Golden (6 page)

When my joyous news became known in the palace, I was prepared for repercussions. Each woman’s monthly flow was recorded in addition to every single visit she made to her lord’s bed. By the way the chief eunuch’s jaw quivered, he understood perfectly. The only thing I could not be sure was whom he would tell first, the Emperor or his Empress.

His life very likely depended on this one bit of news and how he chose to share it.

I waited in my chambers, letting myself daydream about the Emperor’s reaction to my news. Would he be pleased to have yet another woman bearing a child of his blood? Especially a woman uncomfortably bound to his own firstborn son. Ping would despise me even more. He would be so thoroughly humiliated by the news that I feared he might do something reckless. I didn’t want him dead; I merely wanted free of him.

That is, until he burst into my room. “Strip her!”

Servants eager to curry the next Emperor’s favor rushed to do his will, dragging me from my chair and jerking at my clothing. My outer gown tore. My hair blinded me, but I managed to see my nurse creeping out the door. She would go for help.

They left my breasts bound, at least, and the thin underskirt shielded the worst of my nudity. Forcing myself to remain calm, I lifted my chin and faced my husband. “Exactly what am I accused of, Your Highness?”

“Adultery.” He spat the word, his face ugly with hatred. “You’re pregnant, and as I haven’t bedded you in months, your spawn is another man’s child. For that crime, you will be beaten, branded on the face and expelled from the palace. If your bastard survives your punishment, you will find it very difficult to lure some other man into fostering you and accepting a child not his, for I shall surely not!”

A beating I could easily endure. I could only hope the Emperor stopped this farce before the branding began. I kept my composure and didn’t whine or plead for mercy. It must have irritated Ping, because red spots glared on his cheeks. With a sharp gesture, he commanded the guards to take my arms.

They dragged me down the hallways, twisting and turning toward the side exit reserved for convicts and the most despised criminals. This courtyard was often stained with blood and witnessed the screams of the guilty. I wasn’t too concerned until a heavily muscled man stepped forward with a long, wicked whip in his hands.

Such a whip would leave scars that I would bear the rest of my life.

Ping drew himself up proudly. “Tell me who the father of your bastard is and I’ll only order ten lashes.”

What could I do? Surely he had to suspect something odd after seeing his father drag me across his lap and spank me. Was he truly so dense as to not understand? Didn’t he pay attention whatsoever to the clues about him? The gossip? I couldn’t imagine living among so many powerful, position-conscious people without any comprehension of those deadly waters through which I swam.

“I’m sorry.” Gently, I touched the hem of his sleeve. I was, truly. Sorry that he was embarrassed. Sorry that he was so naive and helpless when it came to court intrigue. The Empress had shamefully misled him into striking out against me. When his father found out what he’d done, I would truly pity him.

“His name!”

I only bowed my head.

“Twenty lashes,” he growled.

Shackled against a rough-hewn pole, I pressed my forehead to the wood and closed my eyes. I breathed deeply and expelled the air slowly, counting to four with each breath. If I kept myself calm and didn’t fight the pain, I would be able to endure it. Ping would not get the pleasure of seeing me faint, and I would do my best not to scream as the whip ripped the skin off my back.

Please, hurry
, I prayed, holding the Emperor’s face in my mind.

The lash sliced across my back. I bit my lip and tasted blood. Such a different pain than what the Emperor gave me in his bedchamber. Knowing his hand delivered the pain made it more bearable, even pleasurable, transmuting agony to desire and bruises to a badge of courage and love. I didn’t mind his bruises.

He hurt me with love and passion, not hatred. Not like this.

This, I despised. I hated the cutting burn peeling my skin open. Even if it were his hand delivering these blows, I didn’t think I would be able to feel anything but agony. I’d endure if he ordered it, but I would find no pleasure in such a beating.

Everyone had a limit to the amount of pain she could endure until it became so terrible that she would do anything to stop it.

Even blurt out the imperial father’s name of her unborn child without his permission.

I clenched my hands tighter, my jaws aching from holding back the words. Fire blazed on my back. I lost count of how many lashes they’d given me. It took all my concentration and will just to keep from screaming.

“Halt!”

The Emperor’s command made me cry out as the lash had not. I sagged in the chains, weeping, but not screaming. I hadn’t betrayed him. I hadn’t forced his hand in any way.

“For what reason do you punish this woman?”

“Father.” Ping’s words were strangled, as though he fought back tears. “I learned something terrible today, and I couldn’t help but act.”

The Emperor came near enough to me that I could smell the scented oil he wore in his hair. Tears flowed faster from my eyes, a river of longing and love, yet I remained silent. “Surely nothing could be so horrible that you’d wish to torture your sweet wife.”

