Grace: A Christmas Sisters of the Heart Novel (17 page)

She was worried about other things, too. Here in the middle of the night, she’d had so much on her mind. At the forefront was the likelihood that their family would be increasing again—and that Jonathan had no idea.

As the days passed, she knew it was time to tell him about her pregnancy. But there never seemed to be the right time.

Now, in the middle of the night when the rest of the
house was asleep, would be perfect. However, there was a greater issue at hand. Something was wrong with their son.

Eli had become increasingly fussier by the hour. He was feeling warmer, too. Those things, along with a general lack of sleep, had set her nerves on edge. “Nothing I’m doing seems to quiet him. I’m getting worried.”

One open eye became two. With a shake of his head, Jonathan sat up. His covers slid down to his waist as he leaned forward and looked her way.

She couldn’t help herself from examining him as well. A warmth encased her as she reminded herself once again that this man—this wonderful man—was her husband. Even though so much else was worrying her, Katie felt that same pull toward him that never seemed to go away whenever they were together.

Sometimes, she still could hardly believe they were married and a real couple. The Lord had been so good to her! He’d given her so many blessings. Thinking of her own behavior when Melody and Levi had first arrived, Katie wished she’d remembered then to spend more time giving thanks—instead of resenting their arrival.

A shrill cry from Eli refocused her attention. As best she could, she sought to soothe him, but still his face scrunched up as if in pain. Seconds later, another scream filtered the air.

Jonathan’s sleepy expression turned concerned. “When was the last time Eli had Children’s Tylenol?”

Katie turned to the glowing clock on her nightstand. The news there made her head pound. “Three hours ago.”

“It’s, what, one
A.M.
?”

“Jah.”
As Eli’s fretful squirms threatened to break into louder cries, she bit her lip. Oh, she felt so helpless. She’d give almost everything she had to be able to read her baby’s mind. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him. I don’t know what to do.” She knew her voice was turning high-pitched and shrill, but she didn’t care. “Jonathan, he seems to be in pain, but the bottle’s directions are clear. I can only give him medicine every four hours. It’s too soon to give him more.”

The quilts piled in a heap as he crawled out of bed and padded her way. The long-sleeved T-shirt and plaid flannel pajamas had been her birthday present to him, and never failed to make her feel happy inside. The outfit was a favorite of his, and he often let her know how comfortable it felt.

After he brushed a hand down her back, he held out his arms for their baby. “I’ll take a turn.”

The moment she handed Eli to him, Jonathan competently tucked him close to his shoulder.

She was thankful for the help, but still worried her lip. Even in Jonathan’s solid arms, Eli still squirmed and fussed. “Perhaps it’s time to try a bottle?” he asked.

“Maybe. The pressure of swallowing will either lessen the pain or it won’t.”

As Eli’s cries became louder and his little body seemed to go stiff with frustration and pain, Katie knew she had to try anything to help him. “I’ll go down to the kitchen and fix a bottle.”

“You’re tired, Katie. Why don’t you try to sleep a bit?”
Jonathan cupped a large hand around the back of her head. “I don’t mind taking care of our boy for a bit.”

Though exhaustion made her feel like she was dead on her feet, Katie knew she’d never sleep. There was no way she could relax enough to sleep when her baby was so distraught.

Even if she were to lie down, Katie knew she would simply sit in the cold bed and worry about Eli and Jonathan. “I’ll go downstairs with you. I won’t be able to sleep.”

“Katie, I promise he’ll be in good hands.”

“I sleep better next to you, anyway,” she said with a smile and pulled her robe’s belt more tightly around her waist. “Besides, Eli’s cries are so loud, I’m afraid he’s going to wake the rest of the house up.”

Instead of saying anything to the contrary, Jonathan simply smiled. “If he hasn’t already, I’m sure he’s about to. His lungs are working well.” Pressing a gentle palm on the small of her back, he guided her forward. “Come on, then. We’ll take care of this boy together.”

Together, the two of them walked down the dimly lit stairs. Luckily, her mother had invested in a few battery-operated nightlights that were positioned every few feet. Though their dad liked to complain about the expense, her mother—and Anna—had enjoyed the improvement tremendously. It was so nice to be able to walk in the dark without holding a candle or light.

