God Is Not Mad at You: You Can Experience Real Love, Acceptance & Guilt-free Living (9 page)

Jimmy was four years old and very excited about being on the soccer team. His mom took him to all the practices and now it was time for him to play his first game, but it turned out horribly!

Jimmy was doing fine and having lots of fun until about halfway through the game. A big kid came up to him and socked him very hard in the stomach! Jimmy doubled up in pain and fell to the ground crying. The kid said something to him and he ran to the sideline. When his mom got him quieted down and asked what was wrong, he said, “That big boy punched me in the stomach, and he told me, ‘You’re no good. You’ll never learn how to play soccer. You’re not doing anything right! You get off this field and don’t come back here and try to play with us anymore!’ ” When they got home Jimmy said, “I’m never going back there again!”

This is a classic example of what happens to millions of people. Even at that young age, Jimmy experienced the pain of rejection. Experiences like this ruin many people’s lives and prevent them from being the person God wants them to be, unless they learn how to press through the pain.

I recall an instance in my childhood that devastated me. I was about six years old, and my class at school was having a Halloween party. Lots of the girls were princesses, Cinderella or a ballerina, and their costumes were beautiful. My parents didn’t want to spend much money on getting me an outfit and my mom didn’t sew, so she bought me a rubber wolf mask. It was extremely ugly, and I wore it with my regular clothes. I was hurt that my parents didn’t want me to look beautiful, too, and they were not willing to spend a little bit of money on a costume for me. I recall hiding in the corner of the schoolyard at recess, desperately hoping
that nobody would notice how ugly I was. It must have had a huge impact on me, because I can still see it today very plainly. Although it was a seemingly minor occurrence, at the age of six it was extremely painful to me.

Childhood traumas like these have a way of lingering in our minds; we often wince at the memory. You may be remembering a similar event that happened to you and are aware that it has held you back in life. This may sound like an exaggeration, but children are like tender saplings; even a small wind can break their little limbs. The good news is that it’s not too late! You can shake off the effects of those unfortunate experiences and go on to do great things. Whether the pain of rejection comes from something major or minor, it is a very real pain, and unless it is dealt with it can have lasting effects.

I am very grateful that God gave me the grace to press through the pain of the rejection I experienced and to follow Him. I can’t imagine what I would be doing today if I had not, but I do know that I would probably be living in bondage and pain.

The devil uses the pain of rejection to try to prevent us from living the life God intends for us to live. I am sure the world is filled with people who are dissatisfied and unfulfilled. They let the fear of man’s rejection determine their destiny, instead of following their own heart, and in an effort to keep other people happy, they have ended up unhappy themselves. I urge you not to do this, or if you already have, then begin rectifying it. As believers in Christ, we have the privilege of being led by the Holy Spirit, and He will always lead us to the perfect place if we let Him. Of course Satan will try to hinder us, just as he tried to hinder Jesus from following God’s will for Him.

Jesus was rejected and despised by many individuals and groups, the religious leaders of that time and even his brothers.
Peter denied Him, and Judas betrayed Him, and yet He pressed through the pain and obeyed His heavenly Father.

Satan plants “seeds” of rejection in us, hoping they will grow into huge plants in our lives that will bear poisonous fruit. But, if we remember that God never rejects us and that His will for us is that we be loved and accepted, we can realize that rejection is an attack from the devil and we can refuse to let it have an adverse affect on us. Knowing how valuable you are to God, and that He has an amazing plan for your life, will enable you to endure the pain of rejection for the joy of what lies on the other side of it.

Each time you experience rejection, remind yourself that God loves you; that when people reject you, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. While we need to have compassion for other people’s problems, we can’t let them project their problems onto us. My father rejected me as a daughter and sexually abused me, and for years I believed that it was because something was wrong with me. My father was harsh and mean, hateful and controlling. He used people to get what he wanted, with no concern for how his actions affected them. I eventually realized that what he did to me was not my fault, but I did suffer with the pain of rejection for many years.

My first husband rejected me for another woman while I was pregnant with his child, and it compounded my belief that I was useless, worthless and no good. Each thing that happened to me served to convince me more and more that I was deeply flawed and unlovable. Finally I realized that my first husband had the problem, not me. He was the one who was unfaithful, not me. He went to prison because he was a thief, not me. He lied, would not work, used people and added no value to anyone. But during the time that he was rejecting me, I could not see past my pain, and it
was easy for Satan to deceive me and blame me for the problems we had.

If you are experiencing the pain of rejection right now in your life, stop and seriously think about the person who is rejecting you. I am sure if you look at their behavior and their actions, not only toward you but toward other people as well, you will realize that they have the problem, not you. I was recently answering questions on a radio call-in show and a woman called in to say, “My husband is addicted to pornography, and a year ago he told me that I look disgusting compared to the women he looks at online or in magazines, and that I could never make him feel the way they do.” She was devastated by his statement and seemed to be unable to get beyond it, so she was asking for advice. I told her that she had to realize that he had a problem and not to let him blame it on her. Hurting people hurt people! Something was wrong inside him that made him want to do what he was doing, and his behavior was sinful. I told her to pray for him, and to let him know that he could not make her feel bad about herself, because she knew that God loved her.

Don’t let someone else’s bad behavior toward you make you feel bad about yourself. I realize that it is easier said than done, because our emotions and feelings get involved and emotional pain is actually one of the worst kinds of pain we experience. We can take a pain pill to get rid of physical pain, but no pills are available for emotional pain. That is why we must recognize it for what it is and know that if we don’t feed it by giving in to it, it will eventually fade and go away. You can’t help feeling it, but you don’t have to let it determine your actions. You can learn to manage your emotions and not let them manage you. You can learn to live beyond your feelings! Press through the pain and live your life!