“She’s not sweet, Father.” The ugly sneer had returned to Ping’s face. I could hear it in his voice. “She’s a whore.”

The Emperor slapped him so hard that I flinched as the crack resounded in the courtyard. When he spoke, however, his voice remained pleasant. “You shall not speak of her in such a manner.”

“But Father, she’s pregnant!” Ping wailed. “I had the chief eunuch review the records, and it couldn’t be mine. I haven’t touched her in months!”

Oh, how I burned to see the look on the Emperor’s face. Was he glad to hear this news? Resigned? Did he regret the inconvenience and potential embarrassment? His silence hurt more than the burning lashes upon my back.

“Release her.”

Hands moved to do as he ordered. Tears blinded me. Even after being released from the chains, I kept my head down, hair in my face. If he wasn’t pleased about this child, I wouldn’t be so quick to eliminate the next assassin before he could end my suffering.

“Didn’t we tell you to come to Father with any concerns you might have regarding Lady Jin?”

“Father, this is different. Some wretched man has shamed our royal line. We must find the culprit and expel him from the palace with her.”

The Emperor cupped my chin and tipped my face up. Gentle hands swiped my tangled hair out of my eyes. I kept my eyes closed, afraid to see his reaction. I knew those hands. He could be gentle and loving, even with the woman who despised him. Gentleness now meant nothing. He could still throw me to the wolves.

His hand left my face, and it was all I could do not to crumple to my knees. Silk rustled and I feared he was leaving. He’d ordered them to release me and to stop the punishment, but he had claimed neither me nor my son as his. I would be an outcast everywhere. I would be forced into prostitution to feed us, because Ping was right. No decent, honorable man would want a feckless woman with a bastard child.

“If you are to be Emperor one day,” though his severe tone indicated he had significant misgivings about his previous decision to name Ping as the Crown Prince, “then you must learn to garner as much information as possible before making any decision, especially ones that risk your life, position or the lives of those dependent upon you. If you had bothered to examine her jade tablet in detail, you would know the truth. You would know to whose chambers she has been requested each and every night for the last seven weeks. You would know what a grave mistake you’ve made in punishing her without our approval.”

He settled his own outer robe about my shoulders, engulfing me in his scent and the warmth of his body. My eyes flew open and I stared at the heavily embroidered silk. Only the Emperor wore gold. Only the Emperor wore dragons.

My
dragons, the robe I had stitched for him as my first punishment.

“An old proverb warns that something jade and gold on the outside may hide rot and decay on the inside. For once, I have found something precious that is just as golden in her heart as her eyes.” He held out his arm, inviting me to place my hand palm down upon his—typically an honor reserved only for his Empress. “Our royal line is assured, my son. Lady Jin’s child is mine.”

I lay on my stomach with my face pressed against that imperial silk, trying not to ruin it with my tears.

Clicking her tongue with disapproval, my nurse selected herbs from the Emperor’s own private supply to make a soothing salve for my shredded skin. “Did you do this, Your Majesty?”

I tensed at the accusation in her voice. His temper had improved, yes, but he would never allow any disrespect, even from an elderly nurse who only tried to protect me.

“Of course not.” His voice sounded tight and hard despite his words, worrying me until I felt his hands smoothing my hair to the side. “Even I would find no pleasure in wounding her like this. Why didn’t you tell him the truth, Jin?”

“I did not wish to force your hand, Your Majesty.”

“As I directed.” He blew out a long breath. “So your torment is indeed my blame. How long have you suspected you were with child?”

I peeked up at my nurse and she shook her head imperceptibly. To prevent me from stretching the truth, or telling the truth? I’d never lied to him and I refused to start now. “From the beginning, I came to the palace to be your solace and bear your pain. I hoped, too, that I would be blessed with a golden-eyed prince.
Your
son, Your Majesty, not any other’s. I had no proof, but I suspected from the very first night that you had given me a child, which I pray shall be a son.”

I waited for his response, but as his silence lengthened, I looked at my nurse again. She stared back at the Emperor steadily, and a quick glance over my shoulder confirmed he gazed at her as intently. When he stretched out his hand, she surrendered the bowl of freshly mixed medicine.

“I see that you have taught her honesty, as well as instructing her on Lei’s favorite poisons. What else have you taught her, old woman?”

Not intimidated in the slightest, my nurse cackled. “I think His Majesty knows best what I’ve taught her. She must please the Emperor very well indeed to be requested every single night.”

Now my cheeks burned as badly as my back. I buried my face in the silk, but not before my nurse saw my embarrassment. She roared with laughter, and even the Emperor chuckled.

