Guarded Heart (9 page)

“You want to talk about it?” Allison flopped down on my
bed early Saturday morning. She had called me last night after Mitch had given
her the details he had been given from Wes at work that day. I told her I was
exhausted and that we could talk Saturday. I really had no idea that she would
be sitting on my bed at what…eight fifteen in the morning holding a Starbucks
coffee for me. “He wanted to end it so he did. He didn’t let me explain he just
assumed the worst and left…I never asked Tony to show up here. I thought he
would be with Heather and pass along my sympathy…end of story. I screwed up
Alli.”

She rubbed my leg and told me to get up and meet her in
the kitchen. “I have to get up. I volunteered to work today…I figured I had the
time.” Alli grunted in response and flopped back down on the end of the bed.
“Damn it I was thinking Spa day…” she pouted at me.

She hung out with me while I got ready and I asked her
about Wes meeting with the judge yesterday? She explained that he was awarded
full Temporary custody and they will go before a judge next month to reevaluate
and make a more permanent ruling. With Sarah’s more recent reoccurring bad
habits and run ins with the law, losing her job and so on I knew he would be
okay and be awarded full custody of MaKayla.

I moped through my day feeling lost but pretending to be
happy was really not an easy task. I was feeling way off and I just wanted to
go back to bed.

I went home to get into my jammies and crawl into bed. I
wasn’t feeling very well my head was pounding I was exhausted. I woke Sunday
morning to my phone ringing. I noticed the time on my clock and had to look
twice. Eleven thirty in the morning…I never slept this late. I grabbed my phone
to answer, “Yes?” I croaked causing me to cough and then grab for my throat as
it ache when I tried to speak. Swallowing hurt…holy hell! My head throbbed, my
throat ached and my body felt so heavy. Damn it all to hell…I hate being sick.
“What on earth was that Sam…you sick? You sound horrible hun actually you sound
worse than horrible.” I managed to whisper back telling her I was okay that I
would take some cold medicine and go back to bed. Alli agreed telling me she
would check on me later and I grunted back to her and hung up. Sinking back
into my pillow I could not rustle up enough energy to crawl out of bed for
medicine I just needed sleep.

I woke to someone holding their hand on my forehead. I
opened my eyes expecting to see Allison standing over me considering she was
the only one with a key but I found Wes instead. I tried to speak but nothing
came out but a raspy whine. “Shh…don’t try to talk…Alli let me in she said you
were sick. At least with your throat hurting I can talk and you have no choice
but to listen right…He smiled softly. Have you taken anything?” I shook my head
and he got up and left the room. I could hear him going through the cabinets
and finally he came back holding a glass of water and some Tylenol. “You do
know you have a fever right? I called Alli and told her to get you something
for a sore throat and she said she would be here soon.” He kept looking at me
and I turned into my pillow pulling the covers up around me. I was warm and
really just wanted to strip off the cover and my sweats to cool off but I was
hurt by what he said and I chose to hide from him instead. “I know you’re mad
at me…but I was mad at you too. I hated that you called him. You said you get jealous
Samantha I can get jealous so damn easy and when I saw him here and heard you
tell him you shouldn’t have called I couldn’t help getting pissed. I had a
million thoughts going through my mind at that moment but the worst one was
losing you to him. I know you have a history and I feared that it would out
beat us. That thought just fed the fire.” He took a deep breath, “I care about
you so much, more than I thought I would this soon. I got pissed when I heard
him confess his love…I don’t want to hear him tell you that he still loves you.
I wanted to beat his ass to be honest. I said shit I shouldn’t have said out of
pure anger and jealousy. I want us and I lied when I said I didn’t.”

I slid the covers lower and rolled toward him so I could
see his face. I wanted to kiss him but I was pretty sure he didn’t want to be
sick. Wes lightly rubbed my cheek, “Can you forgive me for being an asshole? I
really am sorry…I have missed you like crazy…I hope I didn’t push you away
forever…” I swallowed causing me to cringe as my throat was set on fire.

