Going Home (2 page)

“What's up?” asked Joanie. She has to be the nosiest little girl in the whole world. I was really speaking to Consuela, her older sister. One of these days I hoped Consuela wouldn't have to mind Joanie so we could have our conversations in private.

“Remember I told you my Tio Jorge was gonna retire and live in Puerto Rico? And that we all might get to go too? Well, it's true! But wait, here's the best part. Johnny and Tito are coming back with my parents after two weeks there, but I'll be spending the whole summer in P.R. I'm going to live with my tio in his village.”

“Wow,” Consuela said. I could see Consuela and Joanie were impressed. That made me very happy.

“When are you going?” asked Joanie.

“Oh, not till the end of school. Around the beginning of July.”

“Man, that's a long long way off,” Joanie said, sounding disappointed. “I thought you was going right away.”

“Don't be so stupid.” That Joanie could get on your nerves. “I have to wait until school finishes.” I turned to Consuela, ignoring Joanie. “I wanted to let my good friends know.”

“Does Gigi know yet?” asked Consuela.

“I tried to telephone her, but no one was home. I'll try again later. If she's not in, I'll tell her tomorrow in person.”

“Hey, Felita!” I turned and saw the twins, Dan and Duane Gonzalez. They are in my same grade in school. They look so much alike that the only way you can tell them apart is that Duane has darker skin than Dan. I waved for them to come over, and told them about my trip.

“Boy, are you lucky, girl,” said Dan. “I'd sure like to go.”

“Me too,” Duane said. “Our parents are always talking about Puerto Rico. We got a mess of relatives down there, according to them. But neither me or Dan have ever been there.”

“I was born there, you know,” Consuela said proudly, “but I came here when I was real little.”

“Do you remember anything from there?” asked Dan.

“No, I was just a baby when we moved here. I don't remember nothing. But I heard a lot of stories about life there.”

We were all having a real good time talking about P.R., when all of a sudden I see my brother Tito coming out of our building. Without even a greeting to anybody, he blurts out, “Get upstairs, Felita. Mami wants you now!”

“How come now? She said I could stay out till four and I know it can't be four o'clock yet.”

“It's three thirty, but so what?” he said. “Mami sent me to get a few things for her at the bodega and she told me to tell you to get home. Right now.”

“I bet she did not,” I responded. “I bet she only told you to remind me to get upstairs on time.”

“Listen.” Tito stood very close to me. “You better do like I say. Soon it'll be time to eat. Put on some speed, girl. You know I'm supposed to look after you, so that makes me in charge. Now get your butt upstairs!” Butt? I couldn't believe it! Who did that Tito think he was anyway?

“I will not!” I stared right back at him. “I got till four and I'll go up then. You get Mami to tell me to go up, dumbo!”

Tito put his face real close to mine, then he clenched his fists and began to shout at me, “You want me to make you?” He had a way of sticking his chin way out and looking real mean and ugly. I knew that he might just take a swipe at me so he could look tough in front of everybody. Tito was so gross! I shook my head, looking real disgusted at him, and decided I better leave before things got nasty.

“I gotta go up anyway,” I told everyone. “But not because dumbo here says so. It's almost time to eat, and I gotta do a few personal things.” I walked away real slow, trying not to act like I was following Tito's orders. But I was really so embarrassed. Lately he's been doing too much of that. He's only thirteen ... two measly years older than me. Yet he's always bossing me every chance he gets. I was really beginning to hate him.

When I got upstairs, I went straight to Mami and asked her if she had really sent Tito to get me. Right away she goes into one of her speeches defending Tito and making everything my fault.

“Mira, Felita, you are no longer a baby, you are a young lady who is not supposed to be out playing like a tomboy. There are all kinds of títeres out there in the street—no-good hoodlums that can harm you. Your brothers are looking out for your own protection. They have to be responsible and check on you when you are out of the house.”

