Gothic Charm School (26 page)

Also, there is no edict handed down from the nonexistent
Goth Cabal
that says you must scowl at all the people who smile at you. No, really, there isn't. The Lady of the Manners is willing to acknowledge she may be slightly biased about this, as she tends more toward the perky side of Goth, but honestly, Snarklings. This may be a revelation to some of the younger readers, but the sight of you dressed up to the thirteens in your oh-so-dark and spooky finery is absolutely darling. Especially if you are being so very serious about the whole thing. The Lady of the Manners recently saw a pack of
babybats
loitering about a local shopping area. (Oh, all right, yes. They were mallgoths.) These young
babybats
had obviously spent a lot of time getting their appearance the way they wanted it, right down to the artfully smudged eye makeup and the tiny stick-on rhinestone cross worn upside down under one eye. The Lady of the Manners was charmed by the
babybats
and smiled at them as she walked by. Did the
babybats
smile back? Oh, goodness no, it was glares and scowls all around. For they were spooky and
not
to be smiled at! (Of course, the sullen indignant expressions
of the
babybats
made the Lady of the Manners smile even more widely because she regards very spooky and intense
gothlings
in much the same way she thinks of puppies or kittens: “Oh, so cute! Look at you. Oh, aren't you fierce! Come here, let me ruffle your hair.” The Lady of the Manners tries very hard not to say such things to any
babybats
or
gothlings
she meets because she remembers that there is nothing so lowering to a teen as being considered “cute” when he or she is trying to be dark and mysterious. But the Lady of the Manners fears that her facial expressions sometimes betray her “Awwwwww!” thoughts.)

What to do when Goth becomes the darling of the fashion industry

The mainstream fashion industry seems to have a recurring fondness for borrowing from the Goth subculture. Every couple of years, the stores are full of velvet jackets, flowing skirts, and lace blouses. So what should any self-respecting Goth do in the face of this? Wait for the clearance sales, of course!

Oh, all right, that was a bit on the short and flippant side, wasn't it? But that doesn't mean it's a wrong answer. The Lady of the Manners has seen this sort of thing happen be
fore, and mainstream fashion's fascination with black lace and velvet usually lasts for about three months. If you can hang on that long, the clearance racks, thrift stores, and re-sale boutiques will be filled with all sorts of lovely things.

Of course, that's only one part of the dilemma. Whenever the gothic style becomes more popular, complete strangers will increasingly stop you in the street to ask questions, usually about what you're wearing and where they can find something just like it.

No, you may not snarl or snap at the well-meaning trendy people. Not even if you're having a particularly bad day. However, your answers don't have to be overwhelmingly helpful either. The Lady of the Manners has answered recent “Where did you get it?!” questions with “I found it at a thrift store” or “Oh, I don't remember. I've had it for years and years,” which leaves the trendy people blinking confusedly.

Now, the Lady of the Manners can see some of you getting very fierce and uncomfortable with the idea that people can scamper down to the mall and, with a bit of determined spending, disguise themselves as a
Real Goth
. “Tourists!” The Lady of the Manners can hear you cry derisively. “They're just doing it because it's trendy!” There, there, it's all right. Have you gotten that out of your system? Now, pay attention. Yes, it's true, there will be more people disguised as one of us for a little bit. However, just because someone is wearing head-to-toe Gothic Victorian ruffles doesn't mean her disguise is perfect. People dressing that way because it's the latest trend never seem quite comfortable with it; they have that faint but unmistakable air of someone wearing a costume, someone who is following what the media tells her to do instead of dressing that way because that's who she is. It's a subtle but unmistakable distinction.

Every time popular culture or fashion borrows from the darker side of the subcultural map, some people get very cross and territorial about
their
look and
their
scene. The Lady of the Manners finds such fervor endearing but on the whole not terribly helpful. You see, each and every person involved in the Goth scene had to start somewhere, and some of those people discovered their bat wings later than others. Yes, roll your eyes at people wearing “Gothic Fashion Savvy” T-shirts, but don't automatically dismiss everyone who dabbles in darker fashions.

As an example, the Lady of the Manners merely has to point to the proliferation of skull-festooned clothing, jewelry, and home decor items that have become readily available. How much power can a symbol retain if it is so (if you'll pardon the phrase) defanged that it is turning up in teen accessory stores across the land?

The Lady of the Manners does
not
believe that a person must provide proof of his or her subcultural “cred” before being allowed to own skull-festooned goodies. Not at all. But the Lady of the Manners does admit to occasionally having to quash an impulse to ask complete strangers what drew them to the skull necklace, shirt, or rain boots they're wearing. Was it because they are interested in the symbolic meaning of the skull (or skull and crossbones)? Was it because they thought it was “edgy” and “fashion forward” (buzz-words the Lady of the Manners despises)? Or was it simply that they are big fans of the
Pirates of the Caribbean
movies? The Lady of the Manners would like to think that the ever-growing crop of cute skull merchandise is a sign that mainstream society is finally accepting the Goth and other alternative subcultures. (Trust the Lady of the Manners on this, Snarklings. The way mainstream society shows its acceptance is through readily available consumer goods targeted at one's particular subculture.)

