Read God Is Not Mad at You: You Can Experience Real Love, Acceptance & Guilt-free Living Online
Authors: Joyce Meyer
Tags: #Religion / Christian Life - Personal Growth, #Religion / Christian Life - Spiritual Growth, #Religion / Christian Life - Inspirational
God Is Not Mad at You: You Can Experience Real Love, Acceptance & Guilt-free Living (11 page)
When Rebecca was a little girl, she was a bit like Dennis the Menace, full of good intentions but always getting into trouble. It seemed that no matter what she did, something always ended up going wrong, and it was always her fault. It got to the point that whenever anything went wrong, Rebecca’s mom and dad always
just assumed that it was Rebecca’s fault. Usually they were right, but sometimes they were mistaken.
On many occasions, Rebecca’s mom would walk into the kitchen and see some water spilled on the floor, or she would see a snag in the upholstery of a chair. Whatever she found wrong, she just assumed that Rebecca was the culprit. As a result, there were many times over the years when Rebecca would get punished for something she actually hadn’t done. I’m sure her parents didn’t mean to harm her, but their undeserved punishments made a huge, negative impact on Rebecca.
When Rebecca was a grown married woman, sometimes her husband would say, “There’s a spill on the floor,” or, “There’s some paint scraped off the car.” Immediately Rebecca would tense up and snap, “I didn’t do it!”
Finally one day her husband looked at her in wonder and said, “You must have had a rough childhood. Every time I ever mention anything that’s wrong, you immediately think I’m blaming you.”
That was the day Rebecca realized that when someone commented on a problem, that person wasn’t necessarily accusing her of causing it. Rebecca was forty-three when she had that realization. What a sad thing that she had experienced countless episodes of feeling falsely accused, when the supposed “accuser” was actually just making an observation.
It is amazing how we view situations when we are looking through a lens colored by a root of rejection. It causes us a lot of pain that no one intends to give us. We get hurt and nobody is intending to hurt us. I believe that as we all learn to see more clearly we can avoid a lot of this type of pain and the tension it causes in relationships.
When you feel hurt, stop and think! Are people trying to hurt you, or are they just being who they are? Yes, maybe they could be more thoughtful or sensitive, but since none of us is perfect, we can choose to believe the best and move on.
Don’t let the pain of past rejection rule your future. Face it, deal with it, pray about it and ask God to change you, study God’s Word, and press forward! Even if you feel very convicted as you read these areas I am writing about, just remember that receiving conviction is a healthy step toward change. You don’t need to feel condemned. God is not disappointed in you! He knew all about your weaknesses long before you did.
Guilt and Shame
And, beloved, if our consciences (our hearts) do not accuse us [if they do not make us feel guilty and condemn us], we have confidence (complete assurance and boldness) before God.
1 John 3:21
Guilt can be healthy or unhealthy. If it is the feeling we get when we have done something wrong, then that is healthy. It reminds us that we need to ask for God’s forgiveness, or perhaps a person’s forgiveness. Unhealthy guilt is a false guilt. It is one that lingers even after we have asked for forgiveness. It can also be the result of an oversensitive conscience that causes feelings of guilt over things that are not wrong except in our own thoughts. This type of wrong and unhealthy guilt is what we will deal with in this chapter. I think I can safely say that I suffered more with feelings of guilt in my life than any other thing.
In
The Phantom Limb
, Dr. Paul Brand provides a vivid image of the impact of unhealthy guilt.
Amputees often experience some sensation of a phantom limb. Somewhere, locked in their brains, a memory lingers of the nonexistent hand or leg. Invisible toes curl, imaginary hands grasp things, a “leg” feels so sturdy a patient may try
to stand on it. For a few, the experience includes pain. Doctors watch helplessly, for the part of the body screaming for attention does not exist. One such patient was my medical school administrator, Mr. Barwick, who had a serious and painful circulation problem in his leg but refused to allow the recommended amputation. As the pain grew worse, Barwick grew bitter. “I hate it!” he would mutter about the leg. At last he relented and told the doctor, “I can’t stand it anymore. I’m through with that leg. Take it off.” Surgery was scheduled immediately. Before the operation, however, Barwick proceeded with a bizarre request: “I would like you to preserve my leg in a pickling jar. I will install it on my mantel shelf. Then as I sit in my armchair, I will taunt the leg, ‘Hah! You can’t hurt me anymore!’ ” Ultimately, he got his wish. But the despised leg had the last laugh. Barwick suffered phantom limb pain of the worst degree. The wound healed, but he could feel the torturous pressure of the swelling as the muscles cramped, and he had no prospect of relief. He had hated the leg with such intensity that the pain had unaccountably lodged permanently in his brain.
