Greater Expectations (20 page)

“Son, please believe me, love,
true love
, knows no boundaries. Neither class nor creed can impede true love. She obviously cares for you or else why would she be here?” There was a steely determination in my mum’s words and I was glad that she had something else to focus on other than my father’s predicament. Sadly, I just couldn’t share her enthusiasm or confidence.

Though I so desperately wanted to.

Penny returned and so, somewhat thankfully, ended the discussion. I really hoped Mum would never mention it again but I knew better. “So we hear that you are now divorced?” I knew Mum said this more as a statement for Penny’s benefit than an actual enquiry into the end of my marriage. As usual, the wise old owl that is my mum managed to elicit the reaction she was looking for.

“Really?” Penny’s question was undeniably inquisitive.

“How did
you
know?” I realised the stupidity of my own question as soon as I had asked.

“Gemma called last night to say she received her divorce papers in yesterday’s mail. I certainly hope that her call wasn’t a contributing factor to your father’s condition.” Mum knew there was no way to tell if this were the case, even although I knew that she felt it couldn’t have helped. I really didn’t want to talk about Gemma so I tried to change the subject but not before letting Penny know that it was finalised.

“Yes, we are divorced although I guess my papers will be waiting behind the door for me when I get back to London.” I really hoped that this sounded as carefree as I wanted and meant for it to be.

“We should celebrate at a more appropriate time.” I have no idea if it is her natural sophistication, or if it is the fact that she is just the most wonderful person, but Penny just always seems to know
exactly the right thing to say.

A trait she shares with my mum.

I was about to respond as it was obvious that the statement was more directed at me, when my mum piped in, “Absolutely, his father and I would love to join you two in that.” My face must have betrayed my shock as both Penny and my mum simply looked at me and then each other.

Their laughter was infectious, no matter
how inappropriate the location.

25

The Joke To Recovery

Saturday 7th March

It wasn’t until after 1pm that we were finally allowed through to see Dad. Penny had stayed with us the whole time and had taken me aside to ask that I refrain from telling my parents her true identity and full title. “It would just embarrass me” she said with comple
te modesty.

Dad was sat up in bed and complaining of being hungry. He was only allowed liquids until the full battery of tests were concluded. Although nobody seemed to be able to tell us when that would be exactly. Mum was fretting around him, as expected, telling him to be thankful he was here and that there were going to be big changes when he got home. I caught Penny’s eye and the two of us simply smiled at the performances of them both.

“Son, Penny, come here.” Dad said excitedly, indicating that we should get closer to the bed. We did as we were told. Now was not the time for upsetting him, especially with mother about.

“You see, just before you guys came in, this really beautiful girl came up to me. She was wearing really tight fitting clothes and high heels. Did she not pass you when you were waiting outside?” Dad was pointing at the door.

All three of us looked at each other, shaking our heads. How did we miss someone like that? I would certainly have spotted such a woman.

“Hmmm, I guess you weren’t as steadfast at the door as you said?” He cast a stern eye over us all. How could we
three
have missed her? One or two I could understand, but the
three
of us. We had all been there, right outside. Everyone coming in or out had to pass right in front of us.

“Anyway, no matter. So I was just waking up and she was sat right there.” He pointed to where Mum was sitting, right by his side. “Guess wha
t the cheeky minx said to me? –
Me?
– a frail but undeniably brave man, valiantly recovering from a heart attack.”

It was obvious from the blank expressions on our collective faces that none of us had any
idea what he was talking about.

So he continued.

“She says to me,
“Hey, mister, you looked so peaceful when you were sleeping and you are a really good looking guy for your age. Sean Connery type, you know? It was really turning me on. So I’m wondering if you’d like to have super sex?”
This is what she said to me. Me? Sean Connery? I mean, come on, he is at least 15 years older than me!”

“Would you please calm down and tell me, who the hell was this dirty little trollop? None of us saw her. You must have been imagining it, what with all the medication? You could have been hallucinating.” Mum seemed genuinely concerned. Yet, before Dad could respond, he was interrupted.

“What did you say?” Penny asked, completely consumed.

Dad lay back in his pillow with a wicked smile playing across his mouth. “Oh Penny, I have to admit I was intrigued by her offer.” Mum shot him the dirtiest and most thoroughly disapproving look. Undeterred, Dad ignored her and continued.

“So I just asked her,
‘What kind of soup is it?’
”

He threw his head back onto his pillow and gleefully laughed away until he started to cough. Tears of triumph escaped his eyes and he was so thoroughly pleased with himself for duping us all so completely. Dad had never been one for jokes and so that made this all the funnier. He said to Penny, who was more laughing at him than with him, “Do you get it? Eh? Well, do you? Super sex?
Soup
or
sex
?”

Even Mum was laughing now although I am sure she has taken abou
t as much as she can for today.

