Green Eyes (11 page)

“Okay, Jessy. Okay,” he murmurs, standing up and moving to right in front of me. I look into his eyes and see tears streaming down his face and I’m shocked because I wasn’t sure Ryan had it in him to cry, especially on screen. “I love you. I’ll love you forever, Jessy.”

He bends over and kisses me softly and sweetly. They’re saying goodbye, Wren and Ryan. Both couples parting at the same time. It was meant to be though. Neither Jessy nor I could go on living this way; wrapped up in sorrow over things we can’t change.

Once Ryan is out of the shot, I drop to the floor and start crying my eyes out. I’m crying for me but mostly I’m crying for Jessy and Wren and their fake baby. None of it was real. None of the feelings between Ryan and me, nor Jessy and Wren’s lives. Everything was there for the big screen and none of it was for me.

Ryan took what he wanted and then left because that’s what they all do. They never stay for long. They come in, take your fucking heart and then stomp on it because they can. They don’t care about anyone or anything unless it suits them.

This is why I’ll never fall in love. Seems no one is ever going to give me the chance.

“Cut!” Victor yells and I slowly start to make myself stop crying. I hand Bailey over to her mother and sit down on the couch. I wrap my arms around myself and close my eyes. The tears still leak down my face and I rock back and forth. I have to let it all out before it will stop. So I sit there and I let out every god damn bad thing that’s ever happened to me.

I let them go until Ryan, Jason, Claire, Beau and Aaron don’t mean a fucking thing to me. I let out all the negative energy and I hold myself together with safety pins and stitches that only I can see. I swear to never again cry over another man or another missed relationship. And from now on, I’ll just pay for sex. Seems safer than having it with someone you know.

Ryan moves into my line of sight and reaches out a hand to me. I smack it away and stand up, leaving the set and the big building it’s in altogether. I run for safety because, if I really didn’t want someone around me, Marley would make sure they didn’t get to me. He’s the only man I can count on and that’s really sad. He’s not of my blood; he isn’t friends with my blood yet he’s been better to me than all of them combined.

I open the door to the trailer and find Marley playing dolls with Talia on the floor. I give them a watery smile and then head to my little room with the bed. I flop down on my stomach and thankfully my tears are all dried up.

Talia comes in a little while later and sits next to me on the bed. She sings ‘Across the Universe’ to me and I pull her down into my arms. Frequently children can really surprise you. Most days, Talia constantly asks questions about everything she can. She drives Marley and I up the wall with it all. Off and on she’ll ask the same question multiple times even after we’ve given her an answer. I guess what I’ve heard is true, that four year olds ask about five hundred questions a day. But then, my smart girl knows when her momma is feeling down and she knows just what to do to make her feel better.

“Momma grew up around here, did you know that?” I ask her.

Talia peeps up at me from under my arm with a small smile on her face. “I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, I did. We should go see my old house. What do you think about that?”

“Will there be ice cream?” she asks me, wiggling around until her face is in my face.

“We can pick some up if there’s not. I promise. A girl can never have enough ice cream,” I tell her, pushing some of her crazy hair out of her face.

She nods. “You can never have enough diamonds either.”

I look at her like she’s crazy. “Who told you that?”

“The redheaded woman. The one on Marley’s favorite movie.”

Then it dawns on me. “Has Marley been letting you watch Moulin Rouge? That’s a grown up movie!”

She looks shocked. “Well, I was supposed to be asleep. I was just pretending to be asleep. Marley didn’t know. Please don’t get him in trouble.”

I laugh so hard I end up snorting a few times. “He’s not going to get into trouble. Next time, though, you need to announce that you aren’t asleep. You shouldn’t be watching movies like that.”

“Is that why I can’t watch any of your movies?”

I nod. “When you’re an adult and you can understand grown ups, then you can watch those movies, until then, it’s a no. And while diamonds are a girl’s best friend, they are expensive, so please don’t ask everyone you know for one. They aren’t something you just carry around, Talia.”

“If they’re a girl’s best friend, then why don’t you carry them around? There are lots of girls in the world,” she tells me matter of fact.

