Goddess Interrupted (22 page)

“The chances of the other Titans agreeing to fight on our side after we usurped them are infinitesimal,” said Walter, his expression hardening. “Nor would it be wise for us to risk giving Cronus allies.”

“Isn’t it worth a shot?” said Persephone.

“Rhea might help us,” said James, who’d remained quiet up until now. “I know where she is.”

“We do not have the time to court her,” said Walter. “We must prepare, and convincing her to go against her mate will undoubtedly take time—”

“Then let me do it,” I said, sounding much braver than I felt. “I want to do something.”

“Kate—” said Henry, but I cut him off.

“Don’t. You made your decision, now let me make mine. If you’re not going to participate, then we need to find someone else who will.”

“Henry is right,” said Walter. “You have had no experience with the Titans before. You are new to this life, and one wrong word—”

“Then send someone with me.”

“We cannot spare anyone,” said Walter tightly. “If you wish to go—”

“You can spare me.”

Ava spoke softly and without conviction, but her voice rose above Walter’s, and he paused. As they exchanged looks, something seemed to pass between them.

“Very well,” said Walter, and hope fluttered within me. Finally I wouldn’t be useless. Even if Rhea didn’t want to help, I would at least have the chance to try to make up for Henry withdrawing because of me. I couldn’t sit around and not do a damn thing when no matter what anyone else said, I knew their loss would be my fault.

A shadow passed over Henry, darkening the lines in his face until he was nearly unrecognizable. “Kate, please. Whatever concerns you have about taking the blame for this, how do you think I would feel if you did this because I withdrew and the worst happened to you?”

Something snapped inside of me. Of all the things he could use against me, this was the route he chose? “That’s the problem, Henry. I don’t know how you feel about me. Everyone else seems to have an opinion about it, but the only person I want to hear from is you. You won’t tell me though no matter how much I beg—all you do is risk the lives of everyone I love to keep me safe. How do you think
that
makes me feel?”

For a moment, he looked bewildered, but he quickly masked it with a neutral expression. “Before I met you, I was ready to fade. If something were to happen to you, my wishes have not changed.”

At first I thought I’d heard him wrong. He’d manipulated me before—the entire council had—but he’d never used his life against me. That was a line I thought he wouldn’t dare cross. Apparently I’d been wrong.

“Forgive me for not being worried,” I said, my words dripping with sarcasm as every small step we’d taken in the past few weeks crumbled. “Now that Persephone’s back in your life, I’d imagine you’ll want to stick around as long as there’s a chance she’ll kiss you again.”

Henry stilled, and behind me I heard my mother hiss, “Again?
Persephone!
”

That painful knot in my chest returned. “I know I’m not her and that I never will be, but you know what, Henry? That’s a good thing, because unlike her, I’m not going to betray you. I’m not going to fall in love with someone else and decide you’re not worth it, because you’re it for me. As long as you want me here, I’ll stay, but no matter how much I love you, I will not let you manipulate me like this. It isn’t fair to me, it isn’t fair to this council, and you have to stop it before it destroys us completely. Be as miserable as you’d like. You want to make out with her even though she doesn’t love you? Even though you haven’t so much as kissed me good-night since I arrived? Fine. Avoid me for years—hell, avoid me for eons. But don’t you dare try to stop me from doing what little I can to help prevent the world from crumbling.”

While Henry stared at me, his mouth slightly open, I turned to Walter. Henry didn’t get a say in what I did this time. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to get ready. The sooner we have another Titan on our side, the better chance we have at winning.”

Walter nodded once, and I stepped from the platform and walked through the circle, focusing straight ahead. I wouldn’t let any of them see me break down.

No one followed me through the pillars and into the antechamber. Once I closed the door, I leaned against it and shut my eyes, struggling to calm my racing heart. I’d done the right thing. Henry had left me with no other choice, and even if he pulled away now, at least it would be in earnest and not because he thought I didn’t love him.

The door behind me opened, and I stumbled. Persephone slid into the room and quickly shut the door, and in those few seconds, I heard several members of the council shouting at one another.

“Well, you certainly know how to make an exit,” said Persephone wryly, but her smirk dropped. “I’m sorry for what you saw. I had no idea.”

As if me being oblivious would have made it any better. “It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled, all the fight draining out of me. “I know why you did it.”