We were ushered out after only half and hour, with Dad given strict instructions from the nurse to rest. Penny told us that she needed to head back home whilst there was still some daylight left, as she didn’t enjoy driving in the dark. That made her visit all the more remarkable as I had calculated that she must have left immediately upon receiving my text message. Mum had told me it was
still dark when Penny arrived.

It was with the greatest reluctance that I said goodbye. Yet is seemed that my mother was more upset than me to let her go, offering to take us all out for dinner and Penny could stay over and drive back tomorrow. “We have plenty of room and can easily make up a bed.” It was a most unusual day what with Dad even cracking jokes but my mum’s crush on Penny made it even odder, if that were possible.

However, Penny had decided that she needed to go home and I was sure she must have had good reason so I gently but firmly said to Mum that she had to let her go.

She reluctantly accepted.

We said goodbye to Mum at her car and I told her I would catch her up at the house. We walked to Penny’s car in silence, there was so many things to say and so little time. I had no idea if Mum was accurate in her assessment of Penny’s feelings and, what with my fresh divorce, I decided it best to keep away from testing her theory.

It didn’t stop me thinking it though. Quite the opposite in fact.

“Please keep in touch, I do so enjoy hearing what you have been up to. Also, please believe me when I tell you that I do not judge you, on any level. I never have. It really upsets me to think that you may have this impression. In telling me your experiences it allows me to live them vicariously through you. They instil a sense of excitement into the otherwise dreary existence that is my daily life.” Penny’s eyes displayed a sadness and loneliness that I would never have dreamed possible with her life of privilege.

“Of course I don’t think that. I was just having a hard time when we last spoke and it really wasn’t your fault. It was all mine and I accept full responsibility for that, and it goes without saying that
I am really sorry
that it happened.”

I meant every single word.

“Z, friends can be like that with one another. That is what they are for, good and bad times. A true friend will always have your back. Don’t ask me how but I just know that you will always have mine. Call it female intuition or such like, but it is absolutely true.” I could see that she was getting emotional although I was quite unsure why. She quickly changed the subject. “Anyway, I best be off. Take care and keep in touch. More regularly too. It saves me from feeling so lonely.” She got in her car and put down the window. “Oh, and please keep me informed on your father’s condition. He is such a wonderfully warm, funny, and loving man. As is your mum. Except she’s not a man.” She pulled the cutest face as she said this, wrapped up in her own confusion. “It’s very easy to see where you get it from.” She started to drive away as she said this.

“See where I get what from?” I inadvertently shouted at the departing car. However, she was gone and had left me standing there alone in a rather busy car park where, it seemed, my question had caught the attentions of all and sundry. As I sheepishly looked around they each sported a uniform look of puzzlement.

I was puzzled myself but for an entirely different reason.

26

April Fool

Wednesday 1st April

It had been three weeks to the day since my return to London to find the promised divorce papers lying on my welcome mat waiting for me. It was a relief to be sure but Dad’s scare had managed to sharpen my perspective on what was truly important in life.

Friends and family.

Ironic, then, that it was my father who chased me back down south upon his release from hospital. “I am home now son, you have nothing to worry about and there is nothing more you can do for me. While you are here you aren’t earning and that just makes me feel guilty. We all have bills to pay and you needn’t be wasting your time sitting here looking at your mum and me. We are, as we always have been, only a phone call away. A phone call that we all know you can make whilst you are working, incidentally.” He finished this sentence with a wink to reinforce his gentle rebuke for my lack of regular communication. It was too soon to say if it had been an altogether life changing and positive event, but Dad’s heart attack had certainly improved his sense of humour. It took over thirty years for me to hear his first joke and now this was his second in a week.

Despite the usual protestations from my mum, Dad had made perfect sense and I really had no desire to stay there any longer than necessary. Like him, I had a fresh new chapter in my own life to start. Mum, as all mothers do, was worried that his urging made them look like they didn’t really care and just wanted rid of me. She was at pains to insist that this was definitely not the case. She should have, and we all knew she actually did, know better but she had to say it anyway.

Penny had called about three hours after I had last seen her disappearing away from the hospital car park to let me know she had arrived home safe and sound. As expected, she conformed to social etiquette and asked about Dad although, to be fair, she did seem genuinely interested. We both successfully avoided mentioning our last conversation. Not that I didn’t want to ask, there just didn’t seem
to be the opportunity to do so.

Truth be told, I just did
n’t know how.

In the intervening days and weeks since, we have been in almost daily contact with calls and texts. It really is most disconcerting that my mother’s insistence that Penny is interested in me has left me thinking of very little else. This includes my dad, much to my shame. However, I was more than happy to accept his assurances that he was fine. Still the very thought of her being interested is so preposter
ous when thought of logically–yet to dream of such, of what could be–now completely preoccupies my time.

Of course, I could just ask her but, if she said no, then it would be a perfectly wonderful friendship that would be wasted. A friendship that has grown exponentially over these past few weeks and one that I am not yet mentally strong enough to cope with ending. She is
that
important to me in my life just now. Maybe later, but not now.

