Give Me a Reason (45 page)

“Yeah, I guess it would be, but they both seem happy.”

“That they do,” Laura said as she placed her hands under her
head. Staring at the ceiling, she thought about the day.

By early afternoon, the eaves of the cottage had been
outlined in white icicle lights, and every shrub in the front garden had been
draped in netted lighting. Silhouettes of deer wrapped in LED strands stood
proudly under a tree, while angels with trumpets lined the driveway leading to
the house. Gathering their empty boxes, Toni and Bill had trudged inside, and
after being warmed by hot chocolate with just a splash of brandy, and a lunch
of finger sandwiches, they joined Laura and her mother to finish what was left.

Having decided that they wouldn’t get a tree until Sunday,
one corner of the lounge was left untouched, but by late that afternoon the
rest of the house was adorned in the colors and scents of the season.

The photographs and mementos lining the tops of the bookcases
were rearranged to make room for candles smelling of pine and bayberry, and
snow globes displaying tiny villages were placed lovingly alongside framed
photographs of family and friends. Tall and stately nutcrackers stood guard on
the window sills, and figurines of Santa Claus and angels greeted visitors in
every room. The banister was draped in the same green garland as the windows,
and white fairy lights were strung over the doorway, awaiting a sprig of
mistletoe soon to be purchased.

A nativity scene which had been handed down through the
family was placed atop the mantle, and Laura carefully arranged each figure
exactly as her mother had shown her years before. Completing the decorations
above the hearth, Eleanor placed two cast-iron stocking hangers to the left and
right of the manger, but glancing at the stockings in her hand, she turned sad,
mumbling that she had forgotten to buy another. Seconds later, her heart
overflowed with love when Laura chimed in, “Don’t you mean two?”

It was an afternoon filled with laughter and jokes, and as
Laura watched and listened, she couldn’t help but smile at the happiness she
saw in both her parents’ eyes.

Laura’s thoughts returned to now, and glancing in Toni’s
direction, she remained quiet as she watched the woman get undressed. Doing her
best to finish every meal put in front of her, Toni had finally managed to put
on a few pounds. Even though her stomach was still flat and muscled, her hips
had become soft and rounded. Secretly wincing at the stark white
run-of-the-mill underwear Toni was wearing, Laura said, “We really need to get
you some new things.”

“What do you mean?” Toni asked, pulling on a pair of pajama
bottoms.

“Aren’t you the one that said white was boring?”

Smiling at the memory, Toni unfastened her bra, tossing it
aside while she rummaged through a drawer for a T-shirt. Glancing in Laura’s
direction, as soon as she saw the look in her eyes, Toni said, “Don’t even
think about it.”

“Think about what?” Laura asked, keeping her eyes fixed on
Toni’s naked breasts.

Quickly pulling a dark blue T-shirt over her head, Toni
pushed the drawer closed. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“If I’m not mistaken, you
did
lose the bet,” Laura said as she began unbuttoning her pajama top.

“Don’t you dare,” Toni scolded, striding over to fasten
everything Laura had just unfastened. “It’s only been two days, and you know
how I feel about this. I don’t want your mother hearing this bed squeak all
night long.”

“It won’t take all night,” Laura said, raising her eyes to
meet Toni’s. “Not unless you want it to.”

Toni sat on the edge of the bed and laced her fingers through
Laura’s. “Can I just hold you tonight? Just hold you? Things are changing for
me, Laura, and every day seems like something else new and wonderful is
happening. I worked side-by-side with a man today—a
man
.
I didn’t feel the fear I thought I would, and even after he grabbed me—”

“He grabbed you!”

“I fell—”

“You fell!”

Placing her finger on Laura’s lips, Toni said, “I slipped off
the ladder, but your dad was there to catch me. At first, all I wanted to do
was run, but then I saw his face, and my fear…my fear just went away. It was
like…it was like taking the deepest breath you can and everything around you,
the smells and the sounds, they just get inside of you and you know it’s going
to be okay.”

Emotions began to rise to the surface, and as her eyes filled
with tears, Toni said in ragged whisper, “I love you with all my heart, Laura,
all of it, but tonight...tonight I just want to hold you in my arms and breathe
you in. Can I do that? Will you let me do that…please?”

Laura pulled Toni into her arms. Covering them both with the
quilt, she turned off the bedside lamp, and as they held each other close in
the darkness...they breathed.

