Gothic Charm School (30 page)

Another of the Lady of the Manners's pet peeves of concert attendance is the seemingly ever-present talking people. Do not talk through a performance. Even if you aren't interested in what is currently being performed, others around you are. If it is vitally important that you say something to someone, whisper in his or her ear as quietly as you can or leave the auditorium. Oh, and turn off your dratted cell phones. (Again, these bits of advice don't exactly apply to loud rock shows.)

Rules regarding standing, dancing, and moshing at concerts all depend on the types of venues and attendees. If the concert takes
place at a proper sort of theatre with reserved seats, you should stick to your place. Standing up only blocks the view of the people behind you and causes them to be distracted from the concert, get mad, and think longingly of lopping your head off. “But wait!” the Lady of the Manners can here some of you muttering. “What happens if the person in front of me stands up? Aren't I allowed to stand up then?”

No. You aren't. You are only allowed to stand up during a concert if everyone jumps to his or her feet simultaneously, like a herd of lemmings. If it is just a case of one person in front of you standing up, politely get his attention (tapping on the back = good; kicking = bad) and ask him to sit down. If he refuses, tell him you
will
go get an usher and then do so. The Lady of the Manners is all for being swept away by the musical experience but doesn't think that's an excuse for disrupting others' enjoyment.

If the concert is taking place at a club or arena, that's a different story. Seating at those sorts of venues tends to be a free-for-all. It's perfectly acceptable to stand up, but try to make sure you're not standing in front of someone who is seated or who is vastly shorter than you. Those sorts of venues also are perfect for dancing during the show. In fact, many musicians prefer to see people dance and be enthusiastic during a performance, so go right ahead.

As for moshing—well, first of all, is it the sort of music that a person
would
mosh to? If so, you can start thrashing about. But! Don't try to forcibly include people in the moshing, and even in the midst of it, try to not hit people with your flailing arms and legs. Inadvertently punching other concertgoers is rude. (So is deliberately punching other concertgoers, but the Lady of the Manners is assuming you knew that.) If someone near you
falls down, help her back up. And for goodness' sake, don't try to shove your way toward the stage. The people who have the coveted spots directly in front of the band are there because they were willing to get to the venue early and wait a ridiculously long time in line. Just because you are able to shove them out of the way doesn't mean that you should.

A special section about dealing with or being a tourist at a Goth club or event

No, the Lady of the Manners does not mean the type of tourist who visits other cities and historical landmarks; she means the people who aren't Goths (and have no interest in ever being Goths), who go to Goth clubs, a hotly debated topic in the Goth subculture.

Why is this a topic of never-ending discussion in the Goth world? Well, because opinions about scene tourists are pretty sharply divided. More people in the clubs means that the clubs are making money and Gothic club nights will flourish, not to mention that many clubgoers feel that strict dress codes and “scene-only” door policies are ever-so-slightly on the bad side of elitist. On the other hand, swarms of non-Goths take away from the ambience and atmosphere of a club, and it's more than a little annoying to be treated like a zoo exhibit when you're someplace you visit almost every week.

The Lady of the Manners, while wanting the Goth clubs and event promoters not to starve and to keep hosting fabulous events, is pretty much against tourists. Why? Well…many non-gothy types, when they decide to go to the local spooky club, are doing so because they want to feel transgressive or “naughty.” “Ooooh, lets
go to that place where all those weird and freaky vampire people are!” For them, going to a Goth club has a lot in common with going to an amusement park: zanily dressed characters and the thrill of flirting with what looks dangerous but really isn't. Your Gothic Charm School headmistress has issues with this because she doesn't like the idea of something dear to her (and thousands of other Goths across the world) being turned into a cheap thrill for people who aren't sure how to find their own excitement or entertainment.

Which leads right to the Lady of the Manners's other problem with a lot of club tourists: the whole
sexy death chicks
nonsense. For whatever reason, a lot of non-Goths assume that Goths are…oh dear, how to put this…not only sexually deviant, but rather free and indiscriminate in who they practice those behaviors with. These non-Goths seem to believe that people wearing all black, corsets, lace, fishnet, or PVC at a club are not only willing and available but welcome complete strangers walking up and touching them. Which, of course, is not the slightest bit true, but is one of those pervasive misunderstandings about the Gothic subculture.

