Gravity (Free Falling) (5 page)

             
I held my breath while he sighed and tried to organize his thoughts.  “I’d noticed you before, but never like I did the other day. “  He paused for a moment, and then started again. “Something about you…….just kinda caught me off guard,” he laughed to himself.  “That probably sounded
really
corny…….but I can’t get you out of my head.”

It took me a minute to fully grasp what he was saying. 
He’s into me too?
  My body reacted to his words and I felt my pulse speed up while my hands became hot and shaky.  I had to concentrate to keep from breathing heavily into the phone – that’s never attractive.

             
“What do you have planned today?”  He asked, bringing me back from the place my mind had drifted off to.

             
I hesitated again before answering, anticipating what his next statement would be. “Nothing……Why?”

             
“Can I come see you later? “  He asked with that confidence in his tone that I found so alluring; it sounded as if he was smiling when he spoke the words.  I took a minute to think about his question.  This was getting dangerous, but my need to be near him overshadowed everything else.   His feelings were now out on the table, and for all I knew he’d seen through my flimsy façade and mine were laying right beside his. 

I deliberated on
his question for another second before finally blurting out, “Sure.”

             
“Alright, is noon good?”

My parents would be
getting out of church at around 2:00; Mom usually socialized for about 30 minutes and it would take them about 20 minutes to get home if they made no stops along the way.  For AJ to stay past 2:30 would be pushing it.  “Why don’t we make it eleven?”  I suggested, wanting as much time with him as I could get, even if it was just an extra hour. 

             
Through the phone, I could hear him laugh quietly to himself and then he replied, “Okay, I’ll text you to get the directions after I get out the shower.”

That was an image that I could’ve done without. 
I smacked my forehead and squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could.  Speaking through clenched teeth, I replied, “Talk to you in a few.”  I hung up and took a few deep breaths before heading upstairs to get ready. 

About an hour and a half later
AJ sent me a text asking for the directions to my house, prompting me to respond immediately.  Then, seconds later another text came in.
….and it was from Antonio this time. 
Themessage read,
“
Want some company?”

This was
not
happening!  I had to think quickly. 
“
Not feeling 2 well.”

             
“Need me2 bring u something?”
 
He asked.

             
“No, my mom is taking good care of me. Thanks tho.”

             
“Ok.  I still may come by l8r 2 check on u.”

Crap!  What am I gonna
do? 
This was bad…..
very
bad, but that’s what I get for making such reckless decisions.  I should’ve never agreed to let AJ come over. 
Now what? 
Somehow I had to keep one of them away from my house.  I concluded that it made the most sense for me to deter Antonio since we were already texting one another.  It was a poor excuse, and I couldn’t lie to myself; that wasn’t the real reason I was rejecting him. I wanted to see AJ more than I wanted to see
him
.

             
“
No really, I’ll b embarrassed if u come by with me looking like this.  Promise u won’t try 2 surprise me,” I insisted
. 
It took him a while to respond, but he finally agreed to respect my wishes.  The guilt that I felt was so strong as thought about the lie I’d just told.

*****

About 40 minutes later, the doorbell sounded. My fingers fumbled through my hair and over my clothes checking to make sure that everything was just right as I placed my hand on the door knob, took a deep breath, and opened it.

It was all so surreal.  Only days ago everything was
the way it was supposed to be; I was absolutely sure of my feelings for Antonio; there were no shaded areas of grey, only black and white.  Somewhere along the way the lines became fuzzy and I ended up here, standing before one of the most beautiful and exotic men I’d ever seen in my entire life.  My eyes lingered on AJ’s face for a few seconds, taking it all in; from the perfection of his tan colored skin; piercingly dark eyes; slightly squared jaw line, and finally focusing on his lips for a minute before I’d noticed that I was subconsciously biting my own.  There was a brief pause before I was able to speak. 

              “Hey,” I blurted in an unfamiliar monotone.

             
He smiled, displaying his perfect teeth again.  “You gonna invite me in?”

I stood there another moment
, fascinated by him, and then regained consciousness long enough to move aside so that he could enter.  My hands were unsteady as I fought against the shiver that being near him sent racing down my back.  When I closed the front door, we walked into the living room and I motioned for him to have a seat on the couch.

             
“Can I get you anything?”  I asked.

             
“No, I’m good.  Thanks.” 

There was an awkward tension between the two of us that left me feeling slightly uncomfortable. 
Sitting next to him on the couch would’ve made me even more uneasy, so I decided to sit in Daddy’s armchair.  AJ stared at me for a moment and then lowered his head and laughed to himself. 

             
“What’s funny?”

             
“
You
are,” he responded with a smile still fixed on his lips.

             
“What’d I do?” I inquired.

             
“Why are you sitting
wayyyyy
over there when there’s all this room here on the couch?”  Pointing out the empty space beside him, AJ leaned back, stretched his arms and rested them both across the back of the couch.  He didn’t say another word, just waited for me to come to him.  Confidence radiated from his body; the way he spoke, even when he was asking questions, was as though he was sure that you were going to comply with whatever his request would be.  I thought it over for a moment and took notice of his position on the couch.  He’d chosen to sit directly in the middle, which meant that no matter which of the other two seats I decided to take we’d still be close.  This was obviously a calculated move on his part, signaling me that he was no amateur.  