Chapter Forty-Three

The next morning the women returned to Stirling, and while
Eleanor went in search of Christmas stockings and holders, Toni and Laura
visited a few of the smaller stores to do a bit of last-minute shopping.

After paying for her purchase of two personalized Christmas
stockings, Eleanor walked out of the store and opened her mobile, but before
she could press the speed dial button, she heard someone call her name. Turning
around, she scanned the crowd, and then saw Nancy and Peggy walking her way.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Eleanor said as they approached.

“Of all people, Eleanor, I would have thought you’d have been
done with your shopping months ago,” Nancy said, leaning in for a quick kiss on
the cheek.

“I thought I was, but I forgot a few things,” Eleanor said,
holding up the bag in her hand. Glancing at her niece, Eleanor’s smile grew
large at the sight of the woman’s very swollen belly. “Hiya, Peggy,” she said,
pulling her into a hug. “I can’t believe you still have four weeks to go!”

“Neither can I,” the young woman jokingly moaned, rubbing her
enormous baby bump.

“Ell, we were just going to grab a bite to eat. You
interested?” Nancy asked, shifting one of her many bags to the other hand.

“Actually, I’m starving. Let me just call Laura to see if
she’d like to join us.”

“Laura? Laura’s here already!” Nancy blurted. “Well, that’s a
shock. She always seems to be so busy, but I suppose when you don’t have a
husband and children to care for the world is your oyster, as they say.”

Taking a deep breath, Eleanor held it until she smothered
every cutting remark that came to mind. Thankfully, they died before she did.
Forcing a smile to appear, she said, “Yes, I suppose, but Laura’s decided to
spend a few weeks up here this year. She actually arrived the other night with
her partner.”

“Her partner!” Nancy said, taking a half-step backward. “Oh,
that’s wonderful, Ellie! Maybe this means you’ll finally get all those
grandbabies you’ve always wanted.”

Accustomed to Nancy’s one-track mind, Eleanor glanced at
Peggy, who in turn simply shook her head, silently apologizing for her mother’s
glib remark. Turning back to Nancy, Eleanor’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “Let
me just call them, shall I? I’m sure Laura can’t wait for you to meet Toni.”

***

Standing a short distance away from the entrance to the pub,
Laura eyed the woman standing next to her. “You ready for this?”

“Let me just grab another smoke—”

“You’ve had two!”

Frowning, Toni pocketed the pack of cigarettes. “Sorry, just
me being me…
again
.”

“Look, I can call Mum back. Just because we said yes, doesn’t
mean we can’t change our minds,” Laura said, touching Toni on the sleeve. “You
can meet them another day.”

“That’s just putting off the inevitable, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but if you need a few more days—”

“I guess years aren’t an option, huh?”

Taking Toni’s hand, Laura gave it a squeeze. “Afraid not,
sweetheart, but if you want to skip having lunch with them, that much I can
do.”

Laura was always
doing
for
Toni. Always waiting, always helping, never pushing, and never putting her
wants in front of Toni’s, but Laura had wants, too. She had a family inside the
pub waiting for her. Eager to see her, to chat and to laugh, but again, she was
willing to walk away and all Toni had to do was ask. As Toni gazed back at
Laura, everything Abby had taught her disappeared. “Do you love me?”

“More than I can put into words.”

“And if I freak out in there?”

“You haven’t done that in ages, sweetheart.”

Squaring her shoulders, Toni nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”

***

Nancy Shaw looked up from her menu just as her niece came
into the bar, and noticing the person walking next to Laura, she let loose a
loud guffaw. “Oh, Ellie, you really had me going for a moment, now didn’t you?”

Confused, Eleanor looked up. Following Nancy’s and Peggy’s
line of sight, she smiled when she saw Laura and Toni heading their way.

Sliding out of the booth, Eleanor hugged them both, and
seeing the nervousness in Toni’s eyes, she quickly slid back into the booth and
motioned for Toni to follow. Holding Toni’s hand under the table, she waited
until Laura was seated to say, “Nancy and Peggy, this is Toni Vaughn, Laura’s
partner.”

After quickly glancing at her cousin, Peggy smiled and held
out her hand. “Nice to meet you, Toni.”

