Gifts of Desire (42 page)

             
Ceann
stood
abruptly
,
cutting off Maggie’s
moral
tirade. 
“I’
m going after
her;
I
made a mistake…
I
have to find her.
”
  He took a deep breath, and his whole body trembled.
  “
I didn’t send guards,
Maggie;
I
don’t even know where she went!  Oh God.” 
Damn it,
he’d been a fool, acting on his hurt and pain
, not even giving her a chance to explain
. 
She’s mine
.
 
And
in his heart he knew
now that
it was true.
 
He had known all along, but had chosen to stubbornly deny the truth. 
He could only hope it wasn’t too late.  A child. 
My
child. 
Unshed tears burned the backs of his eyes. 
God,
Ella
I’m
so
sorry
…

             
Iona turned from the
window, her eyes still distant,
narrowed,
seeing things that
Ella
could not.
  “He searches for you,
lass
.”

             
Ella
, seated by the fire,
crossed her arms and tilted her chin.  “Let him”, she said, “I do
n’t want to see that man, I don’t
think
I’m ready to forgive him yet.
”
  She had been staying with Iona in her small cottage for nearly three weeks now, but the pain in her heart hadn’t lessened.  She was grateful to the other woman for taking her in when she had appeared on her doorstep
with Ethan
, exhausted and tear-stained, with nowhere else to go.  Grateful for the sympathetic ear as she
told her story,
well the parts of it she could…
and Iona didn’t ask for the rest.
 
Ella
had the feeling she knew anyway.  Iona could See almost as well as Malcolm.

             
Iona
sat down beside her, picking up her hand and patting it gently, like a mother would. 

             
“
Ella
love
, I can’
t tell you what you should do,
but you should
know
that
Ceann
is a good man.  He will see his mistakes, and
he
will make amends.  He wronged you, yes, but he acted on his own deep hurt, and the fear that nothing so perfect could ever be his.  He cares for you more than you
know
, but he’s been too afraid to let those feelings grow.
”  She paused, gently wiping away the single tear that was rolling down
Ella
’s cheek.  “Lass, don’t you think he has a right to know he is to be a father?”

             
Ella
gasped
in astonishment.  “How did you know about…
oh
,
never mind.”  Iona had the Sight, of course she would know. 
What else
did she
see
?
She set her jaw.  “I tried to tell that bad
-
tempered, unreasonable man that he got me with child
,
even after he swore he couldn’
t!
  He wouldn’t listen, and he most likely wouldn’t have believed me anyway.  He
still
thinks I’m a spy”, she added
irritably
.

             
Iona smiled gently at her, and stood, releasing her hand.  The sudden absence of her touch made
Ella
realize
how warm it had been, and comforting. 
Like
Esme
’s touch when she had been a little girl. 
But now she was a grown woman, and soon to be a mother. 
She would have to sort things out for herself, as best she could.  Standing,
Iona
went to the door and opened it, turning to look back at
Ella
, her eyes
held an almost pleading look.  “The bairn is a true blessing,
Ella
.  And
as
you are his
very
heart, please give my son another chance
to make things right
.”

             
She closed the door behind her as she went out, leaving
Ella
alone with her parting words.
  Before
they had even sunk in
, the door opened again.  It was Ethan.

             
He looked at her as she sat with her mouth gaping open
in stunned silence
.  “Ah sh
e told you.  Subtle, isn’t she?”

             
It was another moment before Ella could speak again. 
“Iona is
Ceann
’s mother?  Ethan, I had no idea…
how could that be?
  He said his mother had died years ago.
”

             
He
smiled
at her
bewildered
look.  “Aye,
Iona
is
his birth mother
.  But he doesn’t know it, not yet anyway.  I only found out not long ago
myself
that we are half brothers.  It certainly explains all of the bickering we did as boys.”

             
“And
how close you are as men,” she said with a soft smile.
 
“But Ethan, how…
I mean…
what…”

             
Ethan took a chair across from her and leaned back, stretching out his long legs and putting his feet up on a stool. 
In the past few weeks he had been a great comfort to her, caring for her as a brother
would. 
Now she understood; he did it out of love for his own brother. 
“It seems that
Ceann
’s mother, Aisleen, who raised him, couldn’t have a child of her own.  Her husband
Artair
loved her
more than anything,
and hated to see her pine away for a bairn to hold
.
Though I
don’t
know
all of
the
particulars
,
eventually
Iona help
ed
them. 
Artair
…
lay with her and she gave them a child to love.  I
n return, she was
always
welcome to live on their lands and watch that child grow into a man.
  She would never want for food or shelter, or freedom.”

