God, if You're Not Up There . . . (32 page)

Lorne Michaels with Sarah Palin watching Tina Fey in costume as Palin on the monitor. When Palin did a cameo on the show, she had more Secret Service protection than any other politician I’d ever encountered. I was mortified when she decided to use the bathroom outside my dressing room—what if I sprinkled when I tinkled?

Credit: Mary Ellen Matthews / Courtesy of Broadway Video Enterprises and NBC Studios, Inc.

About a month before my father passed away in 2007, I thought it might give him a thrill at the end of his life to see his son hit some baseballs. I got in touch with my old high school friend Wayne Tyson and asked him if he’d pitch to me. He agreed, and offered up the field at Palm Bay High School, where he was coach. I hadn’t swung a bat in thirty years, but muscle memory kicked in. We didn’t talk about it, but I knew we were all thinking about that 297 sign at Wells Park and hitting one over the wall.

Photos courtesy of Wayne Tyson

My friend Eddie often accompanied me when I flew down to Florida to see my father in his last year. Eddie joined me and Wayne on the baseball diamond that day. That’s me in the outfield.

My father on the bench in the dugout, watching the proceedings as carefully as he ever had. His right ear, out of sight here, had recently been removed in a futile effort to combat his cancer. When I hit a high fly ball that nearly went over the fence, he struggled to his feet and paced it off, just like the old days. Later, he said, “It woulda gone out.”

In a sketch as Donald Trump, with Paris Hilton as Trump’s wife, Melania. When I kissed her cheek during the bit, I discovered that she has absolutely the best skin of any human ever.

Credit: Mary Ellen Matthews / Courtesy of Broadway Video Enterprises and NBC Studios, Inc.

Back at
SNL
in May 2011 for a cameo as Donald Trump in a debate sketch that also featured host Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. That’s the fabulous Jodi Mancuso getting me ready for the Trump wig. Tina’s Palin wig is draping the counter in front of me. Note all the head forms on the shelf behind me; each cast member has his or her own.

Photo courtesy of Elizabeth Stein

When Donald Trump hosted the show, he dove in with tremendous enthusiasm. He asked more questions and spent more time with the cameraman, the lighting people, and the costume people than just about any other host I’d ever encountered. But he’s a lot taller than I am, so in our matching dark suits and purple ties, I ended up looking like a Mini-Me version of the dude instead of his double.

Credit: Mary Ellen Matthews / Courtesy of Broadway Video Enterprises and NBC Studios, Inc.

After three months of in-patient rehab, I’m back on stage in spring 2011 at Caroline’s, where Marci Klein had discovered me for
SNL
sixteen years earlier.

Credit: Ayala Gazit

As Truman Capote in the one-man play
Tru
at the Bay Street Theater in Sag Harbor, New York, June 2011.

Credit: Jerry Lamonica

Acknowledgments

Many people have helped me in ways both small and large with my career, my life, and this book. I am grateful to each and every one of them. No doubt the list that follows is incomplete.

At
Saturday Night Live
, thank you to Lorne Michaels for rerouting my destiny; Marci Klein for discovering me; Tina Fey for making me look better at sketch comedy than I really am; Mary Ellen Matthews for the awesome cover photo; Dana Edelson for photo research; Kenny Aymong; Steve Higgins; Mike Shoemaker; Katreese Barnes; Louis Zakarian; Jodi Mancuso; Lindsay Shookus; Bettie Rogers; Will Ferrell; Tracy Morgan; Gena Rositano; and both Jimmy Fallon and Maya Rudolph for holding my baby so much.

I am also grateful to my manager, Tim Sarkes at Brillstein Entertainment Partners, and to my agents at William Morris Endeavor, Stacy Mark and Mel Berger, with an assist by Graham Jaenicke.

At HarperCollins, gratitude to Jonathan Burnham, David Hirshey, Barry Harbaugh, Jaime Wolfe, Rachel Elinsky, Archie Ferguson, and Miranda Ottewell.

I would also like to thank:

Elizabeth Stein for putting up with me for a year during the writing of this book. Maris Kreizman and Joan Kasarda for their terrific transcription work;

Estee Adoram at the Comedy Cellar; and Caroline Hirsch and Linda Smith at Caroline’s; Alan Spector for making my radio career possible; and the Westies for encouraging me to do stand-up in the first place;

Karen Giordano for making my Clinton more than an impression; my assistant, Lisa Robicheaux; my trainer, Matthew Grace; Wayne Tyson; Kathryn Tyson; Janet Collester; Ken Shirek; Craig Eden; Larry Laskowski; Frank Facciobene; Ginny Ballard; and Amber Paul, the yoga teacher who coached me out of my final darkness;

The doctors who have saved me on more than one occasion: Anne Griffin, Sally Burton, Andrew Ramsey, Fredda Gordon, and Nabil Kotbi. Along the same lines, I am grateful to the staff of the Emergency Room at New York Hospital and the nurses of the NBC infirmary;