Go Jump in the Pool (17 page)

“Attention, world! We bring you The Fish!”

—Anonymous

Macdonald Hall is having a serious cash-flow problem. Everything is being cut back — evening snack is gone, the lab equipment is decrepit and the dorms are freezing at night.

Worst of all, Headmaster Sturgeon is closing Dormitory 3 and moving Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal in with Elmer Drimsdale, the science geek. There’s even talk of Macdonald Hall being put up for sale.

Could this really be the end for Canada’s finest boarding school?

Please
. This is Bruno and Boots we’re talking about, and as always, they have a plan. If they can get some major publicity, score some big media attention, then tons of new students will sign up and the bucks will start rolling in!

The only problem is that the cops are closing in on them …

“You identify the enemy, and then you fight!”

—Bruno Walton

Macdonald Hall is under attack. Where once tradition and freedom of speech ruled the campus, now there is Mr. Wizzle.

That means a dress code — ties, even. Demerit points for just breathing the wrong way. Psychological tests for all students. Surprise dorm inspections. All in the name of progress.

Are the students of the Hall going to stand for it? Not on your life! Wizzle doesn’t stand a chance against The Committee — a secret society of Macdonald Hall loyalists who meet out in the woods, late at night, to plot their revenge.

Whether it takes toilet-paper rolls, a touch of romance, or even an earthquake, it’s unanimous: Wizzle must go!

“Well, football is really a man’s game. No offense, girls. You can be, you know, cheerleaders or something.”

—Bruno Walton

It’s the start of a new school year at Macdonald Hall. But instead of the recreation centre they’d put in for, Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal are bummed to find a brand-new football field, paid for by Hank the Tank Carson: ex-football player, current zucchini-snack tycoon. The school doesn’t even have a football team.

But Hank the Tank offers the students a deal: if they can put together a winning team, he’ll build them their rec centre. Suddenly on campus, it’s all about football.

Still, the Macdonald Hall Warriors stink. How will they ever get good enough to rate a wide-screen TV and pool tables?

Meet their new star quarterback. Cathy Burton. From Miss Scrimmage’s Finishing School for Young Ladies.

“I never get caught.”

—Bruno Walton

Macdonald Hall has been Chosen. It is Fabulous. Perfect. Ideal — as the set for a Hollywood movie, with superstar Jordie Jones.

Bruno Walton would do anything to be in the movie. Boots O’Neal will do anything to keep Bruno out of trouble. And the girls at the school next door would do anything to meet Jordie Jones.

When they discover that the star just wants to be a normal guy, one who plays hockey, hangs out with friends and goes to dances, Bruno and Boots decide to help Jordie out.

Who would ever have guessed that a favour could go so wrong, so fast? Anyone who knows Bruno and Boots, of course. Because when they’re around, no day is complete without some really special effects.

“It’s not spying. It’s surveillance.”

—Bruno Walton

The Macdonald Hall campus is under siege: a practical joker is turning the swimming-pool water blue, dressing up the statue of Sir John A. and sneaking extra soap into the dishwasher. Of course, all fingers are pointed at the usual suspects, Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal.

But wait — these guys are innocent! And they’re going to have to prove it, before they get expelled.

So who is The Phantom? Is it Mark Davies, the school newspaper editor? Edward O’Neal, Boots’s creepy kid brother? Or, worse yet, could it be Cathy Burton and Diane Grant, their fans and longtime supporters from Miss Scrimmage’s Finishing School across the road?

They’ll have to follow the clues to find out. One feather at a time.