Geezer Paradise (19 page)

             
That evening Mary called to see if we were alright.  "Yes, we're alright," Willey said.  "No, the tree house was destroyed.  We're out of town now, staying with some friends . . .  No, it's better if you don't know where we are.  The less you know, the safer you'll be.  What? . . ."                Then Willey said, "Barney, the park wants us to pay our rent."  I had forgotten about that.  We told her we'd mail money orders to her, and asked her to hand them into the office.  We told her we didn't want to mail them to the office, because the letter would have a post mark on it that would show where we mailed it from.  Mary already had a new phone.  Willey repeated her new number to me and I copied it down.  We assured Mary we were alright, and asked her to keep us informed about the park and what was happening.  Then we said our goodbyes. 

             
Later that night someone came to pick Eduardo up and drive him to the airport.  "I have to leave for a week," he said.  "You'll be safe here.  Don't worry."

             
Eduardo kissed his grandmother goodbye, and then he was gone. 

             
That night I slept better than I had in days.  In a real bed.  In Sofie's house.

****

             
Eduardo left his grandmother's house with a lot on his mind.  He wished he could spend more time with Barney and Willey, to give them training about working undercover.  But he had to go to Quantico for a briefing on terrorism.  There was a fake charity operating in Texas under an innocuous name.  It was funneling money to terrorists in the Middle East.  Eduardo was going to be part of a team of agents that were assigned the job of gathering enough evidence to prosecute them.

             
Anyway, there was nothing else he could do except to hire Barney and Willey.  There weren't any available agents to do the job, what with the hiring freeze.  Too bad they don't get rid of the deadwood and replace them with new agents, he thought.  Yeah, like that was going to happen with all the politics going on.  But he still worried.  Especially since Barney and Willey were dumb enough to try a break-in into Flaherty's offices.  Or did they actually break-in.  He couldn't believe his eyes when he read the report.  All in all, Eduardo thought the monkey was the smartest of the three of them. 

             
But he knew his grandmother could handle anything that might come up.  She was his rock.  He relaxed a little as he and the driver drove through the last of the hurricane--just a lot of heavy downpour and flooded streets.  He hoped Tampa airport would be operating again within a couple of hours.  He hated waiting around in airports.

****

              The next morning Willey and I were sitting on Sofie's back deck admiring the view.  Oscar was in the kitchen following Sofie around.  Sofie seemed to have adopted him.  After an hour we got bored watching the boats go by, and went back into the house.  When we walked in Sofie was on her hands and knees in the bathroom.  She was taking out everything that was under the sink. 

             
"Is there something wrong, Sofie?" I asked.

             
"Oh, it's just that the faucet is leaking and getting everything under the sink wet.  I'll have to call a plumber." 

             
I looked at the faucets.  There was a puddle of water behind them.  The 'O' rings were worn out and had to be replaced.  I don't know much about plumbing but this was not a job that required a plumber. 

             
"Willey and I can fix it for you, Sofie.  It's just a small job.  No need to call a plumber."

             
"Do you think you can do it?" Sofie asked.

             
"Sure we can.  Right Willey?"

             
"Sure," Willey said.  "The 'O' rings wear out all the time.  We'll have it fixed in no time."

             
I helped Sofie to her feet.  "All we'll need is a Phillips screw driver and a good sized pair of pliers." 

             
"Thank you," Sofie said.  "I'll get the tools, and while you're doing that I'll bake a blueberry pie."  Willey got under the sink and turned the water shut-offs.  He can bend easier than I can.  When Sofie came back with the tools she took Oscar by the hand.  "Come on Oscar, you can help me bake the pie.  Oscar went willingly.  He knew that wherever Sofie was, delicious food was never far away. 

             
I went to work on the cold water faucet.  I removed the top screw and the handle, then I took the pliers and loosened the stem.  Water shot up like a broken fire hydrant.  I grabbed a towel and jammed it down on the gusher of water, but the pressure was too strong.  "Shut it off," I said softly.  I didn't want to upset Sofie and have her think we were a couple of boobs.  Willey was under the sink working furiously.  The water fountain stooped as quickly as it had started. 

             
Willey stood up.  "I must have turned it the wrong way," he said.

             
I grabbed a couple of towels and tossed one to Willey.  "Help me soak up the water."  We dried the place pretty well, then we rung out and hung the wet towels over the shower rod to dry.  I took a look at the stem I had taken out.  I had to squint without my glasses, but the 'O' ring looked pretty beat up.  "I think this is the problem," I said.  Just let me get a dry shirt on and we'll go get a couple of rings." 

             
I took a dry shirt out of the drawer full of clothes Sofie had found for us.  Willey and I would have to buy some clothes of our own soon.  We told Sofie we had to pick up some parts at a hardware store, and we'd be back in twenty minutes.  Sofie gave us the name of a small hardware store and directions.  We knew it would take us forever to find what we needed in one of those big box stores and then have to stand in a long line at the registers. 