To me, phantom leg pain provides wonderful insight into the phenomenon of false guilt. Christians can be obsessed by the memory of some sin committed years ago. It never leaves them, crippling their ministry, their devotional life, and their relationships with others. They live in the fear that someone will discover their past. They work overtime trying to prove to God they’re repentant. They erect barriers against the enveloping, loving grace of God. Unless they experience the truth in 1 John 3:19–20 that God is “greater than our consciences,” they become as pitiful as poor Mr. Barwick, shaking his hand in fury at the pickled leg on the mantel.
It is tormenting to live life with a burden of guilt. Jesus bore our sins and the guilt associated with them, and in reality, once we have received forgiveness for any sin we have committed, there is no longer any guilt. When sin goes, guilt goes with it. Jesus not only forgives sin, He removes it completely. He remembers it no more, and to Him, it is as if it never happened. When we feel guilt after we have confessed and repented of a sin, we should tell the feeling that it is a lie. Don’t let your feelings be the ruling factor in your life. The Bible says that we are justified in Christ, and I heard one theologian say that means that we stand before God just as if we had never sinned. Even if our feelings can’t believe it, we can choose to live beyond our feelings and we can honor God’s Word above how we feel. If we make right choices according to the Word of God, our feelings will eventually come in line with our good choices.
I like what Jerry Bridges said about guilt and conscience, or feeling guilty:
“There are two ‘courts’ we must deal with: The court of God in Heaven and the court of conscience in our souls. When we first trust in Christ for salvation, God’s court is forever satisfied. Never again will a charge of guilt be brought against us in Heaven. Our consciences, however, are continually pronouncing us guilty. That is the function of conscience. Therefore we must by faith bring the verdict of conscience into line with the verdict of Heaven. We do this by agreeing with our conscience about our guilt, but then reminding it that our guilt has already been borne by Christ.”
Since all have sinned and are falling short of the honor and glory which God bestows and receives.
[All] are justified and made upright and in right standing with God, freely and gratuitously by His grace (His
unmerited favor and mercy), through the redemption which is [provided] in Christ Jesus.
Romans 3:23–24
If you pass over what I said quickly, you may not get the fullness of the power and freedom found in it. Let’s go over it again, but this time slowly.
- Once we have asked for and received forgiveness for any sin we have committed, there is no longer any guilt. If we feel guilt after that, it is false guilt.
- When Jesus forgives sin it is completely removed and He remembers it no more. It is as if it had never happened.
- We are justified through faith in Jesus and that means we stand before God just as if we had never sinned.
- This promise is for all who are redeemed in Christ.
- When your conscience makes you feel guilty, remind it that although you have sinned, you have also been forgiven and made right with God.
I like the part of Romans 3:23 that says we are all “falling” short of God’s glory. We did not just fall one time, but we are always falling, and the forgiveness that God offers in Christ is continual. It is not a one-time thing, but it is available any time we need it.
I have been offered once-in-a-lifetime deals, and I have found they are not always as good as they sound. They are usually intended to move us emotionally to make a quick decision so we don’t miss this marvelous once-in-a-lifetime, never-to-be-repeated opportunity.
What God offers us in Christ is not like that at all. It is
available for anyone, any time they need it! Jesus, the substitutionary atonement, paid our penalty. He became guilty so that we could become innocent. He was guilty of no sin, yet He took on Himself the guilt of us all (Isaiah 53:11).
