Girl Online (19 page)

“And that helped you get over it?”

Noah nods. “Yeah—that and writing.”

I think back to the battered notepad in the truck. “What kind of writing?”

“Just my thoughts, my fears—that kind of thing. There’s something so good about just getting it all down on a page.”

I’m reminded of how my recent blog posts made me feel and nod.

“You know when I said to you in the truck that time’s a great healer?”

“Yes.”

“I remember Sadie Lee saying that to me after my parents died and at the time it made me really mad, but it’s true. It is.” He takes hold of my hand and smiles at me. “You will get over the accident. You won’t feel anxious forever. Do you wanna know something my counselor told me that really helped?”

“Yes. Please.”

“Don’t fight it.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you get panicky, don’t fight it. That makes it a million
times worse. Just say to yourself, ‘OK, I’m feeling anxious right now, but that’s all right.’ ”

“And that works?”

“It did for me. My counselor got me to visualize my fear inside my body. She got me to give it a color and a shape and then she’d say, ‘Just sit with it and watch what happens.’ ”

“And what did happen?”

“It would fade away.”

“Wow.”

We both sit in silence for a moment.

“Well, this wasn’t exactly how I’d intended our lunch to go,” Noah says, looking apologetic. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be silly; it’s been great. This has really helped—so much. You have no idea. I’d been getting so scared that I was going crazy.”

Noah nods. “You’re not crazy—not at all—well, only in a very good way.”

I smile at him. “Ditto.”

My phone starts ringing inside my bag. I want to ignore it. I want to stay sealed in my little bubble with Noah, but I can’t.

“Sorry, I’d better take that. Mum might be having an emergency.”

Noah nods. “Sure.”

But I see from the caller ID that it’s Elliot. Feeling a pang of guilt, I send the call to voicemail. I’ll explain it all to him later—I’m sure he’ll understand. I put my phone back in my bag. “It’s OK. It was only Elliot.”

“Who’s Elliot?”

“My best friend. He’s over here with us. He’s out sightseeing with my dad.”

Noah nods. “Are you sure you don’t need to call him back?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll see him later.”

Noah grins at me. “Cool.”

“Yo! Yo! Yo! How were the meatballs?”

Seriously?!
Antonio bounds over to our table with a massive grin on his face. I now want to drown him in his grandma’s grandma’s sauce.

“They were awesome,” Noah says.

“Yes, they were great,” I say through gritted teeth.

“Awesome!” Antonio sits down on the edge of our table and I want to groan out loud. “So, Noah, you’ve been busy, my man!”

“Uh-huh.” Noah pulls his wallet out of his pocket. “Sorry, dude, we’ve gotta go. I’ve got to get Penny back.”

Antonio starts clearing up our dishes as Noah takes a load of dollar bills from his wallet. “OK, well, you come by again soon, you hear? It’s good seeing you here again.”

Noah nods and gets up from the table. As I follow him, I feel a bittersweet mix of relief and disappointment. I’m sad at having to leave this magical place but glad it will mean getting Noah back to myself again.

We say goodbye to Antonio and go back into the underwater corridor. This time, Noah doesn’t put the light on immediately.

“I sure am glad I got to go on a Magical Mystery Tour with you, Penny,” he says so quietly I can barely hear him.

“I’m glad too,” I whisper back.

Then, as he reaches past me to turn the light on, his hand brushes against mine. And although it’s the slightest of touches, like throwing a pebble into a pond, the tingling it causes ripples throughout my entire body.

Chapter Twenty-Two

When we step out into the cold daylight, it’s like being woken suddenly from a deep sleep. I squint and rub my eyes at the pale winter light. I look at Noah and he looks at me. Everything feels different. Like we went into the old warehouse two completely separate people and came out with an invisible bond between us. He smiles at me.

“Do you wanna go someplace else?”

Just as I nod, his phone starts to ring. He takes it from his pocket. “It’s Sadie Lee,” he says to me before taking the call. “Hey, G-ma! Yes, all good. Why, what’s up? Ah, OK. No problem, see you soon.” He ends the call and sighs.

“Is everything OK?” I ask with a definite sinking feeling.

“Yeah. But they want us to come back. Your mum wants to see the tiara and Sadie Lee needs me to take her to go pick up Bella from nursery.” He scuffs his foot on the floor. “Can I see you again before you go home? How long are you here for?”

“Just till Sunday.” I feel full of dread. Tomorrow I’ll be busy all day and night with the wedding, and our flight leaves early on Sunday morning. I won’t have time to see him again.

“When on Sunday?”

“First thing in the morning.” I look down at the ground.

“No way! So this is it?”

I nod. But my head is full of angry questions. How can this be it? How have I met someone so funny and kind and right for me and only be able to spend a day with him? This is so unfair.

“Well then, I’m gonna have to look into coming over to the UK for my next vacation,” Noah says with a grin.

It takes every muscle in my face to smile back at him. We trudge over to the truck and get in.

All the way back to the hotel I feel numb with sorrow and disappointment. On the surface, everything is OK. Noah does his running commentary of driving directions and we exchange small talk, but all I can think is, this is so unfair.

By the time we’re back in the underground car park at the hotel, I feel as if I’m going to burst into tears.

