Good Intentions (The Road to Hell Series, Book 1) (19 page)

“I’ll use the shower in the house. I prefer walls to open air and exposure,” she said.

“You humans and your modesty.” Then I realized I much preferred her to shower in private.
No
one else would see what belonged to me.

“I guess we really can blame Eve for that,” she muttered.

“Perhaps.”

“Perhaps? Isn’t that the story? Eve ate the apple, kicked from the garden, yada, yada.”

“There are many stories, some are true, others are questionable. If you think there were only ever two humans on this earth to begin with, you’d be wrong. There were others already here, but Adam and Eve were the favored ones, and the only ones granted entrance to Eden. Eve did pluck the apple, and she did get them booted from the garden, but your ancestors were already running around with loin clothes covering them when Adam and Eve emerged from paradise.”

“I guess nobody wanted bug bites on their privates.”

A short burst of laughter unexpectedly erupted from me; her eyes widened at the sound, and a smile curved her luscious mouth as her eyes twinkled in amusement. Sitting in the center of the clearing, Shax, Bale, Verin, and Morax stopped in the middle of their game of cards to look at us in surprise. It had been a long time since I’d laughed around them. Corson had been flirting with a pretty girl from town; he had her blonde hair twined around his finger when he looked at us. The girl pouted at him, but he didn’t pay her any attention.

Ignoring them all, I took hold of River’s elbow and led her back into the tent. “I suppose that would explain it,” I said to her as I closed the flap and slid the buttons back into place. “You’re probably hungry.”

“I am,” she admitted.

She followed me into the main tent where a meal already waited for her. Sitting in the seat across from her, I watched the candlelight playing over her features as she dove into her meal.

“Do you think you could pull me into one of your visions again, like you did today?” I inquired when she finished the last of her chicken.

She pushed her plate away and wiped delicately at her mouth. “I don’t know, but if I did it once, I don’t see why I wouldn’t be able to do it again.”

I tapped my fingers on the table. “It will be interesting to find out.”

Her eyes went to the tent wall as laughter echoed outside. The scent of smoke and the crackling of a fire drifted to me. They must have already started the bonfire on the hill. A bonfire I would make sure River stayed far away from.

“It would be best if you stayed inside at night,” I told her. “Things can get a little wild out there. If you have to go somewhere, come and get me and I will take you.”

Her mouth pursed but she nodded her agreement.

River

Over the next couple of weeks, I didn’t really know what was expected of me as I continued to train with Kobal and the others. The volunteers I’d come here with avoided me now. The demons all watched me like I was the mouse and they were the hawk circling above. I didn’t think they planned on picking my remains, but they were definitely intent upon my every action.

I’d also noticed a growing tension and withdrawal from Kobal as time slipped by. He still trained with me every day, but he seemed to be holding something of himself back. Yet sometimes I would catch him looking at me with such hunger in his gaze that it would cause my entire body to quicken with longing.

My dreams of him had ebbed since moving into his tent. I blamed that more on my exhaustion when I finally did fall asleep than a waning in my yearning for him. No, that grew every day his distance did.

Even Mac stayed away from me now, but his eyes were always on me whenever I was on the field. Unlike the others who watched me with rapt curiosity and animosity, the sadness in Mac’s eyes troubled me.

I didn’t understand any of it; the humans accepted the demons more readily then they accepted me. Kobal had been right, they had no idea what to make of me, and they were afraid. That fear had made them distant and wary. The demons didn’t know what to make of me, and I wondered if perhaps some of them disliked me for my supposed heritage or at least because of who had possibly created me.

I didn’t know what it was, and by now I was so exhausted from the nonstop training, stress, and uncertainty, that I was getting to the point I wanted to hit every single human and demon who gave me a sidelong glance. Or if I could figure out how to make that handy-dandy frying things ability work, maybe I’d burn all their pants off them and watch them run around with their asses on fire.

