Gravity (Free Falling) (41 page)

          “Mom, P
rom’s three months away!” 

         
She looked back at me and I could tell from her expression that I shouldn’t press the issue.  “Straight home after school every day until prom,” she repeated.  “Am I clear?” 

           “
Crystal
clear,” I replied.

          “If you stick to it, maybe
AJ can come by and you two can sit in the living room and talk.  But I know you understand your visits
will
be supervised.”  When she reached the top of the stairs, my parent’s bedroom door opened slowly. 

         
“What’s going on?”  Daddy asked groggily.  My heart stopped again as Mom turned to look at me. 

         
“Nothing, James.  Go back to bed,” she stated flatly as she followed him back into the room.  I was grateful to her for keeping the night’s events a secret.  Daddy wouldn’t have been so forgiving. 

         
Fate was working against us yet again.  Almost as soon as AJ’s punishment was lifted, I was grounded.  I sighed and stretched out on my bed. My mother’s words were still swimming around in my head.  Getting caught had definitely sobered my up quite a bit.  While I’d known all along that AJ and I were wrong, I allowed my desires to cloud my judgment and lead me to do the wrong thing. 
How would he react if I told him that we’d have to stop?  Could he handle that?  Was sex so important to him that he’d want to break things off with me?
While he’s very different from most guys in a lot of ways, I couldn’t be sure that he was different when it came to
this
.  It was my fault for letting it go so far in the first place. 
Was there any going back now?

         
I was now even more concerned that he’d end up cheating on me when he left for Westwood if I were to go through with this.  Surely some girl would be waiting in the wings to do all the things that I was no longer willing to do.  I sighed and tried to ignore the pain that was spreading through my brain as I attempted to deal with my new dilemma.  I had a lot to think about. 
Was I strong enough to do this?

         
My will was tested soon enough.  I was able to keep myself under control for the first few weeks, but my resolve weakened one morning before school.  AJ walked me to my locker as usual, but he didn’t have much to say.  Finally he turned to me and bit his lip as he thought.  “I have an idea.  Why don’t we skip homeroom?”  He stated. 

         
I was confused.  “And do what?”

         
He didn’t say anything in return, just smiled.  “Uh uh, no way,” I said as I turned to grab my books.  “We’ll get in trouble for skipping and plus I think Mr. Talbert saw me already when we passed his class.”  I hoped that my excuses would make him back down, but he wasn’t giving up that easily.

             
“So?”  He replied. 

             
“So, I don’t think it’s a good idea.  Where would we go anyway?”

           
He thought for a few seconds.  “The auditorium.” 

             
“Are you seriously suggesting that we do it here…..at school?”  I asked.  I’d be lying if I said that his offer wasn’t tempting, but I was trying to stand my ground.  My eyes shifted to the floor for a fraction of a second while I actually considered it, and that was all he needed to see.

             
“You
want
to.”

             
“Fine, what’s your plan?”  I sighed in defeat and shut my locker.

             
“Go wait in the bathroom until a few minutes after the tardy bell rings and I’ll already be waiting for you.

          
I rolled my eyes at him and fought back a smile.  “See you in a few,” I said as I turned to walk toward the bathroom.

         
I stood in one of the stalls waiting for the last two girls to finish brushing through their hair and leave.  The door shut and then there was silence.  Another minute later, the bell sounded and my pulse quickened.  I checked the time on my phone and I still had another minute to wait.  My nerves made me feel a little bit dizzy, but I wasn’t going to disappoint him.  I did, however, decide to text him just to be sure that his part of the plan held up before I risked getting caught.

             
“
You ready
?
”  I asked

             
“
I can show you better than I can tell you
,
” he replied.

         
I took a deep breath and emerged from the stall.  After a quick scan of the hallway, I crept to the auditorium to meet AJ.  I wasn’t going back on my resolution, but I told myself that I was only postponing it and that this was going to be the last time. 
Seriously
…..

Chapter Seventeen

            Deanna was honking the horn outside just as I slipped my shoes on.  I kissed my mom on the cheek and flew out the door. 

“Where should we start?”  Deanna asked as soon as I shut the passenger side door. 

          “There’re a few boutiques downtown, or we could go to the mall first,” I replied. 

          “
Mmm, let’s try the boutiques first.  Their designs are probably more original.” 

         
I nodded in agreement.  This outing was exciting for me for more reasons than just getting to pick out my prom dress.  I’d been cooped up in the house for months.  I was allowed to have visitors, but leaving for anything other than school was out of the question.  Mom stuck to her guns the entire three months – never wavering even slightly. The last day of school and prom were both coming at the end of next week, so she lifted my punishment finally. 

         
AJ was really patient through the whole thing.  He came by almost every day to sit with me.  We’d usually just talk, but sometimes we’d watch TV or play cards or something like that.  It felt like he was visiting me at the retirement home – only this was
much
less exciting.  Mom watched us closely, whether we were in the living room or in the kitchen.  Every so often she’d pass by the door and peer inside, never straying too far away.  It was a little ridiculous to keep such a close eye on us.  Did she really think that I’d suddenly have the urge to strip down and take him right there on the kitchen table?  Who knows? But however uncomfortable it felt, I was grateful that she allowed him to come over at all.  She could have forbidden me from seeing him all together and told my father everything that I’d done, so it could have
definitely
been worse.