“Do you?” She sat on one of the benches and gestured for me to join her. I perched on the other end, as far away from her as I could get. “I know how he feels about me. It’s never been any secret, and no matter how strongly I discouraged him, it kept growing stronger. That was one of the reasons I decided to give up my immortality,” she added. “Because I knew eventually it would get to the point where he wouldn’t be able to take it anymore, and I’d hurt him enough as it was.”

As pretty a story as it was, I didn’t believe her. Persephone was nothing if not selfish. Maybe not as much as I’d initially thought, but I’d seen enough to know that my first impressions weren’t completely wrong.

“You’re doing the right thing,” she said, echoing my self-assurances. “I understand why Henry’s withdrawing from the fight, but he’s doing it for the wrong reasons.”

“You mean trying to keep me alive isn’t a good enough reason?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean,” she said, and I grimaced. There was no point in arguing though. She was right. “Like it or not, you’re just one person. Cronus will rip the entire world apart if he escapes the island.”

“You don’t think I know that?” I snapped. “If I could hand myself over and stop this entire thing, I would, but I can’t, because Calliope wants them all dead now. I don’t need you rubbing my nose in it.”

Persephone sighed. “Sorry. Seems I can’t say anything right, can I?”

That could easily be solved if she stopped treating me like I didn’t know anything. I didn’t, but there was no reason for her to be so offensive about it.

“Anyway,” said Persephone after a few seconds passed in silence. “That’s what I wanted to make sure of—that you knew why I kissed him. I’m sorry.”

I stared at my hands. I would have rather chewed off my thumbs than have this conversation. “I’m not mad at you for kissing him. I’m mad at Henry for wanting it.”

“You knew before it happened that he would,” she said. “So did I. But you know what? He didn’t enjoy it.”

I gave her a wary look. “What do you mean?”

“So you didn’t hear that part after all,” she said with a trace of smugness. “I thought so. You wouldn’t have
freaked out
if you had.”

I scowled. It was hard enough being civil to her without her acting like this. “Just tell me already, would you?”

She rolled her eyes. “That temper will get you into trouble someday. I asked Henry if it was as good as he’d expected, and he admitted it wasn’t. It took him a while, but I think he understands that what we had was never real.”

I said nothing. Even if I was wrong, that wouldn’t change how he’d treated me the past few months. It wouldn’t change how much he’d wanted to kiss her in the first place.

Persephone tugged on a blond curl, and when she let it go, it sprang back into a perfect spiral. She’d probably never had a bad hair day in her life. “Our whole relationship was my fault for being too young and scared. I wasn’t ready for marriage, and I knew that before I married him. The right thing would’ve been to put it off for a hundred years and get to know him first. If I’d done that, there’s no telling what might have happened. But I didn’t wait, and we both paid the price.”

“Henry more than you,” I mumbled.

“Henry more than me,” she agreed. “I’ve had to carry around that guilt for my entire afterlife. Ever since I left him, I’ve hoped someone would come along and give him another chance. Someone like you,” she said, poking my arm. I shied away from her touch, and she dropped her hand into her lap. “Just because it didn’t work out between us doesn’t mean I don’t love him. Not the way he wants me to, but I still care about what happens to him. I’m glad he found you. I’m glad Mother decided to try again for a daughter she could finally be proud of.”

In that moment, some of my animosity toward Persephone melted, and I tentatively reached out to her. As hard as it was for me to bear the pressure of living up to my mother’s expectations, I’d never considered how difficult it had been for Persephone to go against them in the first place. “She’s proud of you. She said so herself. And—she knows you deserved a chance to be happy. I know that, too,” I added. “I just wish Henry could look at me the way he looks at you.”

Persephone wrapped her fingers around mine. “You should be glad he doesn’t. When he looks at me, he hurts. But when he sees you…” She smiled faintly. “He has hope. I’m not surprised you don’t notice it. It took me a while to read him, too. I spent thousands of years with him though, and I know that look. I saw it the day we got married. You don’t forget the first time someone looks at you like that.”

I bit my lip. I wanted to believe her. Badly. She did know Henry; she gained nothing by lying to me, and if there was any chance she was being honest, I had to take it. “How do I do this? How do I get him to love me?”

“Just be you.” Persephone patted my hand and stood. “It won’t take him long to see what he has. I’m going to go.”

“All right.” I pushed my hair behind my ears. “I’ll probably see you before I leave.”

“You won’t.” She smiled briefly, and in that moment, she looked so much like our mother that I did a double take. “I’m leaving as soon as the meeting’s over. I’ve stayed here long enough, and as fun as it’s been battling Cronus, I miss Adonis. I’ll be back if they need me,” she added. “Until then, I’m going home.”

