Girl Alone: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control. (26 page)

Joan reassured Joss that Kevin was fine and then said, ‘Your mum has come down and would like to talk to you, so I’ll say goodbye for now. Phone us whenever you want. We’re always pleased to hear from you.’

‘Thanks, Nana. I will. Love you.’

‘Love you too, pet. Stay strong. I’ll say a prayer in church that we can all be together soon.’

There was a short pause as Joan passed the phone to Linda, and then Linda’s quiet, fragile voice came on the line. ‘Hello, Joss,’ she said tentatively, as if she hadn’t the right to speak to her daughter. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m all right, Mum. How are you?’

‘Trying to hold it all together.’

‘Nana and Grandpa are looking after you?’

‘Yes. They are.’ Linda sounded depressed, as though each word was an effort. I assumed her parents would arrange for her to see a doctor if they thought it was necessary.

‘We went out for the day yesterday,’ Joss said, trying to make conversation.

‘That’s nice,’ Linda said, her voice flat.

‘And I’ve had a good week at school,’ Joss continued. ‘I’ve been doing my homework and paying attention in class. Miss Pryce saw me on Friday and said I was doing really well and that all my teachers were pleased with me. I’m going to work hard. I want to do well.’

‘That’s good,’ Linda said.

‘I feel better as a person,’ Joss continued. ‘I’m making new friends and I don’t go out every evening any more. I stay at home with Cathy and don’t get into trouble.’

‘Good,’ Linda said lifelessly.

‘I know there’s a lot of stuff to come,’ Joss said, ‘but if I take it a bit at a time, I think I can deal with it. The social worker is going to get me some counselling.’

The emotion Linda had been keeping a lid on now broke out. ‘I’m so sorry, Joss,’ she cried. ‘It’s all my fault. You were right to blame me. If I’d believed you from the start, none of this would have happened. I’ll never forgive myself.’

‘Mum, don’t cry,’ Joss said. ‘I don’t blame you any more. We can get through this together, and Nana and Grandpa will help us.’

Linda cried even more. ‘I’ve been so stupid,’ she said, her breath catching. ‘I let you and Kevin down in the worst possible way. I’m not fit to be a mother. I keep thinking of what your father would say if he could see us now. If he knew how I’d let you down. I’m so ashamed. I brought a man into my home and let him abuse you. Then I didn’t believe you when you told me. It makes me as bad as him.’ And she wept uncontrollably.

Joss’s bottom lip trembled; she was close to tears, as indeed I was. Linda’s grief was agonizing and I thought she must be near breaking point.

‘Mum, it’s not your fault,’ Joss said, her voice shaking. ‘I don’t blame you. He was a good liar. I can see why you believed him. We’ll come through this, I know we will. Nothing can be as bad as Dad dying, and we got through that, didn’t we? Kevin and I need you, Mum, just as we’ve always done. I know if Dad is looking down on us, which I feel he is, he won’t blame you. He’ll be helping us get through this like he used to help us. He loved us, Mum, and we love you.’

I blinked back my tears and touched Joss’s arm comfortingly. The poor, dear child, how brave she was being, trying to reassure and support her mother. Her touching, heartfelt words didn’t ease Linda’s distress, though, and her uncontrollable weeping was harrowing to listen to. I was thinking we should end the call and say we would phone back another time, but then Andrew’s voice came on the line and Linda’s crying receded into the background.

‘Nana is taking your mum to have a quiet sit down,’ he said to Joss. ‘Try not to worry, love. We’re looking after her. I’ll phone you this evening.’

‘Thank you,’ I said.

Andrew and Joss said goodbye and the line went dead. We continued to sit side by side on the sofa and I tried to reassure Joss, as Andrew had, that her grandparents would take good care of her mother and she shouldn’t worry. To be honest, I felt the phone call had done more harm than good, for although Joss now knew that Kevin and her mother were safe, Kevin could only definitely stay with the grandparents for the weekend and might then have to go into foster care. And to hear her mother so distraught was disturbing and an added anxiety for Joss, who was already having to cope with so much. Unsurprisingly, she was quiet and withdrawn for the rest of the day, and the good effects of our outing the previous day disappeared. Of course, it wasn’t long before everyone else in the house knew what had happened, so the whole family was down. We ate lunch with little conversation and then later in the afternoon Joss came to me and voiced a concern that had been playing on my mind too.

‘Cathy, I’m really worried Mum might try to do what Dad did,’ she said, her face knitted with anxiety.

‘No, she won’t,’ I said firmly. ‘Your grandparents are looking after your mother and keeping a close eye on her. They won’t let any harm come to her.’

‘But they can’t watch Mum all the time,’ Joss said, no less concerned. ‘And it doesn’t take long to kill yourself. Mum was only out of the house for half an hour when Dad did what he did. Can we phone Nana and Grandpa to make sure Mum’s OK?’

