Groupie/Rock Star Bundle (42 page)

With that Graham spun on his heel and stalked
off. Vanni turned to face me. “Looks like you have a white knight
coming in trying to save you from me.” He looked at my cut lip and
blackened eye. “Maybe you should go with him.”

“Then why do I want to stay with
you?” I asked.

Vanni pulled me to him for a
powerful embrace. “Same reason I can’t let you go,” he whispered in
my hair.

With that he led me back to my
cabin, where he had already had all his things
delivered.

That night our union was more
loving. It almost felt as though he was trying to prove he was
worthy of me with his gentle worship of all my curves. My body came
alive under his tender, sweet manipulations that lingered for
hours.

If he was trying to drive Graham out of my head
he only served putting put him there. Reverting to a gentleman
reminded me of how Graham had touched me, and how awkward it had
been when I had to run away.

Was I really trying to be faithful to another
man who had never promised or asked for exclusivity? Or did I just
think I wasn’t worth it?

I thought about to our dance that
night, and how forceful he had been. If only he had been that
commanding when I was free.

If I had ever been free.

If I would ever be free again.

I tried not to think of what would
happen in two days when we docked back in Fort Lauderdale. Vanni
would return to L.A., to Kat, and I would return to Nashville where
only Simon would care if I came home.

With Vanni it was a bubble existence. We’d soar
around in the air in a brilliant array of color but all too soon
the bubble would pop and leave me even emptier than before. I’d
dream of the next time, and then the next time; I’d live only for
stolen moments like the one we were sharing now.

But it was what I wanted. To be with him, in
his arms, feeling his body blended with mine. Knowing even if it
could only be for that small window in time his heart belonged to
me. I stuffed down all my concerns, locked away all my tears and
saved all that for the inevitable lonely nights that were to
come.

He responded to every plea, both verbal and
non-verbal. By the time morning broke he had branded me in ways
both tender and raw. We fought off reality with our lovemaking, as
if we both knew it was too good to last.

Real life waited.

Graham didn’t say much when we saw him again; I
think he could tell that I had made my decision. I knew it broke
his heart to realize I’d rather choose a half-life with Vanni than
a full life with him, but he accepted it with the same dignified
grace I’d come to expect from him.

It only made me feel even worse.

That night, at our “prom,” Vanni was
already disengaging from me to congregate with his other fans. He
behaved, of course, but I could tell that he was relieved to be
able to return somewhat to his original M.O. when it came to
interacting with the people who loved him.

He simply needed more. More than
Kat. More than me.

Intellectually I knew that wasn’t my failure,
but I felt lonely as I watched him dance with certain fans. He was
giving them the night of a lifetime, some brief taste of the
fantasy, with no promises for anything more.

It wasn’t that much different from what I got,
when you think about it.

Graham finally approached me as the
prom wound down. I had spent a good deal of time on the sidelines,
and he finally took pity on me and asked me to dance. I thought
briefly about turning him down but I couldn’t stand to see the
wounded look in his eyes from yet another rejection.

It wasn’t his fault I was an idiot.

This time he was far gentler when he pulled me
to him, reminding me of how he had always been, and how Vanni had
tried to be the night before. The confusion must have marched
across my face because he was quick to pounce on it. “Are you
happy, Andy?”

“Of course,” I said
automatically.

“And will you be happy in three days, when
you’re alone? Because you know he won’t be.”

I sighed. “Graham…”

“I love you, Andy,” he said softly, earnestly.
“I think I have since Vegas. You hit me like a thunderbolt and I’m
ready to offer you everything. I can give you all of me. Can he do
that?”

“No,” I answered honestly. “But I love
him.”

He shook his head. “You need him. He’s like a
drug to you. But deep down even you know he isn’t the one. You long
for something he simply can’t give you, and you know eventually one
day you’ll need more. When that day comes, I’ll be
waiting.”

With that he reached down and kissed
me. I was much too surprised to stop him.

When he lifted his head I saw Vanni staring at
us from across the room. He looked as stunned as I felt, but there
was something more. Something wounded. Something angry.

He turned and stalked from the dance floor, and
I wrenched away from Graham to chase after him.

I kicked off my heels to run in bare
feet all the way back to my cabin, where Vanni was throwing his
belongings back into his suitcase.

“Vanni,” I started and he twirled around to
face me.

“You lied to me,” he said. “You both lied to
me.”

I shook my head. “I never lied to you, I
swear.”

“Then what was that?” he wanted to know. “You
kissed him right there in front of me.”

“He kissed me,” I offered
weakly.

“You didn’t stop him,” he hissed as
he turned back to his suitcase.

It dawned on me that his indignation was rather
ironic, given that he actually had a girlfriend waiting for him at
home. I stomped over to where he stood and grabbed his arm. “What
difference does it make?” I demanded, suddenly as angry as he was.
“Whose bed will you be sleeping in tomorrow?”

“Is that what this is about? Were you jealous I
was dancing with those other girls?”

“If it’s not them it’ll just be someone else.
I’ll never be enough for you.”

His face hardened. “Ditto.”

“Vanni…” I started but he
interrupted me by grabbing my wrist and spinning me into his arms.
His mouth crashed down on mine and he forced my lips apart with his
tongue. He lifted me up like a rag doll and threw me on the bed,
shoving his suitcase and all its contents off onto the floor as he
climbed onto the bed to lean over me.

