Get Me Out of Here (41 page)

After reading Rachel's story, you may want to learn more about borderline personality disorder (BPD). But before you browse through your local bookstore or plug “borderline personality disorder” into your favorite Web search engine, read the following section. It will help you find information that addresses your particular needs and specific situation.

The American Psychiatric Association formalized the definition of BPD in 1980, when the phrase was placed in its profession's guiding book: the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
. Yet more than two decades later, most people have neither heard of it nor read about it. And among the clinical community, it's still controversial, stigmatized, and poorly understood. Until recently, even public and private organizations that address mental health issues have largely ignored BPD.

Fortunately, BPD has become much more visible in the past few years, as advocates, researchers, people with BPD, and family members have moved forward and developed their own online resources, self-help books, and educational opportunities. The resources listed in this section are a good starting point for those wanting to learn more.

One important caveat: While some of these resources fall into the category of “general information,” many of them focus on either people with BPD or their family members—many of whom feel emotionally abused by traits such as rage, criticism, and blame. So at the outset, people who think they may have BPD traits are advised to stick with information directed specifically for them. Family member resources can come off as very stigmatizing and negative. While the negative effects of BPD behavior—especially on children—are very real, the information can be too much to handle for someone with BPD.

It's crucial for people with BPD and those who love them to keep in mind that the behavior of people with BPD varies enormously. If one source doesn't seem to describe your situation, try another.

www.borderlinepersonality.ca

This site “looks to provide an insightful understanding about Borderline Personality Disorder (from the inside out) and the accompanying behaviour and difficult challenges for both the person diagnosed with BPD and those around him/her.” It contains a section of frequently asked questions, an article archive, links, book reviews, and a message board. This site provides information for people with BPD and their family members.

www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com

This is the Web site of the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEABPD), an organization devoted to providing scientific and clinical information about BPD.

www.bpd411.org

This site was set up “to provide a safe environment for the education, healing and recovery of persons who are in a relationship with someone who exhibits traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).” The information it contains is largely based on the book
Stop Walking on Eggshells
(see the “Books and Workbooks” section). It includes a resource page with articles about “getting started,” safety, understanding BPD, parenting issues, healing and recovery, and other topics. It also includes information about an e-mail support group.

www.bpdcentral.com

This site is maintained by Randi Kreger, one of the authors of
Stop Walking on Eggshells
(see the “Books and Workbooks” section). BPD Central is one of the oldest, largest, and most popular sites about BPD on the Web. Directed primarily to family members, BPD Central offers a variety of specific educational materials you won't find in bookstores, including information for

• parents of someone with BPD
  (Hope for Parents)
  
• partners of those with BPD seeking to understand romantic relationships
  (Love and Loathing)
  
• partners divorcing someone with BPD
  (Splitting
  and a three-CD set about custody)
  

The site also contains an online media kit, a large message board for family members, information on more than a dozen specialized e-mail support groups for family members, a place to subscribe to a free online newsletter about BPD, and much more.

www.bpdrecovery.com

This site focuses on recovering from BPD. It is dedicated to being “a safe arena for those with mental illnesses and disorders (specifically BPD) to share concerns, voice opinions, seek like-minded individuals, work toward recovery, discuss medications and therapy approaches, explore the impact of [
sic
] their illness(es) have had on their life and the lives of their loved ones.” The site contains information, a discussion board, an e-mail support group, and a section for personal stories.

www.bpdresources.com

This is the site of Helen's World of BPD Resources, a “do-it-yourself compilation of thousands of annotated Internet links, focusing on sites that contain significant amounts of information.” It contains a good page entitled “Helen's Quick Top 40,” an excellent section of links to information regarding frequently asked questions about BPD. It also contains sections on support and community, relationships, treatment, studies, research, books, and miscellaneous issues.

www.laurapaxton.com

This is the site of Laura Paxton, author of
Borderline and Beyond
and
Beyond Suffering
. It contains some overview information about BPD, links to books, and other Web links. This site offers a creative, effective, and innovative approach to the treatment of BPD. It also offers a message board, a chat room, a research room (on diagnosis- and treatment-related topics), discussion groups, and much more.