Allison showed up a little later with some cold meds and
soup. I declined the soup for now. I heard her and Wes talking and he told her he
planned on sticking around with me and his sister had taking Kayla for a sleepover.
I dosed off, “Hey Sam let me see your throat…stick your tongue out.” I did as
she asked and she made a Ewe sound, “Nasty you have blisters Sam…You’re definitely
going to need some antibiotics hun or you’re just going to get worse.” After a
lot of resistance on my part Wes and Allison gotten me to his truck and he took
me to the ER.

Waking up Monday was still no fun. The antibiotics would
take a couple days before I started feeling better. Strep throat…at least I got
a few days off work. I lounged around and slept my day away. Wes called on his
way to his sisters to pick up Kayla. I didn’t want to be around her and take a
chance of her getting sick. He was going to try to stop by tomorrow sometime
while she was in daycare.

Tuesday was a little better it was a little easier to
talk and I wasn’t as tired. I managed to shower and make my way to the couch
with a blanket. I needed a break from my bedroom. Wes was stopping over on his
way to the daycare to get Kayla. I had given him my other spare key yesterday
morning before he left.

“Hey baby, how you feeling?” I had to admit seeing Wes
made me feel better. I smiled up at him. “All of a sudden I feel much better”,
I didn’t expect to feel this connection with him but it was there and it was
strong. It had only known Tony for so long that the thought of having feelings
toward any other man…just seemed really far-fetched…pretty much impossible. I
don’t want to love him this soon I can’t be so dependent on him that if things
don’t work out I end up crushed all over again. 

Wes snuggled me tightly to his side and kissed the top of
my head. We sat together on the couch and I felt safe and that feeling was
completely amazing. He couldn’t stay long because he needed to pick up MaKayla,
having her around me wasn’t the best idea right now so we would give it a few
more days.

By Thursday I felt so much better. It was time to get back
into my life and normal activities. I cleaned my house and sanitized. It was
almost noon and I was already out of things to do.

I called Allison and she decided to come over and hang
out. Apparently she had words with Mitch’s mother this morning and was really
worried how Mitch would react when he found out.

“Maybe I should just hide out here until he isn’t angry
at me”, poor girl looked like she was going to break down any minute. “Alli you
don’t even know that he will be mad, I mean really was it that bad?” She had a
tendency to over react but when it came to defending herself she really went
all out full throttle. She began telling me the details about how his mother
showed up at eight this morning and began cleaning her kitchen because it was
“filthy” in her terms. “I really let that go even though I wanted to just dunk
her head into the dirty dishwater and hold it there until she admitted that she
was a bitch”, she proceeded to tell me all the little things that led up to the
‘Big Bang’. Alli had said that after she cleaned the kitchen she then started
folding the laundry that she had not yet gotten out of the dryer. Mitch’s mom
criticized Alli’s every move when it came to her son. She never felt good
enough.

She criticized her cleaning, cooking and even her hair
and clothes. She always talked about Mitch’s ex-girlfriend and how particular
and perfect she was…blah blah. Sometimes I wanted to smack his mom. I couldn’t
imagine dealing with her daily…I take that back I had my mother so I could
really sympathize with her.

What finally put Allison over the edge was when Mitch’s
mother started cleaning out the refrigerator and began throwing things away
that she thought weren’t healthy for her son to consume. “Mitch picked that
shit out himself and apparently I don’t have his health in mind and how dare I
buy those things for him to live on. She acted like I was feeding him rat
poison. I mean Damn it Sam that is our house and if Mitch wants to sit on his
couch drinking a beer with his hand in a bag of Doritos than it should be fine.
I am tired of trying to please her. She disrespects me in my own home.” I told
her she needed to talk to Mitch that if he didn’t know how she felt…really felt
then how was he supposed to help make it right.

She took off about two and went to talk to Mitch and here
I was back to square one. An idea came to me but I wasn’t sure if he would
agree…

I grabbed my phone to send Wes a message…

What would you say if I asked you if I could get Kayla
out of daycare early to bring her home with me and bake some yummy’s for her
daddy. Would that be something you would let me do?

I held my breath and hit send. Time seemed to drag on and
on. Five minutes had passed and still no response. After about ten minutes I
felt like maybe I shouldn’t have asked. What was I thinking…I am not her mommy
and I knew that but if Wes is in my life so is Kayla. To be perfectly honest
she was the sweetest little girl and I really loved having her around. I love
seeing her interact with Wes it warmed my heart. I jumped when the ringing
brought me out of my daydream.