The devil’s long-term goal is that we ultimately reject ourselves and live a life of misery. The devil is against us and he wants us to be against us, too. Fortunately, God is for us, and when we learn how to agree with God and what He says about us in His Word, the devil loses out entirely and his plan does not succeed.

I can’t even count all the times and ways in my life that I have experienced deeply painful rejection, but I am happy to say that through God’s help and healing power, I like myself! We should all have a healthy love and respect for ourselves. I like to say, “Don’t be in love with yourself, but do love yourself.” If Jesus loved you enough to die for you, you should never demean or reject yourself.

God’s desire is that we become trees of righteousness bearing good fruit (Isaiah 61:3). However, if we reject ourselves, our fruit will be fear, depression, negativism, lack of self-confidence, anger, hostility and self-pity. And that is just the beginning of all the bad fruit we will have. We will also be confused and totally miserable. It is impossible to be happy if you hate and despise or reject yourself.

No matter how many other people love you, if you don’t love yourself, you will still feel lonely.

You may feel as if you have always been unhappy and you just don’t know what is wrong. I knew a woman like that. She was a fine Christian woman who had a lovely family and home, but
she could not seem to get beyond the feeling that something was missing inside her. She was tormented with feelings of insecurity and being unloved. She eventually discovered that she had been adopted, that her birth mother didn’t want her and she had been left on the doorstep of a hospital.

There are many things that can open the door for a spirit of rejection to fill our souls and being to rule our lives. It’s good for us to know the root causes of the rejection we feel because the truth sets us free. Sometimes the sheer act of understanding will help us to deal with an issue effectively.

Here are some of the things that may cause a person to feel rejected. Look them over and ask yourself if any of them relate to you or someone you know.

• Unwanted conception
  
• A mother who contemplated or attempted abortion
  
• A child born of the wrong sex, in the parents’ eyes (for example, they wanted a boy and got a girl)
  
• Parents disappointed with a child who is born with physical or mental disabilities
  
• Comparison to another sibling
  
• Adoption
  
• Death of one or both parents
  
• Abuse, including physical, verbal, sexual, emotional and the withholding of affection
  
• A parent with mental illness (the child may feel abandoned)
  
• Divorce
  
• Peer rejection
  
• Turmoil within the home
  
• Rejection in marriage, or an unfaithful spouse
  

Did you get stuck in the pain of an event that you cannot go back and undo? If so, don’t stay there. Let what is behind remain behind, and let it make you better rather than bitter.

Below is a list of some of the behaviors that are fruits of rejection and often plague people who feel that they were not loved and accepted during their formative years. Do any of them feel familiar?

• Anger
  —People who have been hurt feel anger over what they have unjustly suffered. The natural tendency is to feel that someone owes us.
  
• Being judgmental
  —When people feel bad about themselves, they frequently find fault in others to deflect their own guilt.
  
• Bitterness
  —Everything about our life can become bitter when we are functioning from a root of rejection.
  
• Competition
  —A person who feels insecure may compete with others, always trying to be better than them, or at the very least just as good.
  
• Defensiveness
  —Even though we may feel worthless, we will often still defend ourselves if anything is said that may add to our present feelings of rejection.
  
• Disrespect
  —If we are distrusting and suspicious, we will tend to also disrespect people.
  
• Distrust
  —If we feel unloved, we will even distrust people who say they love us. We will be suspicious and expect everyone to hurt us eventually.
  
• Escapism, including drugs, alcohol and being excessive in things like shopping, work, sleeping, overeating and television
  —When our pain is extreme, we often find ways to avoid it.
  
• Fear of all types
  —Rejection can cause phobias of all kinds. A person may become paralyzed with fear and let it rule their life.
  
• Guilt
  —We may feel that the rejection we experienced is our fault and therefore live with a vague sense of guilt.
  
• Hardness
  —People may develop a hardness in their soul that they think will protect them from further pain, but it ends up hurting other people in the same ways they are trying to avoid being hurt.
  
• Hopelessness
  —We may live with a feeling that nothing good will ever happen to us, so why bother even thinking that it might.
  
• Inferiority
  —We may feel that we are not as good as other people and fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to them.
  
• Jealousy
  —Not knowing our value drives us to want what other people have in order to make us feel that we are equal with them. We can easily resent the blessings of others if we have a root of rejection.
  
• Perfectionism
  —We may strive for perfection, thinking that then no one will be able to find any fault with us.
  
• Poor self-image
  —We may view ourselves as failures in general and feel bad about ourselves in every way.
  
• Poverty
  —If we feel worthless, we may feel we are not deserving of anything, and we therefore will not work in order to have anything.
  
• Rebellion
  —When we have been hurt, especially if someone in authority has hurt us, we may fear being hurt again and rebel against all authority.
  

The good news is that each of these wrong behavior patterns finds its solution in God’s Word. I can safely say that I
manifested all of these behaviors at one time or another in my life, but through studying and believing God’s Word, I have also experienced freedom from all of them.

If you need help in these areas, please believe me when I say that Jesus is your answer. You don’t have to spend your life suffering over the way other people have treated you or because of things that have happened to you. God has provided a way out and a place of safety for you. God loves you; He will never reject you and He is not mad at you!