God In The Kitchen (28 page)

            “Hey man,” a guy down the row nodded to me as he stood and waved his hands in the air, praising God to the music.

            This style of worship service wasn’t usually for me. I liked contemporary music and all, but since I was in the radio business, I got to go to so many concerts and enjoy so many bands that seeing another band in church was strange to me. It seemed somehow out of place. Call me old fashioned, but I simply liked my hymns.

            After the first song was over, I was surprised when the room quieted and the words for an old hymn popped up on the screen and the people around me began to sing softly.

            I felt like I often did with Evan. At peace. Still with questions, but at peace nonetheless. And I also felt like somehow the song was just for me. Not to mention the fact that it was the hymn “Let there be Peace.”

            The service continued with the regular announcements and other items that churches have to take care of each week. I settled into my seat and wondered what the sermon would bring. What I heard, however, was most certainly directed at me.

            “Have you ever felt like,” the pastor began as he paced back and forth across the stage, “that no matter what you do, you aren’t doing the right thing?”

            My eyes snapped open as I fixed them on the man standing at the front of the room with an air of confidence exuding from his body.

            “It’s like you go one direction with your life and you hit the end of the road and there’s this big DEAD END sign up. So you think, okay, I’ll just turn around and go back. Then, you get to the other road and you take it only to find a bunch of roadwork. Nowhere you seem to go seems to get you where you need to be.”

            Did this guy know Evan, perhaps? Had they talked about my specific situation? This was uncanny. I shifted in my seat, not sure I liked where this was going. I had been to dozens of churches and listened to thousands of sermons. Never before had I heard one that was directed at my life so specifically.

            The pastor went on to talk about the story of Job and how Job lost everything around him. No matter what he did or what he tried to do, nothing went his way.

            “But our friend Job,” the pastor continued, “He had one thing going for him.”

            I couldn’t imagine what that was at that point, after hearing once again how Job lost his entire life.

            “Job had God on his side. And after everything he went through, he went to God and he said, ‘God, what should I do?’ and in that one question, Job’s world began to line up once again.”

            I wasn’t sure I understood Job. He lost everything and God was the one who took it away from him. And in his hour of need he still went to God and asked for help? That didn’t seem logical at all in my mind.

            “The next time you hit a dead end only to turn around and find road work, I want you to put a stop to your life. Just take a little pause,” the pastor said, wrapping things up. “Ask God where you should go and listen carefully. You may be surprised at what you might hear. There might be another road that you didn’t even know existed. Or you might be asked to maneuver yourself through the roadwork to get to the other side of that particular road. It might not be easy, but once you end up where you are supposed to be, it WILL be worth it. And the truth of the matter is that God knows it. And God will be with you all along the way, no matter how easy or hard the road is to travel.”

            Soft music began to play and the band up took over the stage and played a touching song, but I tuned them out. Evan had told me to go to church, but he hadn’t told me to go to THIS church. If I had gone to another, would I have heard the same thing? I was pretty sure I would have, in some form or another. This message was meant for me. Whether anyone else in the congregation had needed to hear it or not, I had.

            It took me some time to work out what it meant for me, but I was pretty sure I understood. Part of the reason that I kept hitting dead ends in my relationships was because I hadn’t included God. I hadn’t asked God what I should do and, therefore, I simply did the wrong things. The only thing I had to do to get it right was ask…and then listen.

            I bowed my head as the song continued and prayed. It had been a long time since I had said a prayer for myself. I went along with the group prayers at the churches I attended and I even bowed my head during the silent prayer times, but I never knew what to say. This time, however, things felt different.

            “Hey God,” I said silently. “Sorry about ignoring you all of this time. I understand that all you want is to be included in my life and I’m going to do my best to do that from now on.” Thoughts of my father floated through my head and I felt tears well up in my eyes. “Thanks for giving me a great father and thank you for all of the time I got to spend with him over the years. I know he’s with you now and you are taking good care of him. Tell him I love him and I’ll see him again someday.” I squeezed my eyes shut and moved on. “Thank you for the chance I had to be a part of Chloe’s life and to help her little boy. If you had not been in on that fundraising event, I know it would not have worked out. Even though I didn’t ask you to be there, I know you were and I am so grateful for that.” It felt good to give God the credit I knew he deserved, even if I hadn’t recognized it at the time. “And thank you for Abigail,” I said, unsure of what else to say on that topic. “And now, God, I’m turning things over to you. You know what I want in my life. I want a family and a woman I can love. But that woman has to be someone you created for me. You know who she is and I trust you to reveal her to me when the time is right. Amen.”

            I lifted my head to find the music was over and people were beginning to greet one another and shuffle out of the sanctuary.

            “Jared?” I heard my name being called from behind me and I was surprised to be recognized in this church, where I had never attended before. “Jared Jones?”

