Get Somebody New (16 page)

“Jazz.”

“Don’t talk
to me. I’m mad at you, I wasn’t finished.”

“You’re mad
at me?”

“Yeah, I’m
mad!”

He was
speaking to me from the hallway. I was still in the living room. I couldn’t
believe he was actually upset with me for getting him off of Elias.

“Jazz I
didn’t want you to kill the man.”

“I wasn’t gonna
kill him.”

“You were
getting close.”

“Stop talking
to me. I’m still mad at you.”

When I walked
to the hall, Jazz was standing in the bedroom doorway, dripping wet wearing
nothing but a huge erection and a smile.

“I’m mad at
you. You know what you gotta do to make me happy again.”

I walked over
to him, touched my nose to his, and said,

“You’re gonna
stay mad then.”

I turned to
walk away but I knew he would grab me, and he did.

“Nah, you
ain’t getting away from me that easy.”

I placed a
kiss on his soft, full lips. As we were in the bed preparing to do the do, damn
if the doorbell didn’t ring again. Jazz jumped up and said,

“Let me get
this one.”

Jazz walked
to the front door, butt naked, his hard dick swinging like a pendulum and
opened the front door wide open. That poor woman was so flustered she didn’t
know what to do.

“Uh uh uh
s-s-si-sir. I-I-I- wanted to know if you w-w-w-wan-wanted to b-b-bu-buy ummm,
umm.”

“Buy what?
Are you selling something?” He asked.

“Uh yes.”

“Okay, what
are you selling?”

“I-I-I
forgot. She said before she scurried away. Jazz stood in the door while she
walked away. She would take 2 steps and look back. She was looking back when
she walked into my car on the driveway. Jazz couldn’t stop laughing at her
reaction.

“I can’t
believe you did that. That poor woman was not expecting to see that when she
rang the doorbell. I can only imagine what she thought.”

“She forgot
what she was selling. You see how she kept looking back? Running into the car
and shit?”

“Yes, she certainly
got a story to tell her friends.”

As soon as
Jazz kissed me, the bell rang again. He returned to the door still naked.

“Magazines,
I’m selling magazines! The woman blurted out.”

‘Oh okay,
I’ll get S.I. and Jet?”

“Oh shoot I
left the order form in the car.”

“Well go get
it. I’ll wait.”

She went to
her car and came right back. Jazz grabbed his checkbook. She gave him the
price, he wrote the check. She told him when to expect them then gave him the
carbon copy of the form.

“Thank you,
sir.”

“You’re welcome.
Come back anytime.”

I guess she
said if he doesn’t mind, she didn’t either. So she turned around before she got
to her car. We saw her coming back to the door. Jazz whispered to me,

“Come here
baby. Let’s really shock her.”

When she came
back to the door Jazz opened it and we were both standing there.

“Oh my God!
There are two of you! I had to come back for one more look.”

“Sure” Jazz
said as he flung the door wide open and we both stood there and let her look us
over.

She started
fanning herself with the paper in her hand.

“You are two
fine men. I just had to get one more look.”

A little old
white lady was walking her poodle. She looked at us and gasped while covering
her mouth. If she’d been wearing pearls I’m sure she would have clutched them.
She started power walking away with the dog in her arm. About a minute later we
saw her walking past the house again in the opposite direction but very slow.
We smiled and waved at her as she walked past. She still smiles and speaks to
both of us when she sees us.

Nine

Nadiah Allen

Jail was
miserable for me. The police tried to make me say that Ingrid threw the Molotov
cocktail into Alton’s truck. The way they treated me it was only natural to
assume that they treated Ingrid the same way. They kept us separated, I guess
so we couldn’t corroborate our stories.

Even though
it was an attractive option I couldn’t say that Ingrid threw the bomb into the
truck. I took responsibility for my actions. Ingrid is not without blame
though. It was because of her constantly being in my ear that I even did what I
did. She was very focused on me divorcing Alton to be with her. She pressured
me relentlessly and was equally adamant that I “take him to the cleaners.” I
told her that if I tried to fight in court, he could make an ass of me. She
figured the cards were stacked in our favor when we found out my judge was a
woman.