“Oh.” Relief washed over me, followed immediately by guilt. As terrible as things had been in the beginning and as much as I wanted to hate her for what she’d done with Henry, she was trying. And she was still my sister. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Anytime.” She set her hand on the door, but before she opened it, she hesitated. “You can come visit me, if you want. I’d like that. I’ve never had a real sister before, and it’d be nice to get to know you. As much as I love Adonis, sometimes he can be a little…monotonous.”

I managed a small smile. Somehow that didn’t surprise me. “I’d like that, too. I’m sorry I barged in on you and disrupted your afterlife like that.”

“I’m not.” She winked and disappeared back into the throne room.

The door swung shut, muffling the council’s bickering once more. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about Persephone, but at least now we would have the chance to get to know each other on our own terms. If I survived.

* * *

An hour later, I’d strewn half my closet across the bed, and Pogo was buried underneath a pile of sweaters. I didn’t know where Ava and I would be going, so I had to prepare for any possibility. Where did a Titan stay without being noticed anyway? Up on a mountain somewhere? Antarctica? The Sahara desert? Either way, the possibilities were endless and not very promising, which meant I had to be ready for anything.

“Think you can put up with missing me for another few months?” I said as Pogo dug himself out. My clothes would smell like puppy now, but I didn’t care. It would be a nice reminder of him when I was lonely.

He let out a soft yip, and I grinned in spite of myself.

“He will miss you,” said a voice behind me. Startled, I dropped the boots I was stuffing into the only suitcase I could find.

I’d expected him to stay away, but there he was, his shoulders squared and his eyes stormy.

Henry.

Chapter Eighteen
Rocked

My mouth went dry, and I picked up the boots and tossed them on the bed. I’d been so convinced that he wouldn’t want anything else to do with me that I hadn’t bothered to think about what to say. I had no real reason to apologize, except for maybe calling him out in front of everyone, but that was the only part I regretted.

“I’m sorry about the mess, I was just—”

“Packing. Yes, I see that.” He waved a hand, and my already overstuffed suitcase seemed to empty. When I opened my mouth to protest, I saw that he hadn’t made anything vanish; the suitcase had only gotten deeper. “Is this a bad time?”

The last thing I wanted was to fight with him, but I couldn’t very well leave the Underworld before finishing this one way or the other. “I have a few minutes,” I said, folding a pair of jeans. “What was all of the arguing about?”

The corner of Henry’s mouth twitched with annoyance. “What you might expect. Diana was not pleased with me, and neither was Walter. I suspect that despite our earlier discussion, you are not, either.”

I considered lying, but it wouldn’t do any good. “No, I’m not,” I said. “We never—figured it out. But I don’t want to be the person who tries to force you to feel something you don’t. I meant what I said. I won’t leave you unless you don’t want me here anymore.”

“I wish for you to stay, yet here you are, packing three months early,” he said quietly, and I stopped.

“You know why,” I mumbled. “I’ll be back as soon as I find Rhea.”

“For how long?”

I gently extracted the boot I’d dropped from Pogo’s mouth. “As long as you’ll have me.”

“That will be for a very long time.”

I exhaled and smiled, feeling as if a weight were lifted off my chest. “Good.”

He stepped toward me and touched my cheek. “I enjoy seeing you smile. It means I have done something right. I am afraid that sometimes I cannot tell.”

“It’s okay.” I tilted my head into his hand. He cupped my face and brushed his thumb against my jaw. “Persephone told me that you said it wasn’t as good as you expected. When she kissed you, I mean.”

Something flickered behind his eyes, but it was gone so fast that I couldn’t tell what it was. “No, it was not. I find little joy in showing affection to someone who does not return it.”

“Yeah, me, too.” I covered his hand with mine and pressed my lips against his palm. “It hurts being the one who loves more.”

Henry stepped closer so our bodies were only inches apart. Despite the warmth that radiated from him, I shivered. “If I had been unchained, I would have ripped Calliope to pieces in the cavern. Had Walter allowed me, I would have done it the moment I had her alone in the palace.”

I snorted softly. “Is that supposed to be romantic?”

“It is supposed to be the truth.” He stared at me, and my breath caught in my throat. “If I were a better man, I would be able to show you the love and affection you deserve. As I am not, I can only offer you what I am capable of giving. But I assure you, just because I do not show it doesn’t mean I do not feel it.”

