Graceful Ashes (12 page)

“It’s not that. I’m just…” I paused, trying to think of a good word to use without saying my boyfriend, or whatever Hendrix was, was being a complete douche bag.

“You’re too sober.” Adam said.

“That’s totally it!” Clara chimed in.

Lovely…

Adam leaned closer. “Do you all smoke?”

“Hell yeah!”

Clara grinned at Adam, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

I knew exactly where the situation was heading. I’d been pushed to Clara’s wingman. As badly as I didn’t want to stay, I knew I needed to for Clara.

“Sure. Why not?” I smiled at Adam.

We followed him around the stairs and headed down the hallway with the restrooms. My heart raced as we passed the
private
room in which Hendrix had been
talking
business. A little further down, Adam pushed open a door I hadn’t noticed before.

The room was dimly lit, like everything else. Two large black leather couches lined the left wall with a lone black coffee table sitting before them and a large flat screen hung on the opposite wall. Adam led us over to one of the couches and we all took a seat, Clara in the middle.

“I like to do my business privately.” Adam pulled what looked like a joint out of a small metal box sitting on the coffee table.

Neither Clara nor myself replied as we watched him pulled a lighter from his front pocket and flick his thumb across it. The flame sprung to life. He placed the joint at his lips and inhaled deeply as he held the flame to the tip. The cherry burned bright as he sucked the smoke deep into his lungs.

I’d never smoked pot with anyone except Hendrix, so having the opportunity to do so now felt odd. But I wasn’t going to pass it up. Not after how the night had gone.

Clara took her turn before passing the joint to me. That’s when I noticed the smell. I chalked up the difference from what I smelled when I smoke with Hendrix to a difference in marijuana.

The burn of the smoke felt comforting as I inhaled deeply, sucking it as far as I could without busting into a fit of coughing. I held the smoke in my lungs as I handed the joint back to Adam before exhaling slowly. That’s when I noticed the aftertaste. Not as smoky as what I was used to with Hendrix. This joint was
different
. When I say different, I mean it had a chemical taste to it.

Something wasn’t right.

Chapter Eleven

My head was spinning.

I slouched back against the cool leather cushions and closed my eyes. My mouth went slack as I breathed in attempt to calm my erratic heartbeat.

What had I done?

Panic set in, but the last thing I wanted to do was flip out over whatever we had just smoked and look like a complete newbie. Even though I
was
a newbie. I needed to find a way out of the party as fast as possible without causing a scene.

“You okay?”

The faint sound of Clara’s voice broke through my thoughts.

I peeled open my eyes and managed to focus on her bloodshot eyes, but I couldn’t speak. My head was spinning too fast and my heart was beating wildly throughout my entire body.

Slowly, I shook my head.

The sound of the leather groaning caught my attention. Adam stood and crossed to the room to a small refrigerator I hadn’t seen when we first came in. He pulled out two bottles of water and walked back to where Clara and I were sitting.

“Here, drink these slowly.” He handed each of us a bottle.

“What was in that?” Clara asked.

She seemed not to be as affected as I was.

“Something to give you a little extra boost.” He winked.

If I was able to punch him in the face I would’ve.

“What the fuck, Adam!” Clara growled, her voice rising.

“What?” Adam asked.

His eyebrows dipped as a scowl took away the niceness in his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell us beforehand? We smoke, but not anything stronger than weed! That’s not cool.” She shook a finger at him. “You don’t know how we could be—”

He leaned forward and gripped her wrist, his face mere inches from hers. “If you can’t play with the big dogs, stay the fuck out of the yard.”

Anger seeped through his words, and Clara cowered into the cushion beside me.

The door flung open, smacking against the wall.

“Back the fuck up, Adam!” Hendrix’s voice rumbled through the room.

Adam headed toward Hendrix. “These friends of yours?”

“It doesn’t fucking matter.” Hendrix fisted Adam’s shirt, getting in his face. “If I ever see you up in a woman’s face like that again so help you God!”

“They wanted to get high and then couldn’t handle it.” Adam glared at Hendrix.

“What did you give them?” Hendrix growled.

“A Bazooka.”

“Motherfucker!” Hendrix released Adam and pointed toward the open door. “Get the fuck out of here before I beat your ass!”

“They wanted to smoke, Drix! I was just helping them out.” Adam called over his shoulder as he left the room.

Hendrix crossed the room and dropped to his knees in front of me. He slipped the water bottle from my hand and twisted off the top. I watched as the top bounced on the carpeted floor under the table.

“Drink this, Zoey.” He held the bottle up to my lips and tilted it so the water would flow into my mouth without choking me.