Watching the exchange, Nancy’s eyes traveled to Toni. With a
penetrating stare, she scrutinized all she could see of her until it was her
turn to extend her hand. Doing so, she said, “Yes, very nice to meet you.”

“Thank you. Nice to meet you also,” Toni said quietly.

Regarding the woman with a mixture of kindness and curiosity,
Nancy couldn’t pry her eyes away until the greeting had ended. Glancing in
Laura’s direction, she said, “Your mother didn’t tell me you started your own
business, Laura.”

Tilting her head to the side for a second, Laura looked past
Toni, and when she saw the amusement in her mother’s eyes, the penny dropped.
Giving Toni’s knee a squeeze under the table, Laura said, “I didn’t start a
business, Nancy. Why would you think that?”

“Well, because she said you were here with your partner, but
obviously, we’ve had a miscommunication.”

Sitting quietly by her mother’s side, Peggy Wallace studied
the black-haired woman sitting opposite her for a few moments before glancing
back at her cousin. Until the day Laura had left for university, Peggy and
Laura had been inseparable. Born only four months apart, they had grown up in
each other’s shadow, and over the years, they had shared their dolls and their
dreams. They had tittered over boys, blushed about firsts, and could even finish
each other’s sentences without batting an eye. So when Laura finally looked in
her direction and their eyes met, Peggy simply tilted her head as if to ask
really
and grinning, Laura answered with a wink.

Lacing her fingers through Toni’s in full view of everyone at
the table, Laura said, “Actually, there wasn’t any miscommunication, Nancy.
Toni is my partner...as in significant other.”

Nancy’s eyes almost popped out of her head at the
announcement, her mouth falling open seconds later to allow her to suck in all
the air the room contained. Taking a quick gulp of her ale, she looked down her
nose at Eleanor. “Well, I guess that means you’ll never have those
grandchildren you so desperately wanted, Eleanor. Feel free to visit mine
whenever you feel the need.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Toni said, looking up from the
table. Locking her eyes on the woman who was wearing a turquoise and pink
open-weave sweater, Toni said, “In this day and age, there are lots of ways to
have children, and once Laura and I are married, we’ll find the one that suits
us best and use it…to our heart’s content.”

Although they tried not to show it, Laura and Eleanor were
stunned when Toni spoke up. Packed tightly in on their side of the booth, they
both could feel Toni’s knees shaking under the table, and while her breathing
appeared to be normal, her palms were sweating so badly they were both worried
she was heading toward a panic attack...and as it turned out, she was.

The stores and streets had been crowded with last-minute
shoppers, and having been shoved, jostled and touched more times than she could
remember, before Toni ever stepped foot in the pub, her nerves had already been
frayed. She had convinced herself that she could handle meeting these women,
but doing it in a bar overflowing with people was not the place. It was noisy
with patrons trying to talk over each other. The televisions were blaring, and
sitting directly behind her in another booth were men smelling of ale and
cigarettes. She was just about to excuse herself to go to the ladies’ room when
she had heard Nancy’s haughty tone. It had set Toni’s teeth on edge, and for a
split-second, her fears had disappeared. Unfortunately, that second had long
since gone.

Lowering her eyes, Toni leaned toward Laura and said quietly,
“Slide out, Laura. I need the loo.”

Laura had been staring back at her aunt, watching as the
woman’s face bloomed with embarrassment, but as soon as she heard the strain in
Toni’s voice, Laura looked at her partner. In an instant, she knew what was
happening.

“Actually, so do I,” Laura said, sliding out of the booth.
Allowing Toni to pass, Laura said, “We’ll be right back, Mum. Order us some
wine, will you?”

***

“Breathe, sweetheart…just breathe.”

“I...I...I can’t,” Toni said, gasping for air. “Can’t...breathe....help...me...”

“Shit!” Laura said as she looked around the room for her
handbag. Realizing she had left it in the booth, Laura’s face went slack for a
moment, but only for a moment. Returning her eyes to Toni, Laura spoke calmly
and clearly, with not one ounce of worry in her tone. “Sweetheart, listen to my
voice. I need you to breathe slowly, Toni. Just take nice easy—”

“Oh, my God, what’s wrong?” Peggy said, seeing the two women
huddled in the corner of the room. “Laura, what’s wrong?”

“Don’t ask questions, Peg. Just go get my handbag. I left it
in the booth, and don’t let them know about this. Okay?”

