Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily) (26 page)

I contemplated knocking his teeth out of his head, but instead I gritted my own.

Another man—an arrogant boy—had caused a spark in my soul mate that I hadn’t seen since our last lifetime. Maryah looked up at me with gleaming eyes. “Is it okay if I take it for a drive?”

Behind her, River blew out the candles I had lit and kicked them to the side of the driveway to clear a path. I was squeezing the vase so hard it should have shattered. The scent of the roses turned my stomach. I’d never be able to smell the flower again without cringing.

“You’re free to do as you wish,” I told Maryah, turning and walking toward the gate, but she grabbed my arm.

“Wait! Do you want to come with us?”

 
I stared at her, silently questioning her.
How could you do this? How could you be with someone else?
Her smile didn’t wane. We stood facing each other as complete opposites: joy and misery. I wanted to traverse out of the nightmare. I needed to get away from them. “Perhaps some other time.”

She let go of me when River wrapped his grubby arm around her waist.

“Come on, babe.”

Babe: that one word put the final nail in my coffin. Like a true pompous ass, he winked at me before dragging her to the car.

“Thank you again, Nathan!” She shouted. “I absolutely love it.”

The Desoto’s engine cranked to life. With each step toward the house, more and more of my soul withered away. I pushed the front door open and threw the vase across the foyer. A frenzy of white and green fell to the ground as black ceramic shattered all over the floor. I stared at the water dripping down the wall like the tears I wanted to shed.

Carson came around the corner, followed by Dakota. “Nate, what’s wrong?”

“Everything.”

Maryah

Nathan had restored a sense of home to me. I felt nostalgic driving around Sedona. The white leather seats sticking to the back of my legs didn’t even bother me like they used to. Even my hip and shoulder felt better. However, River was a killjoy.

“You don’t think it’s odd that he gave you a
car
on Valentine’s Day?”

I shrugged. “It's not like he bought me a car. He got it back from the guy who bought it from my uncle.” A heartfelt apology probably would have done the job, but Nathan blew me away with his thoughtfulness.

“He so wants in your pants.”

“It’s not like that! We have really bad history. He wanted to make up for being a jerk. If you keep harping on it, I’ll kick you out at the next red light!”
 

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.”

I was so annoyed by how River acted in front of Nathan. Asking me about the necklace I didn’t even want, and flinging those roses around like he was some kind of Romeo. “And what’s with the babe thing? I don’t like being called babe.”

He rolled his eyes.

What made me even madder was that before River showed up, I had been questioning if Nathan Luna, hottest guy on the planet—and maybe not as insane as I originally thought—could be interested in someone like me. The candles definitely seemed…romantic. He even held onto me a little longer than normal when I hugged him. It might’ve been wishful thinking, but he kept looking at me a certain way, like rays from an emerald sun were struggling to shine through his eyes. I prayed—as impossible as it seemed—that maybe I played some part in replacing his sad darkness with the happy sunrise I saw inside of him.

River slid closer to me. “So what about us? Are we officially an item or what?”

“This is my night to be reconnected to my family. We can discuss you and me tomorrow.”

He gave one last angry huff before shutting up.

When we got back to the house, River got in his car and left, and I ran inside to thank Nathan again. Carson sat alone on the couch looking pissed off.

“Hey, where’s your brother?”

“Gone.”

“Gone where?”

“Back to Colorado.”

“But he just got here.” He must have driven the Desoto here, so how would he get back to Colorado? “Was he flying back?”

“No, he caught a ride on a meteor.”

My heart sank. Not because of Carson’s stupid star obsession, but because Nathan didn’t mention he’d be leaving right away, and he didn’t care enough to say goodbye to me, which meant, of course, I had imagined his interest in me. No big shocker there. The car thing was truly about keeping peace with the family. “I wish I could’ve said goodbye.”

Carson avoided eye contact.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked.

“Nope.”

“Are you upset about something?”

“Nope.”

“Thank you again for saving my life today. I’d say I owe you one, but I’m not sure I’d ever be able to pay you back for something like that.”

