Gifts of Desire (40 page)

Chapter 17

             
Later, after the sickness had passed,
Ella
dressed and set out to find
Ceann
.  Maggie had assured her that all was well with the babe and after inspecting her hips and nether-parts
so thoroughly that
sh
e blushed,
declared
that she was strong and
well-formed, and
should have no trouble with the
birth.
  That had eased her mind a bit.
  But her heart still fluttered in her chest.  Would
Ceann
be happy about the child?
 
Even if it bound him to her? 
She felt terrified a
nd excited all at the same time
, and
h
er stomach fluttered nervously.  How could she
find the words to
tell him, when she
still could not believe the truth of it
herself?
  Would
he
believe her?

             
She found him at last in the stables.  He was brushing
the mane of
his shining b
lack,
Fallon, and
muttering to the horse
in a low tone.  His mood looked
very
dark and
pensive,
his body taught with tension.  Oh God, h
ad something happened?  Taking a deep breath, s
he moved toward him before her courage failed her.

             
“
Ceann
”, she called softly.  She saw him stiffen, but he didn’t turn.

             
“
Ella
, we need to talk.”

             
Something in his voice made her shiver. 
It was cold and hard; different.
 
“Talk about what?  What is it
Ceann
, is something wrong?”
 
She could hear her voice rise. 
He was worrying her.

             
He turned then, and she saw the hurt and
the
rage burning in his eyes.  She
sucked in a breath
and
took an involuntary step back. 

             
“Tell me,
Ella
, why you are really here.  Tell me what you are looking for!  And then tell me how you could use me
like you did
to get what you wanted!
  I
almost
trusted you, damn it!
”  He closed in on her now,
moving faster,
drawing his arm back and
throwing the brush
hard
against the wall, nostrils flaring. 
In his stall,
Fallon snorted
in alarm
and stomped a hoof. 
“Have you found what you came
here
for?
  Tell me!” he roared.

             
Ella
felt something
uncomfortably
close to fear rising in her chest.  And her stomach turned when she saw the disgust on his face.  She could not lose
him;
she had to make him understand…
it was him all along…
but
how had he found out before she herself could tell him?  Her hands suddenly felt like ice.

             
He continued his
slow,
predatory movement, backing her into the wall. “
Did you lie to me? 
Do you have a man waiting for you at home?  Will he be angry when he finds out you are no longer
innocent
?”  He
turned suddenly and
threw his fist into the wood of
a
stall door, smashing it. 

             
Ella
’s eyes widened in
panic
. 
“Cean, stop!  You’re frightening me!” 
Blood welled on his knuckles
, but he didn’t seem to notice
. 

             
“Tell me
Ella
,” he whispered
darkly
, “
will
h
e
ever make you feel like I do?”
  Then he shouted, “Will he?”

             
“Stop!”  She
cried
,
truly
panicking now.
  “There is no one else..
.
I
didn’t
...”

             
He pulled her roughly into his arms then, and
held her head
between his hands
as he
punished
her with his lips. 
She struggled against him, but h
e ravaged her mouth with his until she tasted blood,
until she could feel the full
physical
force of his fury
and hurt
.  T
hen he pushed her away
from him
.
  She landed hard against the wall.
 

             
“Take that,
and leave me
, Ella
.
  Leave Tulloch.
  Go home
”, he said coldly.
“
Where
ever that may be. 
I don’t want to see you again.
  Not ever.
”

             
Her
trembling
hand came up to wipe the blood from her mouth and she met his burning gaze
with tears shimmering in her eyes
.
  For a moment she was too stunned to speak.

             
He
turned then and
grabbing Fallon’s reins, left her
without a backward glance.
  She was too much in shock to do anything but st
are after him, listening to the pounding hoofbeats disappear as he rode away. 
A moment later her legs gave out and
she
slumped to the floor. 
Go home
, he
had
said.  Well, she couldn’t
go home
, but she sure as hell wasn’t staying here
either
.
Her heart beat erratically, and she felt as if the very life had been ripped out of her.  Sobbing for breath,
she tried
hard
to think. 
What had happened? 
How could he treat her this way?  Why wouldn’t he listen to her?
 