However, I hadn’t been able to set anything on fire since that day with the madagans. Kobal had to be wrong about who or what I was; I kept telling myself this, but the certainty he was right had taken hold of me. I hadn’t admitted it to him, but when he’d told me what he believed I was, a part of me had lit up in an
aha
moment, and it had all made sense. A part of me, deep inside, could not shrug away his words no matter how badly denial kept screaming through my head.

Perhaps they were all right to distance themselves from me. I was the only living ancestor of Lucifer himself, of evil incarnate. I tried not to think of things in terms of good and evil as Kobal had told me to, but I couldn’t shake the feeling there could be something inherently evil within me.

Then again, maybe there wasn’t, but could I be easily turned to evil? Lucifer had been an angel, the morning star, and now he was looking to destroy and enslave the human race. Was there something in me that could make me become like him too?

I didn’t care what I had to do, I would never let something like that happen to me. I would
never
become like him. Still, I couldn’t rid myself of the idea that my mother had been right, and I really was an abomination who never should have existed.

I lay awake at night torn between fantasies of the man sleeping in the room next to mine and plagued by the idea I could become a monster.

I didn’t dread traveling to the gate or trying to close it; that was easy-peasy compared to the idea my DNA shared the same code as Lucifer’s. I could face what would come with the journey to the gate; I could prepare and fight any threat. I couldn’t fight genetics.

Moving through the food line, I could feel the hostility and dread radiating around the people who moved hastily away from me. I was worse than the smelly kid in class, as I had a five-foot-wide space around me. Demons lingered nearby and I had no doubt they were there to watch over and protect me if it became necessary. Grabbing an apple, I placed it on my tray and turned to face the crowd.

The heads around me bent down and shoulders hunched up. The tops of their tables became extremely fascinating as people pretended not to see me. I took a deep breath before winding my way through the tables to sit at an empty one in the back. My gaze slid over the people at the tables around me; it settled on Carrie who focused intently on her sandwich.

A pang of betrayal and longing speared through me. I should be used to this shunning and loneliness by now, but I wasn’t. The apple I bit into felt like lead in my mouth; it took all I had to swallow it down as tears burned in my chest. I missed my brothers, my home, and Lisa; I missed not being an oddity. I missed companionship and people who cared for me. I missed Gage’s smile and Bailey’s giggles. I even missed his atrociously stinky diapers.

I placed the apple on my tray and poked at the sandwich on my plate. The more curious and distrustful stares came my way, the less of an appetite I had. The shifting of the table alerted me someone had sat down across from me; I knew it was Kobal without having to look at him.

Lifting my head, I found his pure black eyes staring back at me. I’d become acutely attuned to his presence over the past few weeks. Around us, the talk died down and I saw the startled expressions of those closest to us as they gawked at Kobal. He didn’t notice any of them, or at least he paid them no mind as his attention centered on me. The way he looked at me made my insides turn to goo.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” he inquired. I glanced at my plate before pushing it away. “You’re going to need your energy for training later.”

“I’m not hungry.”

His gaze slid over the people surrounding us before he leaned back on the bench and stretched his legs out before him. “Humans are such strange creatures.”

“Is that supposed to be an insult or a compliment?”

His eyes glimmered like obsidian in the light of the room when he looked at me again. I’d never seen him in here before; his massive size and aura of power was completely out of place in this world built for teens but taken over by volunteers and soldiers.

“You’re not entirely an average person, River,” he said with a tight smile, as if the reminder somehow displeased him.

“So you suspect.”
And so I
feel
deep in my gut.

“No matter what you say, or what I suspect, you’re the only mortal here who can throw flames with her hands.”

“I haven’t done it since that day on the field. It may have been a fluke.”

“No fluke. We just haven’t figured out what to do to get you to do it.”

“Hmm,” I murmured.

“You should eat.”

“I should be doing a lot of things I’m not.”

“Like what?” he inquired.

“Like being with my family, like sitting with my friends.” I glanced around the room and shook my head. “Never mind, you wouldn’t understand.”

“I told you people would be apprehensive.”

“You did,” I agreed.

“Come.”

