Going Rogue (29 page)

She was greedy. No wonder Cynthia had forbidden her to send any money—she was already paying her a fortune.

They continued talking through dinner. Meredith told her aunt about Derek, and rehashed the debacle at the Marshall’s. The three women bonded over port and lost loves late into the evening.

After both Lydia and Alex retired for the night, Meredith sat by the fire staring down at her wrist.

What she wouldn’t do to trade her own primrose ribbon for the ring she’d once been offered.

Chapter 35

Derek came down the stairs from his personal space, onto the main floor of his new London office. It was a particularly busy day, and he’d been assisting where he could. He knew the men would prefer it if he didn’t help, thinking it below his ranking. But he needed to work. He did better when he kept busy.

The next ship out would be leaving for the French coast within a couple of hours. He picked up the list of passengers and smiled. Another full ship.

It wasn’t nearly as exciting as the business of procuring stolen goods, but it gave him the opportunity to travel, and for that he was thankful.

He was reviewing the passenger log when a shadow fell across the desk. He looked up and quickly sucked in a breath. Standing in front of him was the spitting image of Meredith Castle, only the woman in front of him was a few years older. He fumbled for his quill. “Can I be of some service, Madame?” he asked, stumbling over his words.

She smiled, reminding him of her. Fine lines crinkled around her wide-set emerald-colored eyes—exact replicas of Meredith’s. “I’m due out on the ship heading to France. Where is it that I need to go?”

“I’ll show you,” he said, stepping out from behind the desk to escort her to the boarding dock.

“Is there something the matter?” she asked after they’d left the building. “If you don’t mind me saying, it appeared as if you’d seen a ghost back there.”

He gestured for a man to help retrieve her luggage. “I thought perhaps I had,” he said with a hint of laughter.

“My lord?” One of the men approached Derek, asking about the food stores. He politely excused himself, handing the woman off to the next in charge.

A few moments later, he returned, only to find the woman still standing where he’d left her. “Is there anything wrong? Have you lost your papers?”

She shook her head. Really, the uncanny resemblance to Meredith was staggering. “Are you Lord Sutherland?”

Derek hesitated before answering. It was never good when women came asking for him by name. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I’ve heard great things about the man from my niece.”

Derek wasn’t a religious man by any means, but he said a silent prayer, hoping he’d not gone and done something stupid with the poor woman’s relation. “And who might your niece be?”

“Miss Meredith Castle. Of Middlebury,” she answered.

Yet another reason he needed to find religion.

“Miss Castle?” he repeated. They were family. That explained the eerie similarities in their appearance.

“I’m Mrs. Lydia Keyes. I’m not sure if she ever mentioned me before.”

He had indeed heard stories of her aunt, none of them being good. “She did.”

Mrs. Keyes bit her lip. “I have some things I’d like to speak with you about, but I’m not sure I have the time.”

They hadn’t. The woman was already considerably late and should have boarded hours ago. “It is a bit late. Perhaps next time you’re in London?”

Mrs. Keyes shook her head. “I’m afraid that won’t be for some time. From France, I’ll be travelling on to Italy. I plan on staying there for quite a while.”

“Well, then, I bid you safe travel.” He bowed, hoping to be done with the woman.

“Lord Sutherland?”

“Yes?” He had much to do and was annoyed at having wasted so much time on her already. Whatever she had to say was nothing of his concern. He was finished with Meredith, and there was nothing anything could tell him that would change his mind.

“My niece is set to join me after I’m settled.”

Derek froze. Meredith was moving to Italy? And with a woman he’d heard nothing but awful things about. It had only been two weeks since he’d left the Marshall’s—what the hell had happened?

A small smile crept up her pretty face. “The poor girl’s had a falling out with her mother and aunt and she had nowhere else to go.”

“What happened?” he asked, his attention focused completely on the woman in front of him. Falling out? What kind of falling out? What exactly had transpired between Meredith and Lady Browning that would drive her out of the country?

“Didn’t you just say there was no time for discussion?” Mrs. Keyes asked, one eyebrow arched high on her forehead.

“I did,” he answered bluntly. “But that was before I knew you had something worthwhile to tell me.”