         
Deanna and I pulled up in front of the shop.  It was a boutique that I was familiar with called
Missy’s –
mom brought me here to shop for the Homecoming dance Junior year.  Deanna and Karl decided to wear gray and silver, so she walked straight to the rack holding the silver and black dresses.  I pulled the red swatch that matched AJ’s vest from my purse.  As I sifted through the gowns there wasn’t anything that caught my eye.  I laughed to myself as I came across a dress that resembled the style I’d worn for Homecoming – that was one mistake that I wouldn’t make twice. 

         
Deanna came over to where I was searching with a disappointed look on her face.  I smiled and attempted to console her.  “This is only the first store and I haven’t found anything either.”

          “I kno
w, but I hoped I’d at least find something
close
to what I had in mind so I could try it on, but whatever.”  She sighed in irritation.  “You ready to try another store?”  She asked.

          “Yeah, there’s
another shop a few blocks away,” I replied.

         
Four hours and six stores later, we both were still coming up empty handed.  My head was beginning to ache as frustration set in.  We reluctantly decided to try the mall, which was sure to be a chaotic production starring girls from all of the local schools on the same mission as Deanna and I.  We parked in the first available space that was quite possibly a mile from the main entrance.  I hadn’t seen it this packed since the Christmas season.  We sighed and stepped out of the car.  Inside, the hallways were filled with excited teenage girls.  Some were carrying long garment bags containing the dresses that they’d purchased.  Others were still wandering aimlessly in search of ‘THE DRESS’.  The first store we tried was swamped, but we fought through the crowd and found a rack to start on. 

         
Deanna moved on to another section quickly.  I pushed dress after dress aside hoping that the very next one that I laid eyes on would be the one.  And then I found it.  It was the perfect shade of red and it was the perfect size.  I raced to the dressing room to try it on.  I changed quickly and then stepped out to evaluate myself in the large mirror. 
Love at first sight!
  The dress was strapless and fitted – but not so much that I’d be confined to a chair all night.  There was a split up the front that stopped a little higher than the middle of my thigh.  With my silver stilettos to set it off, I’d look like a movie star. 

          
As I assessed my appearance, I was startled to see Leslie, Megan and Kyla file into the dressing room with three or four dresses apiece draped over their arms.  The excitement drained from their faces as they zeroed in on me.  Megan rolled her eyes and disappeared behind one of the doors.  Leslie’s eyes were fixed on me and mine were on her.  She looked over my dress and laughed a little under her breath.  Just then, Deanna appeared in the doorway and gasped when she saw me.  “Sam!  It’s perfect!  You look great!”  She shrieked.  Behind Deanna I could see Leslie’s eyes shift to her.  If I weren’t mistaken I saw a hint of jealousy in them just before she turned to try on her dresses.  Deanna looked back briefly to see what I was staring at, but forgot about it quickly as she continued to dote on my dress. 

          “What’
d
you
find?”  I asked, noticing the dress in her hands.

          “
Give me a sec and I’ll show you,” she grinned. 

         
I returned to my dressing room to get my clothes back on.  Over the flimsy partition I could hear Megan’s voice clearly.  “I can’t stand her.  She thinks she’s better than everybody else or something.”

          “I
know, me either,” Leslie added.  When I stepped out of the room, my face must have told it all.  Deanna stood in the mirror with her dress on watching me.  “They’re stupid.  Don’t even let them get to you.”  She said it loudly enough that I was positive she intended for them to hear her.

         
Just then Leslie and Kyla stepped out and shifted their gazes to me.  They were mumbling to themselves and rolling their eyes at me, but they didn’t address me.  Deanna changed hurriedly, understanding that I was agitated.  We paid for our dresses and walked back out to the car.  Even the run in with Leslie and her crew couldn’t stifle the excitement that I felt.  Mom was going to
love
it.

         
I nearly ripped the door off the hinges to get inside and show her.  She and Daddy were sitting at the kitchen table together just finishing up their lunch.  “
I found it!!!!”
I screeched.  She followed me up the stairs nearly as thrilled as I was.  I closed the closet door and hung the garment bag on the hook on the back.  Slowly, I unzipped it and pulled the dress out.

         
“It’s beautiful.”  She immediately opened the closet door back to grab my silver shoes that I was already planning to wear with it.  This made me smile even more.  “These are perfect.”

         
Mom hugged me around my shoulder as we both stared at the dress.  Her smile faded a little.  “Sweetie, I think we need to talk about something before you go to the dance next weekend.”

         
My body stiffened as she sat on my bed and motioned for me to close my bedroom door.  She didn’t continue to speak until I was seated next to her.   “I’m trying to decide what to do about your curfew.  I understand that you want to hang out afterward and spend time with your friends, but……I’m a little concerned.”

