God In The Kitchen (27 page)

            On the last Friday of the month, I sat in awe as Abigail Witherspoon herself made an appearance on “The Today Show.” I was still on the air and technically working, but I occasionally turned the news shows on just to make sure I wasn’t missing anything big that I needed to tie into the show.

            During the middle of a song, I quickly turned up the volume on the TV that was anchored high up in the corner of the room, near the ceiling.

            “Today we have the pleasure of talking with Abigail Witherspoon, a woman who has quickly become a household name for many women across America,” Matt Lauer said. I put the closed captioning on so I could read along while the interview continued. I didn’t want to miss a word.

            “Miss Witherspoon is the bestselling author of a rather intriguing book about men, women, and their relationship to one another and she is just coming out with her next book. Welcome, Abigail.”

            “Thanks for having me,” Abigail answered as the camera cut to a close shot of her. My heart skipped a beat as I remembered the way her red hair felt when it brushed against my arm. I wasn’t sure if I missed her or just missed what I thought we should have had together.

            “Tell us a little bit about this new book,” Matt said as I shook my head. I couldn’t believe she was talking to Matt Lauer.

            “Well,” Abigail began with a smile, “it’s called
Ten Men in Ten Months
and it’s basically a journal I kept while I dated one guy a month for ten consecutive months.”

            What?!

            Matt Lauer sat back in his cozy looking chair and gazed at Abigail, one hand on his chin and the other holding his notes.

            “In your first book,” he said, “you went through a dozen or more things that you believed women knew and men needed to learn.”

            “That’s correct, Matt.”

            Wow, she was on a first name basis with Matt Lauer now, I thought. As she and Matt discussed a few of the points from her first book, I was surprised at how calmly Matt addressed the issues in the book. After all, he WAS a man. Perhaps they chose him to do the interview for just that reason.

            In the month since Abigail had stepped hurriedly out of my life, I had finally cracked open her book. I had always meant to read it and the minute I was done with the first chapter, I wished I had read it much sooner. It gave me a lot of insight into her personality and a peak at a side to her I had no idea was actually there. I couldn’t believe that it hadn’t come out farther during our initial radio interview. Though I supposed we hadn’t really talked much about her book since I hadn’t read it and asked all of the wrong questions.

            The book was a scathing review of men and all of the things we do wrong and how women simply know better. If men only learned these lessons from women, they would be better people, better husbands, and a better gender. At least that was how I would summarize the book. I felt degraded, mad, and downright steamed as I read through the issues she addressed. I couldn’t believe I had dated her for even a month and not realized she had so much bitterness towards men.

            But now, all I cared about was hearing about this new book.
Ten Men in Ten Months
. What was that all about?

            Matt wrapped up the first portion of the interview and moved on to the new book. “So you say you dated ten men in ten months for the second book, tell me, did any of the men learn any of the lessons you tried to teach in the first book?”

            Abigail grinned. “Not exactly. In fact, I think some of them made the men I talked about in the first book look pretty good.”

            Matt leaned back in his chair. “Ouch.”

            Abigail nodded. “The dating world is pretty brutal for single women right now, but I learned my own lessons this time and I made a decision.”

            “Care to share?” he asked.

            “My next book will address the details, but I plan to live a life as a single woman. I’m going to teach women how to be happy with themselves without a man. No one should need a man to feel good about who they are and I’m going to prove that women simply don’t need men in order to enjoy life.”

            “I see,” Matt said, not looking the least bit convinced or even hurt. I, on the other hand, definitely felt the hurt. Abigail didn’t even want a man? Then what had she been doing with me?

            I had plenty of other questions racing through my mind as Matt segued from the interview into the commercial break and the camera caught one last shot of Abigail holding her new book. Had I been one of the ten men she had written about? My pulse began to pump. Was it possible? She HAD said that things would make more sense to me regarding our break up once the new book came out. I had to get my hands on that book. And soon.

            But first, I wondered why the room seemed so quiet. The studio was never quiet when I was on the air. Oh crap. I was off the air.

            I hurriedly pushed a few buttons and got another song going, wondering how long the dead air had been blasting across the airwaves. I got my answer soon enough as the light blinked furiously next to me, indicating a call on what we referred to as “The Bat Phone.”

            The Bat Phone was a phone that only station personnel could reach because the number was private. We called it when we had an emergency, needed to reach someone on the studio when we were out on a remote broadcast, or when we saw a traffic accident or something else that needed to get on the air as soon as possible.

            I cringed as I picked up The Bat Phone and pushed the blinking button to take the call. “Yeah?” I said, not even bothering to answer with the station call letters as I would the normal phone.

            “Are you slacking off in there again, Jones?” the grumpy voice called through the other end.

