Gloria Oliver (22 page)

“You must choose what’s in your heart, Toshi-kun,” she said. “Don’t pick one way because you owe someone or another because we’re doomed. Don’t pick one because you believe you’ll succeed or another because you might fail. Rather, choose the one you can live with. Choose from your heart.”

He let her cradle him in her arms, knowing what she was doing, knowing it was the same thing Asaka had done. Tears ran down his face, staining her kimono as he cried.

It was some time later when Toshi got dressed. Night was falling on the world above. Feeling more calm, but still undecided, he ate a little before heading up.

The next few days crawled by. He spent his time practicing under Mitsuo’s guidance or amusing himself with Miko’s games and stories. He never again brought up the topic of his upcoming choice. Miko did the same. Most of the time, he tried to pretend his problem didn’t even exist—though, in the end, he was only too aware it wouldn’t make any difference.

When he couldn’t set those thoughts aside, however, he could feel a strange tension building inside him as time ran out. No one pressed him. Everyone treated him as they always had before. Even Asaka ignored him as usual. The lack of pressure grated on his nerves. It looked like he’d be making the decision on his own whether he liked it or not.

*

“It is time to go below, Toshiro-san,” Mitsuo said.

He opened his eyes and stared at the old samurai in incomprehension. Had something gone wrong? He’d only been awakened twice so far. “Go below?”

“Yes. It’s almost dawn.”

He sat up and began gathering his things, even as his mind fought to understand what the discrepancy meant.

He looked out over the dark sea, but couldn’t see far. However, he realized he didn’t need to see to know there was land out there and that it was very close. He could smell it in the air—the faint scent of fish and grass that hadn’t been there before. He hadn’t been awakened for a reading because the ship had come to waters the crew were familiar with.

His stomach knotted. Their sea journey was almost at an end. His time of decision would soon be upon him. With a nervous glance, he looked at their lord as he descended to the lower deck. Asaka sat, as unapproachable as ever, in no way acknowledging he knew Toshi was leaving the deck. He hurried to his room.

“Good morning, Toshi-kun.”

“Good morning, Miko-san.” His voice was muffled as he draped his blankets around him. Settling down, it occurred to him to wonder if she had any idea they were close to the coast. He pulled the map out of his basket and tried to gauge how much farther they had to go.

“Where are we?” she asked.

He hesitated for a moment before pointing to a spot on the map. “I think we’re somewhere around here.”

“It won’t be much longer, will it?” Her tone was neutral.

He had to swallow hard before he could answer. “No.”

Time had almost run out on him. With a small shiver, he rolled up the map and put it back. His eyes strayed to the cause of all his woes.

The black kettle sat just as he’d left it, its bright-emblazoned sun sparkling in the ship’s eerie light. He tore his gaze away from it, hating it for putting him in this situation. Though he no longer had an appetite, he made himself eat, lest he give Miko the impression something was wrong.

All through the day, his upcoming decision occupied all of his thoughts. It interfered with his practice session, though up to that point he’d been making some progress. He earned a number of new bruises for his lack of concentration.

He lost every game he played with Miko that afternoon as well. Eventually, she gave up on trying to distract him and left him to his thoughts.

Though he’d pondered on it all day, he still hadn’t made up his mind as time ran out. He had to make a decision. He had no choice. Asaka would be expecting no hesitation from him once he put forth the question to him again. Yet it made no difference. He had no idea what he wanted to do.

Later, he let himself be led topside. His body was coiled with tension as he made the only computation needed that night. He lay down as expected, but couldn’t sleep. He kept his eyes closed, his choices spinning round and round in his head.

If he went, he might never reach Narashi. If he stayed, the crew would remain damned. If he went, they might be freed. If he stayed, he’d doom someone else to do their bidding.

“Asaka-sama, the bay lies around this bend. Should I stop us here?” This came from the steersman.

Toshi’s eyes snapped open. He turned on his side and looked at Asaka. The samurai rose from his stool, his gaze locked to their left.

“Do not turn inland, but continue straight ahead.” His voice was as impassive as ever. “Bring us to the same position we held on our last visit here.”