“Why the fuck would you smoke with strangers?” Hendrix questioned Clara.

“I don’t know!” She threw her hands in the air as tears ran down her cheeks. “It was a good idea in the moment.” She hiccupped.

“You need to think about shit before you do it, Clara. This isn’t good! What if I hadn’t shown up? Huh? He could’ve done shit to you or Zoey that you can’t even imagine…”

Clara was full on sobbing, her face buried into the palms of her hands as she apologized over and over. If I could have moved enough to hug her I would’ve.

After I swallowed a third of the water, I sat up with Hendrix’s help. “It’s my fault too.” I choked out.

Hendrix eyes softened as he slipped an arm under my legs and lifted me into his arms. “We need to get you out of here.”

“I can call my friend to come get us so we don’t have to take a cab,” Clara said.

“I have a car tonight,” Hendrix replied.

“A car?” I asked.

“There’s no need to get into that right now,” he said softly.

I curled into his chest.

“How do we get to it?” Clara stood only to fall back onto the couch. “Shit…I’m dizzy as fuck.” She pressed a hand to her forehead.

“Drink some more water,” Hendrix said.

Clara took a long swig followed by a couple deep breaths before slowly rising from the couch again. “I think I’m good.”

“Follow me.”

Hendrix held me tightly against his chest as we left the room and went into the room where he’d been having the conversation about pushing drugs. I was confused until my gaze landed on a door behind the chair he’d been sitting in. He nodded toward the door and Clara quickly opened it. The cool night air smacked me in the face and made my already dizzy self feel even more off my rocker. I closed my eyes and took in the rhythm of his feet hitting the pavement. Even though I felt like I was having an out of body experience from the slow motion feel of everything happening, my senses seemed to be on high.

When we came to a stop I heard Clara say she wasn’t feeling the best. Hendrix told her to hold on; he was going to take us to his place so we could recuperate there. But she didn’t want to go. She wanted her own apartment. After some few choice words back and forth he agreed to drop her at her place as long as I didn’t take a turn for the worst, because her place was in the opposite direction of his place.

“I’m going to sit you on your feet for just a second. Okay, Zoey?”

I nodded, but when my feet touched the ground, I almost lost my balance. His arm wrapped around my body to hold me up while I leaned back into his chest.

“I’ve got you.” He spoke softly against the shell of my ear and I inhaled sharply. Even if I was royally fucked up, he still affected me like no one else.

He opened the door behind the driver’s seat and slipped me inside. Clara slid into the back on the passenger’s side and I laid my head into her lap.

Hendrix questioned her again like I wasn’t even there.

“Did she smoke more than you? I’m not sure why she is fucked up and you’re not near as bad.”

“I don’t really know. I took the second hit.”

“She must’ve gotten a big chunk of coke.”

“What?” I struggled to sit up but Hendrix stopped me.

“Don’t make any sudden movements. They’ll make you sick.”

“What was in it? What’s a Bazooka?” I asked.

“It’s weed and cocaine mixed together in a joint.” He shut the door.

I squeezed my eyes shut and begged myself to fall asleep. I couldn’t handle the high I was experiencing, or the truth of what I’d smoked. I wasn’t a druggie. Nothing illegal had been in my body until I met Hendrix. My chest burned like a heavy weight was crushing me as I gasped for air.

“Zoey?”

Clara frantically called my name.

“I’m okay,” I breathlessly replied.

“Is she okay?” Hendrix asked from the front seat as the car roared to life.

“I think so,” Clara replied.

I was far from okay, but the heavy weight soon passed as sleep pulled me into its black abyss. The last words I heard where Hendrix telling me to hang on, he would take care of me. But I wasn’t so sure of that anymore.

Chapter Twelve

Three days had passed and I was still curled up in the center of Hendrix’s bed with a massive ass headache. I was going to be in deep shit from missing classes, especially after the temporary suspension, but I honest to God couldn’t muster up the energy to get home and go to them. I felt better than I had on day one, but that wasn’t saying much.

Hendrix was blaming himself for inviting me to the party when he knew the type of people that were going to be there. I hated that he was being so hard on himself. Mainly because I was an adult and I made my own choices. I chose to go. Just like I chose to smoke with Clara and Adam.

My reckless behavior was causing a severe downward spiral in my life. Each time I thought I was going to turn it around by attempting to get to classes on time, I would free fall right back down to the bottom. I was batting zero when I needed to hit a couple homeruns.

I heard Hendrix’s footsteps before he entered the room so I rolled over to face the wall and pretended to be asleep. The bed dipped as he took a seat beside me then placed his hand on my bare arm. I’d been wearing the same pair of leggings for three days and one of his white wife-beaters. Going that many days without a shower and change of clothes was gross, but my body wouldn’t allow me to do much of anything.

