Gramercy Nights (The Argo Press Trilogy Book 1) (44 page)

I feel like a whore. For the first time since this all began, I actually feel like a whore and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to rid myself of that feeling.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shake my head.

“Hang on,” she says before disappearing down the hall. When she returns, she hands me a little white pill and a glass of water.

I don’t ask what it is. I swallow the pill and tell Chloe I’m going to bed. I see the pity in her eyes and I feel sick.

I crawl into bed. At some point, the crying stops. I feel empty. Hollow.

Married?

I hug my pillow to my chest. How could he do this? How could he lie to me about something so important? My mind races, like one of those fucking gerbils in a wheel. There’s nowhere to go, no exit in sight, just the same fucking thoughts over and over again until I feel like I’m losing my mind.

Dimly, I’m aware of the buzzer ringing, but I turn on my side, hiding under the covers, ignoring it. I know it’s Sebastian but I can’t face him. Why would he tell me he loves me if this is just some cruel game he plays with his wife? How could I fall in love with a man so impossibly cruel?

Someone must let him in because the buzzing stops and for a moment, I think he’s left, but then there’s a loud banging on the apartment door and I can hear him screaming my name and I know he won’t stop.

Chloe pokes her head in. “Do you want me to call the cops?” I can see the genuine concern in her eyes as she looks at me.

I shake my head and force myself out of bed. I feel empty as I trudge down the hall to the front door. I’m too tired to deal with him right now and my head aches, a pounding behind my eyes.

“Go home, Sebastian,” I whisper. The banging stops and I hear a light thud as he rests his forehead against the door.

“Please let me in. Let me explain,” he begs, his voice hoarse.

I don’t unlock the door. I can’t look at him. I know that if I see him, I’ll fall apart and I can’t. Not in front of Sebastian. Not after this.

“Are you married?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

There’s a long pause and then Sebastian curses. “It’s not what you think.”

I sigh. Some part of me had hoped he’s say no. That it wasn’t true. But I’d seen it in her eyes. I knew she wasn’t lying.

“Go home, Sebastian.”

“I love you. I need you. Don’t do this. Let me explain.”

“Fuck you.”

I turn and go back to bed but I can’t sleep. My sheets smell like him and I hug my pillow to my chest, hollow and numb. At some point, I get up and turn on my computer and do the only thing I can think of.

I book a one-way ticket to Barcelona.

Without Sebastian, there is nothing keeping me in New York.

THE END