Standing up, she brushed
the straw from her clothing and
tilted her chin
up
,
drawing in shaky breaths
.
  Whatever happened to her
now
, she would protect her child to her dying breath.  Only this gave her
the
courage
she needed to leave the stable
.
  She considered going back for her things, but she couldn’t stand the thought of facin
g anyone in the castle just now
.
 
N
o, the
few
things
she had
didn’t matter.
 

             
In a stunned trance, she walked out of the side gate and into the woods.  She hadn’t gotten far when she heard footsteps behind her.  She whirled, frightened and h
opeful at the same time.  But i
t was
only
Ethan, a look of shock and concern on his face. 

             
“God,
Ella
, what happened?”

             
She fell, sobbing, into his arms.  “He was so angry… he sent me away… he wouldn’t let me explain…”

             
“Shh, it’s alright. 
Everything will be alright. 
I’ll take care of you”.  He
looked down at her and
wiped at the blood near her mouth uncertainly.  “Did
Ceann
do this to you?”

             
“Aye, he was so angry…”

             
Ethan eyed her
hesitantly
.  “Did he hit you
lass
?” 
Surely Ceann wouldn’t have
…

             
“No
, he kissed me.”

             
Ethan’s lips almost curled up in a smile, but he stopped it in time.  He could only find humor because he
knew
that eventually all would be well between Ceann and Ella.  But
the idiot
didn’t have to kiss her
that
hard.  He sighed. 
“That st
ubborn, ill-tempered, son of a…
A
re you alright?
” he asked as he looked her over.
 
“Are
you
hurt anywhere else?”

             
“No
.”  She shook her head as her breath hitched on the word.  “Ethan, I’m so sorry, I couldn’t tell him who I am; I made a vow.  I
was sent… I
came here for… certain reasons… but I never wanted to hurt
Ceann
.  I never would…”

             
“It’s alright
Ella
.”  He reached up to smooth her hair.  “I know.  I know everything.  You’ve done
well;
you’ve done
everything that was expected
of you
, and much more
.”

             
Her eyes flew to his face.  “You know
what
?”

             
“I know who you are, and I know why you’re here.”  He sighed.  “Believe it or not, I’ve been trying to help matters along, but that swine-headed lout…”

             
“You know who I am, really?”  A spark of hope burned in her chest.  But her mind was still too numbed to wonder
how
he knew.
  Tears began to flow
again
down her cheeks.

             
“Aye, walk with me
Ella
.  My mother’s cottage is not
far.  You can rest there until
things are worked out.
  I promise I will keep you safe and cared for, for as long as needs be.
”

***

             
Ceann
rode out
on Fallon
and
stayed away for several days,
wanting only to be alone,
taking to the forest
and the moors
to nurse his anguish and rage. 
It felt like his
goddamn heart
had
been ripped from his chest.  This was pain worse than any he had ever felt in b
attle, it went to his very soul, if he even had a soul left to him.
 
How could he have trusted her? 
Och!
  Damn it all to hell!
  He had been such a fool to believe in happiness, to think they had any kind of future together. 
Happiness was not for him. 
Ella
was not for him
.  He was destined to be alone, and he had been mad to think for even a moment it could be any other way.  She would never love him
.
 
W
hy
, then,
did he want so badly to go after her?  Why did he want nothing but to take her in his arms and beg her to stay with him, despite all his faults, and despite the fac
t she had
apparently
played him for a fool
, just as he had feared all along
?  Being with her had felt so
right
. 
She was so absolutely perfect, or so he had thought. 
And when he made love to her…
he had never felt anything so
powerful and
all-consuming
before, and knew
for certain
he never would again.
  But he had his pride, and his honor,
and duty to his people, all
of which he must hold above desire
;
above his
apparent
weakness for
one
woman.
  He had been blind,
he had taken a chance,
and he was paying for
his recklessness
now.