“Are you awake?” He smoothed his hand up and down my arm.

I felt bad for not responding, but my mind was getting the best of me when it came to him. All the truth he’d withheld from me. Not to mention the fact that he was still going to sale the drugs this Rizzo guy fronted him. I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

When we’d talked it had always ended in me crying or him storming off because he wasn’t going to give up his only source of income, whether I wanted him to or not. My heart ached as badly as my head, if not worse, but he couldn’t see that.

I felt like all of the fresh air had been sucked out of my world since that party, and I was stuck living off of ugly polluted air that could eventually kill me. I didn’t want to feel that way for the rest of my life, but I didn’t want to let go of Hendrix either.

“Zoey…” He shook me lightly. “Baby wake up…” He shook me again and I rolled over to face him, pretending I was just waking up.

“Yeah?” I sleepily replied.

“How are you feeling?”

His stormy eyes searched mine with such intense sincerity that I almost cried, but I held it together and said, “I’m okay.” My barely there smile faded quickly.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” I sat up, the blanket pooling at my waist. “Could you take me home?”

Hendrix eyes glassed over with confusion.

“Yeah. If that’s what you want.” He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and rested his hand on the side of my neck.

I turned into the warmth of his hand and closed my eyes, wondering if I would feel his touch again after I left.

A massive storm brewing in our lives had made its home in my heart and soul. I wasn’t sure if I was overthinking things or not, but I knew something was about to change. I just had to decide what exactly that something was.

“I do.” I covered his hand with my own and opened my eyes.

His head was slightly titled and his eyes were glued to mine as I took in each feature of his face—his long beautiful dark lashes, his perfect nose and square jaw line. He hadn’t shaved in a few days and any other time I would have caressed the scruff lining his jaw, but I couldn’t now. Instead, I leaned forward and softly pressed my lips to his before sliding out of bed.

I stretched my arms above me and looked over my shoulder to find him watching me with fear in his eyes. He knew something wasn’t right, just like I knew something was about to change. The air in the room was as thick as the ache in my chest. I turned away and collected my things then we left his apartment without another word.

Instead of his bike we took the car—the car he’d yet to admit had come from Rizzo.

When we came to a stop in the parking lot beside my apartment building, he killed the engine and we exited the car without a word. I was thankful for the sunglasses that were shielding his eyes as we stood silently facing one another. I couldn’t handle the awkwardness of the moment so I dropped my eyes to a rock I had been kicking.

“Look at me.”

The pain in his voice hurt my very soul.

I lifted my gaze to meet his. His sunglasses rested on the top of his head, and if I thought the sound of his voice was painful, the look in his beautiful eyes was the last jab of the knife to my heart.

“Hendrix…” I wanted to tell him everything I was feeling.

“Zoey!”

A familiar voice startled me. I turned found Talon stalking toward me with pure fury etched across his usually calm face. That’s when it hit me. I’d left my cellphone at Clara’s before the party and had never retrieved it.

Son of a…

I lifted my hands as Talon reached us. “I can explain.” I didn’t want him to jump to conclusions, but it was too late. He was livid and had every right to be.

“Who the fuck is this?” Hendrix stepped between me and my brother.

“Her brother. Who the fuck are you?” Talon asked.

Hendrix flinched, but then said, “Hendrix. I’m her…” He stepped aside and glanced at me as he slipped his hands into his pockets. “I don’t know exactly what I am.”

“Well, Hendrix. I think it’s time you leave. I need to have a long ass talk with my sister.” Talon jutted his chest and squared his shoulders.

It took a lot to piss him off, but when he got to that point it wasn’t good. Usually only Tegan could calm him down. As if on cue, the extremely pregnant blonde haired beauty came barreling out of the front door of the building and headed straight for us. From the look on her face, she was yet another person I’d let down.

“I don’t think I can do that,” Hendrix said.

Talon’s eyes narrowed as he eyed Hendrix from head to toe.

They were close to the same height, but Hendrix had a slight advantage. My brother wasn’t a hot head, but if Hendrix were pushed to a certain point, he would explode. I needed to diffuse what was happening.

“Talon, just let him stay.” The death glare Talon gave me was the one he’d always given me when I’d done something wrong. Now, I’d be smart to shut my mouth.

“Get the hell in your apartment, Zoey,” Talon growled as Tegan reached us.

“Don’t talk to her that way.” Hendrix stepped into Talon’s space.

