Golden (2 page)

I pressed my forehead to the floor. With all my will, I suppressed the cry of joy threatening to escape. His punishment was but a mere annoyance and far from physical, but it was a beginning. “Thank you, Your Majesty. I’ll do my very best.”

“Oh, and next time, wear your hair loose without ornamentation.”

Listening to his steps, I kept my face pressed to the rug to hide my smile. I would create the most glorious robe he’d ever seen, and perhaps next time…

My dreams might come true.

Since I’d last been called to the Emperor’s chambers, I had stitched day and night until my bleeding fingers threatened to ruin the golden silk of his robe. The few times I had left my rooms, I’d worn my hair loose as he’d commanded on the chance that he might take note of my eager obedience. From the strange looks and whispers I’d earned, I might as well have walked down the glittering hallways in no clothes at all.

I don’t care. Let them see me naked, bleeding, as long as it’s for him.

Laboring over his robe until dragons adorned every inch was a small price to pay for his attention. I’d walk across burning coals just to keep that gleam of satisfaction in his eyes.

Kneeling before him, I laid the neatly folded robe between us. “My punishment, Your Majesty.”

He unfolded the silk, spreading the robe out upon his lap with a low sound of approval. “Did you stitch this all yourself? In so few days?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

He traced his fingers along the sinuous creatures I’d created. I’d lost count of the dozens of reels of golden thread I’d added to the robe, doubling its weight. The Empress cluttered her embroidery with gems and beads, but my design relied on only tiny, intricate stitches.

“You may not care for such embroidery, Daughter, but your work is exemplary. This robe is as fine as any I’ve ever had the pleasure of wearing.”

Pride warmed my heart, even though I disliked being relegated back to Daughter. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

He startled me by reaching out to take my hand in his. “Did you sleep at all since last week?”

Flushing, I bowed my head and hoped my hair hid the shadows beneath my eyes. I had slept very little these past days, but not merely because I was determined to finish the stitching before we met again. My mind had been too busy planning how to tempt him deeper into the darkness that threatened to consume me.

His thumb pressed against the pad of my finger still sore from the needle. Through my tousled hair, I watched his face and let a small moan escape.

His eyes narrowed, his nostrils flared and he pressed harder, his grip tight on my hand.

Pain had a curious effect on me. Most people would have jerked back in an involuntary effort to escape that which hurt them. For me, even a small pain such as this pressure on my raw fingers made me melt. My bones seemed to dissolve. My skin came alive at the promise tightening his mouth into a hard slant and the coldness darkening his eyes.

“Well?” His voice remained soft while his fingers tortured my hand, pressing here and there to find every tender spot. “I didn’t intend for you to lose sleep for this punishment.”

I swallowed down another moan. “What is sleep when you set me to a task, Your Majesty?”

His thumb ground into the heel of my hand where the wooden hoop had worn a groove into my skin. “I suppose you didn’t eat then, either.”

I bit my lip, fighting to keep my arousal at bay. My thighs trembled beneath me and sweat trickled between my breasts. It’d been so long since I’d been given sensual pain. So very long. My husband had never touched me tenderly or with great passion, let alone this slow exploration of agonized flesh. Did the Emperor know what effect his touch had upon me?

“Here, eat, Daughter.” He held a small cake to my lips, insisting I take a bite. My mouth was so dry that I choked on the delicate crumbs. I tried to refuse, horrified that he served me with his own hand, but his grip kept me still. His thumb stroked circles against my palm, an intimate touch that made me pant with longing. “You mustn’t neglect your health. What if you carry our heir?”

“The Crown Prince hasn’t touched me in months. That would be impossible, Your Majesty.”

His upper lip curled as though he’d tasted something vile. Reminded of our untenable situation, he released me as quickly as if I burned his skin. “When I became Emperor, I swore to protect my people with everything I possess. How could I do less for my family, which I love above all? I give you my solemn oath, Daughter, that no harm shall come to you from my hand.”

My heart broke at that look of repugnance. Of all people, I’d thought he would most understand what I needed. What he reviled in himself, he would surely despise in me, as well.

Worse, a solemn oath was a serious obstacle to overcome. No man who’d broken his word would see himself as fit to be the Son of Heaven.

“I am already harmed, Your Majesty.” My voice trembled as badly as my hands clasped in my lap. “I’m cursed with a terrible need, and the longer this need goes unanswered, the more I hurt.”