I just shake my head and roll us until I can get off the bed without letting her go. We head into the living room area where Marley is texting on his phone. “Talia admitted she was pretending to sleep when you watched Moulin Rouge.”

Marley frowns at Talia. “I told you to tell me if you couldn’t sleep. I’d put something boring on. Hmm, baby girl?”

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” Then she looks up at me. “Can we go get ice cream now?”

“We don’t even have to leave the trailer. We have some in the freezer right now,” I tell her, leading her towards the fridge.

“Do we have strawberry? Strawberry is my favorite.”

“I doubt it. Momma’s favorite is chocolate, so that’s probably all there is.”

“Why isn’t there any strawberry? That’s not nice Momma.”

I give her a sad face and open the freezer door where there are three tubs of ice cream. Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate. “Look at that, we have a tub for everyone!”

Chapter Eleven

Thankfully we wrapped up filming a couple of days after the emotional scene. And yes, I snuck away earlier in the morning the day we were departing so I wouldn’t have to see Ryan Danse one last time. I’m sure I’ll run into him during the press tour we’ll have to do for the movie. But that’s still months off, considering the movie isn’t due to release until next year.

Marley, Talia and I dropped by the house I grew up in. Ryan was right about that though, Beau didn’t let the house my father loved fall to the ground. Actually, it looked just the same as it did the day I left. Bob Hunt, who is a family friend, was living in the house, keeping it in shape. He was surprised to see me, as I was him, and he scolded me for taking so long to make it down to the house.

I took Talia to the backyard, where I’d paid someone to take my dog home and bury him. Constantine would have loved my Talia. He loved everyone and he loved this home. He just didn’t do well in LA, the poor thing. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I stood by his grave. Bob said he kept fresh flowers out there for him. I was so touched I broke down in tears. I was worried about my dead dog being out here alone and all this time he wasn’t.

Intermittently life throws you good curve balls.

I like those kind of curve balls.

I don’t like the ones sent at three thirty in the morning.

My phone dings from the nightstand, forcing me awake with a squeak. It bangs and clanks against the wood, making all kinds of horrible noise. I really shouldn’t keep it on both vibrate and loud.

I received a text message from some number I don’t have saved in my phone.

Jason’s hurt. Greater Area Medical Center.

I say that I don’t care about them. I’m lying, and you know I’m lying. I can’t tell you how many times I was worried about Jason over the years. Through his drug use and all the ups and downs of the band. Though he seemed to be doing better, all I can think about is him relapsing and having an overdose. I said some awful things to him all those weeks ago.

I jump out of my bed and find my slippers, shoving my feet into them. I run into Marley’s room, turning on the light and stopping at the side of his bed. He sits up with a gun in hand and I take a step back. My eyes are wide and for once I’m surprised by his behavior. Marley doesn’t like to talk about his past and I never bring it up. I just didn’t expect him to sleep with a gun.

“The first person to be taken out is the bodyguard. I always sleep with my gun,” he tells me, wiping at the sleep still in his eyes.

“Good to know. I have to go to the hospital, Jason’s hurt,” I rush out, my feet bouncing on the floor in my hurry to leave.

Now it’s Marley’s turn to look at me wide eyed. “I thought you wanted them to die and all that crazy shit.”

“Yeah, well, I’m full of shit and you know it. I don’t know what time I’ll be back, but don’t tell Talia that I went to the hospital or that Jason’s hurt. We don’t need to scare her.” When he nods I’m running out of the room. I make it down the stairs and out the door to the garage in, like, forty seconds. Luckily, I was sleeping in a t-shirt and yoga pants. My hair is up in a tight bun and I open the console for my glasses and slip them over my nose. I keep them in here in case of an emergency, considering I wear my contacts during the day.

It takes me thirty minutes to make it to the private hospital Jason is at. I’m happy to find a hoodie in the backseat of my car because I forgot the bra and my nipples are hard from all the adrenalin going around. Once in a blue moon I hate being a woman.