             
Willey and I got into my Wrangler, and on the way I couldn't resist asking Willey,

             
"How the hell could you have turned the water shut-off the wrong way?"

             
"I just did," Willey said.  "Not everybody is perfect like you."

             
"Don't you know that clockwise closes a faucet and counter clockwise opens it?"

             
Willey gave me a dumb look.  "Clockwise?" he asked.

             
"Never mind."  I never know if he's pulling my leg.

             
We pulled up to the curb in front of Tarpon Springs Hardware.  The store looked like it had been there for a long time.  It was just what we needed.  There would probably be a knowledgeable clerk who would help us find what we needed.

             
We got out of the Wrangler and I said, "Wait a minute, is my camera still here?"  I reached down under the driver's seat and pulled the camera out.  "Good, I was afraid they might have found it."  I tucked it back under the seat.  We fed the parking meter and went inside.  The inside of the store was packed to the ceiling with hardware. It was bigger inside than it looked from the outside, kind of long and narrow.  We looked around for someone to help us.  We walked down the length of the store looking for a clerk--no one around.  Then Willey stopped so suddenly I bumped into him.  Willey pointed down the aisle to our left.

             
"What?" I asked.  Then I saw it.  A cadaver was propped up in a chair.  "Is he dead?" I asked. 

             
"Sure looks like it."  We stepped a little closer so we could get a better look.  The dead guy must have been at least ninety, maybe older.  It happens sometimes when you're that old.  You sit down in a chair and you never get up again. 

             
The eyes were closed and sunken deep into their sockets.  The prominent nose emphasized the shrunken, toothless mouth.  The skin looked waxy--a bloodless white.  I watched the chest to see if there was any sign of movement, there was no indication that he was breathing. 

             
"Hello," I yelled, nothing.

             
"How long do you suppose he's been dead?" Willey asked.

             
"From the looks of the skin I'd say about twenty-four hours.  You'd think someone would have seen him and called the police or an ambulance.  Nobody wants to get involved these days."

             
"I guess it's up to us," Willey said, and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.  As he did, he accidentally knocked over a stack of metal paint buckets. 

They crashed to the floor--and the cadaver's eyes popped open. 

              "What kin I do for you gentlemen?" the dead man asked.

             
After my heart rate slowed a little I held out the "O" ring.  "We need two of these," I said.  The newly alive man turned his chair to face a metal cabinet on his right.  He started pulling out small, plastic drawers until he found what we needed.  He handed me two of them. 

             
"There ya go.  That'll be two -twenty."

             
I handed him two dollars and two dimes.  "Thanks," I said, and we started toward the front of the store.  I said to Willey, "Two dollars and twenty cents is a little high for two skinny little rubber rings, but the horror show was worth the price of admission."

             
Willey said, "Remind me never to come here again.  I don't think my heart could stand it."

             
When we got back to Sofie's she had the pie out of the oven and cooling on the window sill.  I didn't think people did that anymore, putting a hot pie on the sill of an open window to cool it.  But then, Sofie was from our era.  The pie smelled delicious. 

             
"We'll just be a minute," I said, as we walked toward the bathroom.  We quickly put the new rings on the two stems and tightened them down.  Willey opened the shut-off under the sink, and the water flowed through the faucet.  No puddle formed behind the faucet.  The "O" rings were working.  I turned off the hot water, and then I turned off the cold water, only it didn't shut off.  No matter which way I turned the handle the water wouldn't shut off. 

             
Sofie walked in to see how we were doing.  She looked behind the running faucet--the puddle was gone.  It had stopped leaking.  "You guys are terrific," she said.  Then she tried to shut the water off.  She moved the handle back and forth.                "Why won't it shut off?" she asked. 

             
"It just needs a minor adjustment," Willey said.  Then he reached under the sink and turned the water off.  I loosened the stem and took it out.  Willey and I both looked at it wondering what went wrong.

             
Sofie looked at it and asked, "Have you tried turning it around?"  We both gave her dumb looks.  Sofie said, "See these small ridges on either side, they slide into the grooves.  "Try turning them around and putting them in the opposite direction.  That might make a difference."  Sofie turned the stem half-way around and inserted it.  I picked up the pliers and tightened it down.  I put the handle on it and Willey opened the shut-off below.  The water started running again.  Sofie reached over and shut it off.  Willey and I stood there with our mouths open. 

             
"Wash your hands and come have some pie, Sofie said.  Do you like it with vanilla ice cream on top?"

             
"Yes," we both said.  As we were washing up Willey said, "Well I sure feel

like a dope."

              "Just be quiet," I said.  "She thinks we fixed it."

             
"Being shown up by a girl, how embarrassing."

             
"Shut up and let's go get some pie."