“But you said I could stay out till four. So who's Tito to tell me to come up at three thirty? What makes him so—”

“Stop it, Felita! Your brothers are older and they are boys. Honestly, I don't understand you kids here today. I mean, back home in Puerto Rico boys respect girls, and girls know their place. What would people say if I let you run loose like one of those girls no one respects, eh? You know that you are allowed to play with girls, or in a mixed group of boys and girls. And consider yourself very, very lucky that I let you go out by yourself at all!”

I wanted to ask her what that had to do with Tito coming and bossing me around in front of my friends. But I knew that all Mami would do was repeat this same speech, always finding new ways of saying the some old things, and it was always for “my own good.” But she couldn't convince me that having two bullies for brothers was going to make it any safer or better for me.

Actually ever since my eleventh birthday last November, things had been getting worse between us. That's when Mami told me that I would soon be getting my period and I would become a woman. Actually I already knew all about it. Mrs. Rose in Hygiene had explained to the whole class about the menstrual cycle. It was a good thing too, because what Mami had told me would have made me think that if a boy ever touched me in my private parts, I could get pregnant. She had sat me down, saying I had to hear about the facts of life so I could protect myself. She told me I must be very careful, and had to guard myself from then on. I could not act like before, and grab my brothers and jump all over them, or sit on everybody's lap like I was still a little girl. That all had to stop. That's why my brothers would have to watch out for me and make sure I was safe.

From that time on Mami started keeping strict tabs on me. I couldn't play outdoors as much as I used to, and she also wanted to know where I was practically every single minute. If I wasn't where I was supposed to be all the time, it became my fault. It seemed like everything I did was wrong and that I was always to blame. Now sometimes even when I play in a mixed group of boys and girls, I feel I'm doing something bad. What was the use? When it came to my feelings and my personal thoughts, Mami was definitely no person to talk to.

Without another word I walked away and went to my own room. It's so small you can hardly turn around in it. But one nice thing is that out of my window I can see part of the park and a nice chunk of sky. It was beginning to snow. The flakes were very tiny and wet, and they melted as soon as they touched the ground. I stood close to the window, leaning as far to the left as possible so I could see past the park entrance over to the playground and the baseball field where some of us kids play when there are no other games going on. It was empty and deserted now. I looked down at the street, three stories below. There was hardly anybody out except for some people who hurried along, trying to avoid the cold. I thought about telling Papi what Tito had just done to me, bossing me around in front of my friends. Maybe after dinner I'd talk to him. Even though most of the time my father isn't much more help than Mami, at least he hears me out.

“Felita, Felita! It's dinnertime.” I heard Mami calling me and went out into the kitchen. Johnny, Tito, and Tio Jorge were already seated, but not Papi.

“Where's Papi?” I asked.

“He's working today at the plant,” said Mami. “They asked him to fill in on the evening shift for somebody who couldn't make it today.”

“I hate it when he works so much overtime and can't be with us,” I said.

“None of us like it either, Felita, but we can use the extra money now that we're going to Puerto Rico. We're all going to have to save and understand that this vacation is going to be a big expense for the family.” Mami finished serving the food and sat down.

“Ma,” Tito said, “can I take my food into the living room? There's a sports special on that I really have to see.”

“Tito, you know your father doesn't like that. He wants us all to eat together at the dinner table.”

“Yeah, but he ain't here now. So please can I watch T.V.?”

“Tito, I don't like it myself. I prefer that you eat with us.”

“Oh, man.” Tito pushed his plate away. “I'm not hungry. Can I be excused? I'd rather go to my room.”

“Tito, no te pongas tonto. Stop being silly and eat your food.”

“Mami, come on. What's the difference if I'm here? This is a very important program. They got my favorite teams playing. Look, I promise that I'll wash my plate so clean that when you pick it up, you'll say, ‘Oh, my! Look, I can see my own beautiful reflection' —just like on the T.V. commercials. I swear!” Mami began to laugh. “Please, Ma,” Tito persisted. “Pretty please.”