“Or what? You’re going to do something about it? This is a family matter, and you’re not family. You’re the guy who’s dragging my little sister down the drain to Loserville. So if you know what’s best for you, you’ll take your ass back to where you came from.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Talon never talked to people the way he was talking to Hendrix. Tears welled in my eyes.

Tegan hooked an arm around me and turned us toward my building. “Come on, Zoey. Let’s go inside.”

Her voice was calming, but as I was led away, tears slipped from my eyes and ran down my cheeks. I glanced over my shoulder at the sound of Hendrix’s car starting.

His eyes locked onto mine for what seemed like an eternity. I heard Talon yell at him to go. Hendrix slipped his sunglasses over his eyes and peeled out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. All I could do was hope and pray he made it home all right.

Inside the apartment I sat in the center of my bed and cried my eyes out. Tegan sat beside me, trying her best to comfort me. She was always nurturing me. I loved her for that.

Talon barreled through the door of my apartment. Anger seeped off him as his chest rose and fell from his labored breathing.

“I’m not going to ask where you’ve been because that’s obvious. But what in the hell are you doing with yourself, Zoey? You were temporarily suspended for missing classes. Do you know the Dean called me and wants to meet with us later today?”

I felt my heart fall from my chest to my stomach at the thought of what the Dean was going to say. I shook my head so Talon would know that I had no idea about the meeting.

“Of course you didn’t know! You’d have known if you had your shit together. Actually…in that case, you wouldn’t have had to worry about meeting with the Dean.” He kicked a throw pillow that was lying on the floor.

I’d never seen him so upset.

“Talon!” Tegan glared at him as she cradled her swollen belly. She went to him then cupped his cheeks and pulled his forehead to hers. “You need to take a breath. Acting like this is not the way to handle the situation. Go for a walk and clear your head. Once you’ve calmed down come back and we can talk like the adults we are.”

Tegan’s words weren’t angry or upsetting, they were calm and soothing. She was defusing Talon one word at a time. He pressed his lips to hers before standing tall again.

His eyes connected with mine and he shook his head, disappointment filling his eyes. I was far from proud from disappointing him.

Talon caressed Tegan’s protruding belly, kissed her forehead, and then left.

My heart ached at the sight of them. I never thought I would end up being the girl who wanted love over everything else, but I so desperately wanted a love like theirs.

“You okay?” Tegan sat beside me again.

I’d moved to the edge of the bed and my feet rested flat on the floor.

I nodded.

“You know he loves you more than words can say. He’s just upset that you’re going through some things that are throwing your life off its usual path.”

Tegan was someone I could talk to, but could I talk to her about everything I had been going through? Would she be trustworthy with it all?

I wasn’t sure.

Her hand rested on my thigh. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

I looked up and sadly smiled. “I know.”

“Then talk to me, Zoey. Tell me about whatever is bothering you.”

“I don’t know if I can.” I sighed and stood.

“You can.”

“Maybe once the smoke clears I will.” I tried to reassure her even though I didn’t know if I would ever talk to her about everything that had been happening.

I slipped into my small bathroom and splashed some cool water on my face. The reflection in the mirror was a horrible one. I looked like shit, and felt like it too. All I wanted was to crawl into my bed and shut the world out for a while. But I couldn’t do that. Not at the moment at least.

I opened the door and found Tegan sitting in my computer chair, holding a framed picture of the three of us on opening day of the new studio many years ago. The photo was my favorite. We were a happily patched together family that had been through a ton of ups and downs, but had come out on top. If only I could go back to those days and relive them. Those were happy times in my life. Not a care in the world except how I could perfect the next dance routine Tegan or Adalynn, her best friend and business partner, threw at the class.

A smile tipped up the corners of my lips as I flipped off the bathroom light and sat on the bed across from her. “I love that photo.”

“So do I.” Tegan grinned before sitting it back on the desk.

“I miss those days so much,” I admitted as tears welled in my eyes.

Tegan remained quiet for a moment as she wrung her hands in her lap. “We picked a name for our little bundle of joy.”

“Oh my gosh!” I squealed.

“I can’t tell you until Talon comes back though.” She beamed as I pulled her into a hug.

“Did I miss something?”

Talon’s voice broke our moment.

I hadn’t heard him come in. But the sound of his voice was less angry and more the Talon I was used to. Letting go of Tegan I looked directly at Talon, my face void of any fear or sadness. My heart thumped wildly as I waited for them to tell me the name of my niece.

“I told her we picked a name.”

Talon’s face morphed to pure happiness and a full-blown smile made its appearance.

“I tried calling to tell you the good news, but you didn’t answer. When the Dean called, I knew something wasn’t right so we caught the next flight out.”