She laughed softly. “But what about the ship? I can’t miss my departure.”

“They’ll wait.”

“Can you do that?”

He folded his arms over his chest. “I own the ship, they’ll do whatever I tell them to. Now, what’s happened to Meredith?”

Derek Weston, Earl of Sutherland, stood in front of the same foreboding door he had five years earlier. The circumstances were gravely different now, but the contents of his pockets were oddly the same.

The same surly butler answered the door. A few more wrinkles, a little less hair, but he wore the same cantankerous expression he had all those years ago.

“I’m here to see Miss Castle,” Derek announced, chuckling at the irony.

The butler looked him over, but this time he didn’t close the door. He opened it with a sweeping gesture, welcoming him inside.

As much as he’d rioted against accepting the title of Earl, he had to admit, titles did have their benefits.

“Miss Castle is speaking with Lady Browning at the moment. Would you mind waiting here?”

He felt a devilish urge come over him. “I would most definitely mind,” he answered, wearing a grin that stretched the entire expanse of his face. He pushed the old man aside and strutted down the familiar hallway, listening for Meredith.

It didn’t take him long before he heard Lady Browning’s voice. By then, two footmen had arrived to stop him from going any further.

“What is going on out here? Can’t you people see I’m trying to have a discussion with . . .” She walked out into the hall, stopping abruptly once she saw him.

“Lady Browning.” He bowed deeply, adding a bit of flourish at the end.

Startled, she began smoothing down her hair. “Lord Sutherland? Why weren’t you announced?”

He smiled. “Old habit, I’m afraid. I thought it best to surprise you and your niece instead.”

She turned to the footmen. “Please find some light refreshments for the Earl. You, come this way.” She took him by the elbow, ushering him into the drawing room.

“Meredith, it would seem we have a caller.” She stepped aside, revealing him to Meredith.

Every time he saw her, he was taken aback by her beauty. He’d seen her hundreds, if not thousands of times before, but each time he felt as if it were the first.

“Derek?” She stood. She was wearing a simple dove-grey gown, with her hair pulled back into a loose bun, looking much the same as she had when they were younger.

He was beaming now. He loved to hear her say his name, having missed it for so long. “Hello, Mere.”

A bright pink blush crawled up her neck and cheeks.

A flushed Lady Browning took her chair and gestured for him to join them. “Lord Sutherland, won’t you have a seat? We were just about to have tea.”

“Actually, we were in the middle of the most lively conversation.” Meredith glared at her aunt.

Cynthia ignored her, turning her attention back to him. “Lord Sutherland? What brings you here today?”

He relaxed back in his chair, crossing his ankle over his knee. “I just heard the news about Miss Castle’s move to Italy and came right over.”

Meredith’s lips parted slightly. “From who?”

“Your Aunt Lydia.” His eyes darted from Lady Browning, then back to Meredith. “She told me everything.”

Cynthia giggled nervously. “Everything?”

He narrowed his gaze at the older woman. She looked older than he remembered, as if her porcelain glaze was just starting to see its first cracks. “Everything.”

Meredith scooted forward. “She told you about my mother?”

Derek looked at her, wanting so much to reach out and pull her to him, to hold her and never let her go again. “I just don’t know why. Which is why I’ve come here.” He tore his gaze away from Meredith and looked directly at Lady Browning.

The woman stood and walked toward the giant portrait over the mantle.

It was a painting of her. She was young, hair powdered, and her dress fashionable for the period. Her face was lighter, tinted, and her lips were a bright red, as was the style of the day. And on her left wrist, she wore a yellow ribbon.

Primrose
, he corrected.

“My parents weren’t rich,” she started, “But they had the good sense to save what they could and send me to London for a Season. I founded the Ribbons shortly after arriving. It was my single greatest accomplishment. Still is. My membership was short-lived, as it should be, and I was married the year after starting the group. My first husband was rich, but he certainly didn’t bring me any of the joy I’d experienced while being a
Ribbon
. So, it pained me to watch the group’s slow disintegration into obscurity. It was nobody’s fault, the world was changing. And like any group, the Ribbons needed to adapt. I was on my second, no, third husband and he was quite ill, so I had nothing but time to devote to reviving the Ribbons. But I couldn’t do it myself. I thought Lydia would do well.”