“You want to know what I need?” he
growled as he pulled my wrists above my head with one large hand. I
couldn’t say anything as I watched his mouth descend onto
mine.

He kissed me so hard that it opened
up the wound on my lip, and his free hand tore at the fabric of my
semi-formal “prom” dress until it was up around my waist. His knee
parted my legs as he fit his body close to mine.

I was powerless to stop him even if
I had wanted to, but the fact was Graham was right. I did need
Vanni. More important than that I needed him to need me back. I
whispered his name and felt his body shudder against me.

“Say it again,” he demanded, and of
course I complied. He tore at his own clothes until he released
himself against me. “Tell me who you belong to,” he growled in my
ear as he rubbed himself against me, driving me crazy with my own
desire.

“You,” I breathed as I opened myself
up for him.

“Who do you love?” he wanted to know
as he entered me, and I was nearly in tears from the exquisite
pleasure of his body fitting perfectly into mine.

“You,” I said, louder this time.
“Vanni…”

He rode me hard as he kept
repeating, “You’re mine, say you’re mine…say you’ll only be mine,”
into my ear. By the time we both came he was incoherent with his
own need and I knew I alone had driven him to that
place.

This was what made him mine, no
matter who he had on his arm.

And for now… that would have to be
enough.

Because that’s all that I had.

Las Vegas, March 2010

Talia

I bought the gun today.

If I can’t have him, no one can – especially
some fat whore unfit to tie my shoes. She’s always been jealous
that Giovanni loved me, and somehow she found a way to bewitch him
into believing it was all fake… that I was sick… that he had to
protect himself from me.

Because of her I am not pregnant like destiny
had planned. She took away my only hope to make the baby Giovanni
and I both dreamed about and knew we were supposed to make. He
didn’t remember all our nights we’d come together on a spiritual
plane to make love and to plan with our minds and our souls. We
just needed the perfect opportunity to make it real, which is what
the cruise meant to me. To us.

With Ben dead and Kat gone, we had
the perfect opportunity to be together. Somehow she knew. Somehow
she had figured it out. And she ruined it. She ruined it
all.

She thinks she’s won because he removed me from
the ship, but I’m not going anywhere.

One day… when she least expects it…
I’ll take away everything.

Enjoy it while it lasts, Andy
Foster.

One day… one day soon…you will pay.

Philadelphia, June 2010

~Andy~

As expected, things resumed to the
way they were prior to the cruise almost from the minute we
disembarked. Vanni went home to Kat, Graham went back to Los
Angeles, and I went back to my lonely two bedroom house in
Nashville.

We didn’t even talk about how things
would change now that Vanni and I had resumed our love affair,
because there was really nothing to say.

I was “the other woman” from the time we made
love in my cabin. As such there were unspoken rules that I would
not pressure him to make a decision to end it with his girlfriend,
who needed him to get her through her recovery period, which
included painful physical therapy.

There was no way he could just dump
her, nor would I ask him to.

Instead we enjoyed the bubble
through emails and texts, and the occasional stolen phone call when
she was out of earshot.

It was very similar to when the
affair first caught fire in 2008. He pursued me, which kept me
securely on the line. He even flirted openly with me on online
social networks where everyone could see. It wasn’t anything overt
or disrespectful to Kat, but it definitely made it clear I was more
than just a fan. He would often respond to me when he wouldn’t
respond to anyone else, clearly establishing a hierarchy of very
important persons.

Kat made it clear in the few times I had talked
to her that she understood he was establishing a spot for me in his
inner circle because of how I had helped protect him from Talia.
She apologized for not having been there so that I didn’t have to
be assaulted, which made me feel like a shit momentarily given how
easily I had stepped into her bed once she left.

But I got the sense she was
insincere about her noble claim when she’d have nothing to do with
all the legal wrangling it took afterwards to put a restraining
order into place against Talia. This was clearly a part of fame she
didn’t want, and I could tell she was developing her own escape
plan whenever I saw the two of them together on a couple of my
trips to Los Angeles to appear before the judge.

Their relationship was crumbling to the point
she even withdrew from the show despite the fact she had recovered
enough to go back on tour. Not so coincidentally he began making
indirect comments about the future, about things we might be able
to do if I lived in Los Angeles, and whether or not Simon would
like living at the beach.

I tried not to get too excited about
these random comments, but it felt as though the door was opening
for me at long last. So when he asked me to be his guest in
Philadelphia, to be there when he was awarded the key to the city
during their tour stop there, there was no way I would have said
no.

The only wrinkle in our romantic
plans was that Graham had also booked the trip to Philly. As the
president and CEO of Vanni’s record label, he was going to be there
in honor of Philadelphia acknowledging one of its favorite
sons.

That was the reason he gave, anyway. Personally
I felt it smacked of bullshit considering how he behaved on the
cruise. More likely he was there to remind me of the choices I
still had, and throw my heart further into turmoil.

His emails and phone calls, and even
the times I had seen him in court in Los Angeles, all had been
cordial. He didn’t pressure me; he didn’t demand answers or try to
get explanations why I had chosen Vanni over him.

It was just a simple reminder that
he was there, and he cared about me, and that I could depend on
him.

Frankly it made me feel worse. I wasn’t
especially looking forward to seeing him at the event in
Philly.

But the minute I walked into Vanni’s arms when
he opened up the door to his hotel room, everything else ceased to
matter. We didn’t even talk for the first hour because we were so
busy kissing, touching, tasting and loving.