Now, if you're a non-Goth and have patiently read this far, the Lady of the Manners does indeed have some advice for you, advice that isn't, “Don't ever even think of going to a Goth club.”

Thing the First: As the Lady of the Manners has said previously, examine your motives for wanting to check out the local gothy haunts. Seeing friends, wanting to learn more about the local Goth scene, wanting to hear more of that Goth music you like—those are all good reasons. Even going because you feel like spending an evening at a club watching Goths in all their spooky finery is a perfectly acceptable reason. But going to deliberately
antagonize or harass people, or to get smashed and slur out bad pick-up lines at the other club-goers because “everyone knows” that Goths are sluts? Those are
bad
reasons to go to a Goth club, and if those are what motivate you to attend the local spooky club, do everyone (including yourself) a favor and stay home.

Thing the Second: If you want to dance, dance. Really, that's what the dance floor is there for. However (and you knew the Lady of the Manners would have a “however,” didn't you?), be aware that dancing at a Goth club is slightly different from dancing at other nightspots. For one thing, most Goths don't dance
with
anyone else. So don't worry about finding someone to dance with. That also means not, er, aggressively dancing
at
someone else or grabbing him or her to demonstrate your dirty dancing prowess. (Cast your mind back to Chapter 2: Remember what the Lady of the Manners said about not touching someone without getting permission first? That holds true for dance floor antics too.) Do not attempt to start a mosh pit, do not slam into other dancers, and do not wave your drink around in the air.

Thing the Third: Speaking of drinks, you do realize that if you are in a new-to-you social environment, you should probably avoid excessive drinking, don't you? Navigating a new club or social scene can be tricky enough without blurring your perceptions. Not to mention that you don't want the first impressions people have of you to be that you're some sort of stumbling, drunken boor.

Thing the Fourth: For goodness' sake, don't just lurk there in a darkened corner, sipping your drink. Go talk to people! If you're there with friends, have them introduce you to other people at the club. If you're there by yourself, at least introduce yourself to some people. No, the regular denizens of the club probably won't greet you with outpourings of glee and wide-open arms, but at
least make the effort to talk to people. What should you talk to them about? You could compliment them on their outfits or dancing. You could ask them if this is a typical night at the club and mention that you haven't been to many gothy clubs. But, the Lady of the Manners must warn you, do your very best to avoid sounding like you're trying out your collection of pick-up lines. Yes, even if the creature of darkness you're chatting with is devastatingly gorgeous and you would like to ask her out. Goths have a not-unreasonable distaste for clubland tourists saying things like “So d'ya come here often?” to them. Many Goths consider “their” club to be just that—theirs—and understandably get a wee bit upset when tourists behave like ye olde spooky club is nothing but a meat market.

The possible Future of Goth and the Lady of the Manners's hopes for it (plus a couple of her fears, though she's sure they won't come to pass)

The Future of Goth. That has a nicely portentous ring to it, doesn't it? As if it should be a page in a dusty book, protected through the ages by a secret society of black-clad decadents…

No, the Lady of the Manners hasn't taken leave of her senses; nor does she believe she's part of an ancient secret society. (She keeps telling you that there is no
Secret Goth Cabal
for a reason, Snarklings, and it's not to hide in plain sight.)

Anyway, the future of Goth. From the Lady of the Manners's viewpoint (languishing gracefully on a fainting couch, possibly with a cup of tea in hand), the Gothic subculture will not only
continue to thrive but grow even larger than it currently is. In many ways, the Gothic subculture is a
sub
culture in name only. There are now sympathetic Goth characters on mainstream TV shows and in more than just niche horror novels. There are yearly Goth-themed festivals all over the world and Goth-focused panels at large conventions. Every Halloween produces more and more pre-packaged “Goth” costumes for people who want to dabble in our spooky world for an evening. All of these are signs that, no matter how negatively some in the mainstream media try to portray us, more and more people realize that Goths aren't a danger to themselves or others, that we're just people with different interests and aesthetics.