He grunted.

Back to cold shoulder status. Great. “Okay, well…guess I’ll go to bed.

Not a word. I thought we’d had a real bonding moment out on the cliffs, but now he seemed to hate me all over again. I’d never figure him out.

I went to my room and called Krista to tell her about the Desoto. I left out the River situation because I still wasn’t sure how I felt. I used to tell Krista everything, but since the Christmas incident I didn’t know where I stood with her—or with anyone.

I showered all the dirt off me and went to bed.

Carson’s arctic attitude and the River soap opera were stressing me out, but it all paled in comparison to the thrill of having my parents’ car back. I got excited when Nathan appeared in my dreams.

At first, it was an incredible dream. We were flying through a star-filled sky. Snow-covered mountains whizzed by us at what felt like a hundred miles per hour, but exhilaration turned to worry when we landed.

Nathan disappeared just before he hit the ground. Then he reappeared, standing a few inches away from me and fell to his knees. He held his face in his hands like he was in pain. I bent over him and ran my hands over his head, wanting to make sure he was okay. But I didn’t feel hair; I only felt tingling warmth against my invisible fingers.

“This can’t be happening,” he moaned. He shook his head over and over again, pressing his hands over his eyes. “I can’t take anymore.”

He sounded so defeated. My non-existent hands traveled down his wide shoulders. When he looked up, he let out a gut-wrenching scream that sent me jumping backward. He ripped the headphones from his ears and threw his iPod.

It went right through the place where my heart was supposed to be.

∞

In the morning, I walked into the kitchen and discovered Faith doing laps around the island.

“You’re early,” I said dryly.

“Are you and River an item, and I somehow don’t know about it?”

I frowned, searching for a way to explain. “Not exactly.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t think I like him like that.”

Faith’s expression softened. “You deserve better than him.” She grabbed a package from her bag then slid it across the counter to me. “Here, the other part of your gift from Nathan.”

“What?” I unwrapped a black Gatsby style hat. Green, blue, and white crystals formed a peacock feather along the brim, a silver peacock charm dangled off the green satin banding. “What's with the peacock fascination?”

Faith shrugged then stuffed a nectarine into her messenger bag. “He heard you lost Mikey’s hat in your heavyweight match with April, so he got you a new one. At least this one is pretty.”

“How did you get it?”

“Um.” Her gaze shot to the ceiling. “I drove him to the airport. He said you ran off with the wretched wannabe before he could give it to you.” She grabbed a bottle of juice from the fridge. “You ready?”

 
Speaking of wretched. “Where’s Harmony?”

“She’s taking a day off. She didn’t get much sleep last night.”

I asked to be polite, but I honestly didn’t care. Her ominous disposition and permanent pissed-offness unnerved me. Knowing I had to have “the talk” with River made this day awkward enough already. My new hat would come in handy. I could hide under it.

∞

I managed to put off the inevitable until school ended, but dragonflies buzzed in my stomach as River and I walked to his car. He was in his seat and looking at me before I even closed my door. I’d run out of excuses.

“Nice hat,” he said.

“Thanks.”

 
He drummed on the steering wheel. “Kind of messed up that you’re not wearing the necklace I gave you.”

“Flashy bling isn’t my style.”

He slammed his palm against the center console, startling me. “Nothing I do makes you happy, does it?”

“That’s not true it’s just—”

“Because it’s not a car like Numbnuts gave you, it’s not good enough?”

“What? No. I never said that.” Suddenly River’s car felt like the desert. I put my window down to let in some air. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship, and April is my friend. I can’t hurt her like that.”

“She kicked your ass!”

“Hey, I held my own!” I unconsciously touched my cheek where a bruise remained for a week after our fight. “The thing is, I didn’t have a lot of friends in Maryland, and this dating thing is new to me, but I’ve seen it end badly. Look at you and April. You won’t even say “hi” to her. And she won’t talk to me. I don’t want to lose both of you.”