I only got
away with all the things I did because Alton let me. If Alton had ever
retaliated I would have been in real trouble. Ingrid believed that Alton never
hit me back because he couldn’t, but I know it was because he wouldn’t. Alton
loved me too much to hit me. Lord knows I was the quintessential bitch for the
duration of our marriage, but he never called me one through all of that. The
only time he ever referred to me as a bitch was when he walked in on Ingrid and
me, which was understandable.  

When I think
about the way I treated Alton, I feel bad. He did nothing but try to love me
but my heart just wasn’t in it. When I looked at him I hated what he
represented. He represented “The Lie”. The pressure to put up a front as the
nice, picture perfect family that everyone expected us to be. I was miserable
and resented the fact that I couldn’t be myself and took it out on him because
he was such a clueless Mr. Wholesome Goody Two Shoes. He was always so pitiable
to everyone at my expense. Even when I tried to make him the villain he had a
way of deflecting it and coming out smelling like a rose.

I am
surprised he stuck around as long as he did. I’d often wished in the back of my
mind he’d leave me so it would excuse my not being married. It would have been
a freedom pass to live my own life. Knowing my mother she would have kept
nagging me to beg him back by playing the helpless damsel. I can hear her now,
“Well sugar you have to do what you have to do to keep the man happy. Beg his
forgiveness and ask him to take you back.” I don’t grovel for any man.

Going to his
mother’s house was the act of a desperate woman. Child support was something I banked
on. The woman always gets the child; at least that’s how it’s supposed to go.
When he went to court and said I’d abandoned my child I was totally caught off
guard. He put me out of the house. He was the cause of the abandonment.
Regardless, the court sided with him. So I had to figure out what I was going
to do.

Alton always
took care of me, paid all the bills, and made the money. My case for alimony
was undermined by the fact that Alton divulged my relationship with Ingrid in
court. The attitude of the court was if I was being provided for, in a nice
home, living the charmed life that many wives dream about, the least I could
have done was be faithful. Not only was I unfaithful, but it was with another
woman while also abusing my husband. There was no way I’d get anything. It’s my
fault for underestimating Alton.

My worst
nightmare finally came true. My family found out I was in jail. When they found
out what I’d done, my mom and sister made a trip to express their disgust with
me. My mom and I have always had a love hate relationship. She loves me and I
hate her, well not really, she’s just annoying as hell. She plays the victim to
manipulate people and when they don’t give in she has a tantrum. When dear old
mom and sister came to visit me, Ma gave an Oscar worthy performance right in
the middle of the visiting room. She bellowed, caterwauled, cried, and clutched
her chest like a female Fred Sanford.

“A woman? I
just don’t understand you girl. I didn’t raise you like that. Your father and I
raised you the best we could. You had everything and this is how you repay us?
Lawd help me! Lawd please gimme strength! This chile of mine is gonna be the
death of me! I know your daddy is spinning in his grave right now. I’m gonna
die right here! Lawd please take me right now!”

“Are you
gonna perform a second act, drama queen? Of course this good Christian family
wouldn’t hear of anything like that. Well surprise mama just because you refuse
to acknowledge something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”

“Nadiah, I
don’t know where you get off talking to mom like that! I will not stand for it.
You apologize to her! You have given her nothing but grief ever since I can
remember. You will not talk to her like that.”

“Sheree I
mean this with the utmost sincerity, bitch go sit on a tack in a dark corner
and slap yourself with your self-righteous ass! You have always tried to
compete with me and constantly try to be the favorite. You won’t stand for it?
Of course you won’t, but you’ll lay down for it though, ho!”        

“Who the hell
do you think you talking to? I’ll kick your ass girl.” My sister said as she
stood up.

“I just don’t
understand you Nadiah. Alton was a perfect husband, but you were so cruel to
him. We know about how abusive you were.” Mom said.

“Listen old
woman I don’t have to explain what I did with my husband to you. You pressured
me into a marriage I never wanted and you don’t understand? I am tired of
keeping up appearances.”