“Hai.”

Toshi held his breath as green, flashing eyes glanced in his direction. The samurai’s gaze held his own, telling him the time of choosing was almost at hand. He looked away, knowing he still had no answer. He slowly sat up and stared out past the rail.

A dark mass rose grandly from the sea, obscuring everything beyond it. Though its features were indistinct, he could still see where it curved away not far ahead of them. Unwillingly, his gaze remained there. He knew once they’d crossed it he would be in the waters of the bay of his childhood, the place he’d always called home. He’d made it back.

The large knot in his stomach grew tighter, an unreasoning fear blooming inside him now that he’d returned. His hands shook as he took the telescope from his basket and held it in his moist hands as the ship crossed into the bay.

He held his breath as they cleared the last bit of land. With a soft click, he extended the telescope and brought it to his waiting eye.

Darkness lay like a cloak across the city. Only a few dots of light tried to break past the illusion. These dots sat out over the docks, acting like beacons welcoming late-arriving ships home. Using the power of the telescope and the few lights about, he was able to make out most of the ships at dock. With a pang of guilt and pain, he located the
Corazon
, Captain Valez’s ship. It sat just as he’d seen it last.

“Toshiro, it is time for you to go below,” Asaka said.

Memories of the strange gaijin friend crowded into Toshi’s mind—his askew mustached grin, his odd foreign views on things, his contagious sense of humor.

With a queer stillness brewing in him, Toshi turned away from the sight. “Hai, Asaka-sama.”

After gathering his things, he went below. Mitsuo followed after him.

“We are there, Toshi-kun?” Miko asked as he came into the room.

He found he couldn’t look at her. “Yes, Miko-san.”

He knew she was aware of what was to come. In minutes, he felt the ship sink into the sea. He buried himself deep in his covers, feeling a chill that had nothing to do with the ever-present cold.

He looked up as Miko caressed his cheek. He thought she was about to say something when the sound of a deep bell rang outside the door.

“I’ll be back, Toshi-chan. I shouldn’t be gone long.” She stared at him for a long moment before going on. “Would you like some tea when I return, or would something stronger be in order?”

She tilted her head playfully toward him as she rose to her feet.

“I would prefer the tea, if you don’t mind,” he said. “I don’t think I could handle sake very well just now.”

“As you wish.”

He watched her leave and then glanced over at Mitsuo as the latter closed the door. His teacher said nothing. Toshi did nothing to disturb the silence.

With a deep sigh, he attempted once again to push his troubled thoughts aside. He tried to think of some way to distract himself but came up with nothing. His spinning thoughts wouldn’t go away.

Miko returned, her eyes bright as she came into the room, bowing formally in his direction. “Lord Asaka requests the honor of your presence in his chambers.”

A lump jumped and settled tight into his throat. The moment he’d been dreading was upon him. He stumbled over his words. “I—I would be honored to meet with him.”

He stood and headed toward the door, his mind close to panic.

“Toshi-chan, don’t you think you should clean up a bit first? After all, you are about to be presented to our lord.” Miko’s tone was full of mirth.

He stopped and stared at her in confusion, his mind unwilling to understand what she was talking about.

As Miko raised her sleeve to hide her lacquered mouth, he recalled his slept-in clothes and mussed hair.

His cheeks burned.

“Don’t worry, dear one. I’ll help you.” Laughing as she came to his rescue, Miko straightened out his kimono and redid his hair. “Well, Mitsuo-san, is he ready?”

The old samurai took his time looking him up and down. Toshi tried hard not to fidget, his nervousness increasing.

“It will do,” Mitsuo said.

He followed Miko out of the room, and Mitsuo trailed them. Toshi kept having to remind himself to breathe as they walked down the short hallway over to the samurai’s door.

Miko knocked and, after a moment, opened the door into the room. He followed her in. Asaka sat at the same place as before.

Toshi gingerly took his seat. He was a little surprised to discover that Miko and Mitsuo weren’t leaving.

He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not.