www.mhsanctuary.com/borderline

This site is dedicated to helping “stop the pain for those that suffer so incredibly due to mental health disorders.” It contains a large collection of BPD-related information, which includes an “Ask the Therapist” section, a chat room, bulletin boards, forums, many BPD-related articles, and book reviews.

www.pdan.org

This is the Web site of the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN), which provides information for family members.

www.toddlertime.com

This is the site of Kathi's Mental Health Review. It offers information about BPD, narcissistic personality disorder, and other mental disorders from the point of view of someone who has struggled with these issues. The information is for people with BPD as well as their family members. The site includes personal reflections, essays, and articles for helping professionals. It contains links to an e-mail BPD support group and other helpful resources.

Kraus, Caroline.
Borderlines: A Memoir
. New York: Broadway Books, 2004. This book is not yet available for review. But according to the promotional material, the book is a memoir much like
Get Me Out of Here
. The critical difference is that it comes from the point of view of the partner of a person with BPD. Kraus becomes obsessed by a borderline woman (Jane) who “becomes her friend, temporary lover, constant companion and, ultimately, ‘worst enemy.’” The friendship soon becomes all-consuming and more entangled than the good-natured Caroline anticipated. Jane begins to eat away at Caroline's savings and mental well-being and pulls her into the undertow of a “frightening journey into the abyss.”

Kreger, Randi, and James Paul Shirley.
The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder
. Oakland, Calif.: New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2002. This book is by one of the authors of the best-seller
Stop Walking on Eggshells
. This book helps family members understand their own reactions to borderline behavior and how they, in turn, affect the relationship. Step-by-step suggestions—many from users of the author's comprehensive Web site (www.bpdcentral.com)—help readers set and enforce personal limits, communicate clearly, cope with put-downs and rage, develop a safety plan, and make realistic decisions. Includes worksheets, checklists, and exercises that build on one another and enable readers to apply the suggestions to their lives.

Kreisman, Jerold J., and Hal Straus.
I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
. New York: Avon, 1989. This is the first consumer-oriented book published on BPD. It offers professional advice, which helps victims and their families to understand and cope with BPD.

———.
Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder
. Hoboken, N.J.: John Wiley & Sons, 2004. This book is not yet available for review. Promotional material states that the book delivers the latest information on the borderline personality disorder. Rich with dramatic case studies of Kreisman's patients, the book describes and offers advice on today's most promising treatments along with practical coping strategies for the loved ones of BPD sufferers.

Lawson, Christine Ann.
Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship
. New York: Jason Aronson Publications, 2002. Lawson vividly describes how mothers who suffer from BPD produce children who may flounder in life even as adults. These children futilely struggle to reach the safety of a parental harbor, unable to recognize that their borderline parent lacks a pier or even a discernible shore. Four character profiles describe different symptom clusters that include the waif mother, the hermit mother, the queen mother, and the witch mother. This book is not for people with BPD unless they have a borderline mother. Adult children may also want to join an e-mail support group just for them. See www. bpdcentral.com for more information. This site also provides e-mail support groups for those who are coparenting with someone with BPD traits. Resources for younger children can be found at the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (www.pdan.org).

Mason, Paul T., and Randi Kreger.
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder
. Oakland, Calif.: New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 1998. Often considered the bible on borderline personality disorder, this book has sold more than 150,000 copies and has been translated into seven different languages. It is a self-help guide that explains interaction patterns between people with BPD traits and those who care about them. Then it explains in detail what family members can do to get off the emotional roller coaster—even if the person in their life does not want to change. This book focuses mainly on understanding and coping with “acting out” borderline behaviors such as false accusations, raging, blaming, and other traits that greatly affect family members.