I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 3.30 p.m. ‘Your grandpa said he’d phone this evening,’ I said. ‘I think we should wait a while. He and your nana have a lot to do. If they haven’t phoned by seven o’clock, we’ll phone them.’ I didn’t want to keep bothering them, and Joss accepted this.

True to his word, just after six o’clock Andrew telephoned. Joss and I sat side by side on the sofa again with the phone on speaker. Joss began by asking about her mother.

‘She’s a bit brighter now, lass,’ Andrew said positively. ‘She came with us to church and she’s had something to eat. She’s having a rest now and she’s going to see the doctor next week.’ He didn’t offer to put Linda on to speak to Joss, and I thought this was probably for the best. When Joss and her grandpa had had a chat he put Joan on, and she too was positive. They chatted about general things – what they’d been doing during the day – and then she reassured Joss that everything would be all right.

When Kevin came on the line he sounded cheerful and told Joss that Grandpa had taken him to the park in the afternoon, while Nana had stayed at home with Mum. He said that Grandpa had been on the children’s swings and the roundabout with him, and then he laughed as he described their attempts at playing on the see-saw. ‘Grandpa couldn’t get off the ground because he’s so much heavier than me,’ Kevin said, chuckling. ‘I was up in the air with my feet dangling and then I came down with a bump when he got off.’ Joss laughed too.

It seemed that Andrew had also taken the opportunity to have a chat with Kevin about what he could expect to happen, for he told Joss, ‘Grandpa says I will have to talk to a police officer about what Eric did, and he’ll write it all down for the judge.’

‘That’s right,’ Joss said. ‘It’s called a statement. I’ll have to make one too. It’s nothing to worry about. I’ve done it before. You have to tell the truth.’

‘Yes. Grandpa says it’s important I tell the police officer everything that happened. I don’t think Eric was a nice man, was he? Not like a proper daddy. He pretended he was, but he wasn’t really.’

‘No,’ Joss agreed. ‘He wasn’t nice. Not like a daddy at all.’

My heart went out to them; two children having their hopes of a family life shattered in the cruellest possible way, and after everything they’d already been through with their father’s suicide. It was so unfair.

Then Kevin said, ‘Will the police officer give me a sticker for being brave, like they do at the dentist?’

Joss and I both smiled. ‘They might,’ Joss said. ‘But if not, I’ll buy you lots and lots of stickers.’

‘Promise?’

‘Yes.’

‘The shiny Batman ones?’

‘Yes, whatever you like.’

Joss and Kevin chatted for a while longer and then the conversation ended with Joss saying she’d phone every day, which I assumed would be all right with the grandparents and social services.

That night Joss took a while to settle, so I sat with her, talking quietly about all sorts of things, until she dozen off. Once asleep, she slept through until I woke her for school the following morning. I felt relieved to have the school routine to fall back on, with its comforting familiarity, after all the trauma and uncertainty of the weekend. After breakfast and before we left the house, I presented Joss with a front-door key of her own.

‘Oh,’ she said, pleasantly surprised. ‘Thanks. I guess I’m behaving myself and being responsible now.’

‘You certainly are, love, and I’m very proud of you.’

She gave me a big hug and then told Adrian, Paula and Lucy that she had a front-door key like them. Even though Joss wouldn’t have much opportunity to use the key, as I was collecting her from school and she didn’t go out in the evenings any more, it was a sign that I trusted her and considered her mature enough not to abuse the privilege. When she’d first arrived I’d promised she could have a key when her behaviour had improved, and I always try to keep a promise.

I took Joss to school that morning and returned home. I knew there would be a lot going on and I needed to be contactable. I wondered how Andrew and Joan were faring at the social services, and if Linda was with them. I shared Joss’s concern that her mother was so distraught she could harm herself, although I certainly wouldn’t be telling Joss that.

Jill telephoned mid-morning but didn’t really have any new information. She said she’d left a message on Amelia’s voicemail to call her when she was free. Then she asked me how we all were, and if there’d been any new developments at my end. I told her we’d had a day at the coast on Saturday, and then gave her a brief summary of the two phone calls we’d made to Joss’s grandparents the day before. Jill knew the rest from having been on duty over the weekend. She said she’d phone again when she had any news.

There were no more phone calls that afternoon, so when I collected Joss from school and she wanted to know if her grandparents had seen Amelia, I had to say I was still waiting for news. She accepted this with a sigh and then told me a bit about her day at school. When we arrived home she took her front-door key from her purse and went ahead of me to unlock the door. I could see how much having the key meant to her and I was touched. I also felt vindicated for the stand I’d taken. Had I bowed to pressure and given her a key when she’d first arrived, it would have been taken for granted and also created additional problems. Now Joss felt she’d achieved something worth having.

Jill telephoned at 5.30 p.m., just before she left the office, and she had plenty to tell me. Andrew and Joan had managed to see Amelia at the social services offices, having first taken Linda to the police station as the police wanted to interview her. Jill said Amelia was going to visit Joss’s grandparents at their home the following morning to make a preliminary assessment on whether Kevin could live there for the time being.