“It’s your husband’s duty to care for you.”

Even before he finished the sentence, I shook my head so hard my hair whipped my cheeks. “He doesn’t even understand that this need can exist, let alone that I bear it. I need to be punished. I need outer pain to take away my inner pain. Only you—”

“Your punishment has been fulfilled,” he broke in before I could finish. “Your workmanship is exquisite. I require nothing else from you.”

I bowed lower, hiding my face with shame. Tears wet my hair and cheeks. How could I face the monotony of palace life without even these weekly visits to brighten my dreary existence? Day after day dressing in my finest silk and painting my face, only to sit in my chambers alone while my husband ignored me and the man I yearned for with every fiber of my being denied my existence.

In a voice I scarcely recognized as my own, I whispered, “Heaven endures, the earth comes to its end, while my unending sorrow goes on and on forever.”

He didn’t gather me into his arms or utter a word of protest. I had accused his son of possessing a fickle heart, but it was for the father’s love that I wept. I had nothing left, no shred of hope for my future. My arms ached for the golden-eyed prince I’d been dreaming of for years, but he would never grow in my womb. I would become just another forgotten consort pining away for a single touch from the Emperor.

Pride steeled my spine. I had not suffered the general’s training all those years to wilt at the first sign of opposition. The battle and the war had both been lost. I had best find a new war with which to occupy myself, even with a broken heart and a ruined dream. I refused to wither away in silence for a man who could not love me.

“I understand, Your Majesty. Please forgive any embarrassment I have caused you. I shan’t trouble you with my presence again.”

I scrambled to my feet and fled.

“Jin!” His voice thundered after me with the authority of generations of Emperors before him. “I didn’t dismiss you.”

I jerked to a halt, unable to disobey him despite the humiliation churning my stomach at his rejection. However, I refused to turn and face him. I couldn’t bear to see that disgust and self-loathing on his face again.

“Perhaps I made a mistake in giving you to my son. I should punish him for failing to take you into hand.”

The Son of Heaven did not make mistakes. Others might die for his misjudgments, but they’d never make any accusations against the Emperor for fear their entire clan would be executed. Did he hope to entrap me into making a fruitless accusation against him?
So be it. Let him execute me and put me out of this misery.

“We agree that I make a poor wife for your son.” I whirled to face him, chin high. “I’m like malleable metal primed for the master’s blows to pound me into his desired shape. Do not punish the Crown Prince because he’s no blacksmith. He has no idea what to do with me.”

The Emperor stepped closer, his tread the steady prowl of a hunting tiger. “And you think I do?”

I didn’t cower before him, but his formidable presence made my knees knock together beneath my gown. “You made your feelings on the matter clear, Your Majesty. You require nothing else from me, so you said.”

Clasping his hands behind his back, he paced a slow circle about me. “I had begun to wonder what manner of core you possessed. Whether a glass bauble that would shatter at the first glancing blow or…”

Brows arched, he waited for my answer. Staring into his challenging gaze, I fought to keep my breathing even despite my heart’s frantic rhythm. “If you choose to work me into shape, Your Majesty, you could form me into a razor-sharp blade worthy of your finest swordsman.”

“Let us see, then.” His hand closed upon the back of my neck hard enough his fingers dug into my nape. “Disrobe.”

My fingers ached with cold. In my desperation, I fumbled to loosen the belt. I didn’t think him so cruel that he’d taunt me with what I couldn’t have, but I’d rather be executed at dawn than accept his rejection once more.

Silk slid off my shoulders and I stood before him completely nude.

I was not the Emperor’s consort, so the chief eunuch had not thought to prepare me despite the call to the imperial bedchambers. I had taken it upon myself to bathe and dress as though the Emperor might call me to his bed each and every time he’d called me, even if we only talked for hours.

His fingers convulsed on my neck, but he made no move to take me. Afraid he would change his mind once more and dismiss me forever, I whispered, “This consort willingly and eagerly accepts any pain for your sake. I beg you, please, allow me to prove that I can bear your worst, Your Majesty.”

His breathing rasped raw like ripping silk. He whirled me around and pushed me toward the table. Sweeping his hand across the surface, he threw dishes to the floor with a clatter.

