Authors: C. Gockel,S. T. Bende,Christine Pope,T. G. Ayer,Eva Pohler,Ednah Walters,Mary Ting,Melissa Haag,Laura Howard,DelSheree Gladden,Nancy Straight,Karen Lynch,Kim Richardson,Becca Mills
The physical contact was the first I had had since he kept me from collapsing down the steps. It awakened something inside me. I remembered: Phineas had told me to contact my mother, then Gage and the others came. How long ago had that been? Two weeks and I still couldn’t speak to her, or at least she never spoke back. Then it hit me, I would be able to talk to Drake, to tell him how sorry I was, to tell him I loved him. For the first time since Gage left, I felt a glimmer of excitement again. I was weak, too weak from allowing myself nearly to starve to death. When Phineas brought me food the next morning, I wasn’t hungry, but I found the strength to eat – not much because my stomach wasn’t able to hold much, but enough to jump start my body again. He came back at lunch time with more food, and I ate a second time. I could feel my mental faculties slowly returning. I still had difficulty concentrating, but I tried talking to my mother all the time. I told her about everything; something told me she was with me, but I couldn’t see her and I couldn’t hear her.
“Mom, do you remember when you forced me to ride a bicycle? You thought it would be fun to ride by the ocean? I begged you not to make me do it. I pleaded with you to let me sit on the beach. You wouldn’t take no for an answer. You worked double shifts for weeks so you could buy us matching bikes. I still remember looking at it in the store: the pink tassels, the big white banana seat. It was so beautiful at the bike shop. I wanted you to be proud of me, but I was terrified when you took them both out of your van in Carlsbad. I knew everyone was watching me, and I was scared. Do you remember what you told me?”
I waited, hoping she’d answer me, hoping I could hear her just for a second. “You said bravery is measured by how hard you try, not by whether you actually succeed. We went home from the beach that day with my skin gone on both knees, both elbows and my cheek. I never did learn how to ride it, but you still told me I was the bravest person you’d ever known.”
I looked for her face, begging her to show me the same grainy image of herself that she’d shown me at Bruce’s wedding. I confessed, “I don’t know how to be brave unless you’re with me. I need you to show me how to be brave again.”
When my mother didn’t show herself, I believed it was because my heart longed to see Drake. She knew me better than anyone on the planet, and she must have known that it was Drake I needed to see. Her loss had broken my heart, but his death was my fault. Zandra had killed him because she knew
he
was who I wanted.
I needed to tell him how sorry I was. I’m sure Phineas could hear me through the door, but I didn’t care. I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling the place where he’d lain. I smoothed my hand over the pillow that had cradled his face. “Drake, I don’t know if you can hear me. I hope you can. I was just scared, okay? When I found you, you were everything I’d ever dreamed of. No one’s supposed to get everything they want. No one is supposed to be perfect. It seems like every time I feel a sliver of happiness, a machete comes from out of nowhere to remove whatever I love most.”
I felt hot tears dripping down my cheeks, my vision clouded, my throat was tight. “If I’d broken the engagement like you asked me to, maybe you’d still be here. Or maybe I’d be with you right now. You told me my plan was ridiculous, you didn’t need to know me better – the truth is, I didn’t need to know you better, either. You were the one.”
I took my palms and wiped the moisture from my cheeks, drying my hands on my jeans. “I know I don’t deserve a do-over. I should have seen you for what you were when I had the chance. I’m so sorry.” My voice lost its volume. I whispered, “I love you, Drake. I always will. There’ll never be another.” I buried myself in the pillow he used, trying to drink up whatever scent was left.
I slept, wishing for dreams of Drake, wishing to touch his skin, to feel the stubble on his face one more time. I wished I had known how I felt about him while he was still alive. I tried to communicate with my mom’s and Drake’s spirits all the time. I kept thinking of it like a television station that was just outside the range of my digital receiver. Nothing worked. I never heard, saw, or felt either of them.
My guard detail of four had dwindled to two. I wasn’t sure when it happened, but sometime during the time that I’d nearly starved myself to death, the other guards were gone. Aragon kept his post in the hallway during his shifts at night. Phineas began standing his watch inside my room during the day. He knew I was close to a mental breakdown and did everything he could to keep me from losing it.
Phineas openly spoke to me, trying to nurse me back to health. Although he seemed to be more comfortable stationed at my door, he occasionally took a seat in one of the chairs in my room. He was a constant reminder that I was coming back; I would be
me
again soon. I still wore the hideous necklace: not so long ago I had thought it beautiful. I no longer felt that way. I hadn’t felt even a flicker of energy from it since Zandra’s last visit to my room, but I didn’t tempt fate either.
