Go Your Own Way (28 page)

Lennox winced as another finger began to bleed. He dropped his rumpled shirt and examined his new cut. A dozen shards of glass were embedded in his wall. So far, only two had come out easily. Another three had cut up his palms and fingers, and this shard, the largest one, jutted three inches out of the wall right where his head would be if he dared to sleep on his bed. It was part of a beer bottle with half the label still dangling from it.

“Fuck this.” He slammed the heel of his boot into the shard and it cracked. The smaller pieces fell onto his bed. He gave those a good kick too, sucked his finger, and looked around. Food was still splattered everywhere. So far he hadn’t found anything still edible. What remained of his trunk was piled up behind the door, enough to close it but probably not to hold. One good shove would crack the few pieces still long enough to fit. His clothes and belongings were in the far corner, his guitar was missing, and the curtains were draped over the shower rod, dripping dry after being shoved in the toilet.

Those guys would be back soon. Lennox glanced out the win­dow at the dark parking lot, and then at his books and comics. Something had to cover the window. The drawers might be useful behind the door. He scooped up his shirt, wiped his hands off, found his roll of duct tape, and started ripping pages out to cover the window. He was yanking the last dresser drawer out and drop­ping it into place when he heard a knock on the door.

He bolted. One hand went into his pocket for his knife as he ducked behind the wall to the bathroom.

“Lennox? It’s Will. We came back with some food. Please open the door.”

Lennox tried to ignore their voices and the knocks. He was fine. He could handle this all by himself. Hadn’t he always figured everything out on his own? He didn’t need them.

“Lennox, I know you’re in there. Just come home with us, please.” Will’s voice broke and Lennox almost went back out there. But he couldn’t. Not after what he’d said to Will about his dad. He was better off here, by himself, where he couldn’t make anything worse.

“Go away,” he called, but his voice shook. “I told you to fuck off.”

“And I told
you
that I’m not giving up on your dumb ass. At least get one good night of sleep. A real dinner.”

“I’m fine. I’ve got,” he glanced around for something and a hysterical little laugh left his mouth, “soggy curtains to munch on.”

Will’s reply was cut off by Lennox ducking into the bathroom and slamming the door. He slid down the wall next to the tub, knife still in hand as Karen’s voice joined Will’s.

Keep the knife ready. They’ll bring those drunks back and some­one will have to chase them off. Maybe I’ll get a stab or two in, get carted off to prison this time. It’ll be warm there. Three meals a day. No more worrying about any of this—

“Tacos?”

Lennox jumped, got his foot caught on the soggy curtains, and flopped back on his butt. Through the window above the toilet, Lucy’s eyes peered down at him. Her fingers shifted their grip on the windowsill. He glowered at her as he closed his knife.

“You can fuck off too.”

“You can’t stay here,” Lucy said. “I bet I could cave that door in with my earlobe.”

“Not if I’m on the other side holding it closed.”

“Whatever. You can’t even remember to lock this window. Which—ugh.”

Her eyes disappeared. Lennox stood on the toilet seat and looked down at her. It wasn’t a very high window, but high enough that Lucy couldn’t see through without lifting herself up by the window ledge.

“I’ll take the tacos if you get rid of Karen and Will.” Lennox made a swipe through the window, but she dropped the bag on the ground and frowned up at him. “What?”

“One, that’s not a fair trade. Two, answer your door and tell them yourself. And three, I think you’d be a stupid fuck to turn them away.”

“Oh, what do you know?” He shut his window and stepped off the toilet, but even then he still heard her last words.

“I know how much he cares about you. How much all of us do.”

The window squeaked open again and Lucy huffed as she lifted herself back up.

“Get your ass in there and open the door,” Lucy demanded. “One look at him, and you’ll finally get some sleep.”

“But—”

“Stop being stupid. You don’t get tacos if you’re stupid.”

She dropped back down, and shut the window. Out front was silent. The rooms on both sides were quiet as well, but his head was pounding. Maybe they were already gone. Good. Then he could get back to figuring this out without worrying about them being beaten out in the parking lot.

Lennox ducked back into his room and flinched. It was still a mess, like the remnants of an unexpected hurricane. The room was freezing, he had no blankets or pillows, and the door wouldn’t hold out another night. As much as he wanted to pretend it would, it wasn’t true.

