Good Wood (14 page)

Fuck
.

I plucked it from her hand and struggled to find something to say.

“Joe.” Her expression was serious.

“Yeah?” I couldn’t decide if I was afraid of what she’d ask of me or what I might willingly agree to.

“We’re cool.” Her words were firm and non-negotiable. I blinked rapidly in surprise.

“Alright.” I murmured and as I backed away, she shut the door in my face.

Fuck me sideways.

I stood there for a second while my brain whirled in neutral. Shaking my head to try and clear it I turned and hurried to the curb. I used the Yellow Cab app on my phone to find a ride. Lucky for me a cab was just down the block. The driver had me back to my truck in no time. Unlocking the door, I slid behind the wheel.

How in the fuck did this happen? It’s a good thing she didn’t get all clingy or I would be looking to move to a new town. There is no way Mac or Mason would ever let this go. Ever.

One minute I was putting the truck in drive, the next I was parking at my building. I felt shaky, and oddly off balance. I threw open the security door and went inside; but, rather than going upstairs, I wandered into the shop. Nervous energy had me wandering aimlessly, cleaning and picking up scraps of wood. As much as I tried to distract myself, Molly kept rolling through my mind. The smell of her that still enveloped me…. the way she felt beneath my hands. The sound of her sighs when I kissed her throat, the way she tasted under my tongue.

I sat on the stool in my workshop for two hours lost in thought. My hands, however, seemed to operate without me. When I stood up to clean my tools and rinse out a few brushes, I had several wooden figures sitting on a drying cloth. Frowning, I picked them up and surveyed them absently. Trudging up the stairs, I made a bee line for the shower and doused myself with Old Spice body wash until all traces of Molly’s scent had been scrubbed away.

Once I was dressed, I headed back down to the truck. I needed to clear my head and I needed a solid meal. A short time later, I parked just down the street from Casino El Camino. The place was a loud dive decorated out of the props closet of a science fiction B movie nightmare. It smelled like decades of cigarette smoke, but they served the best burger in town. I went to the order window and got two bacon cheeseburgers, no fries and a big bottle of water. There was a bit of a line, but my food was up in no time. Grabbing the bag, I paid and headed back to the truck. Their burgers were a million times more appetizing when eaten elsewhere.

I drove down to Zilker Park and pulled into the lot near the pool. Heading away from the pool, I climbed the hill toward the outdoor Shakespearean theatre. There was an isolated picnic table at the top overlooking the stage with a huge shade tree over it. I sat down with my big bottle of water and bag of food.

I loved the park at this time of day. It was early afternoon so there weren’t many people around. The spot I chose was far enough from everything else that I could hear the birds and wind through the trees. I’d found this place after the accident; when I needed somewhere to go, where all the well-wishers would leave me the fuck alone. I tore into my burgers and tried my best to enjoy the serenity of the park. Try as I might, Molly Hildebrandt kept popping into my head. I had really screwed up this time. One word to her brothers and I was going to be in deep shit. They would want to kick my ass and I might be inclined to let them. It was beyond stupid to have let things go too far with her.

I had a red head all primed and ready to head back to her place when I spotted Molly on the dance floor with Francis. Her laugh had caught my attention, but that beautiful smile pulled me to her. I dropped the redhead like she was a hot coal and moved in for a better view. I was astonished to see Francis twirling her around the floor like a pro. Watching Molly wing it on the dance floor was like seeing the dawn after an Alaskan winter. Her smile lit up the night. Suddenly, leaving with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader wannabe seemed like a hollow endeavor. She approached me once more and I completely blew her off. By the time I settled my tab and got my credit card back, Molly brushed passed me on her way to the bar and Francis had appeared at my elbow.

“Hey Joe.”

“Hey, Francis. Sorry I was a dick before.”

“I’m pretty used to it.’ He scoffed. “No offense.” I blinked in surprise, but it was hard to argue with the facts. I’d been awful to him more than once and he had been way too nice about it. I would have throat punched anyone who talked to me the way I talked to him.

“You need a ride?” I figured no time to extend the olive branch like the present. “I was gonna take a cab, but I can have the guy swing by the work area if you need a way back.”