            The man who approached me looked semi-familiar, but I couldn’t quite place him. The smile on his face was genuine and I clapped my palm into his and shook his hand vigorously.

            “Man, how long has it been?” he asked and I hoped he would supply the answer because I had no idea. “Probably since high school, huh?”

            I searched my brain. This guy was not in my class. He certainly looked familiar, but I was not sure how I knew him just yet.

            “You know my sister still talks about you, right?” he asked as I began to put the pieces together.

            Sister…sister…I took in the man’s sandy brown hair, the creases around his eyes, and the dimple in one cheek. Maria? Maria was his sister! I couldn’t believe I didn’t recognize it sooner.

            “Adam Mariano!” I cried, shaking his hand yet again. I hadn’t recognized him right away because the last time I had seen him, he had just been a kid. He was a freshman the year we were seniors and he looked entirely different. But the hair color and dimpled cheek were the same as his sister’s and seeing him again brought her face to my mind as well. “How’ve you been?”

            “God is good,” he said shaking his head and shrugging. “I knew you lived here, big radio man and all, but I never expected to run into you like this.”

            “Yeah,” I said, remembering how the sermon spoke directly to me. “It was like I was meant to be here today.”

            “I know what that’s like,” Adam said, looking at me with eyes that truly understood. “Sometimes you end up on the right road without even realizing how you got there, huh?”

            I shook my head in agreement. “So how’s Maria?” I asked, not wanting to dive into too many personal details, but truly wanting to hear how she was. We had dated for quite some time back in high school, after all. If we hadn’t gone to separate colleges, we might have even lasted longer. I had always figured she hadn’t been “the one” because she hadn’t put up a fight when it came time to go our separate ways. Separating had seemed easier than it should have been and so I had moved on with ease.

            “She’s good, man, she’s good. She works with animals. Hey, she’s still single,” he said, giving me a wink.

            “Oh yeah?” I asked, not sure what to say to that comment.

            “She still talks about you,” he said and I felt a stab to my heart. I couldn’t imagine what she would have to say about me after all these years. “She lives two towns away, but we get together every week or two. Say, it would be really cool if you came with me sometime. You know, surprise her. We’re meeting tonight at a café between here and there. You know the Hole in the Wall?” Adam was rambling on without giving me much time to think. “You should totally come. It would blow her mind.”

            Before I could answer another younger guy came up behind Adam and clapped his hand on his shoulder. “Come on, man!” he said and Adam raised his hand to indicate he was coming.

            “Gotta go,” he said. “The band practices right after the service while the vibe is still fresh.”

            I hadn’t even realized he had been in the band, but now that he mentioned it, he HAD been the one playing the drums up front during the contemporary songs.

            “Remember, tonight…the Hole in the Wall! Great seeing you!”

            “Good to see you too,” my voice trailing off at the end since I knew he couldn’t hear me as he walked away through the crowd anyways.

            Maria Mariano. That was a blast from the past.

            By the time I got home, I was sure of what I needed to do. There was no way I was going to see any girl near any hole in any wall that night. I had made that mistake. Twice. In a row. I had jumped in feet first and ended up falling head over heels…only to land on my head in the end with my heart smashed inside my chest. If I wanted to find the right girl, God was going to have to bring her directly to me.

            I made a sandwich and sat at the table, thinking about the sermon. It really had seemed like it had been for me. I wasn’t sure where I was supposed to go with my life now, but I knew that I wasn’t doing a good job at choosing the roads. I needed God for help with that.

            “Did you put mayo on that?” Evan asked from across the table. I jumped at the sound of his voice and he chuckled. “Sorry,” he said. “Sometimes I forget the effect I have on people.”

            I held the sandwich out to him, offering the rest to him. “Just ketchup,” I said.

            “Weird,” he answered as he took the sandwich and shoved a big bite into his mouth. “So, the Hole in the Wall, huh?”

            I was finally over the shock of the fact that he seemed to know everything before I told him. “Yeah, but I’m not going.”

            “Why’s that?” he asked through a mouthful of meat and cheese.

            “I think it’s time for me to kick back and wait for the right girl to come to me. I don’t need to chase anyone down anymore.”

            Evan nodded. “Smart. Mind telling me what you prayed in church today?”

            I blinked. That was pretty personal. We had talked about a lot of personal things, but he had never before asked about my prayers. Not that I had every really prayed them before. I decided I didn’t have much to lose.

            “I just thanked God for all sorts of stuff and asked Him to reveal the right woman to me at the right time.”

            “You said that?” Evan asked, as if he were surprised.

            I nodded.

            “And you meant it?” Evan said, holding the sandwich in mid-air, close to his lips. “You really want God to choose for you?”

            Suddenly, even more fell into place. I had told Evan in the very beginning that I wanted a family of my own, but that I wanted to choose the woman who would become my life. Now, it was all coming full circle. It was now apparent that the choice should not by mine and mine alone. I was ready to admit that I needed help.