“Lennox? We aren’t leaving until we see you.”

If he opened that door, Lucy would be right. Seeing Will would break his resolve to stay here. He’d be out the door and in Will’s arms before he could blink. But going with them, leaving here, accepting whatever this was… how long would it be before it all ended for him again? Everything had an end. Why couldn’t he decide when this one was?

“Sweetheart, at least take the food we brought.”

His stomach rumbled. Lennox made his way to the door and started unblocking it. One drawer, another, several jagged pieces of wood from the lid of his trunk. He held the doorknob for a long moment before opening it because Lucy was right. One look without being prepared and he’d say yes before he could talk himself out of it.

Will knocked right into his chest, arms tight around him with his face pressed right into his neck. He could feel Will’s deep breaths, the inhalations and the shaking of his lips as they brushed his skin. But Lennox couldn’t do this. If he did, it would only make everything worse. Will pulled back and he tried not to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Will muttered. “You’re still okay, right? Nobody came back or—”

“Nothing’s changed,” Lennox said. He twisted a little, tried to pull away, but just the sight of these two out here with another bag of tacos made his shoulders feel heavy.

“You’ll come with us, won’t you?” Will asked him. His hand captured Lennox’s jaw, but he kept his eyes on Will’s shoulder. “Please, don’t risk anything worse from them tonight.”

“It’s not that simple,” Lennox told him. “I can’t just—you and her—everyone just thinks—”

Their foreheads bumped, and before Lennox could stop him­self, he met Will’s eyes. The moon was out, brighter than he’d ever seen it, but it had nothing on the look in Will’s eyes, on the gentleness combined with all the strength and rawness that was Will. Those beautiful glass-green eyes that melted with warmth when they locked onto his. A whole other world drifted in this boy, right there, waiting. Something unknow­able, but breathable, something that could be shared with him in time.

“Please. I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you, not after my dad finally woke up only for you to get hurt.”

“Your dad’s awake?”

Will nodded and then smiled a little when their noses brushed. “Yeah, that’s where we’ve been.” He looked down at Lennox’s hands, still limp at his sides, and took them in his own. “What happened to your hands?”

Karen stepped closer. He’d almost forgotten about her.

“Glass in my wall. I was trying to get it out, but… ”

“Yeah, you’re definitely coming with us tonight,” Karen said. “Those need to be cleaned up.”

“They’re fine. I’m—”

“You aren’t,” Will said. “Please, stop saying that. Come on. We can go get you a new lock for here tomorrow, but tonight, please, come home with us.”

“I—just one night?”

“As many as you want, whenever you want,” Karen told him. “Ben—his dad—says you’re welcome.”

Will’s dad wanted him to stay? Lennox shook his head to clear it. That didn’t make any sense. The only time they’d met, he’d done his damnedest to make sure Ben Osborne would barbecue him for dinner if they ever met again. Will kissed his cheek and then shoved the bag of tacos into his arms.

“They’re yours if you come with us.”

“Go.” They all turned and found Lucy’s head poking out of her doorway. She waved him toward their parked car. “Get out of here.”

“Piss off,” Lennox said, but she only grinned as she ducked back inside and shut her door. Will’s hand gripped his jacket sleeve. “One night?”

“If that’s all you want to stay for,” Karen said.

He wasn’t sure if it was. Never coming back here would be great, but he couldn’t live with Will for free indefinitely. That wasn’t right either. Lennox blinked and tried to focus. Everything was too much right now, but Will chased that away. Will’s house gave him a place where everything else could wait for a little while longer.

“Come on,” Karen said. Her hand was on his arm, guiding him to the backseat of her car. “Will, make sure he eats something. Do you need anything else before we go?”

“Clothes, I guess. Backpack for school.”

As Karen headed back into his room, Will followed Len­nox into the backseat and buckled them both in. She returned shortly with his things and then they were cruising down the road. Len­nox watched the little shops going by as Will unwrapped a taco. After a few nudges, he began to eat. By the time they pulled into Will’s driveway, the bag was empty.

“I’ll get my first aid supplies so we can clean those cuts,” Karen told them as she climbed out. “Take your time.”