‘The alternative is a foster family right out of the area,’ Jill said. ‘So it will be better for him all round if he can stay with them. Amelia will need to be satisfied that the grandparents can cooperate with the conditions she’s imposing, though.’

‘Conditions?’

‘That Linda isn’t allowed out with Kevin by herself – in case she runs away again with him – and that Eric has no contact with the boy.’

‘Where is Eric now?’ I asked. ‘Do you know?’

‘At the matrimonial home,’ Jill said. ‘He says he hasn’t got anywhere else to go. Make sure Joss doesn’t go there. I know she has a key.’

‘I’ll tell her,’ I said.

‘The police need to interview Joss,’ Jill said. ‘Amelia is trying to arrange it for Wednesday afternoon. She’s taking Kevin for a memorandum interview in the morning, so he can give his evidence on video tape, and once she’s finished she’ll collect Joss from school – the time is still to be arranged. She’ll bring Joss back to you when they’ve finished. Can you tell Joss, please?’

‘Yes. Jill, do we know why the police didn’t visit the grandparents’ home when Linda and Kevin went missing?’ I asked out of curiosity.

‘It seems there was a misunderstanding. Apparently two families with the same surname live on that street – Clark is a common name – and the police went to the wrong house. Mistakes happen,’ she added philosophically.

‘And did Amelia say why Linda has suddenly started believing Joss and Kevin? I have been wondering what changed her mind.’

‘It was something Kevin told her about his stepfather,’ Joss said. ‘I don’t know what he said, but it was enough to convince her that Kevin and Joss were telling the truth.’

‘I see. Well, at least she believed them in the end.’

‘Hopefully it’s not too late. Whether the children will ever be allowed to live with their mother again remains to be seen. Not that Linda is in any state to look after them at present. She failed to protect them once, and the social services will want to make absolutely certain it can never happen again – and, of course, running away didn’t help.’

‘No,’ I agreed thoughtfully.

‘There is one more thing I need to mention, so it doesn’t come as a shock.’

‘Yes?’ I asked, immediately concerned.

‘Andrew and Joan have told Amelia they want Joss to live with them too, which is an option being considered by the social services. I thought it best to mention it, but don’t tell Joss yet. Amelia will speak to her when and if it’s appropriate.’

‘All right. Thank you for telling me.’

We said goodbye and I went to Joss and told her what she needed to know: that her grandparents had seen Amelia and she was visiting them at their house the following morning, and also the arrangements for Amelia taking Joss to the police station on Wednesday afternoon – all of which Joss appeared to take in her stride.

That evening Joss telephoned her grandparents, but her mother was not up to coming to the phone. She spoke to her nana, grandpa and Kevin, but not for too long as it was a school night and Kevin was about to have a bath before going to bed at a reasonable time. It sounded as though Joan and Andrew had already established a routine for Kevin, which was good.

On Tuesday afternoon Amelia telephoned to confirm that she would be collecting Joss from school at one o’clock the following day to take her to the police station, and she asked me to tell Joss to be ready after the lunch break. I took the opportunity to ask Amelia if it was all right for Joss to telephone her grandparents every evening, and she said it was, as they were very happy to hear from her. That was all she said about her visit to them that morning, and when I collected Joss from school I told her the arrangements for the following day. She sighed but didn’t comment. The evening continued as normal with dinner, homework, television and then a slow migration to bed. Lucy said she’d like to celebrate her birthday (ten days away) by going to the cinema with her friends and having something to eat afterwards. I said I’d arrange it, and of course we’d have a family celebration too.

On Wednesday morning Joss was naturally anxious about the police interview that afternoon, and I reassured her as best I could. I thought about her constantly during the day and anxiously awaited her return. It was 4.30 p.m. before Amelia finally brought her home; the interview had taken three hours. They both looked shattered, and Amelia said she couldn’t come in, as she had to return to the office, having spent all day at the police station – with Kevin in the morning and Joss in the afternoon. She said the interview had gone well, but that was all she said. Joss didn’t want to talk about it either. I didn’t press her – she would tell me what she wanted me to know in time, and I appreciated that having to go over the abuse for the statement must have been very painful indeed. She took a while to settle that night, so again I sat with her, talking about general things, until she was ready to sleep.

On Thursday afternoon Jill telephoned to say that Amelia would be coming to see us after school on Friday, and one of the things she wanted to talk to Joss about was the issue of her going to live with her grandparents. Although the initial assessment had been reasonably positive, Amelia had some concerns. Andrew and Joan lived in a three-bedroom bungalow, and Joss would therefore have to share a bedroom with her mother (or Linda would have to sleep on the sofa, which she had offered to do). Amelia felt this wasn’t satisfactory in the long term. Also, she had concerns that Andrew and Joan would struggle to cope with their grandchildren’s and Linda’s needs, as they were all going to require a lot of support for a long time to come.