He rose to his full height, towering over me as he stood with his hands resting on the table. I frowned at him before rising and walking around the table to join him. His hand clasped my elbow, and he started to lead me out of the cafeteria. The heat of his body enveloped me, and I instinctively moved closer to him, needing to feel more of his strength as whispers and murmurs ratcheted up to swirl around us. My stomach turned, but I thrust out my chin and kept my gaze focused ahead of me.

“Where are we going?” I inquired.

“Somewhere you can have some peace.”

“I have nothing but peace in here,” I replied with a bitter laugh.

“Kobal.” We were brought up short when the pretty blonde woman who had inquired about my relationship with Kobal weeks ago stepped in front of us. Her shameless gaze swept over his body. The knowing gleam in her eyes caused me to stiffen. I glanced at Kobal to gauge his reaction, his forehead was creased as he impassively stared at her. “We haven’t had a chance to catch up much since you returned to camp.”

“Been busy,” he replied in a clipped tone.

The woman’s eyes ran over me before she dismissively looked away. My hands fisted when her gaze fixed raptly on Kobal once more. Beating the shit out of her would
not
win me any new friends, but it was a very appealing idea.

“Maybe I’ll see you tonight. We can spend some time together,
again
.” She gave me a pointed look with her last word.

The air in the cafeteria became increasingly difficult to breathe, and clamminess slid over my skin. I wanted to jerk my arm away from Kobal’s and storm out of there, but I couldn’t give any of them the satisfaction of doing such a thing. Instead, I stood there and endured the humiliation of his lover and him making plans to meet.

“No,” Kobal replied crisply.

She gave him a sulky look that some would have found cute; I found it simpering and annoying. He went to step around her, but her hand fluttered out and rested against his arm.

“Don’t touch me.”

The low, gravelly tone of his voice caused the hair on my nape to rise as I sensed within it an undercurrent of menace. The woman’s hand fell away, and the pouty smile left her face as she straightened away from him. Her gaze was far more hostile than dismissive when it came back to me again. Kobal released a sound that would have made a wolf cower and run as he tugged me a step closer to his side. The woman remained standing where she was.

The more I was immersed in it, the more I realized I didn’t understand this world I’d been forced into. I felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, and everyone here knew I was an imposter. I didn’t belong in any of the worlds. Least of all here.

“I’ll let you two talk,” I murmured. I had to get away from all of this.

River

I went to step away, but his hand tightened on my elbow and he nestled me closer against his side. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he said.

Unwilling to cause a scene, I remained where I was, feeling like every eye in the building burned into my back. The people closest to us were focused on their meals, but I knew they were hanging on every word. I was going to kill him for making me stand here for this.

“Come.” Kobal nudged my elbow, drawing me forward a step.

I could feel the woman’s gaze boring into my back with every step we took. “I’m not a dog,” I told him when we finally stepped outside and into the fresh air. I inhaled it eagerly, but I couldn’t shake the lingering tension in my body. “I don’t obey commands,” I expounded when he gave me a questioning look.

“Would you like to stay and talk with her?”

“No, I don’t want to talk to your girlfriend.”

“I don’t have girlfriends.”

“Your fling or whatever she is.”

“I don’t have flings. Our world is not so boxed as your human one; it is more flowing.”

“What does
that
mean?”

He stopped walking, and releasing my elbow, he turned to face me. “It means we don’t place the constraints on ourselves like your species does by having to define and label everything we do. When demons meet the one they are Chosen to be with, they mate for life such as Verin and Morax, but the rest of us do what we please until then, and for many, finding their Chosen doesn’t happen.”

“I don’t think she realized that when she got involved with you; maybe you should have made it clearer to her.”

“I’m not in the habit of having to explain anything I do to anyone. I’m not about to start now with some silly human who should know better to begin with.”

“And why should she know better?” I demanded.

You should know better!
I screamed at myself in my head.
Listen to what he’s saying and keep your distance.
Women and sex mean nothing to him; remember that, and keep your libido in check, dumb ass.

“I do not make promises of relationships to anyone, especially not a human.”