As they continued down, Eli fussing in Jonathan’s arms, and Katie stepping right behind them, she said a little prayer of thanks for her husband.

It was times like this that Katie was grateful for their age difference, and for the fact that he’d raised two girls out of their infancy before she’d come into their lives.

Very little rattled her husband. He approached each task with a self-assuredness that made her proud and just a little bit envious, though he often told her that her far more high-strung disposition was a gift for him. For some reason, he enjoyed her energy.

They were a good pair.

When they got to the main floor, Katie darted off to the washroom and pulled out a thick fleece blanket, just in case it was drafty in the kitchen. Then she met Jonathan there. “I’ll take him now, if you’ll prepare the bottle.”

Easily, he passed over the baby. Katie frowned as she felt Eli’s too-hot skin. He seemed to shy away from her touch. Fearing he was chilled, she attempted to wrap him up a bit, but he kicked and wiggled against the warmth of the thick blanket.

Obviously, their little journey downstairs didn’t ease Eli in the slightest. If anything, he was getting worse. He continued to fuss and cry, stopping only seconds at a time—and that was to inhale.

Jonathan lit the light overhead, then moved to the gas stove. A match lit a burner. Next, he poured some water into a kettle and set it on the flame. When the water got warm, they mixed it with powdered formula and poured it into one of the waiting bottles.

As Eli continued to cry, Katie hoped the water would heat quickly—and that the warm formula would ease the baby’s pain.

Usually, Katie liked to nurse the baby herself, but she was glad that her sister Rebekeh had suggested she get Eli used to a bottle, too. Sometimes, Katie was so grateful to give Jonathan a turn holding Eli. He had told her that he enjoyed feeding their baby, too.

Though, it was now unlikely that anything was going to make their cranky boy happy. When he wailed again, Katie bent back her head and sighed. “Oh, Jonathan.”

“It’s just tears,” he murmured gently. “I know you’re worried, but we’ll soon get him settled.”

“I hope you’re right.” As if in response, Eli arched his back, fisted his palms, and then let out an enormous wail.

Katie resituated him, and rubbed his back. “I hear you, young man,” she soothed. “I know you’re unhappy. But please, settle down,
jah?
We’re doing all we can.”

Next to the sink, Jonathan was testing the water’s temperature, then pouring a few ounces into a prepared bottle. “This is almost ready.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Melody stood at the doorway, wrapped in a thick robe and wool socks. She looked bleary-eyed.

Katie knew their trip downstairs had woken her up. Years of duty assailed her, making her feel guilty. It was almost as if she could hear her mother’s voice chiding her from behind.

Guests came to the inn to relax, not to be disturbed.

But before she could apologize, Katie spied something familiar in the girl’s gaze. A desire to not be alone.

Melody stepped forward. “I’m happy to help, if I can.”

Katie felt humbled. Once again Melody was reaching
out for others, pushing her own needs to one side. “I thank you for the offer, but there’s not much you can do. We’re fine.”

“Well, we are as fine as we can be, what with a screaming sick baby to make happy,” Jonathan corrected as he handed the bottle to Katie. “But you’re welcome to join us, if you’d like.”

Katie took the bottle and placed it in Eli’s mouth. She held her breath as he took a tentative taste, then sucked the bottle some more.

The quiet that blanketed them all felt like the best gift in the world.

“Peace at last,” Jonathan murmured.

“Melody, I am sorry we woke you,” Katie said when she could finally bear to look anywhere but at the baby.

“Please don’t worry. I think the winds outside are louder than Eli. I have a hard time sleeping, anyway. I’ve been, ah, restless tonight. It sounds foolish, but I was pleased to have an excuse to walk around.” Little by little, Melody stepped into the room, and then finally slipped into one of the chairs.

“I had a hard time sleeping when my time to deliver was so close.”

Melody smiled. “Really? That makes me feel better. All the books talk about sleeping as much as possible because I’ll need that sleep when the baby’s born. But I can’t seem to get comfortable.”

“I don’t know any woman who could get comfortable with a bowling ball rolling around her middle.” Katie smiled as Jonathan started to look like he would rather
be anywhere than there in the kitchen, discussing pregnancy issues. “Jon, why don’t you go back to bed?”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“Look, Eli’s eyes are finally closing. We might all get some sleep soon. Go on up,” she said again. “I’ll follow you in a few moments.”