When he fisted a hand in my hair, I made no resistance as he shoved me face down upon the splattered table. “Do not move.”

Eyes clenched shut, I felt him release me, stand in a rustle of silks and move about the room. An attendant drawn by the noise inquired if His Majesty needed anything, and he retorted, “Do not disturb me again!”

Steel hacked at soft wood from the direction of the bamboo planted in the fountain. My skin tightened with anticipation. A cane would deliver the hardest beating of all, but this fresh stalk would be green and supple.

“Open your eyes,” he growled out. “Show me the accursed gold that tempts me beyond reason.”

I did as he ordered. His face looked hard, a grim mask of cold marble. As I watched, he twirled his wrists to wind the long, full sleeves of his outer robe around his forearms so the cloth would not impede his blows. The bamboo stem he held was only three feet long and mostly green. He would not be able to put much weight behind the blows, but they would cut and burn.

I stretched my clasped hands out on the table and braced my face upon my upper arm, determined to keep my eyes open and my mouth clamped firmly shut.

He trailed his fingers down my spine, and I couldn’t help but shiver with anticipation. My nipples were so hard they ached against the cold wood, and if he tested the wetness between my thighs he would not be disappointed.

“Did my son give you great pleasure?”

I hesitated, unwilling to dishonor the son he’d chosen to name his heir. The first blow made me suck in a loud breath. Fire exploded across my shoulders, but I did not cry out.

“I shall have only the truth, Jin.”

“No, Your Majesty.” My voice trembled, not with pain, but from fear of displeasing him. “I failed to find pleasure in the Crown Prince’s bed.”

“None whatsoever?” He smoothed his palm across the welt on my back, and I couldn’t help the small moan that escaped. Such bliss to feel his touch soothe away the pain. That powerful hand slid over my buttock and dipped between my thighs. He growled deep in his throat, like a starving man offered a feast. “I find that difficult to believe. How many times has he requested you?”

“The first week, twice.” Another blow stole my breath. I waited a few seconds to ensure my voice remained even before continuing. “The second week, once. Then not again, Your Majesty.”

If the Emperor fulfilled my greatest dreams, I silently vowed, I would never again go to his son’s bed. There were countless vile medicines I could take that would not damage a child yet make me ill enough to faint or vomit.

He struck me again and the flexible tip managed to wrap around my back and cut into the underside of my breast. My breath hissed out. That mark might have broken the skin.

“You disappoint me, Jin.”

Tears filled my eyes and I arched my back to offer more of my body for his blows. “Please correct this consort, Your Majesty!”

“I desire your screams.” He whispered but the violent intent sharpened his voice like a naked steel blade. “I desire you to plead for me to stop. But I shall not stop, not even when you beg and weep. I’m going to beat you bloody, until your throat is raw from screaming. And then, lovely one, I’m going to ravish you until you must be carried back to your rooms.”

His next blow crashed against my buttocks, and I let the howl of pain escape my mouth. I did not care how many servants and eunuchs crowded outside his chambers, listening and giggling with speculation. I did not care that rumors would spread like wildfire through the palace. I did not even care that I would be ostracized even more than I’d been as the unwanted wife of the Crown Prince. No one would dare insult me to my face for fear I would tell the Emperor every secret intrigue and malicious slight while beneath his lash.

Red-hot pokers jabbed into my skin without mercy, and again, I did not care. I welcomed the pain. A beating always hurt, but every blow gave me another surge of lust, and yes, power.
My
power. I now shared this secret with the Son of Heaven. I had given him something none of his other women had ever offered. He might rule this land with an iron fist, but with each blow, he gave me the power to bring him to his knees.

“Were you frigid to my son?” He roared, landing blows back and forth upon my buttocks. “Did you seek to punish him because he was not me?”

I felt his rage white-hot against my skin, burning more than the bamboo switch. Contained and denied so long, his darker emotions boiled free with each stroke of his arm. This was my true purpose: to assist him in releasing that pent-up black mood. I would bear the brunt of his rage instead of our empire and yet also manage to find pleasure in it for his sake.

“No, Your Majesty!” I sobbed messily, giving him the sounds of anguish he needed to hear. “I told myself that pleasing him would be the same as pleasing you, so I willingly used every technique my nurse taught me to please my husband. Yet despite my best attempts, he…he could not rise to take my virginity until I took him into my mouth.”