I managed to keep myself from recoiling at his words. With the sun behind his back, an aura surrounded him that should have warmed him. All I felt was coldness and indifference wafting from him.

My hands rubbed at my arms as I took a step away from him. Many times he’d been almost caring toward me, more so than my own mother had been over the years, but was it a pretense to get what he sought from me, a trip back to Hell?

“What is that woman’s name?” I asked.

“I don’t recall.”

I blinked at this statement; it was the only reaction I could have to it. “You hurt her feelings, that much was obvious, but so is the fact you don’t care.”

His head tilted to the side, and his forehead furrowed as he studied me. I understood him about as much as he seemed to understand me, which was not at all. “Why would I care?”

I threw my arms in the air and turned away from him. “There are walls with more understanding than you!” I shot over my shoulder at him as I made my way up the hill toward the tents.

I didn’t realize he’d followed me until he reached around me to pull the flap on his tent back for me. “I have understanding,” he said as soon as we entered. “It’s why we have adapted to your ways more than I would have liked.”

Turning on him, I placed my hands on my hips as I met his gaze. “Yet, you still don’t understand you hurt her feelings.”

“The women and men who look to satisfy their curiosity about what it is like to be with a demon, or are simply looking for a good fuck, should know better than to become attached to any of us. We have made no secret we will return home; the woman is a fool for believing there could have been more between us.”

My hands fell back to my sides as his blunt words sank in. He was right. I understood the woman’s unhappiness, but he had a point. Most of the people here may not know what the demons were searching for, what they believed the key to closing Hell was, but they did know the main goal here was to defend the wall, close the gate, defeat Lucifer and for the demons to one day return to where they’d come from.

So why did I feel so upset and betrayed?

Because of
him
. I hated thinking about him with other women or of him returning to the fiery depths where he had come from originally. I certainly didn’t want to be the one who sent him there. He’d knocked me on my ass more times than I could recall, he infuriated me, he was the main reason I was here, yet all I craved was to feel those powerful arms around me. To know what his body would feel like moving against mine, to have those lips and hands sliding over my skin.

I kicked myself in the ass for allowing the fantasy to enter my mind. It could
never
be, and I wouldn’t be another non-fling to him. “You’re right,” I murmured.

Before I could flee to my section of the tent, his hand snaked out and he took hold of my wrist. An electrical current flowed over my flesh, and my breath caught as I struggled not to step closer to him and rest my hands against his chest.

“You haven’t eaten,” he said.

“I don’t feel well. I’m going to lie down.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie; my head was pounding, but I was aware that I was acting like a coward as I tugged my wrist free of his grasp.

“Do you need me to get you anything?” he asked.

“No.”

I didn’t look back as I slipped into my section of the tent, kicked off my shoes, tugged my bra off from under my shirt, and crawled into the bed with its soft mattress and tempting pillows. I could hear the thump of punches and the clashing of swords and knives as instruction resumed on the training field, but I didn’t crawl from the bed.

As the day progressed, I found it increasingly difficult to open my eyes, and it hurt almost as much to keep them closed. I didn’t dare move; every time I did, I was certain I’d throw up. Instead, I lay unmoving on the bed as the migraine took hold of me.

It had been years since I’d had one; I’d believed it was something left behind with my childhood, but the stress and misery of these past six weeks had finally caught up to me. Eventually, I fell into a fitful sleep. When I woke again, I knew it was night only because of the dimly lit lantern on the table next to the bed. Beside the lantern sat a plate of food.

My stomach rumbled with hunger. The lingering throb of the migraine pulsed in my head when I swung my feet out of the bed, but I knew the worst of it had passed. Washing my face, drinking some water, and eating some food would help to rid me of the rest of it. I greedily ate the chicken on the plate before diving into the potatoes. I was full by the time I was done.

I licked the juices from my fingers before lifting the handle on the lantern and walking silently toward the flap leading outside. Kobal had told me to get him whenever I had to go somewhere at night, but I’d prefer not to wake him if he was sleeping, and I didn’t want to wait around for him to get dressed. Besides, I didn’t need a bodyguard.