He smiled and shook his head. “No, I do appreciate the offer though, I really do.”

“Okay, Francis.” He looked at me for a moment with the saddest expression I had ever seen on his face. All of a sudden, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what he had to say.

“Can I ask your opinion?” He put a hand on my shoulder. It was a very natural, unassuming move coming from him, and I cracked open my last beer.

“Sure.” I shrugged. “What?”

Do you think some people are just meant to be miserable?” The way he asked the question made me wonder if he was talking about me or himself. I stopped to consider because he didn’t seem like he was trying to be a dick, dancing with Molly apparently had made him introspective.

“In my experience, life is full of all sorts of unfair shit. Happiness seems to be a fleeting thing. Why do you ask?”

“Molly’s a darlin’ girl. She reminds me a lot of my daughter.” He broke off and looked away. A few seconds later he took a deep breath and turned a shrewd eye back to me. “The way the two of you look at each other…even if happiness is as fleeting as you claim, shouldn’t you try for a bit of it? Even if it doesn’t last?”

He turned and headed to the bar and I found myself following him.

The conversation had kept me at the bar and in a very roundabout way, led me to Molly’s bed. Had we been happy? For one night at least, the answer was a resounding yes.

By the time I was done with lunch, I had come to one conclusion. Let it go. Just sit back and act like nothing had happened. Molly seemed cool enough with it, so the best course of action was to just behave as if nothing had changed. If things went to hell…well I’d burn that bridge when I came to it.

The park suddenly felt less serene and I headed back toward the truck, tossing the bag in a nearby trash can. I went back home stopping off at the liquor store. Going out last night had been a disaster, but I needed a drink. I went to the ATM to pull out some cash and my eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw my balance. Shocked at how much money I’d been saving staying in, I decided to treat myself to some Johnnie Walker Blue. It looked so good I picked up two bottles. I looked at the clock it was barely after two, but as Jimmy Buffett would say, 'it was five o’clock somewhere’. Once I was back home, I cracked the first bottle open and toasted my own stupidity.

There is something exceptional about the taste of a high shelf whiskey. It was a crying shame to use it to get blotto. After the first few glasses, I could have been drinking just about anything. The sun was setting when I emptied the first bottle, sloshing some on my shirt and jeans. The last thing I remember was sitting on the concrete floor of my workshop looking at the fading sunlight gleaming off one of my tools.

The smell of hot coffee made me open my eyes. I was sitting at the kitchen table with a steaming cup near my right hand. Part of my mind rebelled, screaming a warning at me about what was coming next. Another part of me ached in longing. I heard him coming before I saw him. A squeaking of sneakered feet on the tile and Jack burst into view riding the horse head on a stick toy that he loved.

“Daddy! Daddy I missed you! Where have you been?” I smiled at him and opened my arms wide. Jack flew across the room and slammed into me. Wrapping my arms around him, I held him close, smelling the scent of soap rising from him and feeling the light sheen of sweat on him from his rowdy antics. His tiny arms went around my neck and squeezed me tight.

“Hey there buddy! Are you being good?” Jack pulled back and made a funny face at me.

“Of course,” he got his sarcasm from me. Even so, it came out good naturedly. “I’m always a good boy!”

Hopping up on the chair next to me he pulled some bacon and toast from the platters at the center of the table and put them on his plate.

“I want you to go out and play with me. Will you teach me how to play spaceball?” I laughed and he gave me a curious look. “What?”

“Baseball, son. It’s baseball. And yes, I will show you how to hit. And pitch. And catch. We can play all day if you like.” The smile on his face lit a glow deep inside my heart. The click of heels coming down the hallway sent a shiver down my spine and that ache of longing grew deeper. Against my will, my head turned away from Jack to look in the direction of the footsteps.

The all too familiar figure stepped into the light of the kitchen and my heart twisted painfully in my chest. The morning light gleamed off Jessica’s golden hair like a halo. She gave me a sad smile as she came to my side and kissed my forehead.

“Oh honey. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Her eyes flicked toward the seat beside me and my head turned instinctively. Jack’s chair sat empty. The plate he’d been eating from was gone. Turning back to her I saw she‘d vanished as well. In her place, I saw Dr. Gonzales pulling his surgical cap from his head and rubbing his eyes.