“You are pure
evil girl. Sometimes I can’t believe I am related to someone so evil.” Sheree
said with her nose in the air.

“You two came
up here to pass judgment on me and tell me how unworthy I am of being in this
cesspool of a family? Well I’ll tell you what, let’s bust this thang down to
the white meat! Sheree you can’t believe you are related to someone so evil?
You are on the right track with that one.”

“What are you
talking about?”

“Nadiah
don’t!” My mom said.

“Oh you don’t
know do you?” I said.

“Know what?”

“Nadiah,
please don’t do this.” Mom said again.

“She is
always looking for a chance to show me up and tell me how much better she is
than I am. She needs to know who she truly
is.”        

“What is she
talking about mom?” Sheree asked.

“Nothing, ahh
you know that girl is crazy. I believe she’s been on drugs, that’s why she is
acting so irrational. C’mon chile let’s go before this evil rubs off on us.” My
mom said as she jumped up and shuffled Sheree to the door.

“You are not
my sister maybe that’s why you feel that way!”

“What?”

“You remember
Crazy Lorraine? That crazy lady that used to squat and piss in the middle of
the street, chase us, and bark at us?”

“What about
her?”

“Next time
you see her, say hello ……MOM!”

“What is she
talking about mother? Is that true?”

“Ummmm…..
Nadiah you will burn in hell. There was no reason for what you just did.”

“Well your
smoldering ass will be my entertainment. Sheree take a seat, you’ll need one
for this. Hahahaha! You should know the other half of where you came from.
Remember Buster? 

The man whose
been riding a stick horse and talking to himself for 30 years? Well that’s your
dear old dad. Ever wonder why he used to chase you when you were a little girl?
He knows who you are but dear old mom here threatened to ‘Kill his crazy ass!’
if he came near our family again.”

“She’s lying
isn’t she mother? Isn’t she? Well?”

“No baby.”

“Still think
you’re better than me?”

“Mom I have a
tasty bit for you too. Charles your beloved husband who you loved with all your
sweet lil ole heart? You thought he always went home after his treasured visits
huh? Tell your sweet ole mama where he was Sheree and what he was doing?”

“Nadiah
don’t. You promised.”

“Since you
are hesitating, I’ll tell her. Mother dear he would park his car down the block
and come back to the house. Sheree the sweet little angel would let him in her
bedroom window. Then he’d spend the rest of the night stealing your pudding’s
puddin’. He only married you to get to Sheree. Their trips to six flags? Well
unless they had roller coasters at the DeKalb abortion clinic there were no
trips to six flags. Ever wonder why your grandson’s Eric and Will look so much
like Charles? In the case of Eric and Will he IS the father!”

“Sheree?
Wha-Wha-Wh-Who-Whah” Mom shrieked.

“Mother I was
young, I …” Sheree said before she was cut off by the back of my mother’s hand.

“You know I
loved that man and you betrayed me like that. I can’t believe this. You
goddamned slut!”

“Don’t pay
her any mind Sheree. She can’t call anybody a slut. Ask her about the two out
of wedlock babies at age 14 and 15 back to back. Yeah we… I mean I, got two
brothers. I know where they are. You know who your parents are. I, David,
Dennis, and Earl all look like our daddies too. David and Rev. Thompson, Dennis
and Deacon Harris and who does Earl look like?

“Oh I don’t
feel good. I’m gonna pass out.” Mom said to take the attention off my
revelation.

“Ain’t
nothing wrong with you.” I said.

“We always
said he looks like Cousin Robert.” Sheree answered.

“Bingo!”

I saw my
mother’s hand coming toward my face in slow motion.

“Hit me and
I’ll break it clean the fuck off!” I said looking out the corner of my eye.

“But Robert
is mom’s cousin.” Sheree said confusingly.

“That didn’t
matter to Miss Hot Cooch here. Did you ever wonder why they were so much closer
than any of the others?

Why he
visited all the time but they stayed in the room discussing family business.
Hah! Cause he was putting that fire out girl! They were playing the fireman and
the flaming beaver.”

“You’ll burn
in hell for your evil ways. You are no child of mine!” Mom cried.