Undoing the flap, I pushed it back and stepped into the night. I inhaled deeply as I savored the warm air blowing against my skin. My gaze went to the flames of the bonfire leaping on the hill about a hundred yards away. Tents and trees blocked my view of the fire, but the orange glow lit the night, and I could see the tips of the flames dancing in the air. Laughter and music floated down the hill toward me.

My head tilted to the side as I pondered for the thousandth time what went on up there. I took a step toward the fire, but the pressure in my bladder had me turning and walking down the hill toward the small house at the bottom. I’d only planned to use the toilet, but once inside, I couldn’t resist the lure of a shower. I undressed and stepped beneath the spray, letting the warm water wash away the rest of my lingering migraine as I shampooed my hair and used the straight edged razor on the shelf.

My step was much lighter when I emerged from the shower feeling a hundred times better. I hummed to myself as I dressed and reclaimed my lantern. Walking up the hill, my gaze returned to the fire. Kobal had told me to stay away from it, but it sounded like a good time. Besides, what could one little peek
really
hurt?

Turning, I strode toward the fire crackling high into the sky. More laughter trailed down the hill, and I picked out the sounds of a guitar as I slipped past two of the tents while making my way closer to the flames. The heat of the fire in the air warmed me before I arrived to stand behind a large oak tree. I lowered the flame on my lantern and placed it on the ground beside the tree.

Pieces of bark broke away beneath my fingers when I rested my palms against the tree and poked my head around the side of it. My breath froze in my chest as I gawked at the scene before me. Most of the demons were gathered there, their hair alight in the flames playing over their bare skin. Amongst the demons, there were a couple dozen humans gathered in the clearing around the fire. Not all of the humans were naked too, but almost half of them were. They all appeared my age or older, and I realized they were all soldiers.

Bale sat on a fallen tree trunk, playing what looked like a guitar. Her red hair shone in the fire that lit her bare flesh. Two naked women danced before her, leaping and jumping as their laughter trailed from them. Drinks were passed around, and a loud cheer arose from the group circling the flames.

Shax leaned back in a chair, his arm draped around the back of it as he stretched his legs before him. There was a naked woman kneeling between his legs with her head moving enthusiastically up and down.

What is she doing?

Heat blazed up my neck and burned into my cheeks when I realized her mouth was encircling his shaft. I ducked back to rest my forehead against the tree as I inhaled a tremulous breath. I should leave. I should run back to the tent and forget all about this night, but I found my feet wouldn’t move.

Where is Kobal?

I wasn’t sure I could handle it if I saw him with another woman. However, I found my head sliding out from behind the tree again. My gaze ran over the demons once more. There was Morax leaning against a tree with Verin; both of them were still fully clothed. They didn’t appear to notice anyone else around them as they remained close together. Not for the first time, I found my gaze riveted on the bite marks on their necks.

Another demon I didn’t really know stood in the shadows of a tree with a human. He lifted her from the ground and, turning on his heel, walked over to the nearest tent. Corson sat on the ground next to a couple of women. They all touched and kissed each other, their hands traveling over each other’s bodies as moans of excitement emanated from them.

I made myself look over the clearing once more, but I still didn’t see Kobal anywhere. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be in one of the tents, like the other demon who had just left. The idea of him with another woman caused my teeth to grind together as my chest constricted. My fingers dug deeper into the tree bark. I had zero experience with anything like what was going on in the clearing. However, I knew he would participate in this, and it would be something he enjoyed.

Probably something he’d enjoyed with countless others. I couldn’t bring myself to look for him again as I listened to the carnal sounds emanating from the clearing. I would give anything to be the one to ease him in such a way, but this was not my life, not who I was.

Walk away.

It was the best advice I could give myself, and finally, I managed to turn on my heel. I didn’t get one step before I almost smacked into Kobal. His arms were folded over his chest; the firelight played over his chiseled features. My heart plummeted into my sneakers when I realized I’d been caught spying. Well, not completely spying as I’d really been looking for him, but I’d still been lurking in the shadows like some kind of creeper.

Which I guess I was.