Of course, there are those amongst our spooky extended family who are not at all pleased by this trend of mainstream…well,
not acceptance, but acknowledgment. They feel that Goth is diluted by it, that the whole concept is losing (if it hasn't already lost) what made it different and special. The Lady of the Manners somewhat understands those complaints (and her understanding grows when she witnesses the new and cheesy Gothic cheerleader costumes that hit the shelves every October) but thinks that perhaps those people are overreacting just the tiniest bit. Yes, it's a bit strange to think that what started out as a shadowy refuge has become well known enough to be regarded as a profitable target demographic, but as the Lady of the Manners has said before, the more “mainstream” awareness of what Goth really is, the fewer young
babybats
will have to go through the bullying and harassment that many
ElderGoths
suffered. The more people who have even a vague understanding about Goth, the smaller the chance that Goths will be regarded with suspicion, fear, and hostility. Or so the Lady of the Manners hopes.

So what else about the future of Goth? As the Gothic community expands, there will be more and more splinter groups, groups who have common roots
and some similar interests but don't see themselves as falling under the Gothic subculture's shady parasol. One example is the Steampunk movement: people fascinated by the future that never was. Clockwork mechanisms, airships, sky pirates, adventurers, mad scientists, and resourceful street urchins, all dressed up in Victorian-tinged finery. (Finery that shows the effects of being worn while crawling around giant machines or is smudged with soot and chemicals from the latest mad science experiment but still is not your run-of-the-mill khakis and T-shirts.) The Lady of the Manners has seen Steampunk-themed events held at Goth gatherings and clubs and is quite tickled by the “family resemblance” between shadowy Goths and their sepia-toned Steampunk cousins.

To further muddle the lines between Steampunk and Goth, it seems that a fair number of Steampunkers were once Goths but decided they wanted a change of pace. The Lady of the Manners thinks that such subcultural migration is a very good thing but hopes that people moving away from Goth don't ever refer to their explorations and branching out as “growing out of the whole Goth thing” nor look down their noses at their previous family of black-clad people.

One of the things that fascinates the Lady of the Manners about the Steampunk movement is the extremely strong thread of make-believe or fantasy that seemingly binds the whole community together. While the Goth subculture has a strong fondness for elaborate outfits and decor, the Lady of the Manners can't remember hearing Goths ask whether they needed to come up with a character or persona before playing with fancy clothing. Those very questions, along with asking for help creating an alternate persona, seem to come up with amazing frequency on the various online Steampunk communities the Lady of the Manners watches.
(The answers to such queries seem to be equally divided between people offering help in fleshing out a character and people saying, “Dress how you want! You don't need a separate persona to wear a top hat and goggles, for goodness' sake.”)

Another community that is a hybrid flower sharing roots with the Goth family tree is the Gothic Lolita movement. Originating in Japan, Gothic Lolita is a style that aims to create a doll-like silhouette. Knee-length skirts puffed out with petticoats, frilly blouses, and ruffles galore are some of the key themes in Gothic Lolita fashion. While the Gothic side of Gothic Lolita wouldn't look out of place at any Goth gathering, the Gothic Lolita community has a sweeter, more pastel side. Most Goths would widen their black-rimmed eyes in response to the outfits made from fabrics featuring prints of teddy bears, cookies, berries, and other sweet things (which explains why that particular strain of Lolita is called
Sweet
Lolita). The doll-like aesthetic of Gothic Lolita is one that has been seen time and time again in the Goth subculture; true, the Goth version of “doll-like” often brings to mind the sort of unnerving porcelain dolls seen in movies where there's probably a high body count, but those creepy dolls are still, well, dolls. They're just going to a tea party of a much darker type.

In the Lady of the Manners's experience, devotees of Gothic Lolita are a touch uneasy about being associated with the Goth subculture. While the Gothic side of the Gothic Lolita subculture has similar tastes in motifs to Goth (coffins, skulls, bats, veils, a wardrobe that would probably not be out of place at a Victorian-era funeral), many of the Gothic Lolitas wouldn't consider themselves to be Goths because they are not interested in everything that the Goth subculture embraces. Dark and fantastical literature and movies, the music, finding beauty in dark and unexpected
places; many of the denizens of Gothic Lolita don't seek out such things but just want to wear fancy clothing and attend picnics and tea parties.

(Let the Lady of the Manners state
right now
that she is completely in favor of people wearing fancy clothing and attending picnics and tea parties, regardless of the subcultural affiliation they claim. The Lady of the Manners firmly believes that the world would be a pleasanter place if more people would try to include more relaxing and frivolous events in their lives.)