While the Lady of the Manners is completely in favor of taking advantage of the fashion industry's seasonal dabblings in darkness, the Lady of the Manners is also all in favor of being an informed consumer. Do some research, read reviews, and take a close look at items before purchasing them. Just because something is made by a name brand doesn't automatically make it any better than the old standbys; in fact, sometimes it means the quality is worse because those name brands are trying to cash in on what they think is a short-lived trend.

The basics of assembling a gothy wardrobe

Where to buy Gothic clothes? Why, everywhere! Everywhere, that is, if you're willing to put a smidge of effort into assembling your wardrobe and are not just looking to buy pre-packaged
gawthick
items. Just about every place that sells clothing offers items in black; as tempting as it is to amass a collection of highly ornate, one-of-a-kind items, even the Lady of the Manners has to admit it is more…practical to have a selection of basics to build upon. (Forgive the Lady of the Manners, Snarklings. She needs a moment to get over the shock of advocating anything practical with regard to clothing.)

But that means all you need to do to dress gothy is to buy a bunch of black clothes, right? Well, it's not quite
that
easy. If it were, a bunch of corporate “suit” types would be very surprised to find out they have a new subcultural affiliation.

So what are the basic building blocks of the Goth closet? The following list is designed to help you build an “everyday” Goth wardrobe, not a club-going wardrobe. Yes, many of the items can do double-duty as day wear
and
club wear, but the
main point of this list is to recommend a good collection of pieces you can mix and match for daily wear. The Lady of the Manners would like to point out that you should be able to assemble at least one outfit appropriate for job interviews from these basics.

•   First and foremost, get yourself a lint roller. Just trust the Lady of the Manners on this one, okay? If you're going to indulge in a wardrobe of gloom, you absolutely need a lint roller. Or two or seven or thirteen, stashed at home, in the car, and in your office.
  
•   Some well-fitting, well-pressed dress shirts in black, white, and a dark jewel tone such as red, deep blue, or violet. (This goes for both ladies and gentlemen, by the way.) Feel free to branch out and search for variations in the cut of the sleeves (French cuffs, buttons, frilly), collar (high, ruffled, extremely pointy), or even pattern (the Lady of the Manners has a fondness for stripes, while other Goths collect shirts in baroque wallpaper prints).
  
•   Two different black blazers. Yes,
  two
  . One in black velvet and one in some other less dressy fabric. Mind you, if you follow in the pointy-toed footsteps of the Lady of the Manners, you will end up accumulating many, many black blazers, all in slightly different fabrics and cuts, and perhaps some with skull or heart patches. But you don't
  really
  need a bazillion faintly identical black blazers; two will be enough to allow you to put together all sorts of charming ensembles.
  
•   At least two pairs of well-fitting black trousers. (That is, if you are the trouser-wearing type. The Lady of the Manners is not a member of the trouser-wearing collective.) Black trousers are a basic staple of all sorts of different wardrobe styles, and Goth is no exception to that.
  
•   For the ladies, at least three skirts of different fabrics or length. Skirts that look good layered on top of each other are ideal. The Lady of the Manners strongly suggests that at least one them be an ankle-length, full-circle type of skirt, because that
  sort of skirt can be used as a petticoat under other long skirts or pinned up to form a bustle-type overskirt.
  
•   Again for the ladies, a well-fitting black dress. It doesn't have to be a fancy party dress, but a black dress that makes you look put together with minimum effort is worth
  more
  than its weight in gold.
  
•   Stripy socks or tights. Yes, many people consider these to be for Halloween and mallgoths only, but the Lady of the Manners would beg to differ. The flash of a striped leg from beneath a black skirt or trouser can be a subtle nod to the style your heart holds dear. Not to mention the Lady of the Manners has seen more and more “highend” fashion labels selling striped tights and stockings at a shocking mark-up. (A word to the wise: the striped tights that spring up on the shelves at drug stores everywhere during October? Those are perfectly good quality stripy tights. In fact, they're the same quality as the tights stocked year-round at various “alternative” stores. The Lady of the Manners herself just stocks up on stripy tights in October and uses them throughout the year. Why pay twelve dollars or more for stripy tights when you can purchase the exact same ones for three dollars in October?) If stripes really aren't your thing, look for narrow-weave black fishnets, vintage-style black lace, polka dots, or any of the other interesting patterns that turn up in the hosiery department.
  
•   One pair each of black shoes and boots, both of which absolutely need to be in good condition and should be sturdy enough that you can walk (or run) to catch public transit while wearing them.
  
•   A basic black coat of some sort. (The Lady of the Manners covers this in the section on dressing for winter weather.)