Girl's Guide to Kissing Frogs (58 page)

Copenhagen! My geography was weak but I knew enough to know it was across seas and continents. One of each anyway. Time, the mean thing, was rushing by, and there was so little of it. I became aware that a great silence had fallen. I heard the shriek of a vixen far below the house.

‘Come with me,’ said Conrad. I looked up in time to see something like a tremor cross his face. The tremor, which was gone in an instant, was telling nonetheless. A gust of wind blew a breath of night into the room, redolent of the forest and the lake, and with it came courage.

‘What about Wednesday’s performance of
Ilina and the Scarlet
Riband
?’

‘I can bring you back by then.’

‘I haven’t got a ticket.’

‘You will not need one. I’m travelling by private plane.’

‘I thought you disliked needless extravagances.’

‘This is not a jet staffed by thousands but a small twin-propeller Cessna, piloted by me.’

‘You know how to fly?’

‘I should not be taking off in –’ he looked at his watch – ‘six hours and fifty-five minutes’ time if I didn’t.’

‘I’ll come with you.’

‘You trust me to fly you safely?’

I took a deep breath and pretended I was about to dance a difficult pas de deux. ‘If you’re going to die, I want to die with you.’

He stopped pacing. ‘Marigold.’ His eyes grew soft. In three strides he was by my side. He took my hands and drew me up so I was standing within the circle of his arm. We looked intently into each other’s faces. So quickly had it been done, after all.

He traced the outline of my mouth with his finger. ‘I ask myself why it is that it has been so difficult … so very difficult to attempt to make love to you. And I can come up with only one answer.’ His cheekbones were miraculous. ‘I believe even in that terrible train carriage I was in danger of feeling something that I wished to resist with all my might. You were disruptive of my peace in more ways than I cared to acknowledge. And then you were so frequently engaged to other men.’

‘Well, you were engaged to … oh, no you weren’t. But I wasn’t to know that.’

His wonderful eyes were close to mine now. The curve of his lower lids was perhaps the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He lifted one of my hands to kiss it. He took a handful of my hair and kissed that. Then he kissed my mouth. I put everything I had into that kiss. I wanted to show him that, if he would love me, I would devote everything to his happiness. There was nothing I would not do for him. I would give up dancing so he could go on being Didelot. He alone was joy, hope, comfort, solace, meat and drink to me. All this I put into that kiss.

‘Marigold!’ He rested his cheek against my temple. ‘
Mein
Gott!
I do not mean to complain when I say it has been hard. I played the charade with Isobel because of you. Then I went away because I was afraid of revealing myself. I waited to hear that you had finally broken with Rafe but Fritz, though he kept me informed of laundry bills and grocery lists, could tell me nothing of that. I decided it was better to stay away so you could give your mind to dancing.’

‘I’ll willingly give it up for good if—’

‘No! This will be the last time I am Didelot. Can you think, you ridiculous girl, that I would allow you to abandon it now?
Besides, I am about to put a great deal of money into the Lenoir Ballet Company. And it is because I believe they have a great dancer in the making.’

‘Me?’

‘Of course you.’

‘Honestly?’

‘Didelot never lies. Conrad occasionally – only for excellent reasons – but Didelot’s whole purpose is to speak candidly without consideration for feelings, for reputation, for money or for advantage of any kind.’

I tried to think clearly what all this portended for me, but my brain was making a hash of it. ‘Sebastian’s terribly resistant to interference.’

‘He agrees with me. He said as much when I talked to him after
Giselle
. He thought by marrying you it would be the cheapest way to keep you in the company.’

‘Of course I knew he wasn’t in love with me. And he never pretended he was.’

‘That would give too much power to you. Besides, it is in Lenoir’s character to enjoy giving pain rather than pleasure.’

It was certainly not in Conrad’s character. I knew by now that he was extremely tender-hearted and just as strongly hated to let this be seen. An idea came to me then that ought to have occurred to me long ago.

‘When he came here, did you suggest then that you might put money into the company? Was that why he agreed not to make trouble between Rafe and me? And all that stuff Golly told me about only being able to see me in the part of Ilina … it was you who persuaded her to give it to me, wasn’t it?’

I tried to look at his face but he held me tightly to him so I couldn’t.

‘It would not have been possible had she not believed in my good opinion of your talent. However much I wanted to kiss you as I have done just now, I should not have risked humiliating either her or you.’

‘It isn’t possible that you can love me half as much as I love you.’

‘You think not? Let me show you.’

‘Conrad, what shall I do about clothes? Everything I’ve got that’s halfway decent is at Shottestone.’

‘It does not matter. We can buy things in Copenhagen. We can go to a theatrical costumier.’

‘Don’t you want me to wear proper clothes?’

