Good Ogre (7 page)

They gathered at the front of the store and Max explained everything that had happened, which included going into his own history as well. They listened as he talked about the robot-fueled future that featured televised hunts and arena-style combat, the meeting with the dragon king Obsikar, and the perilous journey back in time to the Magrus to return the
Codex
to the Wizard's
Tower and defeat Rezormoor Dreadbringer. Dirk interjected his own commentary along the way, including his bringing an online character to life and the fact that Princess the Unicorn and her wizard had decided to stay in Madison (and she totally had a crush on him). The others took it all in without any real problems, which must have come from years of LARP training.

“All our adventures were simply preparations for this day,” Melvin announced. “It will be my honor to lead us into battle to defeat the one you call the Maelshadow.”

“Hold on there,” Dirk exclaimed. “Nobody is leading anybody around here but Max.”

“Well, I think we should put it to a vote,” Melvin suggested.

“I vote for Max!” Sydney exclaimed. She continued to hold her hand in the air as if to remove any doubt. The mood grew tense as the others were unsure what to do.

“If I may, this is a battle of
magic
,” Megan said, turning to Melvin. “I believe it's best if our wizard leads the party.” Max took note of how Megan made it about magic and not about who was actually the best leader. Healers were full of wisdom, he supposed.

“Yay!” Sydney said, clapping her hands together so
fast that her wings jiggled above her head. “Max is our leader!”

Sarah had to force herself not to roll her eyes.

“So here's what I know,” Max said. “I think the Maelshadow was waiting for me and didn't want the portal closed.”

“Then we should do the opposite,” Melvin added. “We should definitely close the portal.”

“You think?” Dirk replied. “We tried that already and it didn't work.”

“True,” Max admitted. “But we still have the
Codex
and time to put a plan together. We were caught by surprise, and that's not going to happen again.”

“Then what are our side quests?” Melvin asked. “Should we explore what remains of the town? I have a spiral notebook full of graph paper—I could draw a map.”

“What's important here,” Sarah said, jumping in, “is that our families were likely caught in the storm. We need to find them and figure out a way to reverse what happened.”

Max nodded. “The portal opened at the school, but it's not really a school anymore. It's kind of something else.”

“And we're going with you,” Dwight announced, motioning to Puff. “I've got more adventuring experience than the lot of you put together.”

“And me,” Wayne added. “Just tell me what you want me to do.”

“You're our tank,” Dirk replied. “You keep the bad things off of us by being so intimidating they naturally flock to you.”

“Wait, how does
that
work?” Sarah asked. “You think monsters
want
to run toward the biggest and scariest-­looking warrior in the party? If I was a monster I wouldn't do that at all.”

Dirk shook his head. “It's game logic—it's how these things work.”

Wayne folded his massive arms in front of him, not really understanding the game logic business. “I'll do my best to protect you,” he announced.

“Then let's do a last check and get going,” Megan suggested. The group moved off to make their final preparations (which included a long bathroom run for Dirk as he fought with his tights).

Max gave Puff a friendly pat (only he was allowed to do that) and walked back to the window. The wind had
died down significantly, but in the distance the storm continued to rage. He could make out a single black tower rising in the distance. From its rooftop a tornado twisted and turned, reaching upward until it connected with the storm clouds above. Strange blue lightning coiled around the tornado, and even at such a distance Max could feel the distinctive chill of magic. But where most magic was warm, this felt cold. He wondered at the kind of creature that could summon such power. He'd managed to defeat an evil sorcerer once before, but that was in the Magrus, where the
Codex
was stronger. Things would be much harder here.

“Ready?” Sarah asked a few moments later. The ­others had lined up behind her, looking very much like an adventuring party from one of their games. Dwight had donned his armor and Dirk had found one of those spiked dog collars worn by junkyard guard dogs and fastened it around Puff's neck. Nobody had the heart to tell the fluff dragon it made him look like a punk rocker poodle.

“Ready,” Max answered Sarah, trying to sound braver than he felt. The others nodded in silence. Max swallowed and opened the door.