“All right.” Mami gave in. “Go on. But don't be making a habit of it. You know Sunday dinner is for all of us to eat together.” Tito jumped up, kissed Mami, then grabbed his plate and rushed out.

“He always gets his way. Why do you let him do what he wants?” I was really angry. “If I ask for something, you never—”

“Don't start.” Mami cut me off. “Just eat your food.”

“If Papi were here, Tito wouldn't get away with eating and watching T.V. I'll bet that Papi would—”

“Basta! Enough!” Mami looked annoyed. “Do me a favor, Felita, change the subject. Not another word about it. Do you hear?” I looked at my oldest brother, who shrugged and smiled sympathetically. Even though Johnny can be a pest at times ... I still like him. He's not mean to me like Tito. In fact since he's sixteen and bigger than Tito, he comes to my defense when he sees Tito bullying me. But that Tito is sneaky and he usually waits till there's no one around to pick on me.

Everyone at the table was eating in silence. Finally Mami spoke to Johnny. “How's the science report coming along?”

“All right. I have to do more work at the library, reading and researching, but I'll get it in on time.” Johnny is a very good student, which makes my parents very happy. Tito, on the other hand, is a very poor student, which worries my parents all the time.

“Tio Jorge, have some more chicken,” Mami was saying. “There's plenty left.”

“No, thank you, Rosa.” Tio isn't much for talking. He's very shy. Papi said Tio Jorge has always been that way. Sometimes I wonder if he even hears what goes on. Tio Jorge's theory is that he doesn't believe in hablando de tonterias—talking about nonsense—which to him means talking about anything except his nature collection. He's real proud of that collection. It took him years to assemble, probably all his life. He has tons of pictures, cards, slides, and books all about trees, flowers, birds, and butterflies. Sometimes I think that that's all he ever cares about.

Papi says that ever since Abuelita died, Tio has become even more shy. Like he's always in his own private little world. Abuelita was Tio's older sister and he lived with her for all of his life, until she passed away, of course. Then he moved in with us. At the beginning he used to complain about a lot of things to Mami and talk about how Abuelita used to do his white shirts herself instead of sending them out to a laundry. Or how Abuelita used real cream instead of milk when she cooked the hot cereals.

Mami used to get so upset until Papi told her that Tio was just old and set in his ways and she should ignore him and go about her business as usual. In time Tio stopped complaining.

No one at the dinner table was in a talkative mood. Mami kept trying to start a conversation, but all she got from us was a no or a yes. I finished eating and asked to be excused.

“Do you want more dessert, Felita? There's more bread pudding left. I know how much you like it.” Now she was being nice to me, but if I complained to her about Tito, she'd come right to his defense.

“No,” I answered.

“Are you sure?” Mami reached out to refill my plate.

“May I please be excused?” I stood up.

“Felita, if there is something the matter, tell me what it is.”

“Nothing is the matter. I just want to leave and go to my room!”

Mami looked at me and shook her head. “Go on, then.”

I took my dishes to the sink and left. Weekdays I'm the one who helps Mami with the dishes. Saturday and Sunday, Johnny and Tito take turns helping her. I was glad today was Sunday because it meant I didn't have to stay and be forced to talk to her.

Back in my room I thought of Papi and wished he didn't have to work so much overtime. It's always better when he's at home. Somehow with him here the family feels more complete. Plus then Tito can't get away with as much. But lately I was getting pretty fed up with Papi too. Like just last week when I complained to him about my brothers, he began to sound just like Mami. He told me I would soon be a señorita, and said that Johnny and Tito want to make sure that no boys will take advantage of me.

When I told Papi that nobody I knew of was taking advantage of me except for my brothers themselves, and especially Tito, it didn't seem to change his mind one bit. “Girls do not have the same freedom as boys,” Papi said. “That's the law of nature.”

“What law of nature is that?” I protested. “I'm every bit as good as them, even better. And I can take care of myself. I don't need them for nothing!”