            I should have guessed it would be Jim the engineer. He gets a phone call on his cell phone, which he always kept strapped to his belt, whenever the station is off the air for 30 seconds or longer. The transmitter automatically calls him so that if something is wrong, he can get to work and fix it as quickly as possible.

            “Something like that,” I said, glancing back at the TV, ensuring that there was not another segment on with Abigail that I was going to miss.

            “Get back to work,” he said gruffly and hung up.

            “Nice talking to you too,” I said and placed the phone back in the cradle near my right hand.

            To say I was distracted the rest of the shift would be an understatement. I let the listener phone ring instead of taking calls with requests or other comments. I played a lot of jingles between songs as segues instead of talking. It was not my best show, by far, and anyone listening would know it.

            I didn’t want my distractedness to come across on the air and I knew it would. All I wanted was for the shift to be over so I could race to the bookstore and find out the truth.

            As soon as the Midday gal came in to relieve me, that’s just what I did. With a quick nod in her direction, I high-tailed it out of the studio, past my office, and out the back door before anyone could catch me with a project that needed my opinion or help. I would go back to work and finish what needed to get done, but first, I simply had to know.

            The bookstore was busy for a Friday morning and the display for Abigail’s book was not hard to find. It was front and center in the store with a big plaque that read “Local Author” on it, including a picture of Abigail smiling down on the books with pride.

            I picked up
Ten Men in Ten Months
and tried to hide the cover so the other shoppers wouldn’t see what I was buying. The cashier, however, had to see.

            “You too, man?” the scraggly looking kid said, giving me a lopsided grin. “I guess she IS kinda hot,” he said.

            I handed him my money without commenting and jerked the book out of his hand as he pushed it back over the counter. I just wanted to get safely back to the privacy of my car where I could read in peace.

            I turned the book over in my hand once I was back in my car with the door not only closed, but also locked. Abigail’s toothy grin stared back at me and I had to open the book to get away from it. I wasn’t sure what I would see, but it was like an accident on the side of the road…I just couldn’t look away.

            I read the first paragraph of each of the first nine sections, just to make sure they weren’t about me. I could go back and read more details later if I felt the need. Since the book came out so quickly after our relationship, I had more and more hope that there wasn’t anything about me in it…until I hit
Man#10.

            Man 10, who Abigail referred to as JJ, which I did not find all that creative of a name change since my first and last names both begin with J, was the man Abigail said was both “too eager” and “too sloppy.”

            “This man,” she wrote, “called when he said he was going to call. I’ll give him credit for that, ladies. But there is such a thing as contacting a woman TOO much. JJ was more eager than a doe-eyed puppy wanting to please its master.”

            A puppy? Really? Because I wanted to make her feel like I was into her? I kept reading.

            “And can you believe that on our first real date we went to one of the nicest restaurants in town and he didn’t even wear a tie?”

            I slapped the book shut. There was no way the section was going to get any better. In fact, it was going to get worse. I knew that before I even read it. And I knew I would read it. But I had read enough to understand what Abigail had indicated I would once her new book came out.

            She had used me. Our whole so-called relationship had been a farce from the beginning. She needed a tenth man and I had presented myself to her on a golden platter. There I was, a bumbling radio fool, trying to make his way through an interview. She probably saw the potential for my failings from the very beginning and grasped on to me with both hands.

            I hit the steering wheel with the palm of my hand. I would need to read the rest of the chapter. Not only for to satisfy my burning curiosity, but also to see how recognizable I was. Would everyone know she was talking about me? Had she outed me to the world as some dumb, dating buffoon?

            I started up my car to go back to work, my mind briefly landing on Evan. “Thanks, man,” I said to no one as if he was in the car with me. I was blaming Evan because I had no one else to blame other than myself. It was his fault I went back in time and changed things in order to choose Abigail over Chloe. Granted, I didn’t like how things had worked out with Chloe, but the road with Abigail had been rather harrow some as well. What good was any of this doing? Was he just messing with me?

            “When was the last time you went to church?” I heard his voice say so clearly in my mind that I jumped and looked into the backseat so see if he had appeared. I was still alone, but I knew it wasn’t my imagination.

            “Okay, okay,” I said. “Sunday. I’ll go Sunday.”

            Sunday came all too soon and though I wanted nothing more than to back out on my promise, I knew I had to go through with it or I would continue to hear voices in my head everywhere I went. It wasn’t like me to resist church, but for some reason I was definitely dragging my feet.

            I was so late getting ready that there was only one church in the area with a service late enough to accommodate me. Most of the services were at 8, 9:30 and 10:45, but there was one church that started at 11:15. I felt my hands steering the car in its direction since it was my only option.

            I walked into the non-denominational church a few minutes late. The praise and worship music had already started up and I walked to the beat as I found a seat in the back.