Moskovitz, Richard.
Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder
. 2d ed. Dallas: Taylor Publishing Company, 2001. The author writes “
Lost in the Mirror
explores the origins of Borderline Personality Disorder and offers its sufferers a framework for beginning to heal.” The book elaborates on the kinds of psychotherapy that are practiced today. It describes mainstream approaches, such as psychoanalytic psychotherapy, cognitive therapy, and behavior therapy, as well as innovative treatments, such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). This is a gentle book for people who have just learned they may have BPD.

Roth, Kimberlee, and Freda B. Friedman.
Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem
. Oakland, Calif.: New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2003. This book, written specifically for adult children of borderline parents, offers step-by-step guidance to understanding and overcoming the lasting effects of being raised by a person suffering from BPD. Readers learn what psychological criteria are necessary for a BPD diagnosis and identify the specific characteristics in their parent. It includes specific coping strategies for dealing with issues common to children of borderline parents: low self-esteem, lack of trust, guilt, and hypersensitivity. It discusses the major decision whether to confront your parent about his or her condition. Adult children may also want to join an e-mail support group just for them. See www.bpdcentral.com for more information. This site also provides e-mail support groups for those who are coparenting with someone with BPD traits. Resources for younger children can be found at the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (www.pdan.org).

Smith, Sally Bedell.
Diana in Search of Herself: Portrait of a Troubled Princess
. New York: Signet, 1999. This biography of Princess Diana offers a description of BPD behavior on every page. It concludes with the author's and a clinician's assessment that Diana most likely suffered from BPD. The author fully acknowledges Diana's positive traits: her compassion, her devotion to her children, and her warmth and generosity. This book provides a portrait of a multifaceted, emotionally complicated woman struggling with BPD under the scrutiny of the world.

Winkler, Kathy, and Randi Kreger.
Hope for Parents: Helping Your Borderline Son or Daughter without Sacrificing Your Family or Yourself
. Milwaukee, Wis.: Eggshells Press, 2003. This booklet is not in bookstores and is only available by calling 1-888-35-SHELL. Drawing on the experiences of 250 parents whose children were diagnosed with BPD, the fifty-four-page booklet helps parents of both adult and minor children who have BPD. The booklet offers suggestions for finding treatment, working with care providers, countering false accusations of abuse, handling crises, fostering independence, handling finances, protecting siblings, and maintaining hope. It is the only resource specifically for parents of a borderline child of any age. Parents may also want to join an e-mail support group just for them. See www.bpdcentral.com for more information. They can find additional support groups and sites for parents by searching the Web.

Rachel Reiland is a wife, mother of three, accountant, and writer living in the Midwest. Through a combination of psychotherapy and spirituality, she has managed to overcome anorexia and borderline personality disorder, a shadowy and often misunderstood form of mental illness. Rachel Reiland is a pseudonym.

Hazelden Publishing and Educational Services
is a division of the Hazelden Foundation, a not-for-profit organization. Since 1949, Hazelden has been a leader in promoting the dignity and treatment of people afflicted with the disease of chemical dependency.

The mission of the foundation is to improve the quality of life for individuals, families, and communities by providing a national continuum of information, education, and recovery services that are widely accessible; to advance the field through research and training; and to improve our quality and effectiveness through continuous improvement and innovation.

Stemming from that, the mission of this division is to provide quality information and support to people wherever they may be in their personal journey—from education and early intervention, through treatment and recovery, to personal and spiritual growth.

Although our treatment programs do not necessarily use everything Hazelden publishes, our bibliotherapeutic materials support our mission and the Twelve Step philosophy upon which it is based. We encourage your comments and feedback.

The headquarters of the Hazelden Foundation are in Center City, Minnesota. Additional treatment facilities are located in Chicago, Illinois; Newberg, Oregon; New York, New York; Plymouth, Minnesota; St. Paul, Minnesota; and West Palm Beach, Florida. At these sites, we provide a continuum of care for men and women of all ages. Our Plymouth facility is designed specifically for youth and families.

For more information on Hazelden, please call
1-800-257-7800
. Or you may access our World Wide Web site on the Internet at
www.hazelden.org
.