It was exactly what everyone had been trying to tell me since September, but hearing the words come from Henry finally made me believe them. “I think I’m getting that,” I said thickly. “I don’t want you to be anyone you aren’t.”

“Then trust me when I say there is no one else I would rather be with.” He ran his fingers through my hair and tickled my neck with the ends. “Not even Persephone. She was my past, and I was never her future. There was a time when I fought for her, but fighting for someone is meaningless if they are not happy with you.”

“Am I doing the right thing, then?” I said. “Fighting for you.”

He circled his arms around my waist, and he was so close that I could feel his breath against my cheek. “No,” he said, and the word made my stomach contract. But before I could panic, he continued, his voice smooth and meant only for me. “You never had to fight for me to begin with. I am yours and have been from the moment I saw you.”

Everything I’d worried myself sick about, every awful thought I had, every doubt, deserved or not—Henry could have prevented them all if he’d simply said that in September. Even the way Persephone had kissed him, I could have understood if only I hadn’t been left alone with my fears for so long. Or maybe if we’d talked about it earlier, she would’ve never had to kiss him in the first place. I wheezed a sigh of relief. “It would’ve been nice to know that three months ago.”

A ghost of a smile graced his features. “Yes, I suppose it would have been, and I am sorry for how I have acted. I will do better in the future.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “Please do not go.”

In that moment, the last thing I wanted to do was leave him, and I looped my arms around him. “You know I have to. I can’t stand by and do nothing, and without Rhea, you could all die. It’s worth the risk. You know it is.”

Henry sighed. “You are too stubborn for your own good.”

“I hear it runs in the family.” A moment passed, and I said softly, “When I come back…would it be all right with you if I stayed?”

He furrowed his brow. “Why would it not? I would do anything to make you not go, but that does not mean I will not welcome you back when you return.”

“No, I mean—” I hesitated. “Our deal. Do I have to leave every spring, or can I stay down here with you?”

He stilled, at last understanding. I held my breath as I waited for his answer, and he pulled away enough to look at me, his eyes searching mine. He wouldn’t find the lie he was looking for though. “You want to stay here all year? With me?”

“With you. As your wife.”

“As my wife,” he echoed, his gaze growing distant. I bit my lip.

“Is that all right? Staying here all year wouldn’t be breaking any rules or anything, would it?”

“I am the one who makes the rules. If you wish to stay, then you may.” He cupped my neck, his palm warm against my bare skin. “I would be very grateful if you did, but I do not want you to unless you are certain it is what you want. You would have the opportunity to visit the surface whenever you wished, but it is dreary down here.” He hesitated, as if he didn’t know if he should bring it up or not. “Persephone used to say that once you have seen the sun, it is impossible to truly be happy without it.”

“I’ll probably go up for a few days every once in a while,” I said, brushing off the twinge of jealousy inside of me at his mention of Persephone. He simply didn’t want to put me in the same situation. I could understand that, and if we were going to have any chance at making this work, I had to. Persephone had been a huge part of his life, and in some ways, she still was. I could either fight it or accept it, and right then, I would’ve done anything to stop feeling so damn miserable all the time. Including swallow my pride and forgive my sister for what she’d done to Henry, and forgive Henry for still loving her. “But while the surface has the sun, I would much rather be down here with you.”

He rested his forehead against mine. “I would be honored.”

We stood like that for a long moment. I noticed the silver scar from Cronus’s first attack peeking out from underneath Henry’s collar, and I traced it. He would be safe in the Underworld, and I wouldn’t have to worry about his safety anymore. Everyone else’s, yes, but not Henry’s.

“In the council meeting…” He paused and brushed his thumb against my bottom lip. “You said I have not given you a kiss good-night since you arrived. I know it is not yet noon, but would now be an acceptable time to remedy that?”

I grinned so hard that the muscles in my cheeks strained. It had been a long time since I’d smiled like that. I’d missed it. “Now would be perfect.”

When his lips touched mine, desire flooded through me, intertwining with delicious triumph. Calliope hadn’t won. No matter what she did to me or how many Titans she sent to kill me, she would never take Henry away from me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and let my body mold to the contours of his. There was no substitute for the warmth that filled me, no amount of holding me at night to make up for the lack of this between us. It was perfect. Henry, with all of his imperfections, and me with mine—together, we were just right.