CHAPTER SIX

ALL HAIL THE BARD

T
HEY WALKED OUT TO WHERE
the middle of Main Street used to be and looked back at the Dragon's Den. It was the only original building standing from the row of shops. Where the bakery had been there was now a large fire pit filled with charred bones, and the pharmacy had become a kind of dilapidated old windmill.

“I can't believe it,” Sarah said, looking around. She had experienced being transported to the far future and had seen her town in ruins before. But this was different.

Melvin strode up to her, his face stern as he clutched his elf bow. “It is a dark evil that has transformed our once-proud hamlet,” he announced as if reading from the start of one of his role-playing campaigns. “But take heart, fair maiden, for the light shall win the day.”

“Yuck,” Dirk said in response, his lute in his hand. “You're not going to talk like that the whole time, are you?”

“Mayhaps,” Melvin replied.

Dirk frowned, then motioned to the tall, misshapen tower in the distance. “Everyone see the tornado tower over there? That's a message—when you can put a tornado on your roof, you're letting the world know that you're not someone to be messed with.”

Puff shuddered. “I feel the influence of the Shadrus all around us.”

Dwight suddenly let out a deep breath. He looked himself over, then seemed to relax. “I was afraid the magic might transform me.”

“I think that part has passed,” Max said, looking at the solid wall of clouds in the distance. “It's the storm that's doing the changing now.”

“And it's expanding,” Puff said. “Inch by inch, until the world is consumed.”

“Then we must do no less than to save the world,” Melvin announced.

Dirk cleared his throat. “You mean, save the world
again.
Oh wait, you weren't with us when we did all that.
My mistake. I don't want to take away any of your noob excitement.” Melvin shot him an annoyed look.

“Let's head toward my house,” Max said. “It's close and we can see what's happened to everyone.” In addition to his mom, Max wondered about Princess and Magar. Princess had decided Madison High School was to her liking and had stayed. Magar had tagged along and been hired as a chemistry teacher. If anything was powerful enough to fight off the storm, it was Princess and her wizard. But then again, if the storm had changed her into something else . . .

“A quick detour to your house and then to what's left of the school,” Dwight said. “That's where we'll find the portal.”

The group agreed and they began walking in the direction of Max's old neighborhood, passing the remains of the strange black trees that reminded Max of power lines. Not long after they found themselves at a bridge—but instead of water, the river beneath was a black liquid with white specks. It bubbled in places and spewed foul-smelling steam into the air.

“That's a messed-up river,” Dirk announced.

“It's evil,” Megan pronounced. Her long white robe
contrasted with the black of the river, and she was holding a large, ornate staff that doubled as a walking stick. “I don't like how it makes me feel.” Max wondered how far their transformations had actually gone. Could Megan really be a priestess healer and Melvin an archer? There was no doubting Sydney was some kind of pixie with her new wings and all, but what could any of them really do?

“We're not on some field trip here,” Dwight grumbled. “Stay focused.”

“I don't recommend anyone touch the water—or whatever it is,” Sarah added. Nobody looked inclined to disagree with her.

“Never thought I'd see a river running through the middle of town,” Sydney added. Her voice had gone up in pitch with her diminished size.

“Let's keep going,” Dirk pressed. “We're not getting experience points for just looking at stuff.”

Wayne stepped forward. “I'll scout the way ahead. A bridge makes for an easy ambush.”

“The warrior has spoken true,” Melvin added. “I think my elf senses are tingling with danger.”

“More like hay fever,” Dirk added.

“Wayne's idea isn't a bad one,” Puff added. “We don't
know what's out there, and being stuck on a bridge
is
a tactical disadvantage.”

Max nodded. “Okay, Wayne, just be careful.”

The big kid took off, carefully crossing the bridge. Max kept expecting a barrage of arrows and spears or something, but it never came. Sarah grabbed Max and gently led him away from the others. She spoke, keeping her voice low. “I've been meaning to ask you about Wayne. Have you considered the possibility that he was in on this from the beginning?”

“I . . . ,” Max began, but he realized he'd been avoiding thinking about it. “I guess I don't know.”