O
ne deep cleansing breath swept down my throat and then rushed back out into the atmosphere before I began to walk toward him.  Making eye contact was out of the question;
way
too nervous for that.  I approached the couch and sat down at his right side with my body rigid and my hands clasped tightly together in my lap like I was on punishment or something. 

             
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He asked.

             
“No, I guess not.” 
Get a grip, Sam
. 
He’s gonna think you’re mentally retarded if you don’t stop acting like this.
  Relaxing my shoulders a bit, I leaned back.  I’d forgotten that his arm was still resting behind me, so I was a little surprised when the bare skin of my arm grazed his hand which felt much hotter than the normal 98.6 degrees that it should’ve been.  Another shiver ran through my body and I could feel goose bumps rising up. 
What is it about him?
  I shuddered involuntarily, but he didn’t seem to notice.  In such close proximity to him, his cologne whirled around me in tempting waves that threatened to take over my senses.

             
“You’re house is pretty quiet.  Where’s everybody?”  He asked, making me eternally grateful that he’d broken the silence.

             
“Umm…at church,” I replied shyly, fidgeting with my earring. 

He smiled devilishly.  “So, they don’t know that I’m here?” 

              “No, that’s why you’ll have to leave by 2:30.  They wouldn’t appreciate me having company –
male
company – without their permission.”

             
He was silent for a few seconds.  “Are they the only ones who don’t know I’m here with you?”  He asked suggestively.  His question caused me to acknowledge the guilt that I’d hoped to suppress for the next few hours. There
was
someone else besides my parents who would have been
very
disappointed in the poor decisions I’d made in the last few hours – someone who wouldn’t understand my selfish motivations or my unclearly defined feelings.  I sighed and almost uttered his name aloud as I exhaled…….
Antonio.

             
“Speaking of which, I’m curious about something,” AJ stated, jolting me from the guilty accusations that I was making toward myself.

             
“What’s that?”  I asked.

             
“Are you and the guy from last night together, or….?” 

I was taken
aback by his forthrightness which caused me to stumble over my words as I responded.  “W–Well…..we’re together.”

It didn’t seem
as though that shocked him at all.  ”Thought so.  How long?”

             
“Since May,” I said in a softer voice than I should’ve.  AJ didn’t respond right away.

             
“Hmm, so are you happy with him?” he asked.

             
“Antonio’s a great guy; he’s thoughtful; considerate.  All those things,” I rambled robotically.  My eyes darted in AJ’s direction when he began to laugh to himself.  “What’s funny?”  I demanded.

             
“Nothing really, I’m just trying to decide whether you’re trying to convince
me
or yourself.”

             
“What? 
Neither
!”  His allegation irritated me.

             
“Oh really?  Then why didn’t you just give me a straight answer?  I didn’t ask what you thought of him.  I asked if you were
happy
with him.  That only requires a simple yes or no response,” he reasoned.  His declaration made me think.  I
had
completely evaded his question.  But the truth was that I didn’t know how to answer it.  Antonio was a good catch.  What girl in her right mind
wouldn’t
be completely happy with him?  But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that these past few days had me questioning my certitude.  Antonio
was
all those things I’d rattled off to AJ, but for some reason I still wasn’t content to just say yes. 
If I was in fact completely happy, would there have been room for AJ to step in the way I’d allowed him to?  Was it possible for a good guy as perfect as Antonio to still not be enough?

             
“It’s not like it means that he’s not a good person or anything,” AJ reasoned.  “Sometimes someone can be quite literally perfect in every way, but they just aren’t perfect for you,” he added, unaware that he was answering the question I’d just asked in my head.  He must’ve noticed the intense flare of emotion that filled my face, so he quickly changed the subject.  “Can I see your room?”  He asked. 

Having him here without my parent’s permission was bad enough, but having him in my
room was definitely a no-no.  I was hesitant, but as I said before, my mind and body are operating on different wavelengths these days, so of course I said, “Sure”.

We climbed the steps silently.  I don’t know what was running through his head.  My own thoughts were flashing back and forth between how bad it would be if my parents just
happened
to return at this exact moment and calculating how much time I had left with him before he had to leave.  When we reached my door I opened it and we walked in, but I just stood there – too nervous to go any further.  AJ looked around and a smile crossed his face.  Seconds later it turned into a quiet laugh. 

             
“What’s funny
now
?”  I asked with a slight trace of worry in my voice.

             
“Nothing, it’s…..
nice. 
Very pink,” he replied.

             
“What’s wrong with pink?”

             
“
Nothing
is wrong with pink.  I said it was nice.  It’s just that it looks exactly the way I’d imagined it would.  It fits you.”

             
“What do you mean by that?”  I asked and stared at him waiting for a response, but he ignored the question and walked over to my desk to pick up one of my magazines before plopping down on the bed.  It didn’t seem like he noticed the tension emanating from me.   I’d never had a boy on my bed, or in my room for that matter.  Even Antonio had never made it past the living room.