The risk is simply too great.

Also, there is that chivalrous obligation on my part to ensure her happiness. If I were to recklessly take the opportunity to ask her and she is, as predicted, not interested, then the responsibility is solely mine. My fault for sacrificing our friendship all for the sake of determining if a Lady–a true Lady, one that is an actual member of the nobility–is interested in me, the truck driver.

Oh how her friends would laugh at this after dinner, the men with their brandies and cigars and the ladies with their fine wines and cigarettes held in ornate holders.

The absurdity of such thoughts just made me embarrassed and angry. It was a ridiculous notion and my mother, quite simply, never knew Penny the way I did. She certainly gave no thought to the awkward predicament and pressure that such a relationship would place Penny under. Even I couldn’t fathom such dilemmas. Anyway, what did we even really have in common? Could I
ever
see myself at those very same dinner parties where even I can recognise that my simply being there would become a punch line? The proverbial fish out of water. Absolutely not, such a proposal is utterly absurd, and yet this is her circle.

This is her life.

Similarly, could, or would, she ever be comfortable in mine? Standing around a real fire in a timber-beamed pub with
real
people. The Taylor’s and Ed’s of the world. People like me who need to work and live from pay cheque to pay cheque but, unlike me, have available to us something more precious than riches or happiness.

A life that allows for contentment without judgment.

Given what she is used to, I hardly think so. There really is no happy medium obvious to me. Such reality has been the cause for much of my most recent frustration and despair. It could almost be described as heartache, although one that is altogether new and totally different to my separation and divorce. So why do I keep thinking there could be some hope and keep trying to convince myself that my mum was correct? So many questions and, for the most part, the answers offer nothing positive. Yet my own curiosity still seems to defeat the logic. It may be rash, or stupid, or impudent, or irresponsible, certainly downright impertinent, maybe even all of these things, but I simply must know. Maybe I am just overthinking it.

I am, after all, just a boy simply asking a girl to love him.

Could there be another way to find out? Another way that would offer us both the opportunity to maintain our friendship that also lets me know if she does want something more. Surreptitiously as it were.

Then an idea hit me.

It was early evening and the rain was tapping rhythmically against the window. It seemed quite loud but then the house was shrouded in silence so probably more profound than usual. Nervousness suddenly gripped me–
hello old friend
–and suddenly my mouth was dry as I reached for my mobile and called her. I took a drink of water as she answered on the second ring.

“Z, great to hear from you. How’s your dad?” Her tone was the same as usual, light and carefree. Always with the light and carefree. How is that possible? I was so absorbed in my cunning plan of action that her question caught me quite off-guard, although it really shouldn’t have. It was always the first thing she asked now so I really should have been prepared for it. A foolish oversight on my part. We exchanged our customary pleasantries for a few minutes thereafter although I was so obviously distracted that she asked, on more than one occasion, if I was okay. Then came the pred
icted lull in the conversation.

This was my chance and I fully intended to take it.

“I was talking with Mum earlier and she thinks I should start to think about properly dating again. She pointed out that I have been effectively single since Gemma took off to Brussels and that was over eight months ago now. It was really weird to hear my mum suggesting that I try online dating, as I had no idea that she knew of such things. However, I am not really sure and wanted to know your thoughts?” It was a little white lie considering that there was no such conversation with my mum. Well, actually, it was a big full on lie but Mum wouldn’t have minded, considering its purpose. She took every opportunity these days to tell me, my dad, and anyone else who would listen, just how simply wonderful Penny is.

I can only imagine her reaction if she found out Penny’s true identity.

Penny had no hesitation in her answer,
still
with the light and carefree. “Your mum is absolutely correct although I have come to expect no less from her. You have a wonderful mother who obviously knows what is best for her son. Why shouldn’t you get back out there and try to find happiness? You owe it to yourself Z and some lucky girl is going to get a sweet and lovely guy.”

It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, although it was exactly what was expected. When there was doubt, there was hope. Her response had not merely removed such hope but rather destroyed it completely. All I wanted to do was hang up right now and crawl back under my rock but that would only embarrass us both. Such an action would only provide a transparency to my ruse and make it so obvious that even Penny would see right through it. There is no other option but to play out my pathetic charade to its natural conclusion.

This is all my bloody mother’s fault.

“What site are you thinking? I would be happy to vet potential partners for you.” Her voice still with the same tone. Was it really possible that this same voice that I had always found so charming and comforting was beginning to grate on me now?

“inFATEuation.com” I responded, trying to sound as upbeat as possible. It was the first site that sprung to mind and only because their small ad was on the front page of the free local paper that was sat on my coffee table.

“I shall peruse the site later. Unfortunately, I have to go just now but talk soon. Take care and, as always, pass on my very best wishes to your parents please.” There was no chance to say goodbye as she immediately hung up. This was a most welcome relief although I couldn't help but notice that it was rather unusual for he
r to end our calls so abruptly.

An hour later, my membe
rship to the site was complete.