‘I like the way you dress. In fact I insist on making love to you dressed as a swan. You, that is, not me.’

I stopped in mid-laughter to groan. ‘I’ve just remembered! My passport’s in my luggage at Leaping Dog Lane. My landlady always bolts the door and she won’t be up until half-past seven. Oh, Conrad! I can’t bear not to go with you!’

‘Ach!
’ He looked despairing. ‘What shall we do? I might try to bribe a customs official?’

‘You mustn’t do that! You’d be arrested! I know because Orlando tried once to slip a customs officer a ten-pound note so he’d let him bring in a temple jar full of human bones. He’d bought it from this man who was selling off his ancestors so he could buy a television. Sebastian had to get a terribly expensive lawyer in to prevent Orlando being carried off immediately to jail.’

‘Well, it is a pity,’ he kissed me gently, ‘but it cannot be helped.’

‘Couldn’t you let someone else do the review of
Scheherazade
?
I feel I shall die if you go away now!’

‘I consider myself obliged. We must agree to kiss and part … but not for long. Two days only. Perhaps we can do more than kiss. There remain –’ he looked at his watch again – ‘six and three-quarter hours. Shall we make love?’

‘Here? What about Fritz and Orlando?’

‘They are spending the night at Shottestone.’

‘But why?’

He kissed me quite roughly. ‘I hoped they would be
de trop
.’

‘Well, it’s a change for the boot to be on the other … oh,
all right, sorry, but sometimes clichés hit the nail on the … say things so exactly. But how did you get here?’

‘I drove, of course.’

‘I didn’t know you could.’

‘I can, perfectly well, but Fritz enjoys it so much.’

‘Is there
any
thing you can’t do?’

‘Let us see.’ He kissed me again, much less gently, and I got a sick excited feeling like coming down a helter-skelter but a million times stronger.

‘No,’ I stopped him as he tried to undo the row of tiny silk-covered buttons. ‘There’s a zip at the back. But Conrad, I don’t want to be a disappointment. I’ve had lovers, you know that, but I always had to think about something else, remembering steps or making a shopping list, to get through it without feeling sick.’

‘I promise you will not feel unwell.’

‘Yes, but—’

‘Stop talking. Think only that I love you.’

‘I can’t believe you really do. Not as much as I—’

‘Of course I do. Much more.’

‘I love you so much, I—’

‘Shh!’

I did shush and soon we lay naked on the divan, his golden body joined with my white one, with the wind blowing the curtains to the horizontal and all the sounds of the night, owls hooting and foxes barking and trees rustling like some sort of heavenly music and I tried to express my abiding love … and … quite quickly I stopped trying because it all happened without any effort at all on my part. Afterwards, as we lay breathless in each other’s arms, my heart swelled with gratitude. Conrad was truly a magician. Only wizardry could be responsible for the extraordinary pleasure he had given me. I opened my eyes. Conrad was leaning on his elbow looking down at me.

‘Well?’

‘
Golly!
I could cry with happiness. Except I know you wouldn’t like it if I did.’

‘It would be one occasion when no man could possibly object. I enjoyed you very, very much. More even than I anticipated. Despite that rabbit who persistently tries to jump on me.’

‘Oh, Siggy!’ I turned my head as he came running out from beneath the table in response to his name. ‘I’m afraid jealousy is his worst trait – what’s he got in his mouth?’

Conrad stretched down his arm and pulled it from between Siggy’s teeth. ‘Gracious heaven!’ He sounded astonished. ‘Look! It is your passport!’

‘Conrad! I don’t believe it! It
can’t
be! I know I left it in Leaping Dog Lane … how on
earth
did it get here …’ He started to laugh. ‘Conrad! You
devil!
’

I tried to hit him with it but he held my arm and continued to laugh.

‘All the time you pretended … you
beast!
You thought I was a foregone conclusion!’

He kissed the inside of my elbow and my rage evaporated at once.

‘I did not. But one must be expeditious in love as in other things. I was prepared to return the passport, if necessary, without your knowing. A foregone conclusion? No! Let us say I tried to see the future in
couleur de rose
. “Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” That’s Goethe. Now I want to make love to you again. This time it will be even better. Last time I was a little nervous.’

‘Really? It didn’t show.’

He looked pleased. ‘Well, of course these things are relative. But I must insist, this time you do not call me Golly.’

Victoria Clayton is married and lives in Northamptonshire. She is the author of many previous novels, including
Clouds
Among the Stars
and
Moonshine
for HarperCollins.

Visit www.AuthorTracker.co.uk for exclusive updates on Victoria Clayton.

Dance With Me
Out of Love
Past Mischief
Running Wild
Clouds Among the Stars
Moonshine

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