Gone (Gone #1) (27 page)

Guilt hit her as she remembered the night before. What had she been thinking? What if Chad noticed her car was out of the garage? What would she tell him? The last thing she wanted to do was admit to the truth. He would understand drinking; he always kept beer in the fridge. But he didn't get drunk.

He was practically the perfect husband, and she hadn't let herself see that in a long time. He not only worked a high-paying job so their family never lacked anything, but he put nearly as many hours into the blog. Never once did he ask her to even get a part-time job so he could focus on it. Instead, he spent countless hours working while she complained about him not caring.

What had she been thinking?

The front door opened. Had he gone somewhere? She pushed the brew button on the coffee pot and went to see. Their eyes met, and he held her gaze.

"I needed some air, so I went for a walk."

Alyssa nodded. "I made some coffee. Do you want some?"

He wrapped his arms around her. "I love you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

She hugged him back. "What do you mean?"

"Before. You know, when things were normal. I was so busy, I never made any time for you or the kids."

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "No. I'm sorry that I didn't appreciate all the work you were doing for our family. I haven't had to work in years, and yet you've worked so hard and asked for nothing in return."

"I wouldn't say 'nothing.' And you've given much more than I ever stopped to notice as well. You take such good care of the kids, always going to their school events. I should have been there with you."

"You were…sometimes."

"That's not good enough."

"I obviously didn't do that great of a job with the kids. Look what happened to Macy."

Chad stepped back, looking her directly in the eyes. He cupped her face and held on. "That isn't your fault. We don't know what happened. Sure, we could have been less strict, but you know what? We were trying to protect them. We were doing our job. She's out there somewhere, and we'll find her. Together."

Alyssa nodded. "Together."

Tired

Macy sat up in bed, gasping for air. She looked around the room, relieved to be there. She had dreamed of being back in the barn.

The teddy bear was still gone. She wanted to hold it and smell her house, her real house. Would she ever see it again? Would she see her family again? She missed them so much it hurt.

What she wouldn't have given to have Alex tease her, trying to rile her up. Who would have ever thought she would miss that? She would love nothing more than to walk into her dad's office and ask him about his blog. His face always lit up when he talked about page views and other stuff that Macy really didn't understand. She loved to see him excited. If she could, she would walk into her parents' room and for once, agree to go to the gym with her mom.

Macy had always been worried that someone from school might see her and make fun of her. She would never live down her nickname, and she had been afraid that going to the gym would be like admitting all those jerks had been right.

Now she might never have the chance to do that again. Any of it. Was her dad still working on his blog? Were they so worried about her that they weren't doing anything they loved? What did they think about the bloody clothes? Did they think she was dead? Would they really give up on her and move on? What if they moved away? How would she ever find them?

Tears filled her eyes. She wiped them away. Even if she had to wait a few years to get away, she would find her parents as soon as she could.

He couldn't have been more than fifty, if he was even that old. He looked older than her dad, but that didn't mean much. What if he was only forty-five? He could have a lot of years left in him. She didn't want to have to spend the next forty or fifty years with him.

What exactly was he planning? Whatever it was, she had to go along with it or she would end up in worse shape than before. He made things worse on her each time. She didn't want to find out what could be worse than being tied up for days.

If he wanted to her to become Heather, he had won. Just like a wild horse, she was broken. Whatever he said, she would do.

Macy decided to look for the bear again, even though she doubted she would find it. It was probably in his room, along with the picture of her family. He had made his point more than clear. She wasn't going anywhere near his room ever again. She rubbed her wrists, which were still sore from the ties. Chester made her wear shirts with sleeves so long they nearly reached her knuckles so his parents wouldn't see the marks.

Looking around the room, she tried to figure out where to look first. There was a pile of stuffed animals in a little toy hammock. That would be the obvious place to look, so it would be the last place. She continued to scan the room, and she stopped at the dresser. She had already gone through it, hoping to find better clothing options.

For some reason she couldn't explain, she wanted to look there again. The teddy probably wouldn't fit in any of the drawers with all the clothes in there, but she couldn't shake the feeling, so she walked over to it. Starting with the top drawer, she went through each one, not finding the bear.

Frowning, she closed the bottom drawer. Why had she been so sure she would find it? The drawer stuck halfway. She pushed harder, but it wouldn't budge. She stuck her hands in it, pushing all the clothes down. One of them was probably stuck and causing the problem.

She pushed again, but it still wouldn't move. Something was blocking it, but it wasn't coming from inside the drawer. Could it be something under the drawer?

Macy pulled the drawer out further and positioned herself so she could reach behind it. Something was back there. She felt it with her hand as best as she could. It almost felt like part of the dresser. She managed to wrap her fingers around it. Was it another diary? Had Heather hidden one there, too?

Scratching her hand along the way, she managed to pull it out of the drawer. It did look like a diary! Would this one tell her more than the last one had? Heather's mom had spent some time in the cellar, but what had
happened
to them? Where were they now?

Macy leaned against the wall next to the dresser, so she would be hidden if Chester came in. She opened the book to the first entry.

Mom still hasn't come back. I still don't know exactly what she meant when she said she had been at Grandma and Grandpa's barn. She didn't say farm, she said barn. Why would she be in their barn all that time? They love her. Grandma always says Mom's the daughter she never had. Why would they make her stay out in the barn? Couldn't they see what it did to her?

I'll never know, because Dad won't let me call them. He took my cell phone away when he walked in on me calling them—he took it right out of my hand, ended the call, and removed the battery. Then he told me I'd never see it again. He said that would teach me to ask questions I had no business asking.