“Do you know what an inciting incident is?” Noah says as he turns off the engine.

I shake my head.

“It’s the point at the start of a movie where something happens to the hero that changes their life forever. You’ve seen
Harry Potter
, right?”

I nod.

“Well, the inciting incident in that movie is when Hagrid tells Harry Potter he’ll be a great wizard someday and gives him the invite to Hogwarts.”

“Oh, right.”

Noah looks down in his lap, like he’s embarrassed. “I think that’s what you might be to me.”

“What? A wizard?”

“No! My inciting incident.”

I glance at him. In the half-light of the car park, his cheekbones look even more chiseled than ever. “What do you mean?” I ask, hardly daring to believe what I think he means.

“I mean, I think this might be the start of something.”

We sit in silence.

“I think you might be my inciting incident too,” I say with a small smile.

•  •  •

When we get back up to the wedding suite, I’m amazed Mum and Sadie Lee can’t immediately tell something’s happened. I feel so excited and alive; I’m surprised I’m not glowing like one of the fish in the underwater mural. But they’re both too busy putting the finishing touches on the wedding cake—a fondant husband and wife, dressed in twenties-style clothes.

“Elliot and Dad are back,” Mum says. “They’re up in their rooms.”

“OK.” I look at Noah and he looks at me and it feels as if an electrical current is passing between us.

“Are you ready to take me to fetch Bella?” Sadie Lee asks Noah. I feel a pang of sorrow at the thought of him leaving, but it’s softened by another thought: we are each other’s inciting incidents. This means I have to see him again.

“OK then,” Noah says, giving me a knowing smile. “It sure has been fun hanging out with you.”

“You too.” I instantly feel my face blush.

He brings his arms up as if he’s going to hug me, but for some completely ridiculous reason, known only to the God
of Awkward Moments, I go to fist-bump him. I’ve never fist-bumped anyone in my life.

“Oh!” Noah sees my raised fist and quickly meets it with one of his own. Then he grips my hand in his and pulls me in for a gangsta-style shoulder-bump. “I’ll call you later,” he whispers in my ear.

I nod, hoping he won’t notice my burning face.

And then he and Sadie Lee are gone. Before I have time to show the tiara to Mum, her phone rings.

“Hi, Cindy,” she says, raising her eyebrows to me.

“Here’s the tiara,” I mouth, placing the box down on the kitchen counter. “I’m going up to my room.”

Mum nods and I walk back out through the wedding suite. By the time I get to the elevator, I have a text from Noah.

Thank you for an awesome day. Speak to you later. N

I quickly start texting him back.

Thank YOU xxx

I look at the text and frown. Three kisses is way too many. Especially when he didn’t send me any. I delete the kisses. Now the text looks really blunt and unfriendly. I add a smiley-faced emoticon. But it looks too immature. Maybe if
I did a winky face . . . ? No, no, that looks way too suggestive. I delete the winky face and add a P for Penny. Now it looks like I’m copying exactly what he did. I need to show that I have some kind of originality and flair. Three lifts come and go, but I’m still standing there, typing and deleting, typing and deleting. How can I create an original and mature impression without seeming too keen or too formal? In the end, I go with: “Thank YOU, Penny” and I add a thumbs-up emoticon. Which seemed like a great idea until the moment I pressed send.

•  •  •

As soon as I get to my room, I go straight over to the adjoining door.

“Elliot, are you in there?”

I open the door. Elliot is lying facedown on his bed, fast asleep. I carefully shut the door and go over to my own bed. Then I lie down and stare up at the ceiling. I want to savor this feeling for as long as I can. I close my eyes and hug one of my pillows to me as I replay every moment of the day in my head.
Thank you, thank you, thank you
, I whisper to the God of Inciting Incidents.

Then, when I realize I’m far too excited to fall asleep, I go over to my suitcase and pull out my laptop. Carefully avoiding my email and social networks, I go straight to my blog and sign in. There are now over four hundreds comments on my post about facing fear. I “like” them all and reply to the girl who’d been scared of her mum’s drinking. Then I open up a new post and start to type.

22 December

From Fear to Fairy Tale

Hey, guys!

Wow, you are all so amazing. I’ve just been reading your comments on my last post and they’re making me cry—but in a really good way.

I used to feel so alone before I started this blog. I used to feel like no one really understood me (apart from Wiki, of course). But reading your comments has made me realize that actually hundreds—and maybe even thousands (!)—of you totally get me.

And that makes me feel so happy.

And un-alone
(is “un-alone” a word . . . ?!)
.

And that, actually, even though I sometimes feel as if I’m the only person who struggles with this thing called “life,” I’m not.

Thank you for being so honest about your fears—and so brave in facing them.

And please keep posting your updates because I’m sure they’ll help everyone reading this to face their own fears too.

But, guys . . . something has happened to me since I faced my fear and got on a plane.

Something truly amazing.

And I want to share it with you because the Glass Slipper Moment I was telling you about has actually come true.

Not in the way I thought it would—never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined things turning out the way they have!

Because what happened next has made me wonder if maybe when you confront your worst fear, you enter some kind of magical parallel universe where all kinds of things are possible—because I’ve met a boy.

A boy that I really like.

And I think he really likes me!