“I'm just saying we don't really know what's going on, except everything happened after Wayne's arrival.”

“Well, if Wayne was involved, it doesn't seem like he had a very good plan. Isn't he stuck here like the rest of us?”

Sarah thought it over. “Maybe. We don't have enough facts yet. But we need to be careful.”

Dirk noticed the two of them talking and hurried over. “What are you guys whispering about?” He looked over his shoulder to see Melvin practicing pulling his bow while Sydney clapped gleefully with each successful draw.

“Wayne,” Max answered.

“I was just saying that we don't really know him, so we should be careful,” Sarah said.

“But he's got that amulet,” Dirk replied. “Dwight said Wayne couldn't carry the portal unless he was good.”

“Mostly good,” Sarah corrected.

“Still, purposefully dooming a world is pretty messed up.”

“It is,” Sarah agreed. She looked up to see Puff and Dwight moving to meet Wayne as he made his way back. “I'm not accusing him. Just keep an open mind.”

“My mind is like a steel trap,” Dirk said. “It doesn't open unless you really push on it.”

They rejoined the others as Wayne stepped off the narrow suspension bridge. “It's clear,” he announced. “On the other side there's a path that winds into some hills. Plenty of places for an ambush, but I didn't see anyone.”

“I say we advance, but keep our weapons at the ready,” Melvin suggested. “I will also call upon my elf ancestors to bless us with a magical buff.”

“Buff . . . ?” Sarah asked. She vaguely remembered Dirk using the term before.

“It's like a magical spell that helps you out,” Dirk
answered. “I bet our priestess could do it.” All eyes turned to Megan.

“What we
don't
need is a bunch of amateurs experimenting with magic,” Dwight interjected. “Let's just keep things simple, okay?”

Melvin looked disappointed. “I will assume our dwarf's wisdom is as long and deep as his ancestors' mines,” he announced.

“Or their toilet trenches,” Glenn added.

“Come on, we're wasting time,” Max said, motioning toward the bridge. They crossed in twos: Max and Wayne in the lead, followed by Sarah and Dirk, Puff and Dwight, Megan and Sydney, and finally Melvin. As Max walked, he felt the weight of the
Codex of Infinite Knowability
hanging from his shoulder. And while he didn't particularly enjoy the swishing of the blue robe he was wearing (it reminded him of one of his mother's dresses), he was glad to have the
Codex
close.

“I think we should call ourselves ‘the Nine,'” Melvin announced from the back. “I might start working on a poem with that as the title.”

“Just do it in your head,” Dwight called back. “Or I'll be changing it to ‘the Eight.'”

On the other side of the river they found the trail. There had been pine-covered foothills outside Madison before, but nothing like the sudden eruption of giant slabs of rock and earth that rose ahead of them. They paused for a moment to take it in before continuing in rows of two down the winding path. They had traveled a half mile or so when the trail opened into a small clearing and Max came to an abrupt stop. Ahead of him a squirrel stood in the middle of the trail (not that a squirrel standing on its hind legs was a stop-worthy event, but one wearing a sword and armor was).

“Ha!” Dirk exclaimed, pointing at it. “Look at that squirrel. It thinks it's people.”

“None shall pass!” the squirrel knight squeaked ominously. The squirrel held a shield adorned with a purple-and-red sigil with a gold acorn, and on its side was strapped a miniature sword. Behind the rodent knight was a large field that led to scattered dwellings in the distance. Max could see the distinctive shape of the distinctive mermaid weather vane that had belonged to Old Man Peterson. The weather vane had been an irritant and source of embarrassment to the neighborhood for years.

“I'll handle this,” Melvin announced, hurrying to
the front of the group. He faced the squirrel, bowing. “Woodland creature, I am of that royal lineage known as elf.” He rose and motioned with his hand. “We are bound together by our respect for the harmony of nature. Do not be afraid; we come in—”

Boink!

Something brown had whizzed through the air and smacked Melvin in the head. He stumbled backward, nearly stepping on the acorn that had hit him. “Ouch!” Melvin exclaimed, rubbing his head and dropping his bow. “Someone threw a nut!”