             
Ella
could not imagine the sacrifice it would have taken
for Iona
to hand over
her
child for another couple to raise. 
She doubted
very much
she could have done the same. 
“And what of you, Ethan?”

             
“Ah, well, a year or so later, Iona married, and I came along.  My da died in battle when I was quite young, so I never really knew him.  But
Ceann
’s father Artair
was as much a father to me as any could be.
  He fostered me at the castle, when I was old enough,
and
trained me along
side
Ceann
.
”
  Ethan paused, thoughtful, then said slowly, “He would have known, of course, that we were brothers.  He would have wanted us to grow up together.
  He was a good man.
”  He smiled to himself, apparently lost in some distant memory
from his childhood
.

             
Ella
was silent for a moment, her head whirling with all of these
unforeseen
revelations. 
Ceann
had a mother he didn’t know about, and a half brother, and the curse he had feared for most of his life had apparently been broken. 
By me
.
 
And now he would be a father.  She felt the happiness
for him
welling up in her before she reme
mbered she was still mad at him,
and
still terribly hurt.
  Aye, she would forgive him
,
eventually
, should he come to his senses and ask it of her
.  She knew his words and actions that night
in the stable
were born of his own
grief
and mistrust of a world he felt had wronged him, but that didn’t erase her own
pain
.
  Still, she loved him too much
not to forgive him. 
H
er heart
skipped
a beat
. 
I love him.
 
I love
him
with
every bone in my body
.

             
Ethan leaned forward and took her hand.  “My brother loves you, you know
”, he said as if he had read her thoughts.
”

             
Ella
bit her lip.  “Well, he lust
s for me anyway, as we all know”
.

             
“No
, he loves you.  I’ve seen him lusting many a time, and then I’ve seen the way he looks at you.  Even as he tries to hide it, it’s not the same.  He loves you.
  If he has any fault, it’s that he feels too much, falls too hard.
  He has always had
more passion that most.
  Maybe too much, sometimes.
  I think he feels things more deeply than any of us can guess.
”

             
“I
know
he does,
I
’ve
see
n it
.  I only hope he decides
i
t’s worth the risk to his heart, to be with me… and our child.
”
  God it felt
so
strange to say that. 
Our child.

             
Ethan
chuckled
.  “Ah, Ella, he never had any choice in the matter.  The man was doomed from the beginning!”

             
Ella reached over and cuffed him playfully on the arm.  “What do you mean doomed, Ethan MacKenzie?  Perhaps I’m the one who is doomed, if I’m to have a child who takes after its father!”

             
“
Aye, you may well be. 
You know, I have a bit of the Sight myself, from my mother’s side”. 
Ethan reached over and placed his hand
low
on her stomach, closing his eyes. 
Startled, Ella watched as a
slow smile spread across his face.  “Tis a son, strong and braw, the next great laird of
Tulloch
. 
His father will be very proud
.
”
  He grinned at her
, his eyes shining
.  “And his uncle will spoil him beyond
all
belief!”

Chapter 18

             
Ceann
returned for the fourth time
in a week
to Castle
Tulloch
, hoping that there had been some word. 
There
hadn’t
.
He had been to every village and keep within a
two
day’s
ride, and no one had seen
Ella
, no one had heard of her, she had not stayed at any inn
…
it was as if she had just disappeared.
  She was alive; she had to be alive.  Any other possibility was unthinkable
. 
With no one having so much as seen her, he was at a loss as to which direction to go.
  He knew only one thing: he would spend the rest of his days searching for her if needs be.  And if he was lucky enough to find her again, he would stop at nothing to keep her by his side. 
Nothing
.
In these weeks of being without her, of trying desperately to find her again,
one thing had become clear to him, crystallizing in his mind with more clarity than anything he’d ever known before.  Ella belonged to him and him alone, and he loved her… more than it should even be possible to love another human being
.  It was the overwhelming strength of that love that made him into
such
a fool.  He had been so afraid to let himself feel it, afraid of what would happen if he
did, and then
lost it. 
And so he had sent her away, and his own child with her.  Aye, there was no bigger fool than he.