I walk into the hospital, almost blinded by the clean white walls and white tile floor. It’s so glaringly bright in here. Jesus. I’m about to open my mouth and tell the lady at the nurse’s station what I don’t know. I mean, I can admit that Jason is my brother but she might not believe me, especially if she knows who I am. I just have to say, though, that not every single person a famous person meets is going to know who they are. It probably helps that I’m wearing my glasses. Then I hear my name called in a cautious voice, a voice I haven’t heard in person in almost a decade. Jason’s the only one who has gotten close to me.

I turn to find Claire standing with her husband, Reed. Her mouth is open and she looks almost the same as I do. Except her hoodie has a zipper while mine just goes over my head. And she’s wearing tennis shoes instead of ankle boot slippers.

Every time I’ve seen her on TV, her hair was black, so I assumed she started dying it. I’m surprised to find her with chin length golden blonde hair. I almost run in the opposite direction when Beau walks up behind her. It’s almost too much to handle, seeing the two of them. My heart beats erratically, I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack. It’s all too much at once. Jason being hurt, seeing the other two in person for the first time in so long.

Warm hands land on my shoulders, smoothing down my hoodie. His nose touches my ear and I don’t even have to guess who it is, considering he smells exactly the same as he did the last time I was this close to him. I’ve spent countless nights thinking about him and wondering what he was doing.

Everything was always replayed in my head, night after night. The way we met, the way we hated each other and then we didn’t. How he felt inside of me and how he made me feel. His nose touches my ear again and I shiver. “Breathe, Green Eyes.”

“I am breathing,” I say. I’m just breathing too much. Hell, I’m almost panting.

My eyes closed at one point, probably the moment he touched me, but I shake all the fear away and open my eyes. I look right into Claire’s and I find myself being pulled in her direction. Her hand is outstretched and here I am with mine outstretched reaching for her.

Her fingers are cold when they hit mine and I almost pull away. It’s a foreign sensation, the feeling of her hand in mine. Once upon a time it meant love, home and warmth. Claire and I stare at each other, our hands gripped tight in the other’s.

Tears leak down her face but I’m in shock and I can’t move. Her hand rises and moves over my cheek before it reaches the back of my neck, pulling me into her. Claire was blessed in the height department, just like I was. She’s probably only an inch taller than I am. We are so lucky.

“You’re so god damn beautiful,” she says against my head.

“I look homeless.” Somehow I get the words out and she chuckles.

She pulls back a bit until our eyes meet again. “No, you look amazing.”

I know what she’s saying. Her eyes have feasted for a sight of me, like my eyes have always wanted a sight of her. Of Beau and even Jason. I may not have ever approached them, but my eyes sought them out, whenever we were in the same crowd. Which wasn’t very often. You can hate someone as much as you want, but you should always remember there is a thin line between that and love. You can even feel both if you so choose.

Beau appears in my line of sight and I just look at him. He’s tall like Jason, but he was blessed with a dirty blonde instead of our golden blonde. He has it styled up in a poof, like guys like to do these days. His green eyes even shine a little, like maybe he thought about crying but he realized he was a man and that wasn’t very manly.

“Little sister,” he says, reminding me of days when I didn’t want to go to school and he’d appear in my room pulling the covers off. He’d pick me up and take me downstairs so I’d eat my breakfast. I’ve heard him call me by my given name on a few times in my entire life. Mostly I’ve been little sister, even though he has another little sister. It always used to make me feel like I was the favorite.

But obviously I wasn’t.

The thought sobers me up, so I completely step away from Claire. “What’s wrong with Jason?” I ask, moving away from them all.

I can see it on all their faces, the disappointment, and the judgment from Reed and Ryan. They see me hurting those they care about and they’re right, I probably am. I can’t just give up the past ten years and forgive them just because I’m standing here, just because I care about my twin brother. I’d be here if it was one of them. Now, would they be here if something happened to me? I have no idea. That’s what’s wrong with uncertainty. You never know what will happen and that’s scary.

“He got hit by a drunk driver. Totaled his car and hit his head pretty hard. We just have to wait for him to wake up,” Claire says, sorrow on her tongue.

“So he’s in a coma?” I ask, confused.

She shakes her head. “Yes and no. He has a pretty severe concussion but they say he could wake up any moment. They won’t know how serious it is until he does.”

“Okay,” I reply softly, feeling small and out of place. These four have a place in each other’s lives, I don’t have a place with them at all. It makes me feel itchy and uncomfortable.