My surroundings had changed, and I was back in that disinfectant soaked hallway near the waiting area of the hospital. Slowly, the doctor closed the distance between us. Regret and sorrow were easily readable on his face. Stopping in front of me, he met my eyes with the most melancholy expression.

“Joe. I don’t know how to say this. We tried everything. We couldn’t save them. I’m so sorry Joe, we lost them both.”

Ripping myself out of the dream, I awoke in a world of pain. The cold concrete had sapped heat from my body while I slept. As my blood fought its way back into my extremities, agony tore through me. It took several minutes to muster enough circulation to climb to my feet. Slogging up the stairs, I cranked on the hot water of the shower. When it was fogging up the mirror, I slid inside and nearly drowned myself under the falling stream.

The water was getting cold when I finally got out. The shower had helped lessen the pain in my body, but the other pain intensified the more I tried to push it aside. Toweling off I tottered out to my bed and fell onto it, towel and all. The prospect of reentering the dream was both daunting and tantalizing at the same time. It’d been a long time since I’d dreamt of Jess, much less the Jack that might have been. The little boy I’d wanted so badly, that I dreamed of holding…protecting…teaching…

For better or worse, the sleep that claimed me was thankfully dreamless. I might have slept the day away had my phone not continued to ring. The fifth time it went off I clawed my way out of the bed and grabbed it off the floor.

“Yeah.”

“Joe? Where are you? Don’t tell me you are still in bed.” Tamryn demanded. Looking over I saw the clock said it was just after nine thirty in the morning.

“Yeah. What’s up?” I heard her excuse herself on the other end and there was a pause.

“Listen up, little brother. You told the girls that you would be coming out here this weekend for lunch. They have been working all morning cleaning the house and helping to cook.” I winced as I recalled my plans to hang out with my nieces. In my defense, my head was in a much better place when I’d made that promise. But that fact didn’t do a lot to make me feel like less of a tool.

My nieces were two of the sweetest little girls in the entire universe. Little Jamie was only four years old. She hung off my arms like I was a jungle gym every time I visited. Tressa was eight and had matured to piggy back rides. They loved my visits; though, I have no idea why. I’m a shitty uncle. I forget birthdays, skip holidays and generally spend very little time with them. Tamryn was right. Me promising to go and then not showing up was unacceptable.

“I overslept. I’ll jump in the shower and be right there.”

“As much as I would hate you disappointing the girls, I don’t want you coming here if you’re going to be…” She didn’t finish the sentence but she didn’t have to.

“I’ll be fine, sis. I just had a bit too much to drink last night and overslept. It’ll take ten minutes for me to be ready and out the door. Okay?” The pause on the other end spoke volumes. She was probably weighing the disappointment the girls would feel versus the danger of exposing them to me when I’m out of control.

“You’re sure everything’s alright?” The question was simple, but I felt part of my mind bellowing out a resounding ‘
NO!
’ in response.

“It’s all good.” I said this with a grin in my voice that I didn’t really feel. The phrase always irritated Tamz and hopefully my ribbing would help calm her objections. She snorted into the phone.

“Just get your scrawny ass here before lunchtime. These girls are working their butts off for Unky Joe and I’ll be damned if you are going to disappoint them. Now hang up the phone and get on the road!”

“Roger that.” I replied. “Wheels up in ten minutes.”

Traffic was light on the way out of Austin, and as I pulled up to Tamryn’s front door, her husband, Robbie, looked up from the stoop in surprise. His daughters sat next to him and only paused for an instant. Then Tressa and Jamie streaked across the front lawn toward my truck.

I barely got out before the two of them barreled into me. Robbie nodded at me from the stairs and went inside, no doubt to let my sister know of my arrival. Both girls leapt up on me, jabbering at the same time.

“Unky Joe! I can do a cartwheel! You wanna watch?” Jamie hollered, and Tressa looked at her four year old sister with a sour face.

“He doesn’t want to see that! He wants to come inside to have a tea party! Right, Uncle Joe?” They were squaring off for a mini brawl when Tamryn came out the front door in a rush.