With a weary smile, he nodded. “I won’t argue about that.” After pressing his lips to her head, he nodded in Melody’s direction.
“Gud naught.”

She raised a hand. “Good night.” When they were alone, Melody blushed. “I am sorry I intruded. I really did hope I could help.”

“Please don’t worry. My nerves are so strained, I wouldn’t have been able to sleep this minute, anyway. He was really crying. Actually, I’m kind of surprised we don’t have the whole house in here.”

Melody gestured toward the oven. “Would you like some tea? I see there’s a dish of chamomile here by the stove.”

“That would be very kind of you. Thank you.”

“Don’t get up. I can work a stove just fine,” said Melody.

Moments later, Eli’s mouth went slack and his hand loosened. Wearily, Katie ran a hand along his scalp. To her relief, his temperature seemed a bit cooler. Perhaps it was all his crying and not a sickness that had gotten him so heated up.

In no time at all, Melody was back, holding two mugs of piping hot tea. The tantalizing aroma of chamomile beckoned Katie; and now that she could put the bottle down, she sipped gratefully.

Across from her, Melody sipped, too. She looked so pleased to not be alone that, once again, Katie worried about the girl. Pregnancy and babies were hard enough with a kind, competent man like Jonathan at her side. In addition, Katie also had her mother’s guidance and her best friend Anna’s support.

So far, she hadn’t read a single book about pregnancy or caring for an infant. There hadn’t been any need—she had a wealth of knowledge all around her.

But the opposite seemed to be the case for Melody. If she was here alone, she must not have a lot of family members to offer her guidance and support.

“So, are you going to keep your baby or give it up for adoption?”

Melody stared at Katie and felt a lump form in her throat. The question had been honestly asked, without rancor. Simple curiosity. So different from most everyone else she knew, who were determined to relay to her what they thought she should do and why. “I’d like to keep it.”

“You would like to?” Katie tilted her head to one side. “I’m sorry, but the way you are phrasing that makes me think you’re not sure you can.”

“That’s because I’m not. Babies are expensive.” For a moment, Melody paused. She didn’t like admitting her flaws, her weaknesses. But she didn’t want to sound like the type of woman who didn’t make plans, either. “The fact is, I don’t have much money.”

Katie sipped her tea. In her arms, little Eli breathed deeply, his mouth half open. His easy limpness looked
almost comical after his tense exertions just a few moments ago. “Babies do seem to cost more than I imagined,” she finally said. “What about your parents? Will they help you financially?”

“I don’t know what they want to do.” Melody felt her cheeks heating. Even to her own ears, her answers sounded mysteriously vague. But the problem was that she didn’t have any answers. She didn’t know what she was going to do in her future.

She’d been so worried about coming to grips with the attack, she’d neglected to hope much for the future.

“Can’t you talk to them?”

“Not like I used to. Sometimes I feel like my parents and I could be close—if this baby would just go away. Sometimes, I think perhaps that would be best. That the right thing to do would be to give this baby to a couple. A husband and wife who lived far away from me. Who would always look at this child as a gift—not a reminder of something painful.”

“Do you think that’s how you are going to be? That you’ll never be able to look beyond how it was conceived?”

“I don’t know. I’d like to think that wouldn’t be me. But I’m not positive.” She sighed. “All I do know is that if I wasn’t pregnant, if I wasn’t about to have a newborn, then I could go back to how things used to be.”

“You never will, you know.”

Melody started. Katie’s voice was flat. Honest. Almost as if she knew about heartbreak. “I think you’re probably right.”

“Yes.” Katie’s words were a statement. Not a question.

“Since I’ve been here, I’ve been wondering why my parents didn’t put up much of a fuss when I told them I was coming here. They were surprised, but they didn’t try to persuade me otherwise.” She shrugged. For nine months’ time, she’d been lying to herself about their natures. But here, in the safety of the Brennemans’ kitchen, she was suddenly too tired to begin the lies again. “More likely, I think they were relieved.”

“You have no one? No beau?”

“After this? Not likely.”