“Have you contacted your mother’s spirit?” It was always the first question Phineas asked me. Although I missed her, I was secretly expending most of my energy desperately trying to contact Drake. If spirits chose to stay earthbound, maybe he had chosen not to stay with me. I couldn’t blame him. What little time we had spent together wouldn’t have obligated him to me. I tried to speak with both as often as I could get my brain to focus, but even though I gathered strength, I had no luck whatsoever.
Friday at noon a seamstress brought a beautiful dress to my room. She put it over me and pinned it for the last of the alterations before tomorrow’s wedding. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror: I had lost too much weight. The last couple days with Phineas had done me good, but I still looked sickly compared to the person I’d been just weeks ago. My hair had lost its luster, my skin looked dull, and my bones were nearly visible under my skin.
Phineas and I were having our usual dinner chatter when there was a soft tap at my door. Phineas immediately came to attention and in three large strides had opened it. Phineas excused himself and allowed a woman to step through the door and into my world.
(Camille Benning – Florida)
S
he had kind eyes
, ice blue, exactly the same shade as Drake’s. Her hair was shoulder-length, smooth and straight. She wore expensive cologne; I couldn’t place the scent but knew I’d tested it at Dillard’s. “Hello, Camille. I’m Hallenjah Nash. Is it okay if I speak with you?”
My heart stopped. This was one of Drake’s relatives. She looked almost too young to be his mother, but I could see so much of Drake in her, I didn’t know who else she could be. Would she, too, blame me for his death? I answered, “Of course.”
“I am Drake’s mother. I was hoping to speak with you about my son.”
“I can see the resemblance. He had your eyes. I’m sorry for your loss.”
“I can see that you are. Maybe you can help me find him?”
I gave her a questioning look but didn’t know how to phrase it. Hadn’t Gage told her what had happened? She continued, “You see, obviously, I am a Centauride — just like you. If my son were dead, he would have answered my calls to the spirit world. He has not.”
My mind was strong, but I didn’t understand what she was telling me. I confessed, “I’ve tried to speak with him as well, but I’m afraid I’m not very proficient.”
“Your proficiency has nothing to do with it. He is not in the spirit world. I fear he is hidden somewhere in this fortress. I felt his presence when I stepped on the grounds. He is here: he is
alive
.”
I yelled for the first time in weeks, “Phineas!!!” The door bolted open as if he were ready to do battle. “This is Mrs. Nash. She says Drake is still alive. Where is he?”
Phineas hesitated for only a second. He stepped inside my bedroom and closed the door. “I don’t know for certain, but two of your guards were reassigned to the guest quarters, the day that... when Gage left the estate. I haven’t spoken to the guards, and the estate staff are not permitted entry.”
“You didn’t think that was odd?”
“Truthfully, I was too worried about you. I was pleased that I was left assigned to you. It didn’t occur to me to be curious.”
I couldn’t be angry with him. If it weren’t for Phineas, I wouldn’t have had the strength to even speak to Drake’s mom. “How do we get into the guest quarters?”
Phineas answered sternly, “You don’t! You stay put. I will try to get into the structure this evening.”
“I want to see them.”
“Camille, I don’t know if they’re there. If they are, I don’t know their condition.”
Hallenjah responded, “He’s alive.”
I threw my arms around Drake’s mother. This was the first time I had felt joy in weeks. I felt her body stiffen at my unexpected show of emotion. Once she’d regained her footing, she returned my embrace. I asked her, “Why would Zandra pretend they were dead?”
“Why, indeed. I was hoping you could shed some light for me on that one.”
I didn’t know how much Gage had told her, and the last thing I wanted was to dime anyone out, so I only shared, “She’s nutso, that’s why.”
“That is one explanation. Do you know my son spoke of you to me?”
Drake, talked about me? To his mother? What had he told her? When had he talked to her? “No ...I wasn’t aware. I mean, I met him... before...you know.”
“You spent the day with him on your father’s yacht. It must have been some afternoon.” Her tone wasn’t accusatory, but she was politely making me aware that my infatuation with Drake likely had a hand in why Zandra faked his death. “Do you know that after he spent the afternoon with you, he asked his father and me if we would support him breaking his engagement to Bianca?”
“Uh, no. I wasn’t aware of that either.” I took a deep breath, almost scared to hear, but knowing I couldn’t not know, “What’d you tell him?”