He eased me onto the mattress and brushed my piles of clothing aside to make room for both of us. At the foot of the bed, Pogo let out an annoyed squeak and jumped onto the floor. I would give him a nice, long belly rub later, because right now, short of Cronus appearing in the bedroom, nothing was going to pull me away from Henry.

When he toyed with the hem of my sweater, I tugged it off and tossed it amidst the other clothing. He splayed his hand over my bare stomach and broke away from me, watching me with a baffled look in his eyes.

“What is it?” I said, catching my breath. “Is everything all right?”

It took him a moment to respond. “Are you sure you wish to do this?”

Every doubt I’d had came rushing back, but after a moment of dizzying panic, I remembered what Persephone had told me about her and Henry’s wedding night. This would be the first time we’d done this without the influence of an aphrodisiac, and if he thought there was a chance I could react like Persephone had, then his hesitation made perfect sense. I forced myself to breathe steadily. “I’m positive.”

Henry seemed to accept this, but when he leaned in to kiss me again, another awful possibility popped into my mind, and I turned my head at the last moment so he caught my cheek instead. “Why? Do you not want to? We don’t have to if you’d rather not, it’s all right. I can wait. I want to wait if you do.”

“I promise you that I want to do this more than anything else in the world,” he said, pressing his lips to the corner of my mouth. “I have wanted to since you first returned, but I thought giving you time would be prudent.”

“And here I was, thinking you would’ve rather slept in a pool of lava than with me,” I joked, but it wasn’t entirely false. I gave him a quick kiss in return. “We need to work on this whole talking to each other thing. We’d get a lot more done if we did.”

“Yes, we would,” he said before capturing my lips once more. I deftly unbuttoned his shirt, and when it fell open, I pulled away again.

“You’re not going to get angry again and throw things when it’s over, will you?” I said, and Henry gave me a look that sent a jolt of electricity down my spine. The look Persephone had mentioned. The look I knew I could never forget now that I’d seen it.

“Would you please hush and let me kiss you?”

Laughing, I pulled him back toward me. “I’m all yours.”

He shrugged his shirt off and ran his hands down my sides, and everything else seemed to melt away. He was the only thing I could see, the only thing I could feel, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. For the first time since I’d arrived in the Underworld, I was home.

* * *

Henry and I spent the rest of the day and night in bed together, talking and laughing and knocking boots, as Ava had so delicately called it. In between we slept curled together, with my head on his chest and his arm around me, the same position we’d slept in during my time in Eden Manor. It was familiar and comforting, and with so much uncertainty lying ahead of us, I needed that badly.

In the middle of the night, I woke up to feel him hovering over me, watching me. Caught between sleeping and consciousness, I ran my hand down his chest, dipping my finger into his navel. “Is everything all right?”

“Perfect.” A glowing ball of light appeared near the top of the canopy bed. “I was simply thinking about the future.”

“What about it?” I said. “If you’re going to try to talk me into not going after Rhea, you can forget it—”

“Always jumping to conclusions.” He chuckled and kissed me, and I obediently shut up. “I meant what it would be like to have you here all year. I have never had anyone spend that much time in the Underworld with me before.”

“I want to,” I whispered. “You’re my family now.”

I expected him to kiss me again, but instead he pulled away. In the low light, I thought I saw him studying me, but my vision was bleary from sleep, and I couldn’t be sure. “Do you still want to be my queen?”

“Of course,” I said, confused. “I thought that was implied with the whole being your wife thing.”

“You do not have to take on the duties of the Queen of the Underworld now if you feel you are not ready,” said Henry. “You are my wife no matter what role you play in the work I do.”

I didn’t answer right away. I couldn’t control the one power I had so far; whatever other ones came along with ruling the Underworld, there was no guarantee I would be able to control those, either. “Do you think I can do it?”

“Yes,” said Henry unequivocally. “You may not understand everything right away, but in time, I have no doubt you will be the best partner I could ask for. You have a rare gift—”

“Falling all over myself and screwing up every choice I make?” I said wryly, and he pressed his finger to my lips.

“Not every choice,” he teased, and his expression grew somber. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You have the extraordinary ability to bring people together when they want nothing more than to walk away and never come back. You see the simplest solutions when we often see only the complications, and you have hope in the most impossible of situations. But most of all, you understand people. When you see someone, you do not see their actions. Despite how you may feel about them, you see their motivations and have the compassion to understand them. That is how I know you will be a great queen. Not even I have that self-control.”