             
That evening Willey and I were watching television when Willey's phone rang.  "Hello," Willey said.  "Oh Hi, Chester, how did you get my number?  Yeah, tell Mary I said hello.  What's up?  Yeah, yeah . . . what's wrong?   Hold on."  Willey covered the phone with his hand.  "It's Chester Morgan, you know Chester and his Mother Mildred.  He says he needs my help right away--a matter of life and death.  He doesn't want to say why over the phone.  He wants me to come right away.  Can you come with me?"

             
Chester was Willey's friend.  I didn't really know him but I would help if it was something serious.  The only thing that bothered me was going back into the park. 

             
"It's still daylight," I said.  We can't chance going into the park until after dark."

             
Willey got back on the phone.  "Chester, me and Barney McGee will come by after dark, around nine o'clock.  Would that be alright?  Okay, I'll call you as soon as we come over the fence.  Yeah, we're staying with friends.  I guess Mary told you what's been going on.  We think it's too dangerous to come back yet . . . Okay. We'll see you about nine.  Goodbye." Willey closed the phone.

             
I said, "I wonder what kind of trouble he got himself into that's a matter of life or death." 

             
"Don't know," Willey said.  "But he sounded desperate.  We'll find out when we get there."  We watched a National Geographic special until it started to get dark, then we told Sofie we had to go help a friend. 

             
"I hope you're not going back into that park," she said.  "Eduardo told me how dangerous that would be." 

             
"No," I lied.  "We're going to meet him at a McDonald's."

             
"Well, be careful.  And why don't you take Oscar along with you?  He needs to get out of the house once in a while."

             
"Sounds like a good idea," I said.  Willey took Oscar's hand and we all trooped out the door to help Chester with his problem--whatever it was.

             
It was dark as we drove down 19A into Citrus bay and parked near the remains of the tree house.  It gave me a shiver just thinking about how that tree house exploded when it hit the ground.  We could see pieces of it scattered around in the brush.  We pulled into the brush and parked the Wrangler.  We searched around until we found a couple of plastic crates in the remains of the tree house.  We dropped one on our side of the fence, and one on the park side.  We picked Oscar up and put him on the park side.  Then Willey and I climbed over.  I took Oscar's hand and we started walking behind the houses.  We stayed in the shadows until we reached the middle of the park, where Chester and Mildred live.  Willey called Chester on his phone and told him we were inside the park.  Chester was waiting for us, nervously pacing back and forth.  Chester is kind of small and wiry, with big sad eyes like a bloodhound.  It's hard to say "no" to him. 

             
"Thanks for coming, Willey, and you too, Barney.  We shook hands.  Chester asked, "Why the monkey?" 

             
"That's Oscar," Willey said.  "He's sort of a family pet."

             
"Hi, Oscar," Chester said.  Oscar gave him his monkey smile. 

             
"Come inside."  We followed Chester into his kitchen. 

             
"What's wrong?" Willey asked.  "You sounded desperate on the phone."

             
"It's Mildred," Chester said.  "She's dead."

             
"Your mother?" Willey asked.  Chester nodded. 

             
Willey and I both said we were sorry. 

             
"Thank you," Chester said.  "But her death brings another problem--they'll stop her social security check as soon as they find out she died.  I can't survive on just my check.  Without her check I won't be able to pay the park's monthly rent and be able to eat, too.  I can't let them find out she's gone."

             
Something strange was going on.  I could feel it. 

             
"Chester, where is Mildred now?" I asked.  Chester turned and pointed to the floor behind him.  There, lay a black plastic cargo carrier, the kind you strap to your car roof when you go on a trip.  I always thought they looked like small coffins.  Mildred was a tiny woman, she probably could fit into a cargo carrier.   Oscar was sniffing around the tiny coffin until he got a good whiff, then he jumped back.  Animals can smell death long before we humans can.  Yes, Mildred was in there.

             
"Chester, you can't hide the fact that she's gone," I said.  "They're bound to find out.  And Mildred would have to sign those checks in order to cash them, anyway." 

             
"I can forge her signature," Chester said.  "I've done it before.  They'll never know.  I've already told her friends she's gone up north to live with my sister.  She's done that before.  I was getting a creepy feeling about all this.  If I remembered right, Mildred was a bit of a crank.  She was always complaining about one thing or another.  Could Chester have finally snapped, listening to his mother's griping, and whacked her over the head with a cast iron frying pan?   Was that the real reason he wanted to hide her death?  Would the coroner reveal that Mildred was murdered?  And if we helped him, would we be accessories to murder? 

             
"But what about the burial?" Willey asked.  "She'll have to be buried and it'll be in the newspaper."  Here it comes, I thought.

             
"That's why I need your help," Chester said.  "I can't bury her alone."

             
Bury her alone!  Was he going to bury his mother in the back yard?

             
"I can't carry her outside by myself," he said.  "And when I try to drag her outside, the latches on the box snap open and I'm afraid she'll fall out.  Will you help me?"

             
You're going to bury her yourself?" Willey asked.  "Where are you going to bury her?"