhan held the guy's arm up for me, and reluctantly, I took it.

“It's okay. He's a dark soul, I promise,” Ruadhan said reassuringly.

I was so empty inside, in dire need to fill the void. But, as I looked at the young man's face, it wasn't his I saw. It was Gabriel's.

If I did this—if I ever did this—I feared it might be the beginning of the end for us.

Ruadhan's eyes narrowed as I shook my head and turned away.

The next thing I knew was the smell—only the smell. My fangs burst through my gums, and I moaned as the scent of fresh, warm blood met me. I spun around. Ruadhan had torn the guy's skin and was once again offering me his wrist.

A smoky haze was surrounding me—all the color draining from my vision. All but one: the color of blood.

“Take it.” Ruadhan tore another strip of skin from his hapless victim.

Although the scent made my mouth water, it was in no way as enticing as Jonah's.

And as the thought of Jonah entered my mind, the thought of Gabriel quickly superseded it.

No.

My fangs receded into my gums and I bobbed backward, shielding myself from the sight in front of me.

“Lailah?” Ruadhan called.

“I can't. I'm sorry. I won't. Please, let him leave,” I begged through gritted teeth.

“Love, you must, if you are to stand any chance—”

“I said no.”

*   *   *

R
UADHAN INFLUENCED THE GUY
once again before letting him leave; he wouldn't remember anything. Unwilling to part from my side, Ruadhan had taken me into the restaurant and bought a large bottle of vodka from the bar. The server wrapped it up in a paper bag for us before we left.

Once we were back outside, Ruadhan unscrewed the lid and offered it to me. Standing outside the restaurant, I shook my head and wandered over to the side of the Thames. The small rippling waves were only scarcely illuminated by the tall streetlamps.

Ruadhan joined me, once again holding out the bottle. “Drink some.… It takes the edge off.”

My throat was beyond feeling dry; there was now a severe scratching sensation, which made it painful for me to speak or swallow.

I reached for the paper bag and took a long, hard swig from the bottle. Ruadhan was right; for the few moments it trickled past my tonsils, I didn't hurt as badly.