River leaned closer. His leather seat squeaked under his weight. “Maryah, I want you. Now tell me, what do you want?”

I should’ve felt a surge of excitement because the most popular guy at school just said he wanted me—again—but instead, all I felt was my nose burning from the lemon-scented air freshener.

River sighed and tugged at his wristband. “What if I promise that no matter what happens, you and I stay friends? Until death do us part or whatever. We take it slow and see if we’re meant to be. Because we are, and I want to spoil you rotten.” He leaned across the seat, cocking his head to the side.

No one had ever tried to kiss me before, but I assumed that’s what he was doing. I moved so far away from him that my hair hung out the window. I needed to say something to get him back to his side of the car. “You said you’d give me time to think about it.”

He brushed a finger along my arm then kissed my hand. “Fine, but wear the necklace. You deserve nice things.”

I breathed a sigh of relief when he moved away from me. He revved his engine and pulled out of the parking lot. “I know you’ll make the right decision.”

 
I pulled down the brim of my hat over my eyes and stared out the window. For the entire ride home, all I could think about was Nathan.

Maryah

I kept up the need-time-to-think charade for a few days. Even though I didn’t feel
that way
about River, I didn’t want to lose his friendship. Part of me hoped he would just give up on the dating thing. Another huge part of me wished he and April would get back together and solve all of our problems.

Amongst the drama, my eighteenth birthday snuck up on me. Faith and Louise were all hyped up about my “big day.” For the first time ever, I kind of wished I could just skip the whole birthday thing, but no such luck.

Faith rented out the Black Cow Café and decorated the place with streamers and balloons. She made me wear a pink sash that said “Birthday Princess” and a jeweled tiara.

We were eating Helen’s handmade pizza when Faith lowered the lights and announced the start of a slideshow. The song, “A Pieceful Life” played and a giant lump formed in my throat. I knew the lyrics by heart:
Pieces of me waiting to be put back together again, a soul so broken I don’t know if I can live again.

The first slide read, “We love you, Maryah!” Then a series of photos flashed on the screen, scenes from the time I arrived in Sedona up until a couple days ago. I had no idea anyone had taken most of them. There were photos of me arriving at the airport, gazing out the window at Cathedral Rock, the first day of school, holidays, and one of Nathan and me with hot air balloons in the background. It was a collage of at least thirty photos. They couldn’t have chosen a more perfect birthday song considering the tumultuous year I had.

I looked like I was on the verge of death in the first few pictures then gradually my coloring, weight, and clothes changed. How did these people put up with me during my zombie stage? The next to last slide read, “Our gift to you…” The final photo showed Krista holding a sign that said “See you Saturday! XO”

I squealed and looked around at everyone. “Krista’s coming to visit?”

“Yes!” Faith clapped excitedly. “Are you so excited, Ma-Ma?”
 

Louise smiled at me. She must’ve invited Krista to come back. Being that our birthdays were only one day apart we’d always celebrated them together, and because of Louise that tradition would continue. I hugged her. “Louise, thank you so much.”

Harmony disappeared out the back door. I should’ve known she didn’t want to be here, but I didn’t care. Krista was coming to visit! Hands down, my best birthday gift ever.

Anthony carried a two-tier chocolate birthday cake to the table while everyone sang. Unlike the usual messy version of the birthday song, this version sounded like it was being performed by an angelic choir. Nathan crossed my mind. I wanted him to be here with us, but whenever I asked about him everyone said he was busy with school.
 

I excused myself so I could use the restroom, but when I got to the back of the store I overheard Harmony talking outside.

“Maryah won’t believe that. Remember how you reacted?”

I was tired of being scared. What better time than my birthday to grow up and face my fear of Harmony. I pushed the door open. “I won’t believe what?”

Harmony spun around with her phone to her ear. Her black-as-tar eyes stared at me over her sunglasses. “Nothing.”

I wished for a rewind button. What was I thinking? Harmony and I alone in an alley—not my smartest move. But if I backed down now, she’d be bitchy to me forever. “I heard you say my name. Who are you talking to?”