Satan is called “the accuser of our brethren” in Revelation 12:10, and that is exactly what he is. He accuses us as if we are still guilty of things that we have been forgiven for.
How long will you let Satan, the accuser of God’s children, make a slave of you?
Steven Cole tells a story on Higherpraise.com that is humorous, but it makes an important point about becoming someone else’s slave.
A little boy was visiting his grandparents and was given his first slingshot. He practiced in the woods, but he could never hit a target. As he came back to Grandma’s back yard, he spied her pet duck. On an impulse he took aim and let a rock fly. The stone hit, and the duck fell dead. The boy panicked. His sister Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.
After lunch that day, Grandma said, “Sally, let’s wash the dishes.” But Sally said, “Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen today. Didn’t you Johnny?” And she whispered to him, “Remember the duck!” So Johnny did the dishes.
Later Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing. Grandma said, “I’m sorry, but I need Sally to help make supper.” Sally smiled and said, “That’s all taken care of. Johnny wants to do it!” Again she whispered, “Remember the duck.” Johnny stayed while Sally went fishing. After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally’s, finally he couldn’t
stand it. He confessed to Grandma that he’d killed the duck. “I know, Johnny,” she said, giving him a hug. “I was standing at the window and saw the whole thing. Because I love you, I forgave you. I wondered how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.”
Satan is a liar, but one of his favorite weapons of torment is to merely remind us of past sins. He is vigilant in his efforts to make us cower under the weight of our own shame. Guilt and shame make us feel that God is angry, and we withdraw from His presence and live weak, pitiful lives.
We all sin and come short of the glory of God. No person is without sin, and we all feel guilt at times, but when we keep the guilt long after we have been forgiven, it turns to shame. We feel guilt over what we have done, but we feel ashamed of ourselves.
Satan has a good memory. He remembers every tiny thing that each of us has ever done wrong and brings unwelcome reminders. God has not only forgiven us, but has forgotten our sins and remembers them no more. We must stop remembering what God has forgotten. When Satan reminds us of a past sin, we should open our mouth and say, “I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t remember doing that.” Or, at the very least we should say, “Thanks for the reminder. It helps me recall how great God’s mercy is toward me and how thankful I am for complete forgiveness.”
I am using the term “complete forgiveness” frequently because I want to stress that God’s forgiveness is not partial, or almost, but it is complete. When someone has sinned against us, we may forgive a little, but still hold some kind of grudge. This is, of course, not true forgiveness at all. The God kind of forgiveness is complete. Take a moment and think of the worst thing you
can remember that you have ever done. Now, realize that you are
completely
forgiven. The goodness of God is greater than any bad thing we have ever done or could ever do. That should bring a sigh of relief and a sensation of joy sweeping through your soul.
God goes to great lengths in His Word to inform us that in Christ we are new creatures, old things have passed away and all things have become new (2 Corinthians 5:17). We are offered a brand-new way of living. We have newness of life. A new covenant with God sealed in the blood of Jesus. Jesus gave us one new commandment: that we should love one another as He loves us. Everything that God offers is new. Every old thing must be left behind. Your future has no room in it for your past mistakes. Actually, your future is so bright that you should need sunglasses to look at it.
We must leave behind old ways of thinking and old behavior patterns. We put off the old man and put on the new man. We no longer live under the old covenant of law, works, sin and death. We are instructed to let go of what lies behind in order to make way for the new. Jesus said that new wine could not be poured into old wineskins. The new life that God has for us has no room in it for the old. Just doing a Bible study on all the things that God has made new is very encouraging. Are you holding on to old things while at the same time trying to live a new life in Christ? If so, you will only feel frustrated and defeated. Every day can be a new beginning.
Satan tries desperately to keep us stuck in the past, feeling guilty for old things and reminding us of all our faults, weaknesses and shortcomings. Make a decision that you are going to start fresh each day, letting go of what lies behind and rejoicing in the day God has given you.
Earlier in the book we talked about God’s character. It is easy
for Satan to deceive us if we don’t know God’s character. Once again, let me say that He is not like people. Most of our guilt is caused by what we think about God’s expectations and the way we think about sin and its remedy.