In addition to the various subcultures that can be considered fantastical siblings to Goth, the Lady of the Manners suspects that the future of Goth will see a renewed interest in some of the original dark flourishes of the Gothic subculture. It's already happening; the deathrock or batcave strain of Goth is experiencing something of a dark renaissance, with whiteface makeup and shredded fishnets for all. And don't think that the reanimation of deathrock is merely some nostalgia trip; not only are the old-school ghouls lurching out of their crypts (after backcombing and lacquering their mohawks back into an upright position), but new creatures of darkness are learning how to use black and purple eye shadow to contour their gaunt cheeks.

But what about the Lady of the Manners's fears about the future of Goth? Oh, merely that Goth will no longer be a vibrant and ever-changing subculture but will become stagnant and moribund. (
Moribund
, as in becoming obsolete and dying, as opposed to
morbid
, as in being characterized by notions of gloom and decay.) Does the Lady of the Manners think that Goth will stagnate and die off? No. But she does sometimes worry that all the sub-subcultures that splinter off from Goth may be so intent on building their little niches and adding their own “requirements” or qualifications that ridiculous and artificial boundaries
will spring up like poisonous mushrooms. Things like “Oh, if you are into [black metal, Steampunk, Gothic Lolita, gothabilly, or other splinter group vaguely associated with Goth], then you aren't a Goth.” The Lady of the Manners has railed about labels before, but to sum up her views about them: labels are useful in that they can impart a lot of information about your views and interests, but goodness gracious, don't use them as a template you can never, ever stray from.

Mind you, every subculture has adherents who seem to be poised to proclaim, “Goth [or Steampunk, metal, emo, punk, etc.] is dead!” every chance they can find. The people making these sorts of statements are, in the Lady of the Manners's eyes, a very necessary part of every subculture. Not because they're right in their declarations of doom and “The scene is dead!” (to quote the band Rasputina, “The scene isn't what it used to be/The scene is never what it used to be”), but because declarations that a certain subculture is dead are, strangely enough, a sign of growth and change. It's not that Goth (or deathrock, or Steampunk, and so on) is dead; it's that the subculture has branched out from what the naysayers are familiar or comfortable with. Also, it indicated that the subculture has grown enough that it is no longer a teeny-tiny niche that only a certain few “cooler-than-you” types are aware of. (The Lady of the Manners is sure that you know the type of people she's referring to, Snarklings: people who feel the need to abandon anything when it becomes even slightly popular with more than five people on a secret Internet forum, people who apparently have made it their life's goal to roll their eyes and sneer dismissively at anything anyone else likes. The Lady of the Manners feels a bit sorry for them and occasionally wonders if they ever get tired of expending so much effort to be so
very
avantgarde and fashion-forward.)

Of course, there's also the concern that the Goth subculture will shift and change so much that it will become almost unrecognizable to some members of the community. This already happened on a much smaller scale when it seemed like cybergoth and tweedly-beep-oontz-oontz ebm music became the dominant genres at many Goth clubs. Now the Lady of the Manners realizes that her perceptions may be a trifle influenced by the fact that the cybergoth style and ebm music are very much
not
her cup of tea. But for a while it seemed like the subculture was becoming about thumpy synthpop music and outfits made from stretchy fabric with UV-reactive trim, and clots of velvet and lace-clad people had to wait patiently (or not so patiently) to hear a song that featured guitars. But the tastes of the subculture went through another tidal shift, and nowadays it seems there are equal numbers of cybergoths and traditional Goths,
with a sprinkling of vampires, steampunks, and deathrockers everywhere.

One of the other fears about the future of Goth that sometimes scampers through the Lady of the Manners's mind is that Goth really will, for the most part, turn into a phase that people “grow out of.” That more and more youngsters will spend a little time dabbling in the shadow-draped subculture and then feel that they
must
leave such things behind in order to move into the adult world. That eventually, the only Goths over the age of sixteen will be a tiny minority that constantly has to try and explain that Goth is not synonymous with teenage angst. Again, the Lady of the Manners doesn't really feel this situation will come to pass; the numbers of grown-up Goths who see no reason to give up their dark and gloom-shrouded ways and are successful in their chosen paths and professions are constantly growing. As more Goths refuse to “grow out of” what is presumed by the uninformed to be a juvenile fascination with the darker, more otherworldly aspects of life, perhaps the future will hold less harassment and bullying for everyone, not just the strange and black-clad types.