Great Sex, Naturally (41 page)

The Sex Connection: Why You Can’t Fool Mother Nature

Like every human being, you were born with a
prepuce
—a natural part of your anatomy with important protective, sensory, and sexual functions. Also known as your
clitoral hood
(and sometimes referred to as the
female foreskin
), it covers your clitoral glans, the dome-shaped tip of your clitoris; in males, the foreskin correspondingly covers the penile glans, the similarly domed head of the penis. The male foreskin, like its female counterpart, keeps the glans that it shields soft and moist, and protects it from irritation, abrasion, trauma, cold, contaminants, and infection.

The adult male foreskin includes approximately half the skin of the penis—about 15 square inches of skin. The term
foreskin
is a misnomer; it also contains tissue
beneath
the skin that’s filled with blood vessels. Let’s take a closer look at the male foreskin’s main functions:

—
Pleasure.
The foreskin contains thousands of delicate nerve endings that enhance sexual pleasure, including fine-touch receptors known as
Meissner’s corpuscles
. According to the National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers, the foreskin is the most sensitive part of the penis. It comprises some of the most specialized sensory tissue in a man’s body, comparable in sensitivity to parts of your clitoris and vulva.

—
Lubrication.
The foreskin serves a unique lubricating function; it contains a type of tissue similar in structure to that of your inner lips or eyelids.

—
Mobility.
Combined with its natural lubrication, the foreskin provides a “gliding” mechanism that may aid in the entry of the penis into the vagina, and can also play a special role in sensual pleasure for both partners. Its retractable nature allows it to “roll” backward along the shaft of the penis with each thrust into the vagina, and forward again each time the penis is withdrawn. Moving against the shaft of the penis and the vaginal walls simultaneously, it serves as a kind of sensory interface between them.

—
Immunity.
The foreskin may also have immune functions. For instance, intriguing research indicates that Langerhans cells, an immune component prominent in the foreskin’s lining, may help protect against infections. The foreskin appears to offer protection against infections in other ways as well; statistics suggest that you’re at greater risk for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections if your partner is circumcised. (To explore the reasons behind this, see
Appendix J
.)

Removing the foreskin results in the loss of all its functions, and reduces the quantity of penile tissue. Without its natural protection, the glans becomes discolored, drier, keratinized (covered with a layer of “tougher” cells), and further desensitized due to continuous exposure and chafing. A study in the
British Journal of Urology
found that circumcision reduces penile sensitivity by up to 75 percent. The health risks of circumcision include infant trauma, infection (including potentially fatal antibiotic-resistant staphylococcus), hemorrhage, complications of anesthesia, and surgical mishaps that may lead to partial or complete loss of the penis, or death.

The Ethical Dilemmas

Some see circumcision as having a religious purpose—for example, as a way to designate a child as a member of a particular faith or cultural group. (The highest statistical incidence of male circumcision is in Islamic cultures.) However, routine circumcision raises serious ethical concerns because it has no proven medical benefits and deprives unconsenting minors of a natural, useful part of their bodies. Ethicists point out that the decision on whether to keep one’s genitals as nature intended, along with the freedom to choose one’s religion, is an individual’s inalienable birthright—not his parents’ or doctor’s—belonging to the person himself when he reaches the age of consent. (There’s only one situation in which
nonroutine
circumcision may be medically indicated for health reasons—an extremely rare condition known as
pathological phimosis
, estimated to affect fewer than one percent of adult males.)

For generations, conventional physicians claimed that routine circumcision prevents a wide variety of conditions. Science has disproven every claim, yet the belief persists that natural tissue every male is born with somehow causes health problems. All attempts to promote circumcision as a preventive measure are fraught with additional ethical problems; even if it could be proven that circumcision prevented any condition it has been claimed to prevent, it wouldn’t be justified. Nowhere else in modern medicine do physicians routinely remove normal, healthy tissue from a portion of the population with the aim of preventing statistically unlikely conditions that are more effectively prevented through more conservative approaches. Circumcision, oddly out of place in a rationally based health-care system, hasn’t been held to the same ethical standards and scientific scrutiny expected everywhere else.

You can learn more about circumcision, including the history of how it began in American medicine during the antisexual Victorian era (in an effort to prevent masturbation by reducing capacity for pleasure) at
www.nocirc.org
and
www.IntactAmerica.org
.

Foreskin Restoration: The Unexpected Sex Effects

If you haven’t heard about foreskin restoration, you’re in for a surprise. An outgrowth of the movement to end circumcision, it’s one of the most fascinating consumer-driven health-care developments, full of examples of ingenuity and independent-mindedness. For a man whose right to bodily self-determination was denied by circumcision, the discovery of foreskin restoration can be a life-altering moment of self-empowerment. It can replace feelings of loss, and the sense that there’s nothing he can do about his situation, with new hope and direction. It gives him the opportunity to channel his energy into a practical plan of action, and permanently restore not only his bodily tissue but also his rightful sense of self:
he
becomes the master of his own destiny when it comes to choosing his circumcision status.