Hot tea and sake were on the table, as well as six small plates of unusual tidbits. Miko knelt down on a cushion placed next to the left side of the table. Gracefully, she served both seated men. Toshi swallowed hard as she placed one of the plates before him and another before their lord.

“Please, Toshiro, have some.” Asaka pointed at his plate.

Not sure whether he should consider it a command or request, he reached out for one of the red candies before him. As the sweet taste inundated his mouth, he kept his attention on Miko as she grabbed two empty teacups. Eagerly awaiting the warm tea, he was surprised when she instead poured sake into each of them.

She offered him the filled cup. Desperate for warmth, he took it and sipped. The heat of the alcohol cascaded into his stomach and was soon spreading through his limbs. He had barely set the cup down before Miko was refilling it again.

“I assume you are aware of why I’ve asked you here.”

“Hai, Asaka-sama.” His stomach tightened like a fist, the taste of bile rising in his throat. Green flashed at him from the samurai’s mask.

“We’ve gone full circle, yet nothing is as it had been,” Asaka said. “I have need of you still, but you have already done much. The time of choosing is upon you, Chizuson Toshiro. Which road do you choose?”

He stared at the samurai’s relentless green eyes. He opened his mouth to try and reply, but nothing came out. Miko’s words came back to him as he struggled to somehow make up his mind at this late hour.

Choose what is in your heart
.

“I would like … like to continue the journey.” He almost felt giddy at finally having made a choice.

Asaka nodded, as if it were the answer he’d expected all along. Toshi took a deep breath, and taking courage from the sake, plunged on.

“But there’s a condition—”

Silence filled the room.

“I humbly request Captain Valez’s tools be returned to him.”

Impassive eyes stared into his. Toshi’s chest tightened to the point where he thought he’d no longer be able to breathe.

“Why is this necessary?” Asaka’s voice was low.

He could tell nothing from the samurai’s tone. He had already stepped into this; all he could do now was plunge on.

“The captain and his men can’t leave Nihon without them. They would be stranded here, far from their home.”

Asaka said and did nothing. Though he wanted to, Toshi dared not risk a glance in Miko’s direction.

“If their instruments are not returned, you’ll be doing to them what was done to you. They’ll be stranded here, forever prevented from going where they must.”

He held his breath, waiting for the samurai to explode in rage at his impudence. Instead, Asaka slowly nodded.

“Well said. Be assured, their items will be returned.”

“Thank you, Asaka-sama.” He bowed all the way to the floor. A wave of relief washed through him. He felt his stomach relax now that this part of it was over. He reached for his refilled cup of sake and gulped it down.

“Supplies for your journey will be procured tonight,” Asaka informed him. “By tomorrow all you will require will have been readied for you.”

“Hai.”

“As you know, you aren’t able to travel well in darkness, and we can’t travel during the day. If you travel with us, we will be unable to offer you any protection while you sleep. But if you travel during the day and sleep at night, the darkness itself will protect you until we can catch up. This will place a great amount of responsibility on you, but you will handle it.”

Toshi tried to keep his insecurity from showing on his face.

“You will disguise yourself as a peasant during your travels,” Asaka added. “You will avoid all villages and towns until you reach Narashi. A map will be found for you to show the way.”

“Hai.”

Miko poured him more sake. Though he knew he’d already had more than enough, he reached for it and began to sip the warm liquid.

“Since we must stay out of sight and you can’t sleep indoors, you’ll be dropped on shore so you may rest. We will retrieve you before sunrise so the final preparations can be attended to. Do you understand?”

“Hai.” He nodded while still sipping his sake, a not-unpleasant buzzing in his ears.

“That will be all for now. Go, prepare yourself.”

Gulping down the rest of his sake, he rose, bowed and headed toward the door.

“I’ll join you in a few moments, Toshi-chan,” Miko called out.

He glanced back at the geisha and nodded. Mitsuo opened the door for him and followed him out.

Once back in his room, he retrieved his basket and set out all the instruments on the small table. He checked and cleaned them, and then put them in a neat row. Meanwhile, Mitsuo kept busy folding his blankets. He’d almost finished when Miko entered the room.