No business? He's insane. Of course I have business asking questions. He should be asking questions too! Mom's missing and he doesn't even care. How can he not be worried? I'm so scared I've been throwing up. Not that he cares. I know he can hear me, but he acts like nothing's wrong.

I even threw up a bunch of times at school and Sierra told Mr. Lee who took me to the school nurse. She called Dad and he told her I was fine. It was just a stomach bug. She told him I needed to go home, but Dad said he wouldn't authorize it. So the nurse had me stay in her office the rest of the day to keep an eye on me.

She was asking all kinds of questions about my home life and I was being as vague as possible. After Dad's threats to stay quiet, I wasn't going to say anything.

Macy put the diary in her lap. What had Chester threatened her with? Was there another diary that Macy hadn't read? The other one she had read didn't say anything about it other than the fact that he didn't want her talking about their family at school. She had also said that she was scared of the look on his face. That hadn't been a threat, though.

There was guilt stabbing at me right in my chest and stomach. What if Mom was in danger? Would it be better for me to say something so she could get help, even though Dad said he would lock me away and move me away from my friends? Would he really do that? I'm such a coward.

I couldn't get the look in Dad's eyes out of my mind. I wish I could explain it—the way just him looking at me made terror run through me. I never knew what the expression "frozen with fear" meant until he gave me that look. That's exactly how I felt, and even feel now thinking about it.

Before Mom disappeared again, she told me that if she disappeared again, I needed to take care of myself. She was speaking pretty cryptically, but it seemed like she didn't want me telling anyone about her being missing. I think she was worried about me.

If I'm frozen with fear, then Mom was paralyzed with it. Like I said in the other diaries, she never went back into her and Dad's room. Even though she talked with me, I don't think she ever talked to him. She definitely wouldn't look at him.

One day, she whispered something about a gun. What did that mean? I couldn't get her to tell me anything else, and I didn't know what she was talking about. Did Dad get one and that was why she was so scared?

Ugh. I'm rambling. Sierra and Jess keep saying I do that too much lately. Talking about one thing and then another, but not really getting anywhere. Either it's from spending all that time with Mom when she was back or I'm losing it too.

What am I supposed to do?! I mean, seriously. What? Mom's gone again—just when she was starting to return to her normal self. Dad has to be behind it. Otherwise he would at least pretend to give a crap. He won't even do that. What kind of a husband doesn't care that his wife is missing?

He's back to saying she's in Paris. That's a load bull crap and he knows it. I nearly said as much, but I thought he was going to hit me, so I stopped. I hate him. I really do. Mom always says I shouldn't hate anyone, that it'll make me sick and won't hurt the other person. What am I supposed to do, though?

I need to say something to someone. I have to. Whatever's going on with Mom is not right. People don't just disappear like she does. At least
she
doesn't do that. Maybe others do, but not her. Something is wrong, wrong, wrong. What if she comes back in worse shape than before? Like, what if she stops talking altogether? Or worse, what if she doesn't come back at all?

There's no way I could handle that. I just couldn't. There's no way I would survive. I'm barely holding it together now. I have tightness in my chest most of the time and my stomach hurts something awful. Jess says it's ulcers. She would know, her mom's a wreck. She says stress eats holes in your stomach. Maybe that's it. It doesn't matter, not when something is really wrong with my mom.

She needs me. I have to say something. Who do I talk to? Mr. Lee? The school nurse? The school psychiatrist? Dad already told me I better not ever talk to her. He says that our family doesn't need that kind of a reputation. Also, he said that his daughter doesn't need a shrink. Ha! Who else needs professional help than anyone with direct contact with him? I'll probably spend all of my adult life in counseling, trying to heal from everything I've been through lately.

There I go rambling again. I'm shaking too. I need to tell someone. I know it and I have to be willing to face the consequences. I can't sit around doing nothing while Mom needs something. I don't know where she is, but maybe someone could look in Gram's barn.

I wish I had my phone. I would call the cops. There's not even a landline here. Dad got rid of that when I was little. I never really thought about it, but now that I needed to make a call and don't have my phone, I'm stuck. Can I really wait until tomorrow at school? What if that's too late for Mom? I know she needs me.

Macy read four more pages of Heather's ramblings. Not that she minded, or even blamed her. If Macy had a diary of her own, it would probably be a lot worse than what she was reading. Heather actually seemed to be holding it together pretty well, considering everything.

When she got to the next entry, the handwriting was a lot messier. Something had to be seriously wrong.

Macy flipped the diary page, eager to find out why Heather's handwriting looked so distressed.

I really messed things up. Really bad this time. Dad's going to follow through on his threat for sure now. He's going to lock me away. He told me that I'm never going to see my friends again.

Today at school, I decided to talk to Mr. Lee. He could tell that something was wrong, so he called me to his desk during the quiz. He asked how I was, but I think it was pretty clear. I was shaking and I hadn't put on any makeup, so it was obvious, really obvious.

He took me into the hall and by then I was shaking so bad I could barely stand. He told me to sit down and then he sat next to me, asking questions. It reminded me of when I was on the couch with Mom when she wouldn't talk. Only I was on the other side. I couldn't find my voice, and even if I had been able to, I'm not sure I would've known what to say.

How would I explain everything that was going on? Where would I even start? Mr. Lee kept asking questions, and I just shook harder and harder. I needed to say something for Mom's sake. She needed me to. So, I finally found my voice and told him that Mom was missing again.