“I knew Jane wanted desperately to leave Middlebury, but she didn’t have the personality that her sister had, or the blond hair.” Cynthia chuckled to herself as if she’d just shared a private joke of sorts. “She left after a time. Then I had to find her replacement. But your mother remembered, and wasn’t so willing to give you up.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Meredith replied. “My mother’s been talking about London since I was a young girl.”

“I’m certain you know better than anyone how self-serving your mother is. She agreed to send you, but only for a large stipend. And I was willing to pay.”

Derek’s breath hitched.

Cynthia nodded, as if confirming his doubts. “I had no choice. I needed someone to lead the Ribbons, the way I wanted them to. Besides, I knew after five minutes of being there that your mother didn’t love you like she should. I’d gladly do it all over again just to remove you from that house.”

As if prompted, Meredith spoke. “She pretended to be ill so I wouldn’t visit and learn the truth. You never let me go home to visit, you knew if I did I’d learn everything.”

“Neither one of you wanted to be the villain.” Derek said, repeating what he’d learned from Mrs. Keyes.

Meredith folded her arms across her chest. “Don’t be fooled. They’re both the villains.”

Cynthia nodded. “It’s true.”

“You used me to get what you wanted, and so did my mother. I gave up everything, believing in this ridiculous notion that I was the family’s last hope. And now I know, all that was for naught . . . because there’s no hope for either one of you.”

“But I do love you,” Cynthia cried out. “You’re like a daughter to me.”

“Was Lydia a daughter, too?”

Cynthia pressed her lips together. “Yes. But she left me.”

“She didn’t leave you, she got married.”

“But I still needed her,” Cynthia’s voice cracked. “I couldn’t understand why she’d leave all this behind to marry some
merchant.
” She spit the word. “It didn’t make any sense—she could have been great.”

Derek went to stand beside Meredith. He heard her breath catch as he took her hand in his. “You couldn’t understand because you’ve never really loved anybody like that before. You’ve only ever loved the
Ribbons
. And you did everything you could to see them succeed . . . no matter what it cost those around you.”

He gave Meredith’s hand a little squeeze.

Cynthia looked at him, then back at Meredith again. “I think I’ll leave you two alone to talk.” She paused. “Lord Sutherland? Perhaps you could assist me in booking passage to Italy. I should like to visit my niece.” The woman walked out of the room, her head hung low.

Lady Cynthia Browning was gone, leaving him alone with Meredith at last.

Chapter 36

Meredith pulled away from him. “I have to tell you something.”

Derek’s hand hovered over his pocket. “No, I have something I need to say first.”

She stood, arms akimbo. “Absolutely not. You do not get to do all the talking this time.”

He grinned lazily and took his seat again. “The floor is yours, Miss Castle.”

Meredith had always been a self-assured individual. Ever since she was a little girl, she’d been willing to climb to the highest branches of trees and never afraid to ride her horse at a full gallop. But standing in front of him now, she seemed so unsure of herself, so uncertain as to what the outcome would be.

But
he
knew. Since returning to England, he knew there was no way he’d ever be able to avoid her forever. He hadn’t come to London to gloat, he’d returned to find her. He didn’t really want revenge, he wanted love.

Every pound he’d earned, every recognition, every accolade—it wasn’t to spite her, it had been
for
her. He wanted to be good enough, to earn her love. But now he knew the truth. Even as a young man with a cheap cut-glass ring, he
had
been enough.

He’d always believed that if you truly loved someone, you needed to be willing to do whatever was best for them. Meredith loved her family, and had given up her own dreams of happiness for them. Now that he understood her motivation, he could no longer fault her for what had happened.

They’d already lost so many years—he’d be damned if he would give up one more moment.

“I shouldn’t have treated you so poorly,” she said, her words hurried as if the quicker she got them out, the less painful the declaration would be. “I did so thinking that it would be best if I just cut you off quickly, as if somehow that would make it all easier. I lied to you, and I lied to myself. I told you I didn’t love you, and that was wrong.”