“We told him Bianca was a lovely Centauride who would make an excellent wife.” She watched my eyes, and she seemed perceptive enough that she probably saw the glossiness I wasn’t willing to let free. “I also told him to follow his heart, that if he was happy, we were happy. He was so nervous at the time that I believed he wished to break his engagement with Bianca to pursue a human. That was until Gage filled in the missing pieces for us when he delivered the news of Drake’s death.”
“And you came to meet me?”
“I came to find my son. Zandra knows I am here. She will also be aware that I can feel his presence. It is only a matter of time before she owns up to not murdering them and sets them free, or makes good on her fabrication and slays them.”
A rush of emotions shook my body. “Phineas, take Mrs. Nash to the gate. Get her out of here.”
“Camille, I can’t leave you.”
“I’m going to find Drake and Bianca. You get her to safety and catch up with me after.”
“I can’t let you do that.”
I stood my ground. I didn’t feel weak. I felt energy surge through my entire body, my necklace buzzed to life and I could feel the energy once again pulsate through the device. “I’ll be fine. Get her out of here before Zandra catches her here.”
Phineas shook his head, “If anything happens to you, I won’t be able to face your father again. I’m here for your protection.”
“Dammit Phineas! I don’t need your protection right now. I need to get Drake out of here. Take care of his mom. I’ll find them and get them to the gate.”
“Zandra is on the estate. How do you plan to find them? She will know you’ve left your room. She will sense your excitement.”
I shook my head. “If she senses my excitement, she’ll interpret it that I am excited for the wedding. My thoughts have been blocked from her since my arrival.”
Hallenjah nodded, “It’s true, Phineas. None of her thoughts have escaped since I’ve been here. She has blocked all of them from me. If I cannot read her thoughts, neither can Zandra.”
Phineas reluctantly agreed and motioned for Mrs. Nash to follow him.
Before she left, Hallenjah said, “Wait! Why do you wear a necklace of obedience?”
I nearly spat out the words, “Zandra thought it would be an exceptional engagement present.”
“Come here for a minute.” Hallenjah put her hands on either side of the necklace. I cringed, anticipating the electric shock that rocked me when Gage and Drake had done the same thing. She spoke loudly, “As matriarch of the Nash herd, I absorb your magic. This Centauride has proven her obedience; she is free of your enchantment.” I felt the same pulse of electricity run through it that I felt while Zandra was near, but no painful shock followed. A few seconds passed, and the pulse faded away completely. I reached up and touched the clasps: it came off easily.
“I’m free, I can take it off!”
“If you intend to convince Zandra that you haven’t spoken with me, you may want to keep it on.”
I did as I was told and left the necklace in place while I bolted from the room. After not leaving it for weeks, I had become immune to the stale air inside. Phineas and Hallenjah followed me down the steps. When we reached the outside, we went in opposite directions. I passed the garden where I sat on the bench so many mornings with Zandra. As I ran toward the structure at the far end of the property, I soaked up the last of the day’s rays. I forgot just how incredible the sunlight felt on my skin. The air was thick with the smell of the swamp, lush and green. I heard the sounds of the swamp and tried to concentrate on them to calm my nerves.
I saw the guard standing in front of the guest house’s door. I stood just outside his view, allowing the foliage to camouflage my approach. I was able to stay away from his view and went around the back. I found a window opened, allowing breeze from the swamp to enter. The open window had steel bars on it. They had been installed recently, likely in a rush. A pile of more metal bars lay haphazardly below another window a little further to my right. That window was closed. I could see it had been nailed shut. A forgotten tool pouch was buried under the stack of metal bars on the ground.
I found a crow bar in the tool pouch and wedged it under one of the bars on the window. The screw securing the bar in place complained, but I didn’t relent. I kept angling and re-angling the crowbar until I heard the screw fly free from the structure. I went to work on a second bar. As I had disengaged the second, I heard a squeal of excitement from inside the house. I looked up to the window and saw Bianca. I put my finger to my lips in the international signal for, “Be Quiet.” She nodded. The next time I glanced up at the window, I saw two sets of eyes staring down at me. I let out a harsh whisper, “Block your thoughts!”
Both nodded, neither uttered a word.
In five minutes I had removed five screws, which were enough for Bianca and Drake to slip through the opening. Bianca was on the ground in seconds. Drake’s frame was much bulkier than Bianca’s, and he was halfway through the bars when Phineas joined us. I could see the desperation in Drake’s eyes when he saw Phineas. He slid free of the final bar on the window, then charged Phineas.
My whisper was louder than it had been just seconds before, “Stop! He’s helping me.”
Drake stopped his assault. Phineas grinned, eyeing the metal bars hanging loosely on the window’s frame, “Clever. What now?”