Without answering, Peggy waddled from the bathroom as fast as
her pregnant body would allow. Getting to the booth, she quickly grabbed
Laura’s purse from the bench, and without batting an eye, she simply said,
“Time of the month,” and went back the way she came.

When Peggy returned to the ladies’ room, she found Laura and
Toni exactly where she had left them. Toni was still gasping for air, and Laura’s
faced was shrouded in worry. “What am I looking for?” she asked, holding up
Laura’s handbag.

Intent on trying to keep Toni calm, Laura didn’t hear the
door open and jumping, she cast a quick glance in Peggy’s direction. “Oh, thank
God, it’s you. Look inside. There’s a paper bag. I need it, Peggy. I need it
now!”

Leaving Peggy to fumble through her over-filled handbag,
Laura turned back to Toni. “Sweetheart, just keep listening to my voice. Okay?
Remember what Abby told you. Concentrate on your breathing. Nice easy
breaths...in and out—”

“I got it!” Peggy shouted, pulling the sack from Laura’s
handbag. Shaking it open, she said, “You keep talking to her. I’ve got this.”
Moving slowly so she wouldn’t scare the panicked woman, Peggy placed the bag
over Toni’s mouth and nose.

For a split-second, Laura gawked at her cousin, but the sound
of the paper bag crackling brought Laura’s attention back to Toni. “That’s it,
sweetheart. Take some nice slow breaths just like Abby said. You know what to
do. Just concentrate on my voice. You’re safe, and we’re here to help. Just
focus on me, Toni. Forget about everything else. Just focus on me.”

It took a while before Toni slowed her breathing enough for
Peggy to feel comfortable removing the bag. Letting out a sigh of relief, she
watched as Laura helped Toni slide slowly to the floor. “Is she okay?”

Brushing away the sweat-soaked strands of hair from Toni’s
forehead, Laura said, “Yeah, it’s just going to take a few minutes.”

“I take it that she’s had these before?”

Looking up at her cousin, Laura said, “Yes, but she hasn’t
had one this bad for quite a while. Do you mind telling me how you knew what to
do?”

As she walked over to the sink, Peggy said, “Did you forget
my husband’s a firefighter? Stephen’s forever taking emergency services classes
and I’m his study partner. You’d be amazed at what I’ve learned helping him
cram for tests.”

A minute later, Peggy returned to Laura’s side, and handing
her some damp towels, she said, “So if you ever break a leg, I’m your girl.”

“Thanks, I’ll remember that,” Laura said, offering her cousin
a weak smile.

“Maybe we should call a doctor.”

“No, Toni doesn’t like doctors,” Laura said softly. “And
besides, she’s coming around now.” Watching as Toni slowly opened her eyes,
Laura whispered, “Hiya, sweetheart.”

“I’m….I’m sorry, Laura. I’m…so sorry.”

“Sshhh...don’t apologize. You couldn’t help it. It’s okay.”

“I fucked up, Laura. There were too many people today and I…I
didn’t give myself enough time to calm down before we came into the pub. I’m
sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

“Relax, Toni. No worries. As long as you’re okay, that’s all
that matters.”

“I would have been all right if your aunt hadn’t wound me up,
but when she said that shit about grandchildren to your mum, I just…I just lost
focus. Why did she have to say those things, Laura? Why?”

“Because she never thinks before she speaks,” Peggy said.
Seeing that Toni immediately cowered when she heard her voice, Peggy smiled and
added, “Which is one of the reasons I now live in Falkirk.”

“I’m...I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here,” Toni said,
looking up.

“No apologies necessary, Toni. I love my mother, but she can
be a right pain in the arse sometimes.”

It was enough to break the ice, and Toni relaxed against the
tile wall. Running her fingers through her hair, she wiped the dampness on her
trousers. “Christ, I’m soaking wet. I guess this one was bad, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid so, sweetheart, but if we use those hand
dryers over there, no one will be the wiser. All right?”

“Okay, sure,” Toni said as she struggled to stand.

“I’ll guard the door,” Peggy said, leaning her back against
the only entrance to the room.

“Oh...um...no, that’s okay, Peggy. I’ll just lock it,” Laura
said.

“There isn’t a lock, and we’ve been really lucky that no one’s
come in so far, so you had better hurry up,” Peggy said, hitting her hand
against the dryer push button.