Foreskin restoration is a testament to the power of positive thinking and our ability to overcome limitations—perhaps as good an example as you’ll find of the inspirational attitude made famous by Louise Hay in
You Can Heal Your Life
. For some, its greatest challenge is in the mind; it takes extraordinary self-confidence to believe you can physically change the shape of part of your body. But as Louise has said, if we’re willing to do the mental work “almost anything can be healed.” Foreskin restoration may seem impossible, but it works.

There are surgical methods of foreskin restoration, but the term is used here to describe the more popular nonsurgical methods. These enable any man with a do-it-yourself mind-set and sufficient dedication to create a foreskin from the existing skin and tissue of his penis, using a variety of gentle stretching techniques that allow his penile skin and tissue to gradually expand and cover his glans. Men who practice restoration report increased capacity for sexual pleasure—the effects may begin to be felt within a matter of months, or even weeks. And as the glans becomes more receptive to sensation, it changes in its physical appearance: it regains its natural color and “shiny” quality as the epithelium (covering of cellular tissue) grows thinner and smoother. A man who practices restoration discovers how it feels to have his glans “internalized”—covered by the warm, protective tissue of his own body on a daily basis as nature intended. And when restoration is complete, the restored foreskin can so closely resemble a natural foreskin that it’s impossible to tell the difference; after restoration, men consider themselves intact.

You can continue to explore foreskin restoration in
Appendix K
, where you’ll find additional information about restoration methods, the science behind how and why the process works, a few important caveats, and valuable resources you and your partner can use to learn more.

When and How to Talk with Your Partner about Circumcision

If your partner is circumcised, be especially sensitive and compassionate in your communication around the topic. Although it affects you both sexually, it’s primarily
his
issue. You can work through feelings that come up for him together, but he may understandably have intense feelings about it, and difficulty verbalizing them. It may make a big difference to approach the subject gently, and refrain from asking him to discuss it before he’s ready to come to terms with it. Some men push the issue away, only to embrace it many years later. They may eventually describe the interim as a necessary time of silent grieving for their loss. You might find that the best time to talk about it is when he initiates the discussion; if he’s confronted with the topic prematurely, suppressed emotions may provoke anxiety, anger, strongly expressed opinions defending circumcision, and arguments that it should be perpetuated on other males. Or he may insist it’s not an important issue or had any effect on him, and deny he’s missing anything (even though it’s impossible for him to
know
what he’s missing). Another common impulse is to mask the topic with nervous laughter and humor. It helps to keep in mind that circumcision violated his genital integrity, and that he needs your love, support, and perhaps most of all, your empathy.

How Your Partner’s Foreskin Restoration Can Enhance Your Sex Life

If your partner chooses to practice restoration, as his penis develops new tissue and becomes more sensitive, you may notice an increase in his sexual responsiveness and overall interest in sex. (As one patient who practiced restoration put it, “Foreskin restoration is an aphrodisiac.”) The changes he goes through can have a direct bearing on your relationship and sexual experiences. Let’s look at the most important ways this can happen:

—
Frequency of sex.
You may find your partner desires sex more often than he did prior to restoration.

—
Vaginal comfort.
During sex, some circumcised men require prolonged periods of thrusting to create sufficient stimulation to reach orgasm. If your partner once needed to thrust to the point that your vagina sometimes became uncomfortably dry and lubrication was essential to prevent abrasion, restoring the natural “mobility” of the foreskin may facilitate your vaginal comfort.

—
Condom use.
For some circumcised men, condoms further diminish penile sensation to the extent that they have difficulty enjoying sex with them. If this was your partner’s experience, restoration may make him less reluctant to use condoms.

—
ED issues.
Circumcision could be a factor in many cases of ED, particularly among men in their periandropausal and andropausal years, or older. All attempts to treat ED may be limited in effectiveness if capacity for penile sensation has been dulled to begin with. According to a 2011 study in the
International Journal of Men’s Health
, circumcised men have a four and a half times greater likelihood of experiencing ED than intact men. If your partner has ED, restoration may help resolve it.

—
Your overall experience of sex.
As your partner’s foreskin gradually increases in size, expanding the bulk of his penile tissue, you may experience new sensations in your vagina during sex.

—
Possible psychological effects.
Restoring men often report increased self-esteem, well-being, and joyfulness in their discovery of new sensation. With time, you may notice emotional shifts in your partner that benefit your relationship on many levels.

Conclusion: Parting Thoughts on Partnership

In this chapter, you’ve explored many effective natural methods for enhancing your partner’s sexuality with herbal aphrodisiacs and other tools. You’ve also explored the key sexual-health challenges he may face over the course of his life, and numerous natural solutions he can use to overcome erectile dysfunction, treat low testosterone, protect his prostate health, address BPH issues, and improve his capacity for sexual sensation.

As we suggested at the opening of this chapter, everything offered in its pages for enhancing your partner’s sexuality can benefit
yours
as well. Nurturing his sexual nature nurtures your own—but setbacks to his sexual health can affect every part of your partnership. At the same time, your sexual well-being is equally important to his; the closer you grow as intimate partners, the more reciprocal your sexual energies become. A truly intimate relationship gives you the greatest possible balance of give-and-take—intimate partnership is
ultimate
partnership—and allows you to continuously co-create your sexual vitality. By upholding each other’s well-being as you evolve together through the transitions in your lives, you can generate dynamic, radiant health for your shared sexuality.