         
I understood what it was that concerned her.  She hadn’t yet been updated on my feelings on the subject matter since that night in the attic.  “Mom, relax.  It won’t happen again.”  She was obviously relieved by my admission.  There was still the not so small task of breaking the news to AJ, but all she needed to know was that
my
mind was made up. 

        
She turned to look into my eyes.  It was evident in her expression that she was putting a lot of thought into her next statement and it may have even been difficult for her to say.  “I’m responsible for you while you’re here under this roof.”  She started tearing up.  “But when you leave for Charleston, it’s up to you to make smart decisions for yourself.  I’m proud of you for being mature enough do the right thing.  I know you well enough to trust that you’re telling me the truth right now, so I’m going to allow you to stay out until two.”  I started smiling right away.  “But……whenever I call your cell phone, you answer.  Understood?”

          “Understood,”
I replied.

*****

          The final week of school seemed to fly by and Friday morning I awoke feeling a little strange.  The idea of not having to return to Allister Academy was a hard concept to grasp.  There was a strange empty feeling in the pit of my stomach as I realized that this was really it – my final day of high school.  I was no longer looking forward to leaving for Charleston since AJ and I would soon be separated by almost a thousand miles.  Even knowing that Deanna would be there to keep me company wasn’t much comfort.  I dressed slowly and made my way down the stairs for breakfast.  Mom sat across from me quietly and watched me pick over my food.

              “You feeling alright?”  She asked.

         
“Yeah.  I’m fine.”

She watched me another minute, but dropped it and went upstairs to dress for work.  I threw the plate away as soon as she was out of view. 
There wasn’t any point in taking my backpack today, so I went straight out to the car.  When I pulled up in the parking lot, there was an empty spot next to AJ’s car.  He was still sitting inside it with the door open and the radio on listening to one of my favorite songs.  I climbed into the passenger seat beside him. 

“This is it
,” he said and then reached for my hand, but didn’t turn to look in my direction.

          “I know.  It doesn’t seem real
,” I said nervously, already dreading what I’d really come over her to talk to him about.  He was still completely unaware of the decision I’d made.  Every time he’d tried to mess around at school as we had that day in the auditorium I came up with an excuse to hold him off, but it was time that I was real with him.  It seemed like a good idea to deal with it before tomorrow night.  My breathing increased as I tried to muster up the courage to say the words.

             
“There’s something that I want to talk to you about, and I’m not sure how you’ll take it.”  He turned to look at me and I could see that he was a little nervous about my question, but I’m not sure what he was expecting me to say.  I took all the air into my lungs that they could hold and said the words as I exhaled.  “I don’t think we should have sex anymore, AJ.”  I was afraid to look at him.  Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead as I waited for him to respond. 

        
              “Can I ask why?”  He asked more calmly that I’d expected.

             
“Well……I just want to wait.”  I paused. “I’d prefer to think of this as more of an intermission though,” I joked nervously. 

He didn’t laugh
.  “Is this something you’re
thinking
about……or is your mind made up already?” 

He was beginning to sound a little irritated
which in turn made me irritated.  “I’ve already decided,” I replied quietly, waiting for him to explode, but he was silent again.  I noticed that his nostrils flared a little and his eyes narrowed. 
Was he really getting upset about this? 
I immediately jumped to the conclusion that if sex wasn’t going to be a part of our relationship, he didn’t want to be with me anymore.  I lifted my hand slowly to the door handle and pulled it in an attempt to free myself from the car, which started to feel like it were constricting around me.  The sound caught AJ’s attention.

             
“Where’re you going?”  He asked harshly.

Tears were welling up in my eyes, so I turned to look out the window to hide my face from him.
  “I have to get to class.”

             
“Sam, I’m not mad.  This is just…….a lot for me to take in.  It’s fine.  You don’t have to leave,” he explained.

My hand was still on the handle
and I was beginning to feel a little nauseous.  I desperately wanted to believe him, but there were new feelings developing inside of me that I couldn’t control – distrust and doubt.  I’d never had any of these feelings toward AJ – aside from the incident with Leila and her ridiculous lie – and I hated myself for being weak enough for them to overtake me now.  I released the handle and leaned back in the seat, but didn’t close the door back.  I needed to know that I was still what he wanted with the new limitations set on our relationship.  “AJ, you’ve always been honest with me.  Can I trust you to be honest with me now?”

             
“Of course,” he replied without even thinking about the question.

             
“Are you sure you can handle this?  Like, seriously?  I’m not dumb; I know what college girls are like and I won’t be mad if you’re up front with me now, but don’t wait until something happens.  Tell me
now
if you can deal with it.”  I couldn’t make myself look at him.  My eyes shifted back and forth wildly as I waited for him to respond.  As much as I didn’t want for him to say that he didn’t think he was capable, I would’ve almost been relieved.  Deep down in my heart I didn’t have much faith in him considering the circumstances that we’d be facing soon.  So, to hear him admit that now would be much easier than getting a phone call from him in the future telling me that he’d slept with someone else.