Then everything gets worse.

“Momma!” my little girl shouts from the front doors, Marley hot on her heels.

I blink at her, wondering where in the fuck she came from. My eyes shoot up to Marley, who looks tired and pissed off. If you must know, Marley always looks tired and pissed off. “I’m sorry, she just kept insisting that we follow you. She said she was worried about you. I just couldn’t deal with it on my own.”

Marley, at times, has trouble with Talia, probably because she has an attitude taller than the Empire State Building. Marley doesn’t like to tell her no and if he has to tell her no, she gets unreasonable. I’ve seen her scream her lungs out, lying on the floor with her fists banging.

“It’s okay,” I tell him, because it is. Here I was, feeling out of place and the two most important people stroll right on in. I pick Talia up when she makes it to me, throwing her arms around my shoulders.

“Is Uncle Jason going to be okay?” she asks me, twirling a strand of my hair around her finger.

“Of course. We just have to wait for him to wake up. He hit his head pretty hard but he has a hard head.” I shift her around until she’s on my hip.

When Talia gets a good look around she finds Ryan standing off to the side. “I know you!” she says excitedly. She wiggles to get down and I drop her lightly on her feet. “You were on that movie with my momma. You gave her that big bruise on the side of her neck. Marley called it a hickey.”

My eyes go wide just as Claire, Beau and Reed all turn their heads to look at Ryan. I forgot about the bite mark on the back of my neck and pulled my hair up. Talia, who doesn’t miss a thing, pointed it out to me. I told her it was from a kissing scene I had to do for the movie. She didn’t really understand but that was the best I could do.

“Yeah. That was me.” He crouches down to be at her eye level. “You’re a pretty little ankle biter. Just like your momma.”

“I don’t bite, my momma says that’s not nice even though I want to when the boys at the park pull my hair,” she tells him, moving closer.

“I’m Australian, you see, and we call small children, ankle biters. It’s not an insult, little bit.” He smiles gently at her and I remember a time when he smiled at me like that. Yeah, now my cheeks are flushing.

She moves even closer to him, like she’s approaching a wild animal. Funny that because he can act like a wild animal, the dog. “Australia is the land down under. It’s got kangaroos and crocodiles. I want to go there one day.”

His smile brightens. “Well, we’ll see about getting you there one day.”

“We can bring Momma and you can take her on a date. Marley says she needs a man and I like you. So you can date my momma.”

“Talia,” I say, almost wanting to laugh. At least he has my daughter’s approval. I want to close my eyes and sink into a chair and forget this night has ever happened.

She looks confused and then sad because I got onto her. Ryan saves the day, for her at least. “Maybe you can help me with that. Seeing as your momma won’t go on a date with me.”

Talia turns towards me, putting her little hands on her hips giving me a very grown up look. “Momma, if a nice man asks you out, you’re supposed to go. Marley says so.”

I look at Marley, who seems to be laughing behind his hand. I know that can’t be true, considering he’s on the verge of getting fired. “I think Marley talks on the phone way too much around you.”

She shakes her head at me. “I overheard him when I was supposed to be playing with Charlie. Marley and Momma Freda didn’t know we were there.”

Charlie, being Marley’s five-year-old nephew, and Freda, being his mother. “You talk to your mother about my love life? No wonder she worries about me so much.” Every time I see her, she wants to teach me how to cook and sew my own clothes. She says it’ll help me catch a man. Crazy woman.

“You know I can’t stand it when she bugs me. And she’s always bugging me. I have to give her something and it’s better to throw you to the wolf than it is me,” Marley says before bending at the knee and sitting down in a chair. “Wake me up when you hear something.” Then my big black bodyguard passes out in his chair.

Claire, Beau and Reed stand on the other side of the room, talking in whispers while looking at Talia. Ryan sits down in a chair and pulls out his phone. Talia goes over to him and asks to see pictures of Australia. He smiles at her and starts swiping across the screen while she oohs and aahs. My little dork.

I decide to be grown up and cross the room to Beau and Claire’s side. They shut up their whispering when I approach. “Ask whatever you want to know.”