‘Hello’

His voice was so low and sexy…the things he did to me by
just talking…yum!

‘Hey baby, I think that would be nice. I actually just
called the daycare and gave them your name. You can go pick her up anytime.
Bring your license they will need to see it because since this whole Sarah
thing they have strict rules about releasing Kayla.

I smiled feeling excited that he was allowing me to get
her…

I’ll come by after work…okay

I smiled and agreed to make dinner
for us. We
quickly said our goodbyes and I grabbed my keys to rush out the door to pick
her up. I made a quick stop at Target to grab a Booster seat for Kayla. The
thought popped in my head as I pulled out of the driveway…I hadn’t thought
about needing one until that moment. Wes was right they checked my ID at the
door and then led me to the office where they called him again to clarify it
was in fact okay for Kayla to go with me. It was good they were so protective
of the children. When I finally was able to walk out with Kayla in hand I
strapped her in the booster we made a quick trip to the store before arriving
at home to start cooking.

Three hours later Wes walked in to find both Kayla and
myself covered with flower and tomato sauce. I had put a shirt of mine over her
clothes and it was covered now with cookie dough and chocolate icing. We hadn’t
noticed him standing in the doorway watching us and we laughed and we sang
along with the radio. She spun around and sauce flew in my direction off the
spoon she held in her hand. “Kayla…are you trying to paint my shirt with
sauce”, I dipped my finger into the sauce bowl and wiped it on the tip of her
nose. She giggled and then she seen Wes standing watching. She squealed and
jumped up and down on the chair she was standing on next to the kitchen island,
“Daddy…look I cooked!” Kayla was so excited and he was smiling as he walked
over to her and kissed her cheek. “I see sweetheart and it looks like you did a
great job.” His eyes connected with mine and he stepped toward me with this
emotion all over his face that made my heart race. Kayla was staring off
watching the cartoons playing on the television as she continued to stir the
sauce.

When Wes reached me he placed his hand on my hip never
taking his eyes off mine. He leaned in closely and before bringing his lips to
mine he whispered, “I love you Sam…I am so in love with you.” I suddenly felt
like I had stopped breathing. He kissed me so softly and it felt so different.
I could feel the emotion he put in to that kiss. It wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t
lustful or hungry…it was loving. I was shocked this beautiful man just told me
he was in love with me and I couldn’t find any words…none. Nothing came
out…nothing. He stared into my eyes and watched for my reaction. When it didn’t
come he pulled back and turned to Kayla to have her let him taste the sauce.
“That is so good baby girl. You are a magical chef. We need to get you a chef’s
hat…” he looked back up at me and I still stood there in the same spot…shocked!
“Hey do you care if I go take a shower”, he looked a little confused maybe. I
managed to swallow the lump in my throat and respond finally, “Um…Yeah sure go…go
ahead.” I watched him as he turned and walked down the hall.

I cleaned up Kayla and the kitchen the best I could
quickly and started putting dinner on the table. When Wes came out we were
sitting waiting for him. Spaghetti and salads with garlic bread, we made a
chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies for desert. MaKayla was so proud of
herself. When he joined us I could feel his eyes on me but I avoided eye
contact. He freaked me out a little I mean I know I care for him deeply but I
was afraid to admit that it may also be love. I was terrified of being hurt
again.

After dinner and desert Wes cleaned up while I took Kayla
to give her a quick bath. She had sauce and god knows what else matted into her
long hair. I let her use my special Body Wash because as she put it… ‘She is a
big girl now and uses big girl things’. She was too cute for her own good. Wes
startled me as he knelt down next to me by the tub placing his hand on the edge
brushing his thumb over my arm. “Mm Kayla you smell pretty, I love that
smell…reminds me of someone really special”, his words made me smile. I leaned
into him and lay my head onto his shoulder. “I’m going to have to get her home
soon”, Wes whispered into my hair. I didn’t want him to leave yet or at all really.
Before I could think about it any further I turned to him, “Don’t leave…stay
here tonight. I have the spare bedroom and it is right across from mine. I
think we need to talk and I want you to stay…both of you.” I kissed him and he
nodded back at me in return.