The squirrel drew its sword.

“What's the matter,” Dirk mocked, pointing at Melvin, “never LARPed with a squirrel before?”

There was a definite welt forming on Melvin's forehead, and Megan hurried over to take a closer look.

“Turn around,
humans
,” the squirrel demanded, saying the last word with as much enthusiasm as if chewing on cat litter.

“You mean to tell me that when a portal between the worlds opens, the best the Shadrus can do is this?” Dwight laughed, pointing at the squirrel. “All the hamsters must be terrified.”

“Uh, I'm not sure mocking him is such a good idea,” Puff suggested.

“Do not press me further,” the squirrel knight continued, his face furrowed into a frown. “You have been warned.”

“Look, we don't want any trouble,” Sarah jumped in. “We just need to get past and we'll be on our way.”

“We're looking for other people like us,” Sydney added, trying to be helpful. “You know . . . humans. So, I guess not so much like me right now, but how I used to be. Not that you'd know that, silly me. I wish I had some peanut butter to give you and maybe we could be friends.”

The armored squirrel shook its head and took a step forward. “There are no other humans here, so be gone.”

Max didn't like the sound of that.

“I think we should turn around,” Wayne suggested.

Melvin picked up his bow and began yelling at the squirrel. “By all rights you've drawn first blood! I tried to honor you with my elf customs and you attacked me!”

It took a moment for the others to notice that Melvin now had a Hello Kitty Band-Aid on his forehead.

Megan shrugged. “It's all I could find.”

“Enough!” the squirrel knight squeaked. “You have been warned. To arms!” Suddenly dozens of armored squirrels sprang from hiding places in the rocks and formed into ranks. But more worrying to Max was the movement in the distance. Even through the grass he could see thousands of tiny reflections like the ocean at sunset. Tens of thousands of armored squirrels marched in the field! And they were rolling hundreds of tiny trebuchets into position, no doubt loaded with nuts.

Max slipped his hand inside his satchel and found the
Codex of Infinite Knowability
.

“Don't even think about it, wizard!” the lead ­squirrel threatened, pointing at Max with his drawn sword. Max wondered how the squirrel knew him, then realized what he was wearing. “We'll swarm and cut you to pieces before you get to whatever magic you keep in your bag.”

Max could feel Wayne growing tense next to him. Things were quickly getting out of hand. He remembered reading something in the
Codex
about squirrels taking over the world . . . was this how it happened? Had he inadvertently started the squirrelpocalypse?

“Easy, everyone,” Sarah said in a low voice. “There's too many of them.”

“Maybe we should make a slow retreat,” Puff suggested. “Nice and easy, like.”

“I think that's a good idea,” Dwight confirmed. “Although if my kin ever hear I retreated from a squirrel . . .”

“There will be no going back!” the squirrel knight exclaimed. Behind them the trail filled up with more of the tiny knights. “You are surrounded.”

“Max . . . ?” Sarah urged. Max knew what she was suggesting—he could use the
Codex
without reading it. He let his mind drift to the magical book at his side. He reached for a Prime Spell. As he saw it, the problem wasn't about coming up with a way to defeat an entire army of squirrels so much as it was about making an escape. He could feel the sweat break out on his forehead as he pushed into the
Codex
, sensing the surge of the spells as they began to fill his mind.

Suddenly a musical chord filled the air.

Max lost his concentration and the Prime Spells retreated. All eyes turned to Dirk as he repositioned his lute.

“Uh, Dirk . . . ?” Sarah asked.

The squirrels advanced, moving with a perfectly
timed step that made thousands of tiny boots sound like the advance of a single, armored giant. And then, to everyone's surprise, Dirk strummed another chord and began singing.

Come gather ye heroes

And I'll sing you a tale,

'Bout an adventuring elf

Named Melvin the Frail . . .

“Hey!” Melvin shouted, not liking where this was going. But Dirk ignored him and began singing and playing even louder. The squirrels stopped—thousands of rodent eyes turned their attention to the strange musical human.