The house was just the same. A Jeep in the driveway—Will’s dad’s, he guessed—a crooked tree, bright porch lights. Just as safe and welcoming as it had been last time, but Lennox couldn’t bring himself to go in. He couldn’t even bring himself to get out of the car. Will unbuckled his seatbelt and sat with him while Karen headed inside.

“It’s okay if you’re scared,” Will said. “If you have been all day. I’m scared of you sometimes, but in a good way. A nice kind of scared.”

“I’m not sure that’s possible,” Lennox replied, but when Will opened the door and stepped out, he followed. “Is your dog here?”

“Where else would he be?” Will’s arm settled around his waist and led him inside. “Why? Are you picking him over me for a cuddle buddy? ‘Cause I should warn you, he kicks in his sleep and sheds enough to make a second, fluffy white husky. I keep telling Dad not to buy new pillows because we can just stuff our old ones with his fur.”

A shrill howl filled the hall when they stepped inside. Will’s dog—was it Shrimp? Lobster? something to do with seafood— sniffed up and down his legs as Will helped him take his jacket off. The dog followed them through the living room and downstairs before curling up in a giant beanbag Lennox hadn’t noticed last time.

Will nudged him until he sat and then helped him take his shoes off. It was a few minutes before Karen appeared with cloths, a bowl of water and soap and a white kit marked “First Aid.” He felt a bit like a doll in a collection as they both nudged him around until he was sitting upright against the pillows with his hands palm-up on his lap.

“Nothing deep,” Karen observed. “That’s good. Still need to be cleaned up. Will, could you—”

“Yeah, I’ll wash him.” Will sat crossed-legged beside him with the bowl in his lap while Karen began digging through her kit. “This’ll probably sting.”

He took the damp cloth and pressed it to Lennox’s palm. It stung, made the cuts on his fingers burn like a pot boiling over, but Lennox stayed silent. His own mother had done this for him once, hadn’t she? He was pretty sure his father had been there, too. He frowned as Will cleaned each cut and tried to think back. Those scraped palms and bloody knees had come with smiles, a little green bicycle without the training wheels. His parents hadn’t been around long enough to finish teaching him to ride it. Lucy hadn’t been born yet, but she wasn’t too far away.

“Other hand.”

Lennox held it out and let Will clean it too while Karen dried, disinfected and bandaged the first. Soon enough she was wrap­ping the second one. He dozed where he sat. She taped the last strand off and packed up her kit.

“You’re all set. Let me go clean this up.”

As Karen headed back upstairs, Will lay down beside him.

“Bedtime for you.”

“I’m not tired.”

“And I’m not covered in freckles. Come on.”

Will nudged him in the ribs. Grumbling and huffing, Lennox slid down until he was on his back. Will rolled to face him, one hand reaching over to brush his jaw.

“You okay now?”

Lennox shrugged. He didn’t have an answer for that, not unless it was a lie like earlier.

“Thanks.” Will shifted closer as his hand settled on Lennox’s belly.

“For what? I didn’t do anything great.”

“You came here with us,” Will reminded him. “You’ve been there for me ever since my dad went into that coma. You’ve—you mean a lot to me. A scary lot.”

He rolled his head toward Will. Those eyes undid him; they took away everything he had figured out how to say and made him rewrite it. Only he couldn’t rewrite the callous words or stupid crudeness he was so fond of spewing. He couldn’t say what he’d realized earlier either. Instead he rolled toward Will, wiggled a little closer and kissed the tip of his nose.

A high, whiny dog yawn sounded from the corner.

“What’s his name again? Your dog.”

“Oyster.”

“Knew it was seafood. I kept wanting to call him Shrimp.”

“He’ll answer to anything if you say it in a sing-song voice,” Will murmured. His arm settled around Lennox’s hip, and then they were rolling, just slightly, until Will was on his back and Lennox was resting against him.

Lennox pressed his face into Will’s neck and let his eyes close for a minute. It was quiet here. Peaceful and calm unlike anything he could remember. At the motel, someone was always making a racket: Half the time, it was men trying to bust his door in. Lancaster had been full of sounds, too. Flushing toilets, running showers, feet stomping overhead or down the hall. The detention center had been silent, but it was an eerie silence that spoke to all the awful things Lennox imagined just down the hall. Home had been silent in the same way once Lucy grew older. An unwanted silence, not comforting like right now.