“Enough, old woman. Leave us in peace.”

He smoothed cooling medicine onto the cuts in my back, and I couldn’t help but sigh with relief. Tears spilled from my eyes, but I tried not to let my shoulders shake or any noise escape my mouth. I would endure whatever he willed, but I didn’t want him to see me weep again. Not unless my cries and screams would please him, and I knew this would not. He would only feel worse if he saw my sobs.

At least now I had his gentleness. He touched me as carefully as he’d stroked his Empress that night. His fingers danced upon my sore skin, spreading healing herbs and taking away the hurt. All pain I had borne was worth it, then, to feel his soothing touch.

“The Son of Heaven tries very hard to make the best choices every single time,” he whispered, pressing a featherlight kiss to my shoulder. “He examines every possible decision, evaluates the risk and reward, assesses the cost to his subjects and oft must make a choice that does not please the man. The Emperor has many rewards, yes, but he also must make many sacrifices for his people. He cannot be a man, for he is the supreme ruler, a reflection of heaven here on earth. The higher he goes, the lonelier he becomes. The top of the mountain fosters a cold heart.”

His fingers massaged my shoulders and neck, kneading with enough pressure that I melted. I enjoyed his tenderness, of course, but I couldn’t deny the side of me that enjoyed his strength and force of will even more. The harder he touched me, the more my muscles eagerly surrendered.

“The man wanted you for his own, Jin. The man burned to claim your golden eyes, to strip and stretch you out upon his bed so he might explore every glorious curve at his leisure. The man knew you saw and accepted the darkness of his secret need, and it was all he could do not to drag you from court to his bedchambers so he might unleash his darkest desire upon you without delay, eager to see how you might turn that violence to pleasure.

“But the Emperor weighed the cost and decided it would be safer for you to go to his son.”

I tried to rear up beneath him so I could deny those words, but he pressed me down. “I don’t need protection from you, Your Majesty! I’ll give you whatever you desire, accept whatever you need to give, even—especially—the pain.”

“I know, my love.” His mouth pressed to my ear, his fingers hard on my arms. “But the Emperor knew his first wife’s temper. She would have no hesitation whatsoever to eliminate any threat to her position and her firstborn son. The Emperor hoped that as the Crown Prince’s wife, you would have some security and safety. She would have no cause to eliminate you as long as Ping was the heir apparent.

“Alas, the man could not endure the temptation of so sweet a flower so close within his grasp. The man must touch you or cease breathing, and now the Emperor finds that all his careful planning was for naught. You have still borne great danger to be with me, which I regret wholeheartedly.”

“I don’t,” I whispered raggedly. “I have no regrets.” I arched my back to rub against him, even though the pain made me cry out. “She can attempt her worst, Your Majesty, but I’m strong enough to endure. I’ll endure whatever she might send my way if only to feel your touch.”

“Oh, Jin, my sweet golden girl,” he breathed heavily in my ear. “What can I give you to make up for this pain? Name anything, dearest, and the Emperor will make it so.”

I rose up on my knees and pushed my hips back against the waiting erection. “I want only you.”

His right hand left me momentarily so he might rid himself of the barrier his clothing made between us. Then he covered me, his hands upon mine, holding me in place, his chest against my sore back. And yes, it hurt, and he knew it hurt, for that’s exactly why he did it, and why I wanted it. His sweat stung the cuts even more, reopening the fragile scabs, but he was inside me, his body enfolded me, and I didn’t care that I bled again.

Until I remembered the glorious imperial robe beneath me. I had already risked ruining the silk with my blood when I’d covered it with dragons. I tried to pull my hand free so I might slip the silk out, but he refused to let me move. “Your robe, Your Majesty. It’ll be ruined!”

“No,” he growled, rubbing against me so hard I felt the warm trickle of blood down my ribcage. “The dragons will be complete, colored ruby as they ought to be.”

Red dripped onto the golden silk, staining it beyond repair. I couldn’t help but cry out when another drop fell, spreading the stain upon his priceless imperial robe.

Withdrawing, he flipped me over, dragging me back and forth across the silk before sliding back inside. His powerful thrusts pushed me across his bed, sliding the silk against my torn flesh. Bliss and agony, blood and sweat, he drove me to a towering climax and then released on a rumbling growl of pleasure.

Panting, I barely winced as he rolled me to the side enough to pull the robe out from beneath us, but I couldn’t hide my horror at what we’d done to the gorgeous symbol of his power. Crinkled, stained, the robe couldn’t possibly be worn ever again.

However, I was mistaken, for he wore it the very next day, and I daresay, he wore it more proudly with my bloodstains.